| nepalithito |
Posted
on 20-Jun-03 03:18 PM
Ironing, washing up, nappy changing, chopping off a testicle with a sharp instrument a man can find a million and one other things to do rather than sit down with his partner and (deep breath) talk about their relationship. I can honestly say its not because men dont care about them believe me, they do its just that the words relationship discussion mean different things to men and women. Often a woman will just want a chat, which can also involve airing her thoughts and worries. This is not usually a confrontational thing, just an
opportunity to get something off her chest. However, a lot of men dont see a simple clearing the air discussion as a moan or an indication of unhappiness. He gets on the defensive, says everything shes saying is rubbish; she says hes an uncaring cad who doesnt understand her. Watch as the argument leaps from the horizon and lands smack back between you.
Weve all been there, havent we? So whats the answer? How can two grown-ups manage to have an adult conversation about their relationship? Its probably a good idea to, first of all, recognise that your man sees the whole discussion process from a wildly different viewpoint. Before you sit down with him and begin talking, it might pay to explain that what youre about to say isnt a moan. If youre about to make some sort of criticism, pay him a compliment first or stress some of the great things about your relationship. Launching straight in with a negative tirade will just result in a row. During relationship discussions, men tend to look for logical answers to issues that are less than straightforward. Try explaining to him that you dont necessarily want quick fix responses from him if you do simply want to get something off your chest, tell him that. Ask him to just listen.
Ultimately, in order for a relationship to work, you simply have to talk and that means both sides making small compromises and finding common ground on which to talk. Relationship discussions are an emotional minefield and if you value your relationship, treading carefully is sometimes the best way around it.
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