| Username |
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| fRank |
Posted
on 12-Apr-03 10:08 PM
ma basirahey tyo restaurant ko kuna ma.. herirahey sabai jana nepali amrican haru lai.. ppl kept coming on.. most of them instead of saying namaste.. stuck with HI! and hello! and some even what up? america ayaeko 1 and half barsa bhaeesakera pani i still feel alienated and isolated not just from nepali amrican society but from human society as well. as i stood in that corner i wondered whether my insecurities will ever leave me. .the same insecurities that have led me into being an unsocial being. ME- a guy who never had problems interacting with ppl , I stood there watching ppl come in and go out all alone in that corner... there were the nepalese i had longed to be with but then it didn't seem like a nepalese society. i felt more alienated than ever even amongst them , my ppl.. i watched the girls pass by... some of them beautiful some not, but none had the nepalipana. even my saano bhai went to sleep thinking bout them.. ;).. one part that always puts me to sleep of these nepali functions are the bhaasans.. .i mean haven't we had enough of the bhasans back in nepal? and we always have the dances which are often quite intriguing and then there is the dinner(daal, bhat, tarkari, masu ) made by an immigrant in the kitchen of a restaurant which never tastes good like the dinnner made by a nepali in a restaurant back home...and then came the disco dancing part.. with a nepali dj trying to mix. .but ended up messing up the whole thing. he played an english hip hop song and then stops for 10 seconds and played a nepali song.. I stood there watching the gals stare at me. but i din't move.. i stood there like a rock... my insecurities kiling me. killing me softly. i coudln't bring myself to ask a gal to dance with me. i stood there for the rest of the night. cursing at myself. cursing at the metamorphosis of the person within me... i cursed at the world.. i cursed for coming here . i cursed for nepal being the 12th poorest country in the world.. i cursed and cursed until i couldn't curse any more. and then came the part to leave. I left but there was noone to say good bye to me.. noone came forward to say bye.. i stood there looking at the nepalese ppl hoping someone would come forward .. but none came.. i stood there staring at the place - the place where i will be again next year... and the year after.... but the person within me unwilling to change. unwilling to accept the truth.. unwilling to be the same person it was before.. I said good bye in a hushed tone which noone heard.. and i walked out of that place with a heavy heart.. waiting for the year 2060...
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| babaal |
Posted
on 12-Apr-03 10:28 PM
So why the hell couldn't you just mingle with them??
Yestai taal ho bhane believe me you will go mentally insane!
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| mountainmama |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 09:58 AM
Don't get too stuck with language. I believe people in nepal also says 'HI" instead of namaste. Its not a big deal what language u use as long as you get the message. Try to believe in evolution..change. Change is always good.
If you don't like the things the way they are doing, then be a pioneer and set your own standards. everyone is lonely and insecure in their own ways. after all we all are human.
Try to make most out of your time and people you meet. No one is good or bad, its how we perceive them.
Cheers!
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 11:03 AM
mountainmama,
i can rlate to frank's experience. see, the whole point of attending those nepali functions is to get the "homely" feling, a touch of nepali-pana, meet with people who aren't americanized.. but, when you go to these nepali functions, you end up going home disappointed. so, the best option is to avoid the neapli gatherings.. instead go see the movies, buy a 6 packs and get drunk in your room.
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| khimu |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 11:09 AM
Frank your story is just like mine. Same thing happen to me but i wasn,t like rock hehehe.
nepali new year in NJ ma, music was kinda good nepali and hindi but they didn,t play any english music. mmm people ramrai thiye tara maile chinjan gareko maanchhe thiyenan so i was kinda bore tara ma little kids sanga chadai ghulmil hune bani chha i like kids so i start playing with little kids i mean not playing teaching them baseball. But bout my aged boys and gurlz they were like half nepalies and half American. anyway! finally i own the lotty (chittha) that wasn,t expensive but for me it was big (Nati kaji ko music CD) auta KT ko dance chahi atinai maan paryo gana thiyo "mathi-mathi sailungema" tyo KT nepal and American friendship socity ko utshou ma pani nacheki thi-e.
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| mountainmama |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 11:30 AM
I didn't mean to judge anybody or was saying that all those nepali functions are fun. I think my personal experiences with nepali community can't even compare to any of you guys. I was misunderstood, judged and hurt many time until I learnt to say 'f... them".
I have had many of FRank's expereinces and I have just learnt to ignore them. All I am saying is there are people who have changed "Americanized" as you said. However, no matter how they try, they'll still be nepali. So, why bother?
We had nepali new year party last night and I am new to this area. everyone looked at me to see how I will act. at the end of the party, they were thanking me saying that they never had this much fun before.
Sometimes, you just have to make a move..and break the ice. its not easy but all you need is confidence. Believe in yourself, and if you don't like someone, just avoid them. they can't do a thing!
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| dallikanchi |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 11:45 AM
Sorry that you felt so abandoned, or feel rather. Here is my tuppence: Do not be too introspective because you are not at fault here, since a year and a half of stay in the US does not give you ample time and opportunity to inure yourself to the American way of life, and to transcend culture shock, which can truly inundate your mind, and generally speaking depress you. Just to make you feel better, you are one among a panoply of immigrants/international students who go through this. In fact, I have a European friend, who although was raised in the US, still hasn't really been able to socialize and make friends. Or so he makes it sound. It's pretty simple really. America is a gargantuan country not as clumped up as Nepal, or even Europe, as a result of which the onus lies on you to make friends, as opposed to our beloved country, where a stone's throw away lives a neighbor.(Come to think of it, even in America, slum dwellers are more likely, in my opinion, to be more sociable than someone living in an area that isn't very clustered.)
So, what really could you do? Well, just try not to exacerbate your already haunted mien by speculating on what you did right and what you didn't. Instead, try taking things with a grain of salt. I have been here for almost a decade since I was 13, and I don't have anybody who I can really call friends. I guess I have always been a loner(and a comedian, if you want to know). It is individualism that Americans give more weight to, and although socializing is entailed, you have to realize that socializing here is markedly different from socializing in Nepal--because here you do it for your own gain, for your own selfish goals and aspirations, if you have any.
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| oys_chill |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 12:22 PM
fRank bro.......Hear ya! hear ya!
its very easy to advise others, how to mingle, break the ice or whatever..but reality is not same for everyone......I have attended few of these get togethers, and the peer pressure in these get togethers I have personally found is just immense.....However, its an experience which alerts you what to avoid in future and hang out with perhaps the RIGHT CROWD..and believe me fRank bro, once you find that crowd, there's nothing homely :) ...not that I have found it altogether..but I KNOW THERE ARE ALSO NEPALI PEOPLE THAT FIT YOUR DREAMS Frank bro!
kyarne.......no time for new year for me this year.......but i'd like to go with I_F bro's suggestion in celebrating in my own way ;)....ani fRANK bro.......hyappy new year:D
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| PremPujari |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 12:59 PM
"Break the Ice"
hmmm... I am still trying to understand the meaning of that term. How do you really "break the ice"? Is there any rule that one has to follow, inorder to "break the ice"?
I went through the same situation as Frank did, when I was in ANA convention at DC. 3 days of hell - 3 days of nightmare, loneliness -- the experience was so bitter, that I promised not to go to any Nepali gathering in the future. Although I broke my promise, the memories of nightmare still linger in the back of my mind.
One bitter incident in ANA: People were waiting for the door to open, before the 1974 AD's concert. There were bunch of guys standing on the line right in front of me. One of the guys looked familiar. I felt like we went to the same school, so I asked that guy if he was from the same school I went. Before he could answer, his friends laughed at me and made a sarcastic remark like "Kya achamma, yaha ta sappai le sappai lai chineko jasto garidine" and bunch of other gibberish. I was stunned. That was the last remark I had expected from Nepali in Nepali convention -- where Nepalese gathered, so that they could know each other and have a good time. But the guy I asked the question was pretty decent that he replied nicely that he didn't go to the school I mentioned.
I think I am pretty good at initiating the conversation, if that is what "breakin' the ice" is meant to be. But, I can't really sustain the conversation. After "hi" "hello" and regular question answer session (which I hate the most -- and no, I don't wanna learn what he/she does and I don't give a damn about it and I don't wanna tell what I am up to), I just go numb -- speechless. Either I get bored listening to the person I am talking with, or I just feel so dumb talking to that person, that I see boredom in his/her eyes. I just can't sustain the conversation, thats when I really need the formula to "break the ice".
Talking about breakin' the ice, euta funniest incident, PA convention ma -- brunch ko line ma, there was this old lady right in front of me. Ettikai mero mukh bata pwakka niskiyo -- Nepali style ma "aamai hazur kata bata ni"... tyatti ke sodhya thiye, she told me everything about her family, how her son got the green card, where they were from, what her daughter-in-law does, and how she liked America. Through out the conversation, I just nod my head and say "ho ra", "hazur" and I end up saying "hi" to everyone in her family. hehe... (Probably she really needed somebody to talk to)
(hijo ko beer ajhai cha jasto cha, system ma)
--Despite the nightmares, I still love to be at the Nepali party... ehh...!!! I feel like I am home.
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| mountainmama |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 01:10 PM
Wow...Prempujari jee, you really understood what I was referring "breaking the ice" for. You start the converstation, sometimes, you get along sometimes you don't ..you have to move on. I am not saying I am a pro on breaking the ice..i do have difficulty and I am shy but if someone looks friendly enough...there is no harm in initiating the conversation.
You seem to get bored easily and didn't want to continue the conversation. that means, the responsibility of being left alone is yours. Although you said that you don't like any of those gatherings, unlike me, you have been to all the conventions past two years.
I am just asking if you don't like nepalese gatherings so much, why are u wasting your time going there? and anyways who are we blaming here? aren't we all a part of that gathering? But i do agree everyone here...it feels like hell when you are left alone and it happens a lot in those gatherings!! Lets do something to make it better...... :)
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| bhedo |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 01:16 PM
At least you guys are trying. As for me, I just tend to avoid Nepali parties..khoi, Nepali parties don't very much appeal to me..I don't know why. But I am not bitter at all, because I spend most of my time at work. Tyaaile garda, I don't feel nostalgic. I did go to ANA convention last year...now although I don't usually like to congregate like that with other Nepalis, I must say it was real fun...it was in Chantilly, VA ...DC area, after all. So I knew quite a handful of like-minded folks.
I don't mind being lonely..was born a loner after all. But all right, I am already in my prime and I seriously need to be in relationship with a Nepali chic. Khai, I would have thought American Citizenship would be seductive enough, but it hasn't worked yet. What do I need to do? Whip out my citizenship ko proof and lay it on the table? Hmm, that might work. I'll try it out next time.
I think I am too judgemental or something because I seem to be repelled by almost every Nepali that I come across, whether taruno or budho. Tell me someone, if a chic eyes you, is it because she thinks you're hot or is it because she's curious, or is it because she think's you're ugly? I notice some chics staring at me, and I always wonder what that's about.
And Nepali parties usually SUCK. I also have never been to one of those live performances.
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| PremPujari |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 02:05 PM
mountainmamajyu,
Dayummmm, you shook me up!!
hehe... you read the whole thing and replied in 10 minutes??? Dayummm.....!!! I am amazed. hehe!!
About the first paragraph you wrote, I agree, there is no harm in initiating the conversation. Usually, I am quite shy and self-contained, but I can be really bold sometimes (GEMINI hazur.... aahhh!! no not again!!! grrr). hehe... It all depends upon the mood that I am in that time around.
I seem to get bored easily... hehe once again (GEMINI hazurrrr........ eh!!! Probably you will shoot yourself if i mentioned it again). Mood-swing.... ahh! I hate that.
I never said I hate nepali gatherings. In fact I love the crowd (as I love the solitude once in a while). I am not blaming anyone, anywhere -- for anything that happens to me, or anything that is the result of my action. My expectations are always higher before I go to those kind of gatherings. I imagine meeting great people, party all-night long, dance, have fun before I go to such gatherings (Positive thinker??). But what can I do if things don't work out the way i had expected. Sh|t happens... I get lonely in the crowd. But the chances are, I end up meeting one coolest person in the crowed and we end up having time of our life. hoina ra?
Same thing happened on yesterdays Newyear gathering. Tanna budha-paaka haru, no chicks :), but I had one of my close freinds (and one of the coolest person i've ever met in my life) with me... and I enjoyed every moment yesterday. We had a blast.
(oops times up!! Ke ke lekhye thaa chaina.. hehe... gotta turn this computer off)
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| mountainmama |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 02:23 PM
I think its common in every gatherings, sometimes you find friends, sometimes you are left alone. We just tend to expect more in nepali gatherings, which leaves us disappointed. Prempujari (i should watch out for gemini!), next time, try to bring some of your friends (chicks) to those gathering and see how you can enjoy!! are u coming to denver?? Maybe you can have some good time this yr.
take mama's suggestion, don't expect too much and try to make most of your days like yesterday ;) see, you can find cool person too.
God, this board is addictive! I can't help but check the posts all the time :( and i have so much work...............
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| PREMpujari |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 05:12 PM
Mountainmamaji!!
Whether it's gatherings, conventions, works, dancing clubs or even Live-concerts, One feels lonely and bored until he/she finds atleast one coolest companion. I think these gatherings are great not great because they are organised well, but the cool people you meet or you are accompanied with.
I am still unsure about going to Denver, but I am sure I'll have time-of-my life if I go there. Since, I will get a real oppertunity to meet some of the coolest ones from Sajha. And they are damn cool. I am sure I won't feel alienated this time. :) Why don't you bring some of your friends (chicks) so that we could have fun?? ;P Not a bad idea hagi?? That would be "soon ma sugandha"!!! :)
I don't know where I am going with this. I am prone to get confused in the middle of writing :). I respect mama's suggestion and I take it wholeheartedly!! Happy new year!!
:).
(Oops!! I thought I was in the middle of writing, and it was already an end!!)
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| PREMpujari |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 05:15 PM
Oh yeah!!!
Congratulation on your newfound Addiction.
See you around in sajha, 24/7.
:D
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| oys_chill |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 05:56 PM
dyaamn.....PP jyu kasto tatya aaja :) kata cha party hau?? ani bro, 26th ma i hear you are gonna meet one of the coolest persons too
Mountainmama, take me homeeeee!"dabali roads".... I belong west of "handigaon" :-)
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| fRank |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 07:16 PM
naya barsha ko upalakshya ma hardik suvakamana!
sabai lai dhanyabad 1 * 10^(infinity)... all this time i have been thinking it was me and only me who felt so alienated. i am glad to know that there are others out there... others who have been thru it or are going thru it. It gives me enough hasaula to change... to try to adapt to my new environment.. (feels like i am an alien from mars. trying to adapt on Earth...lol)... but one thing i have noticed lately is that i am living two lives- one ME from NEpal and the other ME- in AMerica.. and they aren't cliquing.,(motorbike ma gear change garda.. clutch ko.. timing milena bhane ghyaarrr swor aucha ni .huh tyastai bhaeera cha mero life) .... there is sth bout the past that is holdingme back.. (pakkai pani POL price hike in NEpal hola ;) ........ i guess they won't clique either.. one is a life in a third world country and the other in AMerica, the world;s most developed country.... I know i gotta move on.. thaz the best advice anyone can ever give me.. and I am trying my best... I give you my word on that...but no matter how hard i try not to go to these functions i cannot restrain myself... the nepali ME tells me that i should go .. and i go along with the NEpali ME. .. WELL .. i guess it's life..I am at the trough of the wave.. the crest should be somwhere along the way...
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| fRank |
Posted
on 13-Apr-03 07:17 PM
naya barsha ko upalakshya ma hardik suvakamana!
mountainmama, isolated freak, khimu, prem pujari, dallikanchi, oys_chill, bhedo sabai lai dhanyabad 1 * 10^(infinity)... all this time i have been thinking it was me and only me who felt so alienated. i am glad to know that there are others out there... others who have been thru it or are going thru it. It gives me enough hasaula to change... to try to adapt to my new environment.. (feels like i am an alien from mars. trying to adapt on Earth...lol)... but one thing i have noticed lately is that i am living two lives- one ME from NEpal and the other ME- in AMerica.. and they aren't cliquing.,(motorbike ma gear change garda.. clutch ko.. timing milena bhane ghyaarrr swor aucha ni .huh tyastai bhaeera cha mero life) .... there is sth bout the past that is holdingme back.. (pakkai pani POL price hike in NEpal hola ;) ........ i guess they won't clique either.. one is a life in a third world country and the other in AMerica, the world;s most developed country.... I know i gotta move on.. thaz the best advice anyone can ever give me.. and I am trying my best... I give you my word on that...but no matter how hard i try not to go to these functions i cannot restrain myself... the nepali ME tells me that i should go .. and i go along with the NEpali ME. .. WELL .. i guess it's life..I am at the trough of the wave.. the crest should be somwhere along the way...
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| PREMpujari |
Posted
on 14-Apr-03 04:06 AM
Oyssssaaaa!!!!
Tatya hoina bro, it's just that reality struck me hard and I am bit nervous. This breakthrough of warm weather is really makin' me nervous... Now, I can't wear a jacket to hide my 'ghyampe' seushi bhudi, can I? ehh... And the though of workin' out is makin' me sweat already. ehh.
26th samma ta taiyaar hunai paryo ni... ek jana lai gojnu parya cha!! ehh..champagne ko bottle lagum? Idea deu na baru bro. Champagne ko bottle futaayera fight khelna sajilo huncha ki k-mart gayera cycle ko shikri kinnu parne ho!!! (which one is cheaper???)
ehh!!!
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