| Username |
Post |
| Deep |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 12:07 PM
Light breeze passed by slightly teasing me and I kept on loitering not knowing what I was loitering for. "Really, what do I want here?" I asked but knew there are two answers as always to this question. "Nothing" and "everything". Interestingly, between these two answers my present world exists. Suman came. Let's sit there. Mandir ko sidhi is what I understood.
Yes, this is the same place. I may be "Who?" for many people around here nowadays but this place never questions me. It has seen me grow and play here. It has seen me cry and laugh. It is the only witness beside me on so many accounts of my early life. This place is the best confidante I can ever have. Knows everything but never betrays. I am indebted forever. It treasures my memories more than I do.
I sat by the temple and looked around. I encountered more new faces than the recognized ones. Even some of those that I recognize try to sharpen their eyes by squinting a bit to focus at me before saying "thik thak?" with a smile and hand gestures. I had a nonverbal reply for that "a readymade smile with a nod". This sojourn is not to exchange formalities here. I have come here to find myself. I have lost a part of me here. Right here. Yes I have. Sun did rise and set thousands and thousands of times since then but could not wear me out. Thousands of time rain washed this place since then but could not wash me out. I can clearly see what I have lost here. Yes I can clearly see. But I can't have it now.
**
"Sumi chha?" She came asking for my sister. She must have seen her leave. I was walking down the stairs when she entered. "Chha?" she asked again. May be she does not know. I gave her the benefit of doubt once again and said, "chhaina". "Kaha gako?" She asked again. "Mama ghar" I casually answered. She was standing by the door and I was about to exit "Kahile aauchha?". I smiled and asked "Kina chahiyo?". A vermillion hue ran through her face and lingered particularly around her dimpled cheeks a bit more. "Kina na kina" she looked at me very briefly. I noticed her mellowing but sparkling pair of eyes hit mine rather strangely. She dropped a piece of paper and ran out.
Yes, I was right in guessing. She must have seen Sumi leave. I picked up the paper. My first love letter. I was 15 then. I felt my heart was following the pattern of hadigauko jatra baja. "Taku ta takujhya jhya jhya". I was the happiest boy alive.
**
That day, it was around 5:10 in the morning and I was as always waiting for her by the door. We were into morning walk those days every Saturday morning. If I were to walk with anybody else at 5 o'clock in a Saturday morning, I definitely wouldn't have. But, with her? Any time anywhere. She came out with her younger brother and mom. No, mom was not going with us. Her mom said, "Come back by seven hai". We all said, "has". Her brother was quite friendly with me and probably knew what his sister is up to. He was a bit moody too. He used to get mad pretty easily but I guessed he never went against her. Whenever he got mad, he used to call me "Deep" not Deepdai. But every time he called me "deep" and if she was around she would say "ye! deep bhanchhas?"
Then he would ask "ke ta bhinaju bhanne?". She used to smile at that but occasionally would say "ahile pitai khalas hai".
That day, we three were walking to Neelsaraswoti. We took Bhatbhateni pachhadiko galli then came out to cross baluwatar-gairidhara road and continued toward Neel saraswoti. Her brother was walking few feet ahead of us and took that right turn then disappeared. As soon as he disappeared, she held my right hand and looked at me. "Ma po nervous bhai ra". I looked at her. She was and still is the most beautiful person I ever saw. We walked hand in hand for about ten steps then as I realized her soft grip is provoking me wildly. So, I asked her to let my hand go. She said, "If this is the hand I have to hold tomorrow forever then why would I let it go now?" I never forget this.
I don't how three years passed by in three days. I really don't know. But they did. I was a fool. Yes I was. Whose fault was it? ---Then ten years passed. I spent those ten years far-far away from this place. Far away? Not really. My mind never left the place. My heart used to bit once here and once there.
**
"Are you sure?" I asked Suman. Suman knew almost everything between her and me.
"Yes" he said.
Suman and I were still sitting on the steps to the temple. "Did you tell her about me?" I asked. "No" he said.
I wanted to apologize. I had to meet her.
Few more minutes passed by. I was growing restless.
She came out in fire engine red shari, matching blouse and bangles holding a pooja ko thali. I recognized. I certainly did.
As she came closer and closer, I felt like somebody lit my heart. Felt like I am going to explode. "Sumandai" she released her celestial smile at Suman and took another step up and took one more then took off her sandals and moved on. Soft breeze teased me once again with her fragrance. "Am I invisible?" I questioned to myself.
I kept on looking at her sandals. With devotion, I wanted to kiss those. I felt suman's hand on my back. We both were quiet. A couple of minutes lingered as a couple of years then she came back down. Put her sandals on. Exchanged few words with Suman again. I was sinking. I didn't exist. No, I didn't.
She left. I saw how she is going away once again. She was holding poojako thali with her right hand because that left hand that held me once and wished to hold me forever was free and teasing me. Then suddenly looked back. With a lightening speed, a thunder bolt struck me. There was no anger. She moved on. "Did she even smile?" God knows.
I sank and sank for good.
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| thaag |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 12:32 PM
Deep=Aansu kathakar :)
I couldn't find better word like aansu kavi
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| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 12:52 PM
ohho, Deep teemro katha haru sachikai ho kee khyal khayal?
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| Mitra 2 |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 01:33 PM
Deep ko katha sangraha ra Nepe ko ghazal kahile prakasit hune ho hami pani khabar pam. your stories are short, complete, entertaining, and most importantly you have the ability to describe the places in details...Kasto home sick nai banau ne kya Deep ko katha le.
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| oys_chill |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 02:42 PM
Deep bro,
another soul stirring story of yours that [aang jiring jiring hune tye]. You don't know what you remind me of.....of my past, present or the potential future. I am scared. So another successful failure up for grabs?
I felt my heart was following the pattern of hadigauko jatra baja. "Taku ta takujhya jhya jhya". I was the happiest boy alive.
taku taku, jhya jhya jhya...believe me i have felt that tingling sensation once too often :) n i wished the jatra would forever last. thanx for taking us back to those galli wallis!
Oys
[sincerely thankful for this story]
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| forget-me-not |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 04:23 PM
Deep dai,
i really liked it.
Esp these parts:
"Am I invisible?" I questioned to myself.
and
I was sinking. I didn't exist. No, I didn't.
Deep dai, I heard you don't exist when u r no more in that sansar called mayajal...what a story.....manai choyo...padera aatit lai samjhanu bhayeko kehi bhayena hajur...
I wish I could repeat the past ..I wish..and only I wish..I know that won't happen again...tehi bhayera I still remember my favourite sogn of U2, I can't live with or without you..ki kaso deep dai...
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 05-Jun-03 08:52 PM
ramro cha... deep bro.. ytestai cha jiwan..
jiwan ma dukha peer chinta ta chadai cha.. tyasaile bro le yesto gambhir bishya bastu bhanda yeso hasya-byanga ko bidha dwara hamilai yeso manoranjan diye jhan sunma sugandha hunthyo.. yesto katha padhe pachi purano ghau baljhincha ni bro... hoina ta?
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| Deep |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 06:21 AM
thaag,
I would like to be both -Aashu and hasya kathakar- if I could . :)
I know what you meant by Aashu kathakar. Thanks.
bhenda 2,
Well, life is not always fun. It hurts at times and leaves the pain for good. In fact, every happy moment leaves with a pinch.
Oys,
galli wallis huh? actually, her house was not in a galli.
taku ta taku jhya jhya jhya---ani bhimsenthan ma rangako tauko swattai! ke garne!
"So another successful failure up for grabs"
Hope not. Certainly not. But love is the only field where even the faith betrays (I felt so).
mitra 2,
what we have left behind yesterdays may be the only shelter when the heat of todays tests us. Kaso? Anyone who has no memory is a dead one.
forget me not,
somewhere in this fragile heart, "atit" still beats albeit with more sweet pain.
IF,
some of my respected friends said that I only write certain types of stories. Not much diversity is what they meant. That's why I tried a different set.
What is left behind is still there but who I left is not there anymore. the vaccum generates the pain but cannot overshadow the memories of what is still there. Hence sweet pain and defeated victory.
Thank you all.
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| OneGirl_123 |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 06:58 AM
Deep,
why didn't she talk to u? it makes me sad :(
Loved ur story!
:)
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| DWI |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 07:25 AM
Deep, no one can doubt on your narrative excellency. It is this, that puts a reader right on the storyboard and manipulates his/her emotions. Isn't it so mystical, that the vivid details of the sorroundings tell the whole story without the characters having to recite.
It becomes our story, my story; and fill in the blanks are left to enjoy, while still being constrained to your superior ideology. Bravo.
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 07:55 AM
So, deep bro is experimenting with all forms of narratives?
As DWI elequently said, your pieces are so real that one tends to think it as his own life in words. And that makes you a "native-storyteller" because your pieces are scaringly connected to the reality!
But, I really liked that piece 'Beshyaka Beimaan", that was just damn real and reminded me of my own adolescent days.
Anyways, now that I know the reason behind the sweet defeat, I'd just stay mum and wait for another narrative.
namaste
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| MunnaMobile |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 09:54 AM
Deep bro..feri chura chlayo...ayeeeya!!!!..A few love songs in between would hv made a perfect geeti-katha.
Radio Nepal pls take note.
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| Gurl_Interrupted |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 12:36 PM
Deeply Mitho Lekh :'-(.
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| sparsha |
Posted
on 06-Jun-03 05:28 PM
senti senti! [Ahem!]
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