| Username |
Post |
| yOuNgBlOoDz |
Posted
on 12-Jun-03 02:29 PM
why cant i be happy? my thoughts continue to lead me to self destruction and every time i think i have escaped there is another set of problems waiting to destroy me.
most of my life i have felt this way. i wake up with the anxiety that i have another day to f**k it all up. there have been several occasions in my life where i didnt feel this absolutely useless. but at the moment they all seem ephemeral.
recently, i have awaken only to the thought that perhaps i will be hurt or die today and this may be a good thing. not only to prove that i am alive but for something to happen. something more than work, eat, sleep. the mundane of life is killing me.
no. im not some gloomy f**k waiting for pain to validate my existance. or some pathetic glowing in the thought of it. and no, i dont need a excitement for a minute life to keep me from thought of extinction. i just need something. something that matters to happen to me.
im not talking about love and that sort of romantic bullsh*t. what i need is more than love. or what some lover could provide. i seek the essence of life. and ive gotten to the point where i no longer care if this chaos takes me with it.
another day. finding that im getting older n f**k not doing the things ive dreamed about doing. complaining about the things i am doing. and feeling like nothing i do matters.
work. . f**k it.. a trained monkey could do what i do. in the future robots will do the shit we do now. yeah. money is nice to have. and not having to worry about it, is by far a great luxury but not at the point of my wisdom.
that brings me to another point. do i like what i do? hmm.. honestly. not untill recently did i ask myself this. and honestly. no. i dont. but is there anything id rather do. no. except be a a lazy, poor bum. and that never makes for an easy life.
why do people lie to themselves? make themselves believe they love a job or a person? i see it everyday. its not a rare occurance. i fear it. perhaps more than death, i fear that fakeness.
and the only thing that seems to make all this bullsh*t existentialism fade is avoiding dealing with it by watchin movies.. listening to them musics, going out or doing something of this sort to make me forget about all this stupid sh*t in my head.
good frens have been very helpful in this matter.
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| ruck |
Posted
on 12-Jun-03 03:25 PM
youngbloodji,
it happens sometimes.. I am sure you will come out of it in no time.
Tara euta advise, probably a lot will help if you can get rid of those *** words.. just a thought hai?
Good Luck:-))
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| GurL_Interrupted |
Posted
on 12-Jun-03 04:29 PM
"There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero [will come] along
With the strength to carry on
And you [can] cast your fears aside
[coz] you [will] know you CAN survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That [your] hero lies in you
It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear!
God knows!
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone [yes Anyone!]...tear them away!
Hold on!
There will be tomorrow
In time, You'll find the way.
...So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you!"
Bye :-)!
"When u get the choice to sit it out or dance...I hope u DANCE!"
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| yOuNgBlOoDz |
Posted
on 12-Jun-03 04:57 PM
ouch.. partna ko pani pare jasto cha ni hehehe.. coz timi pani thoda bahut sayeri/poem tira lagna thalyo.. ani timrai logic ho.. writing tira lage pachi paryo bahnne ehhehe
yb
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| oys_chill |
Posted
on 12-Jun-03 05:31 PM
YB ......k bha talai......khub senti chass ni!
eheh I agree broda.........all dem say is "things gonna be all rite" i have yet to see those take some shape. highschool ma padda last day nep. lit sir lai euta sathi le ques. pose garya thiyo...........
"why do we live?" intriguing question it was........he gave an even more intriguing answer
We live to die, Die for a goal
hope it helps my foe! ;)
Oys
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| OU812 |
Posted
on 13-Jun-03 01:53 AM
YB JI when you get your answer, and are truely enlightened, please share your findings with your fellow seekers.
Till then Quidditch match it is.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 13-Jun-03 03:12 AM
OU812:
The new Harry Potter by JK Rowlings is out this month! I think there is more than Quidditch, magic, horror, petrification ..... in this one!
Young Bloodz:
Why do we expect life to be tailored to our needs? Can our needs be tailored to life?
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| OU812 |
Posted
on 13-Jun-03 08:40 AM
2 Hours Batti Jhyap in Sajha Sahar!!
Thanks Sitara JI for the info. Will buy when it comes out in paperback. Right now I am occupied with "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" and then next read is "The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference". So far Sajha has cost me 11 quid :P
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