| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| Nepali Kanchi | Posted
on 26-Apr-03 09:18 PM
the true dilemma is once you have found love you cannot determine if its good enough for you or you can find someone better. when is it that you know that its done and good. when do you know that you have ultimately found "the one".... is there an inner force driving telling us to stop and not search no more, or will we always be searching...??? ke ho khai...bujnai gaharo.... |
| well-wisher | Posted
on 26-Apr-03 09:27 PM
Nepali Kanchhi, I can help stop your search right here! Almost an engineer, Permanent Resident, interning in a big name company, electrical engineering back ground. Opportunity knocks once in a lifetime. marquee51@hotmail.com |
| well-wisher | Posted
on 26-Apr-03 09:40 PM
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| Arnico | Posted
on 26-Apr-03 09:55 PM
Kanchi, the answer is when you FEEL that you have found the right person. Meanwhile, keep in mind that it takes hard and ongoing work to build up and maintain a relationship that survives the stresses thrown at you at various turns in life... after some time it may start to matter less who the person was when you first met, and instead it may matter more what you've built up together... |
| czar | Posted
on 26-Apr-03 09:59 PM
Yes, there are cuter guys out there, fellers who are more understanding, make more money, make bigger promises..the whole nine yards. Just what are you looking for ? Do you even know ? If not, you owe the bloke the truth: that you aren't sure. It won't do to string the feller along. That is being dishonest. Hardly the right foundation for a lasting relationship. Love, I dunno what that is. No sir, I don't. Just this: in good times, I'd give her all she dreamed of; in bad times, I'd skip a meal a day, without tellin her, just so she never felt hungry. I'd want her to could buy that shirt she has her eye on, I can always buy those shoes I need the next pay day, they'll last another two weeks. Sure, I'll ride the bus though I've to get up an hour earlier; she can take the car so she won't get soaked in the rain. I'd cheerfully walk in the snow to my second job so we could pay our bills n save some for a rainy day. Makes me feel good I can work hard so her brow is not furrowed with worries. Yup, I'm willing to get her that glass of water at 3 am, or hold her so she feels safe when she has that bad dream that has her shaking in fear. I'd be excited if she learned something new and wanted to share; I'd support her ambitions and encourage her dreams. If you do these things from your heart you may be onto a good thing. Nope, I dunno a damn thing about love. And no, I ain't asking for anything either. There's no 'if you love me you''ll do this or that' about it either. Seems to me, love doesn't have strings attached. Sure it bugs you silly she can't ever remember not to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. And you'll buy her that new CD from her favourite artiste, even if the music grates on your nerves and sets your teeth on edge. I still ainti claiming to know anything about love. Its a good idea never to go to sleep angry with each other. Say sorry when you're wrong, forgive her even if she don't say sorry. Just don't hurt each other, be honest. Truth hurts, but it hurts less than lying and cheating. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. N be careful, its often greenest over the septic tank. Don't settle for second best. No reason to. Win or lose, give it your best shot. And no regrets. Not ever. |
| czar | Posted
on 26-Apr-03 10:00 PM
Yes, there are cuter guys out there, fellers who are more understanding, make more money, make bigger promises..the whole nine yards. Just what are you looking for ? Do you even know ? If not, you owe the bloke the truth: that you aren't sure. It won't do to string the feller along. That is being dishonest. Hardly the right foundation for a lasting relationship. Love, I dunno what that is. No sir, I don't. Just this: in good times, I'd give her all she dreamed of; in bad times, I'd skip a meal a day, without tellin her, just so she never felt hungry. I'd want her to could buy that shirt she has her eye on, I can always buy those shoes I need the next pay day, they'll last another two weeks. Sure, I'll ride the bus though I've to get up an hour earlier; she can take the car so she won't get soaked in the rain. I'd cheerfully walk in the snow to my second job so we could pay our bills n save some for a rainy day. Makes me feel good I can work hard so her brow is not furrowed with worries. Yup, I'm willing to get her that glass of water at 3 am, or hold her so she feels safe when she has that bad dream that has her shaking in fear. I'd be excited if she learned something new and wanted to share; I'd support her ambitions and encourage her dreams. If you do these things from your heart you may be onto a good thing. Nope, I dunno a damn thing about love. And no, I ain't asking for anything either. There's no 'if you love me you''ll do this or that' about it either. Seems to me, love doesn't have strings attached. Sure it bugs you silly she can't ever remember not to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. And you'll buy her that new CD from her favourite artiste, even if the music grates on your nerves and sets your teeth on edge. I still ainti claiming to know anything about love. Its a good idea never to go to sleep angry with each other. Say sorry when you're wrong, forgive her even if she don't say sorry. Just don't hurt each other, be honest. Truth hurts, but it hurts less than lying and cheating. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. N be careful, its often greenest over the septic tank. Don't settle for second best. No reason to. Win or lose, give it your best shot. And no regrets. Not ever. |
| rajunpl | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 03:24 AM
Well kanchi, Like the czar said,love is somethnig that happens it cannot be made.specially the love in these days are quite different from the old days.It's just the matter of time.Like if you ask the story from your gran you will find that the love were made sometime in the early days.These days love is something that has it's own state. People's from all walks of life makes love in their own way.Eventhen there some are confused and some are too sure.The faith inside you can be said as a definition of love.Well if you are too serious for your Mr. right then it depends how you take it.You can see the same mister from the different angle.sometime you may find him right and sometime not. There is a sefishness hidden in the human that they are always looking for the better oppertunities.It can be said in love,real life and the social life.The LOVE is something that has many eyes.Like sometimes it happen to be 40 years old fallen with 22 years and the vice versa.sometime it happens to be an american/british/korean lady fallen with a typical nepalese boy.Also two nepalese from the two different world happens to be for ever. well KANCHI to determine something something whether or not Mr. he is right for you is quite difficult.First and the simple of all i believe that you have to see whether or not the ways of thinking goes parallelly.Like you may love to disco in the saturday and he loves staying indoors and watch telly.The things grows slowly and may bring some hault there.The world may run miserly and it's may even happen to be difficult to share the ideas .Well will it be the full stop in your love life..? LOVE is not the happy-days-affair.It should goes all the way crossing the rainy and the sunny days.To be in illusion and confusion is the biggest virus of love.Sometime understanding each other is also love that grows each days and form the ocean of two different individuals.The love is all the thoughts you have.It doesn't mean that you have to catch the star to prove that you are in love. The love has different world than the physical one.Good job,westernised thougt,happy life style cannot be compared to love whatsoever.One teacher could teach the whole school but happens to be marching mad when it comes to him/her. LOVE IS ALSO A FAITH,IT WILL COME TO YOU IF YOU SIMPLY BELIEVE IT. -saturated survivour(./npl) |
| Nepali Kanchi | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 04:14 AM
Arnicoji, sothe answer is " you just know" , as everyone who's been in love seems to say.(I take you're speaking by experience ) . Czar ji and Rajan.......very deep. Its all good. I cant see myself feeling 100 percent sure about anything,let alone love. what if you know someone is good for you 70/100 , can you call that love? Or say, you love someone , but then , you are not sure if you want to marry him/her. Is that love? What if you know you love someone and they're great for you, but you are not fully convinced b/c there is an inner force that is telling you otherwise. Is that love? hmmm....am I making any sense? |
| OneGirl_123 | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 08:08 AM
CZAR! damn that was good! someday u'll make a GREAT husband! :) Rajunpl.....well said! :) |
| czar | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 09:02 AM
Someday, but not yet huh ? :) |
| touch_the_sky | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 11:27 AM
Czar, Those were so romantic words. Boy! sure did touch my heart. |
| OneGirl_123 | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 02:08 PM
hehe! Czar>>yup SOMEDAY!.....just wait for it! that will be one lucky lady...wat u wrote was heartfelt! :) |
| yOuNgBlOoDz | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 02:21 PM
oh wow! thank you people.. finally i got to know sumthin bout love.. huh.. should try that.. let her take my car..n i go on on 11 number ko taxi.. sweet sweet .. thanx czar :=) |
| khimu | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 03:56 PM
that was cool czar and rajunpl hey kanchhi if you are looking for right one, if you find someone take time don,t go very close and don,t let him know that you are in love with him just try to find that how he behaviors with others i mean you know how he talks with his parent, what he do his living atyle (very fancy and totaly getto type is not good ) if you want to have fun in your life (HAPPY LIFE) you need to get married with middle type of guy i mean garib ni haina dhani ni haina .The man who knows about love more than $$$$. But defends on your life(living) style like rajunpl said you may love to dico in saturday and he loves staying indoors wish you good luck you will get your Mr. right cuz you are nepali kanchhi yaar! peace of mind khimu |
| panday | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 04:30 PM
love sucks when the feeling aint reciprocated |
| south | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 04:38 PM
I do everything like czar said but still she does nt care about me i mean she does nt understand my love, what shall i do? i like no one else then her. please help me guys. |
| south | Posted
on 27-Apr-03 04:39 PM
she is in nepal and i am here in usa. is this because of this distance? |
| rajunpl | Posted
on 28-Apr-03 11:22 AM
well kanchi you have raised another questions that is too difficult to exolain.God knows whether or not you are in it.let me tell you this way from the part of my poem. "Rain in the spain is always so plain who knows what she gains ? and the way she gone through all those pain nevermind even if you missed your midnight train just pray untill the dawn untill ONCE AGAIN." .ss You 've asked 1.I cant see myself feeling 100 percent sure about anything,let alone love. what if you know someone is good for you 70/100 , can you call that love? 2.Or say, you love someone , but then , you are not sure if you want to marry him/her. Is that love? 3.What if you know you love someone and they're great for you, but you are not fully convinced b/c there is an inner force that is telling you otherwise. Is that love? Let me tell you like alcoholic,sexaholic,chocoholic,movieholic LOVOHOLIC is an addiction and also a faith.maya ko maidan ra ladai ko maidan dubai ma sangharsa huncha.euta ma jeet ko ra arko ma ladai ko.Let not go to this chemistry now. Like you asked fallen with 70 years old or over.Theoritically there is no age-bar in love .Practically it may be/not apply to you in a very rare case.Like one live example is an american backstage actress happens to be fall with 70 years old.She was beautiful,charming and soft-mouth lady.After the 5 years of marriage his husband passed.She was in her late twenties and she decided to led the rest of her life without marrying in her mister rememberance.She was so faithful and loving towards him.Well true love doesn't related with the money,physical attraction and the life style. You are always entitle to choose your destiny whosoever and whatsoever in my chemistry. I will explain the rest later.gotta getcsha go. -saturated survivour(./npl) |
| rajunpl | Posted
on 28-Apr-03 11:28 AM
jahile pani lekhyo khali mistake huncha poem ko lastam "just pray untill the dusk tomorrow once again" ho. Rain in the spain is always so plain who know what so gains ? and the way she gone through all those pains nevermind if you missed your midnight train just pray untill the dusk tomorrow ONCE AGAIN .SS |
| Nepali Kanchi | Posted
on 28-Apr-03 03:50 PM
Hi Rajunpl ji, " I cant see myself feeling 100 percent sure about anything,let alone love. what if you know someone is good for you 70/100 , can you call that love? " What I meant was, what if you know you care about someone 70 percent out of 100, I did not mean that I fell in love with a 70 year old man. But your responce was cool and nice poem as well! |
| yOuNgBlOoDz | Posted
on 28-Apr-03 04:27 PM
nepali kanchi.. how do ya get that percentage.. do u might sharing the formula "how to get percentage of love" i like that one.. 70% of love yb |
| forget-me-not | Posted
on 28-Apr-03 05:27 PM
Nepali kanchhi, your 70% percent osund sso imaginary..how can you like a person 70% ?? As YB had said please pass the formula on this calculation...i will also want to test it.... I think if you like the person and think that that much may be enough for you then 51% is enough, I mean as a soon to be an MBA majority wins...and controls your heart. If you think he has more good qualities than bad then why not..more important is can you two adjust??? do you think you could be in your life together?? Will he?? wll you??? Aani BTW, you are 70% and how much is his??? anyway wish you all the best... |
| mountainmama | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 10:41 AM
Ofcourse, you can feel someone is 70% right for you. Its not a calculation. Its just that you feel something is missing. It is hard sometimes to set your priorities and look whats important for you. There are lists of need you can have in a relationship. trust, love, security and career. But then again, there are some cases where everything feels right but something is missing. Like..attraction, because most of the bad boys are attractive but lacks above mentioned attributes. I totally believe people can be in this case where you are never 100% sure. Just need some exercise on what are the most important attributes you would want in a man. Personally, I can never figure that out. Therefore, I am also looking for some suggestions here :P |
| Montou | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 11:02 AM
O Nepali Kanchi didi/baini, Wish I could help you on this. Well just go with a FLOW. If its meant to happen it will happen. Dont force yourself on this. Dont be looking constantly for the right one. It will only frustrate and disappoint you. Just let it go and if its meant to happen then you will end up with one. When you meet the right one, then you will know whats true love is. Seems like you have not met one yet and hence have not experienced the LOVE. So when its time you will know. It cannot be known by asking others. You will experience it. So I will be praying for you and let us know when you find one, OK. Take care and keep in touch. Let me know if I can help you in anyway. By His Grace, Montou |
| south | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 12:51 PM
mountainmama says "Like..attraction, because most of the bad boys are attractive but lacks above mentioned attributes" . could you please let us know what is attraction here? attraction of what? look, physique, personality or what? what do you mean by bad boys and good boys? i like someone its different story she does nt, but i like 100%, though she is not so attractive. though she is not perfect. well what u guys are talking about? 100% in what sense, well if you want one who is mr universe/richest in world/most handsome/best sport star/ best film star and most intelligent in one then you will continue search in your whole life. |
| Nepali Kanchi | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 01:29 PM
Mountain mama, You got it! I meant "for the most part, but with something missing" by 70 percent! |
| *****er | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 01:38 PM
My empirical formula for "love" determined that I used to be 76.58% right for her, yet I still got an F :( How many of you are above 90.99% :) |
| Jezebel | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 01:54 PM
love is a grossly overrated emotion...... people who find their so called "soul mates" are an exception rather than the rule.... and nepali kanchi you make perfect sense....... |
| czar | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 02:27 PM
Of course she makes perfect sense to you, you're another female. Hearsay has it that God created the Universe and rested, he created Man and then rested. Then he created Woman. And since then, neither God nor man has rested. And you expect us mere mortals to have the fainted clue as just what it is 'femmes' are speaking of ? Fatal, if ya ask me. And a Jezebel at that too. Should we expect Beelzeebub anytime soon? Damn, I'm going to start lighting candles and incense. Where's that dhami -jhankri of a Poonte when ya need him.. |
| mountainmama | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 03:06 PM
I am NOT trying to present a theory on 70% or whatever. I just wanted to let girls know that it does happen. No one is talking about finding so called mr universe/richest in world/most handsome/best sport star/ best film star, I was just talking about state of mind being 100% as appose to a person being 100%. Why does everything has to be pushed to extreme?? Ok, few of you lucky people can assure yourself that you feel 100% and some don't. Just personality/ expectation difference. Why expect whole world to see through your eyes? and by attraction, I meant *chemistry* that you feel for someone despite their looks, wealth or charm. so, when that chemistry is there, other factors may lack, and vice versa. Its better to be calculative before making a decision rather than go around cheating. Thats the way most of the women are. For south, you like her 100% because you are curious and unaware of what's going on in her mind. When you finally get a chance to start a relationship, then maybe you will try to calculate your percentages of feelings! We always want what we can't have. About Femme Fatale :( Czr...You got that right!! you seem to have substantial knowledge on women's heart! good for you. |
| SITARA | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 03:14 PM
Ok...Let me as a female give my mantra, I use as a benchmark..... I know I am in love when (using a generic you): Bare your heart but never your soul. Reveal the love in your eyes but never their depths. --Retain your own mystery. Lean on him but retain your independence. Allow him to care for you but never to stifle you. --His love should not be his sacrifice. Stand by him but give him enough space. Help him but don't emasculate him. --Trust that that he can solve life's dilemmas his way. Speak your mind, mindful of his dignity. Let him express himself mindful of yours. --Frankness does not have to be rude. Be kind to him even in anger. So, he can be soft even in an argument. --Words said in anger linger longer than the argument. Don't play mindgames. So, he gives credit for your intelligence. --Mindgames have a vicious concentric center that pull both into disaster. You can do your own thing (hobbies) without him being threatened. He can do his own thing without your being paranoid. --Both need to have hobbies that encourage growth. You can have difference of opinion without his feeling that you are betraying him. He can contradict you without your feeling wounded! --If you can't control your own mind how can you aspire to control another's? You can enjoy his company without having to do anything. He thrives in your presence. --When you are in love, silence is eloquence personified. Finally.... Revel in the thought that You are with him NOT out of Need but Out of Choice And Vice Versa! --Love is not a bondage nor a blackmail! *** If/when I feel the above..... :) But Be AWARE that love is dynamic and so should the lovers be....adjusting and re-adjusting to nurture the relationship! |
| south | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 03:26 PM
hey if you calculate % about your love, then you dont love her 100%, and you might not be honest. so if we can not get perfect its understanding. how can we imagine we can get everything perfect. it may happen for some people but not for all. well after few years your ingradients to calculate percentage might change, may be you wont give damn to attaractiveness. i guess it depends upon your age also. and dont think that every boy go on cheating and every gal stay calculating it. after all boys date gals right, so 50/50. there are many honest boys too like gals. and i am certainly one of them.hehe, i am not kidding. i can wait for her without cheating her. |
| OneGirl_123 | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 03:57 PM
South...... when u say she doesn't understand u....do u mean u love her and she dont care or do u mean that she just doesnt understand u sometimes....well is thats the case it ok work things out....if u mean u love her and she dont care...then buddy its ok.... now shes not the last girl in the world! :) |
| Jezebel | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 04:05 PM
Czar are you implying that God is male,? Puhleeze! and of course you will never have a clue as to what "femmes" are talking about.......but then we don't have a clue as to what "hommes" are talking about too.....so i guess that makes us even. personally i think women are waaaaay smarter than men......notice i said personally. and another thing....expect the unexpected! How are things in Russia? ;) |
| south | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 04:51 PM
hey onegirl_123, well we had good relation earlier but these days, she does nt. but you know what, i really like her and can wait for her. i am alwyas ready to work things out, but it takes time i guess since i am here and she is in nepal. and yeah i am honest to her very honest i think you understand what i mean. no one gal except her in my mind so how can i move on. its like impossible for me. |
| czar | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 06:00 PM
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, eh Jezebel ? Oh, yes, the salt mines in the steppes are mighty chilly, or so I'm told. I'm afraid I've no experience of them. I'd have thought you'd be more familiar with such, given that your namesake's area of expertise being bottomless pits with flames and dark chambers ? :) As to the gender of God, your well practiced disdain has effectively clinched the argument. God is female. Of course, of course. And the argument is conclusively settled when all one has to do is..consider a woman. Case settled, court is adjourned. As to your being bamboozled about us men, hey, we're Martians..remember ? Well beyond the scope of your kind's area of expertise. Sitara devi, that was perhaps one of the most sensitive and striking description of love I have ever read. Thank you for sharing that. My esteem for you rises yet another notch. |
| Nepali Kanchi | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 06:17 PM
Sitara ji, Thats really romantic. Realistic though? hmmm... I hope you find love like that, hell ya, I hope we all find love like that :)) Nepali Kanchi |
| SITARA | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 06:43 PM
Nepali Kanchi: Hardly romantic...more pragmatic.... To treat each other decently without trying to own or posses your love/lover! As for REALITY... is what you make...I don't see the impossibility in it! :) |
| SITARA | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 06:52 PM
Nepali Kanchi: Stanger, bizarre, impossible things have been achieved hoina ra? CZARji: Thank you hajur!... Was just penning down some random thoughts from my experiences. :) |
| sweetP | Posted
on 30-Apr-03 08:37 PM
Hi Nepali Kanchi, Your situation is very understandable. If there is a small part about the guy that you don't like about (personality, looks, behaviour, etc), then that probably is why you feel like you don't love him 100%. You probably are not satisfied with him and you always wish he was something different that you liked. It is never too late to get out of a relationship if that makes you happy. Yes, people can just tell if they are in total love. If you cannot, then something IS missing. What has helped me is listing all the qualities that you want in a man and then score from one to 10 for your guy. If you are honest doing it, then you can figure out why you don't love him 100%. He doens't need to know the list. Also, it is not a good idea to be in a relationship just because you might not find a better guy. If you are not satisfied, then you don't have to be in it. It is your life and you have all rights to be selfish when it comes to love relationship. |
| rajunpl | Posted
on 01-May-03 05:28 AM
"Don't let the boat out" " I cant see myself feeling 100 percent sure about anything,let alone love. what if you know someone is good for you 70/100 , can you call that love? " hmmmmmmmmm.. is it..? well,I am not clear here what sort of dreamboy of yours he is.let me give you a hint. (a) consider he is a sophisticated and streetwise.He was bought up with power ranger if in the west and with wimpys and nirula's if was in the kathmandu.well, consider his outfit is normally a levies and gucci shoes and changes his accent when speaking.Lokks generous and seems to have caring attitude as well.Consider he normally goes out, a perfect 5'9" height and really a handsome guy.Normally people's cares him when he pass by.His sense of humour is "let it go what happened is happened" let's start a new thing.And suppose he loves new thing normally knows and love to tlak about the celebrety these days.He sound quite familiar with the good old things and also seems to be caring for the people suffered from devastation.Kiss in the chick and "MERI PYARI KANCHIi" is his daytoday activities.It's too good to walk with him in the town so that people think what a lucky girl with such a boy.His heavenly attraction is also the major fact that you want to be with him.Consider that this makes you feel 70%-100% love with him. The downside of this kind of love is suppose he looks too caring,handsome,good attitude that was only the kind of boy you were looking in your girlhood ..but..he couldn't rech the bottom of your heart.The surface love here would create the left 30% substansial reason to be apart eventually.And may this be ONE-OFF. (b) Consider the dreamboy here is quite unusual than that of the above.Consider he stomach all the social behaviour.Quite traditional,and is very hard working and flow with flawless when he want to achieve something.Consider he was bought up in the working class family.He is just a simple boy who has enormous knowledge in some given subject.He has more to do with the how to run the life than how to be a smart.His sense of humour is cool and his imagination is always average.Of course..!! he would look for the better oppertunity being in the working class family and his normal thinking is how to survive in the future.Consider if you speak to him he can really really understand you and even may reach deep inside you.He could be medium build with a normal outfit as always." EH... KASTO CHA KANCHI" is his normal word in the meeting rather than kiss in the chick or he just shy to say anything more than that. The downside of your love here could be not being socially attractive.He knows the basic daytoday things but still something missing in the middle of nowhere.It could be quite difficult to say that whether you don't get him or the vice versa.Here also the left 30% vacuum of love would devastate your love life. well,the constant worry will of course take you to the dilemma.And the consecutive dilemma could devastate the way of your thinking.The next thing you would know is how the silly world this is...?Why does the people have the different world...? and the basic answer of all these is the way of thinking,not understanding meaning of love.Thousand of philosopher has defined the love in thousand ways but none of them could imply to you,Because you have the different world than that of 'em. "MEN ARE FROM THE MARS AND THE WOMENS ARE FROM VENUS " is a good book you could collect many ideas from there may be not when you fall in love. MAN KO HURI BHANDA RATO DORI BALIYO HUNCHA BADHYATA KO MAJBURI BHANDA PIRATI KO BHAKA GARO HUNCHA .ss -saturated survivour |
| Montou | Posted
on 01-May-03 09:01 AM
Hey Jezebel, Nothing to do with this thread but was just curious why and how you picked this "name"? Anyways please share as you are led. Take care hai... By His Grace, Montou |