| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:16 AM
Hey Guys: I need advice. My friend is planning on marrying a women just for a US greencard. He is pretending that he loves her. I told him not to do it because he is playing with her emotions and that marriage is too big a deal to play around. He plans on leaving her after he is a permenant resident. What are your thoughts on this. Could you ever do something like this? chick pea |
| khimu | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:48 AM
I'll say no! Thats stupit i know many people do like that but thats totaly wrong i mean how can you marry just for greencard. I already saw couple guys in new york who married American gal for greencard now they are alone holding with one child. Doughter with no mother (Sanai dekhi Aama ko tuhuro yaar) thats totaly unfear you know that. we Nepali came from green Nepal then why we need greencard hun (but i am also running for greencard but not like that i hired attorney almost done) So tell him not do like that, getting marry is not a playstation2. If he realy want to marry her , keep with him forever. peace of mind khimu |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:52 AM
Thank you Khimu. You sound like a very moral person. Your parents raised you right and should be proud of you. |
| south | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:53 AM
of course no. i am always against such relationships. there should be always true love and both should be honest to each other. well but these days i have heard so many such cases not only of nepali boys but also from nepali girls, and i think this is sad news. |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:56 AM
What kind of Evil person is he? Tell him he is going to hell for that....kasto morale nabhako manchey raicha... |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:59 AM
i agree it is totaly wrong. i know two guy who do this to two women and both women are too too nice. married seven-eight years and then the guys run away and the women don't know reason, except all Nepalis know reason and don't tell. so sad. One woman she is like my didi she always help me and it makes me hate her husband for such a liar cheater man. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:04 AM
What do you think of two diferent culture gettin married? Do you think it better to stick with own culture? |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:06 AM
no I dont think it really matters if they love each other very much and are respectfull towards each others culture. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:11 AM
Thank you all, you made me feel better knowing there are good people in this world. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:13 AM
if two peoples love each others, it don't matter what culture. my amerikkan didi who husband was cheater liar man worked hard to learn nepali culture. she learned to language and cooking. she wear sari on holidays, she show respect to Amah. but cheater liar man don't see nothing but greencard in hand. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:20 AM
Can the greencard been taken from this man or is he now permenant? Did you know this man was marring the american girl for greencard only before he left her? What if you know, do you tell your friend what his plan is? or just stay out of their business? |
| saroj | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:21 AM
What's the big deal if some guys do it? Girls do it all the time. I mean marry a man for his money or green card or what not. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:26 AM
What do you mean "what is the big deal" Could you do it to somebody or have you already? You are making me mad Saroj. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:28 AM
Saroji, marrying for money is not right either. How would you like if some man married your daughter or sister for greencard. Would it then be a BIG deal? |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:29 AM
it is very big deal. my didi so hurting. i am afraid for her. she sad all the time and crying all the time. her cheater-liar husband get married chito to nepali woman and have baby right away. he thinks he can bring his nepali wife to US right awy. it hurts peoples to do that, pretend to love them then run away after using them. it is bad ting to do this. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:37 AM
Does anyone else agree with Saroj? NO BIG DEAL. |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:38 AM
Marrying for money, marrying for greencard....getting married for any other reason other then love is wrong. |
| saroj | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:41 AM
Yes I agree it's a big deal for the people involved. And I feel badly for your 'didi'. But I mean that this kind of things happen all the time. Young girls marrying rich old men. Or, girls marrying guys with green card or citizenship then leaving. You gotta do what you gotta do. It's wrong to hurt other people in the process, but I guess it's the survival instinct at work. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:45 AM
Do you think you could do something like that? If you know someone it happened to, what happened at the end of the marriage? |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:46 AM
sorojdai- survival of what? i know many peoples running for greencard who don't hurt others on the way. did you marry amerikkan swasni for greencard? the way liar-cheater man hurt my didi -- i hate him. |
| saroj | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:50 AM
Gharmigirl I have full sympathy for people who have been impacted by such actions. I am just trying to justify such action. My point is that he wouldn't have done it if he had any other choice. Here are some assumptions: - he has lived in the US for couple of years - he had tried different ways to become legal in the US - he doesn't have too much options back in Nepal if he ever goes back - he might even be supporting his parents from here If he didn't do something about it, he'll have to go back home. Face unemployment, not able to support his family. A black hole essentially. So what is the only option he has? If he choose this option which will be hurting an american girl, should he be judged negatively? Only people in his shoes would understand. If you look at the National Divorce Rate in the US, the woman has a high chance of getting divorced anyways. So I think it's better to let other people decide their own life than being critical of their decisions. |
| khimu | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:51 AM
I am so sorry to hear bout yur did gharmi. what the heck he thinks himself i saw one very strong relationship between Nepali (Newari) guy and American women. They got two children i like the way they are totally Newari culture. telling you getting marry is not a game thats very big step in our life. "phir bhi Afunka to life mein style hona mangta" |
| khimu | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:53 AM
didi |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 10:58 AM
Sarojdai - If marriage is only option, don't you think it best the person be honest with the other person. Instead of finding a person to pretend to love, why don't they find a person who is willing to help them get greencard. I know a lot of people that would marry someone so that can get greencard for $$. That is not right either but at least nobody is lying or playing with emotions. |
| Nattu | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:03 AM
Dude, I totally agree with your friend's decison. Everybody uses somone every now and then. So, what is wrong with marrying a girl just for a Greencard ? It is not like the girl won't find another guy after your friend dumps her. Come on guys, these American girls are different ok. Their ways of thinking is different and we shouldn't be judging these girls with the same Nepali mentality like we do to Nepalese girls. First of all, when a Gori American agrees to marry a stupid nepali guy like your friend, the chances are pretty good that the girl is either ugly, fat or there must be something worng with her. That means, in a way your friend is making his share of sacrifice by marrying an ugly girl. Do you see a pattern here ? Both of these people are using each other for their needs. So, why should your friend get all the blames ? Why not the girl ? I think the girl is perfectly aware of the fact that she will get divorced once her husband get the Green Card. Isn't that obvious ? It's a no brainer. Do you want me believe that the girl is marrying your friend only for LOVE ? Give yourself a break dude !! Just be careful with ladies nowdays brother man. They are not as innocent as you think. Anyway, KUDOS to your friend making an intelligent decision. Tell him not to have babies though.Too much hassle... |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:05 AM
sorojdai, there is no justification for hurting peoples, or lying, or cheating. it gives all nepalis a bad name. i felt shamed when this happend and now another guy in same area doing the same thing to nice woman who help me get job. didi's liar-cheater man also cheated many nepalis. he borrows money doesn't pay back. he lie about caste. he lie even about name. told my didi he has one name but actually has another name. i got to run to kam gayo now, so i will check in leter. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:07 AM
Nattu: you make it sound that Nepali men only marry american girls that are fat and ugly. Is that what you think of American girls? How are Nepali girls different then American girls? Actually, my friend is very pretty and not fat at all. |
| bhedo | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:15 AM
Khai, as a guy with American citizenship, I bet I wouldn't have much of a hard time finding a goodlooking girl. That's how I see it. Love shlove whatever, it is non-existent. Someone who you love got to be your soul mate, i.e. you would have to live with her for ever and ever, eternally, imho, otherwise it ain't no love; it's just infatuation. Here in the states, you got 53% divorce rate or so, which means the majority don't even know what love mean. And of the remaining 47%, how many are actually truly in love? How many haven't cheated on their wives? How many married men haven't looked at a luscious, titillating babe sexually? I bet in the end, only 10%( and I am being prodigal here--more like 1%, I would say) are really in love with someone they marry. So whether you marry someone for a hariyo patta, or for what you perceive as love, or whatever reasons you got, the objective is basically to get along, and make babies and not let your genes fizzle away. We're in the end animals after all, with one motive that stands out--to survive! So, basically speaking, I don't think I'm going to wait for that special someone in order to start my life...who knows that special someone might never come. Just marry someone, and think of the consequences later. Love is a four lettered word with no meaning. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:16 AM
nattu, my didi also pretty, not fat. many peoples both nepali and amerikkan love her because she is so nice and helpful to all. she expect to grow old with liar-cheater man; he had different dreams, just of greencard and citizen status. I have many nepali didis maried to amerikkan men who don't act like that. they husbands treat them with respect. sounds like you not have respect for women nepali or amerikkan. |
| bhedo | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:19 AM
Yeah, usually speaking fat ugly white women can't find white men to marry them, so they opt to marry out of their race. I guess whiteness is the epitome of beauty, thanks to constant brainwashing by media and such. So yeah, a hot non-white babe raised in the US would most probably end up marrying a loaded white man, and a hot white woman would also prefer whites to non-whites. It's just how society is. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:21 AM
You really got me thinking bhedo. I am married and I hope that my wief loves me even though you think only 1% actually love their spouse. I can see your side definitely but have you been married? You sound kind of bitter toward love. Have you been hurt by a girl? How did you become to think this way? |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:25 AM
also nattu, many nepali womans have bad husbands, too. but they say nothing and have to stay anyway. my bahini at home, her husband goes to prostitute and she has to pretend she don't know. i would run awy from him if i her. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:28 AM
As a man, I don't understand a desire to be with a prostitute. I feel sorry for your bahini. |
| thaag | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:32 AM
What is the reason that he has to leave her after getting greencard ??? I guess he wants to marry a nepali girl after he gets greencard. Tell him that it takes another 5 years to bring nepali wife here(essentially after getting US citizenship) Is it worth it?? Absolutely not For the sole purpose of getting a greencard, its not worth to play with your and somebody else's life, No matter how FAT she is. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:38 AM
I think he does want to marry Nepali back home. As he is herre marrying American girl, his family is arranging a marriage back home for him. He will be married to two women at the same time. One american, one nepali. A lot of us nepalis know but we don't say anything to the american girl. She is really nice and good person, do you think I should be the person to tell her? I feel guilty knowing all this information. What would you do? |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:40 AM
Nattu ji, People always find another love if the relationship does not work does not mean that it does not hurt to be "used", I know lots of Nepalese men married to beautiful gori gals, and Nepalese gals married to gora men and some of them have been married for a long time and they are very happy. I totally disagree with what you say and I think your views are very racists and narrow minded. I am married for a long time, its interracial, and I have never cheated...its natural to look at other beautiful being.. but does not mean you cheat.. there are lots of unethical people in this world but does not mean all of us are like that... |
| khimu | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:47 AM
Hey Nattu if you don,t mind hai ! Is your name Natasha your name is like a gurls, but you sounds like dudes am i right! |
| south | Posted
on 09-May-03 11:57 AM
hey gharmi girl, i think your bahini's husband does not love her very much. i can not imagine going to prostitutes. he is not honest. thats bad. sorry for ur bahini and its really bad what ur didi's husband doing. that is really bad. at least i can not do that. and i am gonna marry nepali girl. i dont care about about other chicks out here. i don think i can adjust with them, because i like bonding and love in family. |
| Nattu | Posted
on 09-May-03 12:19 PM
ChiK Pea, I said MOST OF THE NEPLAI GUYS ( not all ) marry ugly and fat American girls. You might be AN EXCPETION and we are happy for you but let's also not forget that we haven't seen your wife. You might find your wife beautiful and not so ugly but it is very possible that I might find her ugly and very fat. It depends on how you force yourself to look at your wife or maybe you've turned into this amazing guy like SHALLOW HAL who is totally blinded by the lust of GREEN CARD and sees the ugly girls as Gwyneth Paltrow...God Knows !! Don't get me wrong, I've certainly seen Nepali Guys with good looking American Girlfriends but hardly any good looking American wife.....I wonder why ? Maybe why, they have this old saying " Majboori Ko Naam Mahatma Gandhi" ? Does it make sense ? As for the difference between an American girl and a Nepali girl, the difference is incomparable. Just for an exapmle: If your American wife divorces you ( God Forbid !!), she will start dating the next week. So in a sense, it is not much of a big deal to her but it happens to a Nepali Girl then it is a very big deal to her. You won't understand these things dude. Like I said before, you're like SHALLOW HAL and totally blinded by the lust GREEN CARD......maybe that is :-) |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 09-May-03 12:24 PM
keep your racist views to yourself Nattu, people are all different and and they react to different things in a different way...we cant generalize and say that Nepalese gals wont do that...I have met couple of Nepali gals who are married and cheating too..and about ugly..most Nepalese men are ugly too...with beer belly sticking out...so are you good looking? |
| chick pea | Posted
on 09-May-03 12:33 PM
Nattu, you make me laugh. Have you ever dated gori girl, nepali girl or any other type of girl? Who do you prefer and why? I agree with Bhenda2, your views are racists but you are honest. I bet Nattu is not dating anyone right now. Am I correct? |
| Nattu | Posted
on 09-May-03 01:11 PM
Bhenda2, Sorry, my comments sounded racists to you but I'm NOT a racist person. It is just that, sometimes in the process emphasizing my point I get carried away too much...that's all !! I'm working on it though. About the cheating Nepali girls, there are always exceptions here and there. I never said that all the Nepali girls are perfect but still the difference is HUGE. Hmmmmm about my looks: I think I'm alright, but certainly better looking than your definition Nepali guys with hanging bellys...that is for sure. I can give you money gurantee on that. You can call me ALMOST HANDSOME. Happy now ?? |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 09-May-03 01:18 PM
Nattu you seem like a good person, I was expecting a very rude reply from you... I believe you, you must be good looking.. |
| south | Posted
on 09-May-03 03:49 PM
i agree with nattu bro. well ya don think all nepali guys have beer belly. well after seeing bond and love in nepal, of our parents and many other nepali people, and later knowing the facts of american married life, i can not convince myself to marry a american gal oe european gal. i am totally agree, may be there are few nelai girls who cheat their bf or husband but i believe there are many nepali girls who are good and better than these khairenis. they dont take marriage or love seriously, what i came to know is one nepali dude was married to an american and they get divorced even after living about 20 yrs together. i could not imagine that. and i am totally against of marrying for green card. |
| jules | Posted
on 09-May-03 03:50 PM
Sweetie peeee&Ooops&..Pea, dAmn!! U-------- Well I wont mention it. There is a HUGH- HUGH HUGH %^&$#@ difference between Nepali gal and an American One. Okay&.??? Duhhhhhh&& You dumb-A$$ ;) |
| islandbabe | Posted
on 09-May-03 03:59 PM
i dun think there's much difference really... but as long as the person is honest about his reason to marry it's alrite...:+) |
| Gurl_Interrupted | Posted
on 09-May-03 09:30 PM
I don't think the reason for divorce is The ppl. who loved (deeply and truely loved) each other and married were not actually in love but did everything out of infatuation. I don't agree with that. The main reason for higher amount of divorce in western countries is due to the fact that women are more independent and they have same degree of freedom to make choces like the men do, which one would find perhaps only in 1-5% or say 10% of married couples in Nepal. And the society here supports divorce, and divorcees are not stigmatized. Where as in Nepal, to be divorced is looked upon as something terribly wrong coz society doesnot accept it as a normaL lifestyle. So, I would not agree on a saying that "the reason ppL. get divorced is because, they do not love each other or married out of infatuation." Even though one hears that love grows with time, perhaps it does. But as a husband and wife as you spend more time together, you get to know the total person eventually which you might not have seen in ur early marriage years. So the same things that use to bring up a smile on ur face now annoys you. And besides, your expectations towards each other grows more and hence instead of loving each other for who they really are, you start picking on each others flaws, result=divorce! But what is right and what is wrong anyways? Something that might be right for me might be wrong for somenoe else and vice versa! God knows! Nevermind! I bet experience must have taught some of our senior sajha posters. I wish they would enlighten some of us juniors more on these matters! So, that tomorrow if we are to face such situations...we will know what to do! Hey chick pea, I hope your friend will make up a right decision! Good discussion going guys! |
| south | Posted
on 10-May-03 10:35 AM
he GI what do you mean by society here supports DIVORCE. as far as know society here does nt support divorce. its really bad for thier kids after dovirce. have u ever thought about kids life, mentally disturbed after divorce. does it sound good like he is my mothers bf and my fahters gf. well i dont think divorce rate is higher becuase women are more independent here. well if two married couple can not tolerate or understand small things then it will be hard for them to live together. but in our society we can adjust. we have a bond, family bond, but here nothing like this. liek they dont care , if they are divorced or not i guess, and live another life, if you can not take such delicate relation seriously you are not seriuos about anything i guess. just my view. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 10-May-03 03:10 PM
no difference between nepali womans and amerikann womans in emotions. both suffer same from bad mans. exept amerikann womans have abilty to leave bad mans and make new life. bahini stuck with bad man who likes to drunk, don't care for childrens and visits prostitutes like a stupid dog. nepalis womans suffer more from bad mans, mans who cheat and lie, bring home next wife. when liar-cheater man left didi after citizen, she hav brokenheart. she still have good jobs and good moneys. bahini at home lack same opportunity. |
| south | Posted
on 10-May-03 03:43 PM
hey gharmigirl, well you can not generalize like that. i am really sorry for your bahini and didi, but every persons are not same. well i dont know why boys do liek that, but i am sure many men dont like to do that, and those who does so are not good persons. i think its your sisters bad luck that they had such life partners. may be i am too optimistic but i think every other person is good, but in reality it does not happen much. i trust someone and later same person ignores me. this is really bad experience. but i try to convince myself by telling hey now you knew the person and now u can think before dealing with that person. if your sisters are independent and can live life in thier own then there is nothing to worry about, leave those people and live own life. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 10-May-03 04:44 PM
south, maybe my sisters--one nepali, one amerikann, have bad luck with life partners, still you have to admit womans in nepal not have good status. my saathiko dai always want to tell her want she can and cannot wear. why does dai tink he have this right to control what his bahini wear outside? she good girl. amerikann didi dai never tell her what she can wear, not wear. go not go. after liar-cheater man leave he visit her all the time to make sure she OK. like you, i tink every other person is good. since I been amerikaa, i see much freedoms womans have here and don't like parts of nepali culture that rob womans of choices. maybe reason divorce rate not high in nepal because womans with bad husbands stuck. you tell GI girl divorce no good for childrens. bahiniko childrens much better off if bahini leave dog husband and she take them with her. sometimes divorce better for childrens and for womans. she can tell dog husband and his dog family to go away. amerikann didi family haves strong bonds, too, like nepali family. her parents married 52 years. her dai married 23 years. her bahini married 19 years. her bhai just married. she only one divorce after liar-cheater man married her only for status then run away. it not good thinking amerikann family not have strong bond. amerikann didi independent. she survive without liar-cheater man. bahini not independent, live with dog husband family. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 10-May-03 04:49 PM
to chick pea--i say tell amerikann girl truth about boyfriend so she not marry with him. she sad now a little. after marry adn then husbnad leaves after status, too much sadness. it not right what he does to her. if she like nepali boys then maybe she find one who really loves her. not cheater boyfriend who using her for own benefit. |
| maximum20 | Posted
on 11-May-03 01:15 PM
everytime i hear someone trying to justify marrying for GC i get embarrassed... |
| south | Posted
on 11-May-03 01:22 PM
yeah me too maximum 20. i can not imagine how people do that. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 11-May-03 06:40 PM
i agree with you maximum 20. when liar-cheater man left didi after he get good status I so embarrassed for nepali peoples. she help his family lots. she help get banja here for school. when amah visit she treat amah like queen, buy her saris, take her restaurant for lunches, take her shopping for dress, purse with no cow in it. she help liar-cheater man send monies to nepal for family. i am student here and she helps me lots. after he make citizen, whole family not talk to her, not tell her truth about liar-cheater man. they go to restaruant in ktm to celebrate big engagement with nepali girl. liar-cheater man pretend with new nepali girl he rich, but he is not. he lie to her, too. amerikann didi don't know about engagement with nepali girl and tinks liar-cheater man sick in head and try to get doctar for help. i so embarrassed. when i find out from liar-cheater man's didi, he only marry amerikann woman for status, i finally tell her truth. they marry for seven years, she take it too hard. i tell her find another nepali boy who is true, but now she say she never trust nepali boys. so liar-cheater man and his family make bad name for all nepali boys. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 12-May-03 06:25 AM
Jules - Who are you calling dumb? I was just asking a question. Calm yourself down, don't be so defensive. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 14-May-03 11:46 AM
Just an update ---Last night, I told the girl that her boyfriend was only marrying her for a green card. They fought and then ended up breaking up. She feels so hurt, but I did her a favor and saved her from being even more hurt in the future. I feel like I did the right thing even though my friend is mad at me for telling. The truth will set you free. |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 14-May-03 12:07 PM
Good job ChickPea... |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 14-May-03 07:26 PM
hey, bhenda 2 say it best: good job chickpea. takes much courage to do right thing specially when friend want benefit. |
| wanderer | Posted
on 14-May-03 07:44 PM
Chick Pea> Good show. Would hate to be ur friend though ;). |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 15-May-03 07:23 AM
maybe chickpea better without dishonest friend. if he hurts amerikann womans he pretends and acts to love, imagine what he do to nepalis without thinking too hard? sounds like opportunist to me. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 15-May-03 07:24 AM
Wanderer: I try to "do onto others as I would want others to do onto me". I would want someone to tell me if I was about to have a fraud marriage. You may think that I am not a good friend, but at least I am honest with everyone. I lost a friend but I dont want to associate myself with inmoral people anyway. So I really didn't lose anything. :-) |
| Nattu | Posted
on 15-May-03 11:58 AM
So Chick Pea, any update on your friend ? Where is he heading ? Did he get married or getting married in future ? What's your friend's stand at this point ? I hope you were not joking when you started this thread, ya know. See, what I have to put up with for posting my opinion...right ? Some people even called me racist for expressing my view but man you don't seem to care; or do you ? All I'm saying is, you need to give us timely update on this situation so that people can find out where this thing is heading and what's the real world like. You started this thread and YOU ARE OBLIGATED to keep us updated because we're dealing with real life issues here. By the way, if I was a producer from FOX network, I would call this thread " FOR LOVE or FOR GREENCARD". What do you think ? |
| wanderer | Posted
on 15-May-03 12:10 PM
Chick Pea> Wow.. was just kidding man. U've done a good thing dude- Its difficult living with something so big on ur conscience. Admire that you stood by what u felt was right even though it meant going against ur friend. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 15-May-03 12:12 PM
Nattu: I did post an update this morning. I appreciate everyone's opinion. I was not lying about this situation. I see it happens a lot and I am sick of it. It gives us foriegners a bad reputation. My friend's girlfriend left him after I told her he wanted to marry only for a greencard. My friend tried to deny it so I hope she doesn't go back with him. At least she has that think about. I don't think you are racist. You are honest. If FOX did have a show like this, it would definitely have high ratings. I'd watch it! I post this thread for a couple of reasons. First to get opinions on what I should do. Second, so that people think of others emotions, not just their own and last, to let people understand that this happens too much. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 15-May-03 12:39 PM
My friend (ex friend) has been out of status for over 2 years. He doesn't know how else to get a greencard without marriage. Marriage is the quickest though. I told him to visit a lawyer and maybe through his job but his job doesn't want to sponsor him. I read on this thread that someone is going through a lawyer but is it possible after being out of status for so long? |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 15-May-03 01:36 PM
chick pea, you do good thing. my amerikann didi so hurt after she find out the truth about nepali husband. it does happen too much. now in same area, there is another amerikann bahini with nepali husband is leaving after 7 years marriage. This woman hurting too much. she can not believe husband married her for greencard and trying to save marriage while he already have nepali girlfriend closeby and he tell her he don't like amerikann wife for children. i find out third nepali guy do same thing to another woman. so three amerikann peoples in same area hurting or going to hurt for same reason. it looks like nepali peoples don't have good view of marriage and love and don't understand strong bonds between husbands and wives with three mans leaving three womans in same area for same reasons, all within two years of each other. now many amerikanns in this area think nepalis user-peoples. all three mans know each other, too. now it is hard for gatherings at holidays b/c everybody know everyting and everybody talking about everyting. you do good thing Chickpea. takes many courage to tell truth even when friend wants you to go along with plan for personal benefit. |
| Lok Gurung | Posted
on 04-Jun-03 12:14 PM
Well married for green card is possible... and should support such kind of marriage...! This kind of marriage will gap the distance between different people... I am in favour of this,,,,! |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 04-Jun-03 07:13 PM
Lok Gurung--I understand right. . . you in favor of marriage for greencard? In your idea in marriage for greencard, does husband or wife running for greencard stay in marriage for life, or leave after get greencard? It is not possible you same lok gurung who agreed with inviting love into house first before wealth and success on different thread who supports marriage for greencard. unless you see deep pain of sirmati left after nepali sriman get greencard and run, you not support marriage for greencard. it's overly bad on many levels and bad for nepali prestige for U.S people tink Nepali are user people. |
| Jhilke Kyailan | Posted
on 05-Jun-03 08:12 AM
"Garne le garchha, nagarneyle gardaina" |
| chick pea | Posted
on 05-Jun-03 08:19 AM
Would you do it Jhilke Kyailan? |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 27-Jun-03 12:11 PM
to Gharmigirl, I am not trying to be rude... but I am so shocked to see the difference between this posting and the above posting....how on earth did you improve you English so fast? Gharmigirl wrote this: Posted on 05-10-03 4:49 PM Reply | Notify Admin o chick pea--i say tell amerikann girl truth about boyfriend so she not marry with him. she sad now a little. after marry adn then husbnad leaves after status, too much sadness. it not right what he does to her. if she like nepali boys then maybe she find one who really loves her. not cheater boyfriend who using her for own benefit. Pls let me know if I am mistaken.. |
| bhenda2 | Posted
on 27-Jun-03 12:21 PM
and she wrote this also..........I am so confused......guys and girls explain to me what is going on....... Posted on 06-19-03 9:10 PM Reply | Notify Admin ilasha-- i loved "Grapes of Wrath" couldn't put it down. Ditto for "Cannery Row," which is also the most poetic, and "Mice and Men." I will have to try "East of Eden "once again. I tried to read that several times but just couldn't stick with it. Steinbeck is not alone in his attempts to illustrate challenges of life in that era. Other writers like Ralph Ellison, James Baldwin, and Richard Wright also did the same thing, but from a African-American perspective. My favorite is "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair, who wanted to write a book about the plight of the immigrant class but who ended up writing a book about the meat industry that caused such a stir, he was blacklisted from his writing career after that. The book did usher in major changes to the meat industry even though his intent was more social. Maybe it was characteristic of US writers from that era to focus on social justice issues compared to today where focus is on alienation from each other and society. gg |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 27-Jun-03 07:23 PM
bhenda2--nothing is going on. I have addiction to english novels and live with american didi who helps me with english. so what. She has big library and we talk about books. Also, I email didi my postings and she helps me get them right before I post so I sound as good as other sajha posters. |
| Bob Marley | Posted
on 28-Jun-03 02:02 AM
Chick pea...U're a good man. U did the right thing and trust me, there are plenty of people to support you and your decision. Not all Nepali marry whites for green card. Some do seriously fall in love and live together forever. |
| saday | Posted
on 28-Jun-03 07:35 PM
Hello Chick pea and everyone, I don't think chick pea did the right thing unless she/he makes it clear with further details that it was an honest attempt to save a life of an innocent girl. First of all, how did chick pea know that the guy who was going to marry an American girl was getting married for a green card only? Usually, Nepali guys are little shy, even though we love a girl we say stuff- jokingly that we do not really mean but just say it cuz we get shy infront of friends.It would be a tragedy if it was one of those situation. Secondly, As a friend why would you do something awful to a friend. He's been out of status for 2 yrs as you said and there is no way he can be instatus in besides marrying a U.S citizen. You just ruined a life. I know, deep down if you feel bad that is why you are here trying to feel better by the sympathies of people around here. however, i have a strond feeling that you are hinding the main point behind doing this.So, for god's shake one time in life be honest and telll us, why you did that ? were you jelouse that your friend was going to be naturalized, or simply you were trying to be good infront that American girl or are you just honest in life and you like doing this kind of social services.I am sure there is more to it and it will make your life easier if you be honest and spill out the truth. Thirdly, To the people who were giving examples of Nepali people using Americna girls for green card and leaving them afterward. How do you all know that it is only becuase they were married for the sole purpose of green card and they dumped the relationship after they got the GC? how do you know that the girl wasn't cheating on them? or how did you know that they were getting together and they were smootihing the cultural and other differences and it was working? how canyou just jump to a conclusion like that and start bashing on innocent Neplease. Ofcourse, we all want Green Card. The parents of the American girl or her ansistors must be an immigrant too. There is nothing wrong wanting a green card. Of course marrying just for a green card is bad. However, dont just jump to a conclusion without knowing the real fact. Who know there might be other factors that breaks up the marriage. I usually, find American girls to be manupulative, quick emotional and less trust worthy in terms of cheaing in compare to Nepali women. Fianally a sad story. 3 years ago. I was in love with a very cute and understanding American girl. She was also madly in love with me and we were planning to get married. However, some Neplease had sensation in thier ass all the time about our relationships. I think that was becuase i was the the only Nepali dating an American girl in this little red neck town and deep down they were jelouse. My girlfriend was cool to all the Neplease in this town becuase she was curious to know me. However , a jelouse Nepali lady( i don't know what she was jelouse about) told her that i was just marrying her for a GC, just like you did chick pea, and told her that no matter what, my family would not accept her which was not true at all. So she did not trust me after that and we finally had to break up. I had no intention of Green Card only, however, why would be bothered if American Govt gives me one if i became a "kheray ko Jwaii". Ususally i find that Nepali men who get married with an American women get manupulated by thier wives. Not only that but also Nepali community always think that he only married the girl for green card. Shame on you all. Get busy with your own life and try to find your own American GF/BF if you can. If you can't, don't ruin other's relationships. loooooooooserssss. |
| Saday | Posted
on 29-Jun-03 10:14 AM
hmmm looks like no one's posting any replies, so here i am firing another one. Chickpea, nothing personal but you put me into a big curiosity and I am sure other postees are curious too. So please let us know what is going on with the couple. Did they break up for ever or are they sticking together? Sorry, I feel very bad for that poor Nepali. I still do not understand why you and lots of other Nepalies feel more closeness towards a khernee than our own brothers.I think, it is nothing more than a brown nosing to a Kheray ko jaat in the hope of getting something in return.Also,is that khernee mote by any chance? I have seen lots of mote khernees marrying Nepali guys here in the USA. WEll it's a win - win situation anyway. A poor Nepali gets a green card and a mote khernee gets a hubby. However, the manupulation of a poor Khrenee ko poi does just stop there. He has to live with guilt and fear all the time. There are people in our Nepali society who always get the burning sensation to observe the relationships like they are getting paid to spy or something and go ruin it at any time if they can. Why in the earth Nepali people love to screw things up for each other? The same kind of mentality among Neplease is causing most of the problems in our society back home. Now you guys are here, in a civilized society where people mind thier own business and you are still infected by that desease and you are still screwing things up for each other. Who uses who in the USA is a very complicated issue.I don't think most of you guys have understood it properly. What can a poor Nepali do when he is here under the pressure and expectations from back home and binded by strict immigration rules and regulations. There leaves onely one door open for him and that is to marry a mote khernee. Most Neplease i've seen around here are married with motes, so it would be an exceptional situation if the girl was good looking. All Nepali are not the same. Of course there might be some who only married for a Green Card but do not just generalize the whole Nepali community with the examplease of few Nepali men. Grow up people and mind your own business. |
| Bob Marley | Posted
on 29-Jun-03 05:17 PM
Sayad...Strong words bro...u have the points |
| chick pea | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 06:05 AM
Saday: You do have very good points. I would like to answer your questions first. I knew that he was marrying her for a greencard because he said that after he was married and got his greencard, he was going to divorce her and marry a nepali girl. By the way, NO this girl was not fat or ugly in my opinion. I was not jealous of their relationship. I got to know this girl very well and I felt so bad for her because she really was in love with him and he didn't love her. I would feel very guilty for myself if this marriage happened knowing what I knew. I know that everyone should mind their own business; however, I thought about if I were in this girls situation. I would be very appreciative for someone to tell me the truth before I married someone. For me, marriage is for life, not "until greencard do us apart". There are other ways to get a greencard instead of marrying a U.S. citizen, as I learned through Sajha. This experience did make me learn a lesson. MIND MY OWN BUSINESS but I just wish my friend never told me his plan. So to everyone out there, if you have a secret plan to do something horrible, don't discuss with someone who is an honest good person. The guy is no longer with that girl. However, he is dating another american girl. Since we are no longer friends, I don't want to know his plan with this girl. I understand that you think we should put our brother before gori but I was really struggling between right and wrong. I don't believe in using people and I was just trying to help. That is why I started this thread on Sajha, to see what other people thought and what would other people do in my situation, not trying to get sympathy. I am sorry to hear about your past situation with your girlfriend. Yes jealous people do assume that one only dates gori for GC but it was not the case in your situation. That lady did not know for sure, but I definitely knew my friends plan. I did not assume anything. I wasn't bashing innocent Nepalis. I was only talking about one person who, in my heart, is not a good person. This has nothing to do with Nepali vs. American. It is about good vs. evil. But for now on, I will keep my mouth shut. |
| chick pea | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 07:25 AM
Saday: I forgot to mention in my last reply. You said that it is a WIN-WIN situation if a nepali marries an american. They only person that "wins" is Nepali. The American losses a husband, gains a divorce status, trust issues along with other problems plus is broken hearted, but Nepali still has greencard and losses nothing. NO, it is not even/fair. Just my opinion! |
| saajan555 | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 08:37 AM
Saday bro, You've got very outstanding points to support whatever u r saying. "Dil ki baat bol di". You spoke the reality and I saw some ppl just trying to bash Nepalese marrying Americans. Infact, they are generalizing each and every situation as the same. they are thinking: American+Nepali marriage = FRAUD. We certainly need to question their points???????????????? Is it just a sheer jealousy or Mother Teressa wannabe attitude??? In case the 2nd one, why don't they speak out for their fellow Nepali??? As you said, they think, it's always the Nepali coin which flips on the wrong side,huh. I felt real bad on ur story, Saday bro. Feel like "bhutlau tyo nakachari ko jagalta" who brought havoc in ur relationship. Chick Pea, you've indeed started a grreat thread. You deserve credit on that. R u saying our Nepali hero in ur story is now with another AMERICAN girl after he broke up with the first one?????? Did he already get his GC from the first girl??????? If the answer is yes, why is he after the second again-American??? "The common attribute of being nosey-parker better be discarded at least when he/she is away from home." -Quote for the day might HELP CHEERS!!!!! |
| muskan | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 09:53 AM
Wow! what a discussion going for greencards. Hello to all...I am fairly new to this site but thought I would input my personal experience regarding marrying for a green card. Marriage for the wrong reasons happens all the time.Here's a stereotypical example: Girl gets pregnant and she gets married to the biological father of her baby, yeah at that moment while they were dating, they may have shared mutual feelings of love/lust and now feel obligated to make it legal, how long will this relationship last u ask, the results are as individual as the persons involved; arranged marriages in Nepal and India for the sake of continuinng the familys lineage, is this for the sake of love, yes, love may blossom between the two later and maybe never but whatever the reason may be it happens all the time. A lucky few get married for love as their ultimate way to commit to each. Here's the main reason I am adding my little story to this thread. A few years ago I offered to help a friend with his residency status. He hesitated for a long time because he didn't think it was right, but what are friends for if we can't help someone at their time of need, right? So, yes...I married for the wrong reason and yes I disgrace the holy sanctity of marriage but I will walk out of this situation knowing that once in my life, I did something with the true and unselfish intention of helping a fellow friend. I do not think there is anything wrong with people marrying for a green card (male/female) as long as they are honest. There are people who are willing to help you. I just think that it is sad when people deceive and play with other people's emotions to get a green card or anything else, and that's outright immoral whether there source is another nepali or american...we all bleed blood when we're cut...do we not??? |
| chick pea | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 10:35 AM
Saajan555- The Nepali guy did not get GC. He never married the 1st American girl. I only know that he is dating another american girl. I don't know her at all. Like I said before, I am not getting involved in relationships. I'll keep my mouth shut. I don't understand what you meant by "hero" I dont think anyone is a "hero" in this situation. I also am not a jealous person or feel like "mother teresa". In my ex-friend's situation, he told people his secret. That is why people were talking about it. Once you tell a secret, it is no longer a secret. My friend was "digging his own grave". If he didn't want people to talk about his secret, he should have never told anyone. If you know people talk and gossip, then don't tell your secret. Muskan: I agree with you. I know people too who helped a friend with status through marriage. They were honest and that was most important. They didn't lie to each other. |
| saday | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 12:06 PM
Chickpea, thanks for writing finally. Yes, i can tell you were in a big dilemma. It wasn't a easy desicion for you. However, are you sure the Nepali guy wasn't kidding with you guys when you guys thought he was telling the secret? I have seen a friend who loves his Khrenee wife a lot but everytime in a Nepali gatherings he jokes that he was just going after a GC. He said that before marriage too. Seeing how much they love each other and how happy they are now, every time i see them i thank God for not letting that realtionship ruined by another big mouthed Nepali like mine. Actually, after a Nepali boxi ruined my relationship(read early postings from me) I warned him and told him what he should do and not do if he wanted to keep the relationship.luckly and more smartly that guy listened to me. He's rich now, happily married and there is no cheating or what so ever in thier relationship. If he was careless like me then he would have ended in an Indian restaurant washing dishes and being a "kancha" in Denver , Co becuase the poor kid was from a village and he did not have good English to or Enough money to continue his schooling. That was his plan anyway.He was flunking all his classes. Everytime i see him i feel good that i saved a life by telling him to be aware of the Nepali communities who can't just let a Nepali man marry an American girl with out a buring sensation in thier ass. ******* I told him to not to leave his girl friend in a Nepali party talking with another Nepali and never never ever let his girl friend go visit a Nepali family or make friends with a Nepali lady. HIghly recommended to any Nepali who is dating an US girl and wants to marry. For a Nepali lady gossiping is a normal daily activity but for a US girl she can't tell a difference between gossiping and if she was telling the truth.***********8 Chickpea, I assume that you were kind of raised here so you have American values.However, you have some Nepali values too. It looks to me like it was a little cultural differences between you and your friend. You might happen to assume things seriously when he was just joking and trying to apporach you guys, trying to be more friendly. It's a Nepali style. In Nepal also people say funny things about thier wives all the time when they are hanging out with thier guy friends. For example, a Nepali might say, " i want a different vahuju, this one is getting lazy." This doesn' t mean that he actually mean to go look for another wife. He is just joking for fun. Nepali men do that a lot. Make sure your friend wasn't doing that. and try to help him out on his immigration status becuase he must be going through a hard time, mostly becuase of you. I do not say that you did the wrong thing but i can not say you did the right thing either.At this point I can only assume things and I might be wrong. I do not mean to bash on you or make you feel guilty. I can not do that until i know the real fact. I am just being little skeptical here becuase why would a guy tell a secret to the Nepali community, I see that a humor or a try to be funny and cool infront of other Neplease, maybe little shy but not telling a secret. No body tells a secret like that Chickpea, unless the guy is a real stupid. If he was planning to murder someone , do you think he would come tell you and other Neplease the secret too? No he would not , so why would he say something serious about the same weight becuase he can get deported for saying that specially if someone had filed the case at BCIS. like you said he has been illegal for 2 years.I hope and pray for that guy that he would settle down this time. In future, please be very very careful. PS: If anyone knows that guy, please tell him to read my suggestion inside the **** **** up there, if he hasn't learned from his mistake. Best wishes, Saday |
| Saday | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 12:23 PM
Chick pea, I said win-win situation concering a mote khernee marrying a Nepai guy.you've lived here for a long time, you know how it is like. Motes are usualy very defensive and they are manupulative becuase they are depressed and hopeless deep down. They manupulate a Nepail guy for 2 and half years to 3 or maybe 4 these days until he gets a permanant GC. They can break up marriagae any time and get him deported. WIN-WIN situation cuz after such a hard work of sticking with a mote a Nepali finally gets a GC, which my sociolgoy professor once said is an official paper of cheap labor, pay taxes and not get benefits. I don't want to go to depth of that though. And a mote gets a hubby to manupulate. haha I do not see very many Khernees getting heart broken and depressed after the devorce. They rather go have fun and start dating right away. For them it's not a loss of dignity friend, it's another opportunity.Depressed, heart broken haha, I think you are assuming Nepali girls here. Well, Not every American girl is like that, i admit. however , mostly i've seen are not of the kind who would live rest of thier life crying and heartbroken haha..my ex girlfriend's mom had 6 husbands, 4 childs from 4 different husbands, and she was happily devorced with her 6th husband also and having a boyfriend. so please try to understand what i meant. thanks |
| chick pea | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 01:34 PM
Saday: I understand what you are saying. I have lived most of my life here in the U.S with my parents. We do have a lot of American/non-nepali friends. My wife too is American. The one thing that surprises me while reading Sajha comments is that people think that american women don't care about divorce and that it is easy to move on. Out of all the cases that I have seen with american women divorcing, (there have been many) non of them seemed happy to be "free". After many years, they are still hurt and have not moved on. This is a big misconception in the Nepali community. I am sure it may be that way for some, but not all. There is a lot of pain in the family especially when there are children involved. I understand that Nepali men joke around a lot about their wives/girlfriends, but i know for sure this was not a joke. If it was, he would have told me it was a joke and then I could of explained it to the girl that I misunderstood what he said, but he never said it was a joke either. I too thought it was stupid for him to tell his secret to some people. I will be very careful about how I am around my nepali friends since I can see now that there is a cultural difference, especially with the guys that have just came here. Some of the nepali women in our community have gossiped about my wife. I only thought is happened here in our community, apparently not. I notice this at parties, the women don't want to chat much with my wife, sort of unfriendly, but the guys are really open and talk a lot to her. I didn't know how to explain this to my wife. Do you think that SOME nepali women don't respect american women married to nepali men? All the nepali women that my wife is friends with are wonderful. They try to help her with our culture and are the nicest women I have ever met but some are just opposite. I know that is with every culture, whether it be nepali, american or chinese. Hey bro, thanks for the education. for now on, I will watch everything I say. I am about to leave to get on the plane for Denver. |
| saday | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 02:05 PM
Thanks for writing again bro. Now i am sure that you did not just tell the girl becuase you were jelouse or anything but you were just being honest. In my case, the lady was just jelouse of me getting naturalized so she ruined it. However, you did that in an honest attempt to save a life. However, i do think that there is a huge culutral differences between you and Nepali people. I am not saying it is bad though, it is just the way it is. I appreciate you being polite and giving us more details to understand your points on why you told the girl. I wish the guy was honest if he was not joking and i wish that both legals and illegals had easier ways to sruvive in this country, once they are already here, specially from a poor country like Nepal. I think, some Nepali women do not talk to you wife in the parties becuase they are kind of insecure about thier English. I have seen that a lot. But sooner or later they will know that your wife is a nice person and they will open up eventually. Teaching little Nepali might help too. I am soory, i did not mean to be preaching like this here but when i saw this heading i couldn't resist to write something. I am still hurt from what happened to me years ago. I still see my ex around. Now she's married and I have to act cool like I am not hurt, guy thing you know. However, deep down i wish she was with me. She's such a wonderful girl.And i would never never cheat on her or be faithful. I would even go live in Nepal with her if that would be the only option. I also see that lady who ruined my relationship. she is in Nepal and her husband is cheating on her. I guess, what goes around comes around in this world. But what did she get from ruining my life. I could use that GC to go see my dad on his last stage, which i missed becuase of the complications with my student visa at the time. I truily loved the girl and it sucks to live my life without her. Also, I am not saying that American girls are not emotional and they feel free after devorce. There are lots of nice American girls too. Like my ex girl friend who had to take anti-depressant pills after she broke up with me. However, all Nepali men are not cheaters either. I was dissopointed after reading postings by Gharmigirl. She sounded like all Nepali men are cheaters. phew! I thought i was gonna make this one as short as possible but looks like it's gonna be a long one as well. Please forgive me but l wanted to thank someone in here. I wanted to thank Muskan for helping out her friend. Muskan , you are a wonderful person. I might sound silly but at this point i would say I would worship you for what you have done for a friend. Yes indeed a friend in need is a friend indeed. May god bless you Muskan. I would do the same thing ever i would be in a postion to do that in future. I encourage every friend to help each other in this foreign land. Chickpea, have a nice flight to Denver and have a good time over there. later, Saday... |
| Saday | Posted
on 30-Jun-03 02:09 PM
However, deep down i wish she was with me. She's such a wonderful girl.And i would never never cheat on and always would be faithful. |
| Bob Marley | Posted
on 01-Jul-03 05:04 AM
I've been reading U guys, Chick pea and Saday. It's good to hear all the possiblities and different views from both of U guys. I'm here to add one more thing that U guys might not have thought about..... I'm from a low cast from Kathmandu.I came to US for my further studies 1997. BEFORE that I was in Nepal and I had many girlfriends (Nepali). Although I was from a low caste, I was pretty smart, physically, mentally and emotionally to attract girls (Now...I'm not trying to impress U guys). Born in Pokhara and rised in Kathmandu, I did have lots of women, one at a time. Nobody knew me well, even my best friends. They thought I was only fooling around with girls but deep down inside of me, all I wanted was a woman who would love me for simply being me... no caste, no religion, simple me. And I'll tell U brothers... just for me being a low caste (even though they were so much in love with me), they were so scared to deal with it....they left me one at a time. Seriously...U name it...the big caste...they all dumped me. I was so heart broken and mad at the whole caste system. U get the idea !!!! I hated the system and I thought I would only get an arranged marriage...that still was far from my sight with my extended and huge family. I came to this country with only one thing in my mind ...to get a good education and go back home to get married, at least an arranged one. But as I was in college, this white lady starts showing interest with me. Trust me... I tried all my best to avoid her (only with the dreams to be atleast married to my own cast woman). She wouldn't give up and she went through hell and heaven to get me ( this includes a wide range of helps that U can think of when U are a foreign student). Slowly I started changing my views and I felt pity on this woman. Now....why would I go back to that country to get married to any woman (if of my own caste....I realy don't know her well) and the other caste basically hates me for being such a low caste. But I have a woman here with me who loves me with all her hearts and doesn't care about anything, except me...no caste, no religion. Wow ! it made me think...it doesn't matter Nepali or American...the bottom line is LOVE. U can get it any where. Till then U'll have to hunt for Ur luck. I've been dating with my lady for more than 6 years and I could have got my GC anytime I wanted to. In the beginning, I was not ready with my dreams to go back home inorder to get married to atleast a Nepali woman. Then I was not ready casue I was broke and stubborn ( U knw...Nepali man wants to stand on their own feet in order to raise a family). But I never really cared so much of GC ( I'm not being so smartass...there were time I thought about it. But I was strong enough to realise that I love her for not that!). Let me make it short What do U think of me...I've come all the ways from discriminations in Nepal and I have this woman who loves me ..crazy. I only know this much...just being from Nepal doesn't mean the right person. I love my woman and thank god that U gave me her (and of course...she's not MOTI...she's slim,sexy taller than me). I'm going to get married next year...it's been too long and her parents are mad and my parents have finally gave up and given me the permission. I'm sorry for Saday and for Chick Pea..U've done the right thing, but make sure what;s right between Nepali and Americna cultures. Thank U gentlemens. |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 01-Jul-03 07:43 AM
Saday: I am sorry about the pain caused by the nosy lady who ruined your relationship. It is clear that you really loved your American girlfriend and the woman with the big mouth and bad intentions may be getting her just rewards for making things bad for you. It makes me sad that you had to suffer from the action of person who can't stand to see one person get ahead. I do agree, for the most part, people should mind their business, with the exception of when someone innocent is about to get hurt or getting hurt. My American didi truly loved the brother who betrayed her. Too bad she didn't meet someone like you first, instead of the man she had married who cared only for improving his status. Also, I didn't mean imply that all Nepali men are cheaters. I know many brothers who are married and who do not cheat and who love their wives (Nepali and American) and who are good fathers. They are good family men, sensitive, loving, caring, strong. But I also see some brothers with wives back home who act like they are single because wives are too far away. I am sure if their wives acted the same way, these brothers would not understand or be happy about it. Plus, my bahini's situation makes me mad. Pehaps my anger at bahini's situation causes me to focus on the bad guys while forgetting the many good guys out there. I am sorry for that and wil try to keep a better balance in the future. Muskan: you are good person to help your friend. My personal belief is that ifwe are going to get ahead in this country or any country, we all have to help each other and put aside petty jealousies. But helping each other doesn't mean agreeing to protect bad behavior or being quiet when you know a person with bad intentions is going to act on them, or being quiet when you know someone is getting hurt and you have the ability to stop the hurting. If we are going to make our Nepali mark in the US, we have to keep a good reputation and prestige. We don't want to get reputation for being liars and cheaters and users and the majority of us shouldn't have to suffer for the bad acts of a few. Bob Marley: I say congratulations to you for finding true love of a women who accepts you for who you are, regardless of caste status. I hope you have many long happy years together and make beautiful children. |
| saday | Posted
on 01-Jul-03 11:04 AM
Hello Everyone, You guys are awsom around here. Thanks for being polite and understanding.I sincearly apologize from the bottom of my heart if you've felt any kind of rudeness from my earlier messages. Thanks for letting us know about your situation Bob. May god bless your relationship brother. I am very sorry to hear about discrimination that you had to face back in Nepal becuase of the caste system. I prersonally am very against the caste system in our society and i get very irritated when i hear stories about discriminations. May be god had a reason for you to come here and meet your soul mate that is probably why he was bringing so many girls in your life back in Nepal so that you would finally reconize the true love in your life. YOu are lucky. It's wonderful how things worked out for you. I am very happy for you. Gharmigirl, I am very sorry to hear about both your American didi and the Nepali sister. I hope things would work out from them. Maybe it is wise for your American didi to move on with her life and forget the bastrad. Yes, true love is very rare and very precious and one should not play with someone's emotions just for a GC. I will pray for your American Didi.However, i wanted to make a point that not all Nepali guys are after a GC when they marry American girl. I wanted to make the point with my example to show how things got ruined for me becuase of a big mouthed boxi. I have already forgiven her but i still call her a boxi becuase i can not forget what she has done to me. I hope and pray for everyone in here to find the true love in his/her life. And I hope and pray that no body will have to go through the pain because of the back stabbing and cheating from a Nepali. love, Good Keta goodketa@hehe.com |
| saajan555 | Posted
on 01-Jul-03 10:15 PM
lovely discussions:] |
| gharmigirl | Posted
on 02-Jul-03 06:41 AM
saday--I willl pass along your words to didi. that she should forget husband and move on. I have long wondered about didi's husband. . . thinking if he did this to didi, what would he do to us? It takes a special kind of acting to pretend to love someone long enough to get citizenship. |
| saday | Posted
on 02-Jul-03 10:18 AM
thanks Ghramigirl, you're a nice person. I hope your didi would feel better as time goes on and forget the horrible past. However, i know it is hard to forget things like that. May god bless her and may god bring someone nice and truthful in her life. Well guys, you all know a little big about me. So i'm really curious about something and the question bugs me all the time. If you guys know the answer please let me know. So how do you know who's the right person? I dated this really nice born-raised in the USA girl for first two years of my college. she was so sweet and innocent and we really clicked. But as she turned 21 she started drinking like a fish and i couldn't stop her. and you know drinking brings lots of other things too like cheating and stuff. We had to break up.Then I met the American girl and we dated for a while as well. And this boxi told her something and she was gallable to believe that boxi although i told her so many time that it wasn't true. she was really hurt but she believed in that lie she told her. After that I decided that i can't live my life like this and i dated so many girls but no one of them were stweet like my first one or the second. Some times i think if i'm out of love or something. Yeah, i just can't fall in with anyone these days and it's really hard for me to trust. I wonder how long it's gonna last. well, i got other things to worry about in my life right now, but i'm gettn' older.. i'm almost ,25.. gee it just feels like yesterday when i came to this country , 19-yr- old, full of hope and enthusiasm and now i'm here skeptical on trusting anyone and wondering if i am already out of love to love someone. how do you know who to trust and who not to trust? Peace and love, Good keta |
| chick pea | Posted
on 10-Jul-03 11:32 AM
Saday: Just like your advise to Bob, maybe God has a plan for you and you are having bad luck with women right now because God has someone perfect for you that will be meeting later on in life. Maybe soon hopefully. Don't give up. You seem like a decent guy and the right woman will come along. I know its difficult to wait but it will happen eventually. How do you know who is the right person you asked - you will just know. Everything feels so right and you can imagine loving someone unconditionally no matter what. Good Luck! |