| Username |
Post |
| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:47 PM
Hi Folks,
What do you say to the changes in Nepali society? Is it okay for a Nepali couple to live together before marriage? What if the living together thing does not work out? What happens to the girl? I know guys go on with their lives but is it the same for a girl too especailly knowing the Nepali tradition and culture?
I think living together has it's pros and cons.What are your thoughts and stands on this topic? I would love to hear people's opinion/views/discusiions/comments etc.
???
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| dogz |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:50 PM
Kya ho maiyanani delimma ma hunu-hunchha ki kya ho ??
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:51 PM
Haina doz, just want people's take on this subject :)
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:54 PM
it is common in western society, and heard that it is beginning in Ktm as well....
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| thugged out |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:54 PM
Hi Maiyanaani, did you flunk ESL?
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| lonely |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:56 PM
maiyanani, want to hear the experience, and try if that is good???
I don't think that a positive aspect for me ........but if you are sure of marrying, then it may not be a big deal haina ra???
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| dogz |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:57 PM
Well, I don't see anythin wrong on it. As long as both are fully aware of what they are doing, shouldn't be a problem.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:57 PM
Hell No....Thugged out! I am a very very good student!
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| dogz |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 06:59 PM
Maiyanaani, you're frm Cali, aren't you?
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:02 PM
NO...but I love to go there!
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:03 PM
i have few questions...
1. r u planning to live together as ur boy friend is waiting for 5 years to lapse before he can apply for a citizenship or can bring a spouse??
2. r u both trying to see how live moves with bf before actual marriage?
3. what have u in mind in the sense that how it might affect when LT doesnt work for u later?
4. is LT your proposal or your bf's one? if bf, then give a second thought
5. r u compelled to LT for inter-cast reason?
the list goes on....
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| khimu |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:05 PM
go on maiyanani
chalchha todays world ma nepali hos ya jhapali hos
go on sweety you can live but "DO NOT" you know what i mean becareful with pregnancy, feri barbad hola samaj le chhya bhanla
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| goredai |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:11 PM
Excellent topic......Before you get into that moving in thing you have to have self-realization about yourself- whether you will be happy even if you don't get to spend rest of your life with nepali guy(If the relationship fails). No matter how liberal nepali guy think they are, the smell of narrow-mindedness is always there about their wife. If its not him then its his family who would reject a buhari with pre-marital affair. But if you can go beyond nepali then go for it. Its a very good way to grow up and learn about relationship which might be useful later in life.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:13 PM
Ha ha Khimu
I only brought out a topic for discussion.Nothing else! But I can't help laughing at your reply :D
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:21 PM
Thanx Goredai - Excellent reply. Your thinking has great depth. Superb!
I think this topic needs some nice discussion as most of us Nepalese live outside of Nepal.Where are we where morality,tradition,culture,modernization and education are concerned on topics like these? I really appreciate your answer and I think sajha.com is a perfect platform for issues like these.We can get people opinions of various multitudes on this same topic.
:D
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| Qallu |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:28 PM
Thugged out, did you just escape from an Insane asylum? Or did your buddies really make fun of you when you first got to the states. Poor child. That must have scarred you for life! You can't seem to help but fixate on people's "English"! You know, if they did that to you, they were wrong. I am sure it really marred your young self confidence; but really, it's time to move on and let go. You HAVE to break the cycle! There are other things in life than how well someone writes, speaks or reads English. Don't over compensate for your childhood failings. And it is pointless, showing off your Angrezi with us. We are just your average inarticulate, low IQ, immigrant dishwasher, unlike you, Thugged out wanna be jyu.
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| lonely |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:45 PM
Bhunte ji, what is LT???
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:56 PM
LT=living together
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:56 PM
LT = Living Together ho ki lonelyji?
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| lonely |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 07:58 PM
ohh god, ma tubelight and lonely...sayad tehi bhayera thaha napako hola...
thanks both Bhunte and maiyanani....
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| KaLaNkIsThAn |
Posted
on 16-Jul-03 08:54 PM
There is nothing wrong in living together.
If you can not live with a person you think you are going to live forever, there is always 'an easy way out'.
If things don't work out fine, you can always say 'okay, I am outta your life, you take care!'
If you are in Nepal and you are living together, you are at least helping society by giving them something to talk about. You know how our society loves gossips. You are helping people digest their breakfast lunch and dinner.
It is even better for the society if you break up! Best, if you break-up after you have a baby.
Better than divorce-sivorce nautanki!
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| south |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 04:47 AM
well maiya nani, its not so easy to answer your question. we are nepali and we have our own culture and tradition and religions. i do agree like after leaving home most of us feel lonely and want someone who can be good friend and who can take care and help us and talk to us when we feel alone. in this way most of the relationship grow specially outside out of home.
a lot of young nepali are leaving home for their further education and better future. but after leaving home they feel homesick, lonely and make new friend or try to be in touch with ole ones if they have already. later they stay together too. it is easy to know people when we stay with other person i mean in all way, like how is he/she character, day to day life and all. i would like to include one more thing here, like when i was talkign with my classmate about marriage, she told me like they live with thier bf or their choice for future husband for at least 6 months so they can know even more i mean about sexual relationship too but in our case it does nt work very well i guess. the girl i am talkign about is european. in our case, we have our own culture and values and tradition, so before staying together we need to think. we should be sure like he/she gonna be future partner, otherwise there might be big problem. well we know our society, most of the boys do nt like to marry a girl who has stayed with her bf and later broke up. even i dont want that. well so if the relation does nt work then what they shoudl do? well break up right? so what if hte second relationship does nt work either, should we go for third and fourth til we get perfect one? i know there are few nepali girs and boys are staying together here but i am not sure if they gona stay life long. its nt bad idea to stay with friends but only with bf/gf , we need to think. if we are mature enough then may be it works but if we are nt then it may or may nt work very well. but i do think they will know person whom they stayed together well. well jsut to know that person we dotn need to live together i guess, may be we can know much quicker if we live together but we can also know person if we are in contact with him/her for sometime.
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| Haribansa |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 07:32 AM
Dear MaiyaNani,
If you take my advice, I would recommend you not to even think about it. We nepali guys are very narrow minded when it comes to our personal lives. Having a male dominated culture, we nepali guys are used to take ourselves very clean nomatter what happens in life.I can have 5-6 living together GFriends but I still would like to choose to marry anyone I like. I would still want a pure , naive virgin woman to be my wife.
I am not saying that I am that kinda person, I may or maynot decide to do so, because of my moral and ethics. But this statement doesnot apply to everyone. 95% of Nepali guys who would want to live with you before marriage could be the ones "who are use and throw pple", meaning they want to have fun as long as they can with you and then not even think about u in future incase there is no fun. Or they donot care whatever happens. They are carefree people and I am 100% sure things won't work out with such kind of people as 95% of girls living together would want them to be serious about them. Are u ready for it? It is not easy to answer coz then you coulld be emotionally envolved with this guy, what if ur emotions are beyond your control? It might even result in a disasterious situation. I have seen many examples.
Secondly, It definitely affects your social reputation if u care about our society. I won't say you will not find another person incase this relationship doesnot work out, but u definitely won't have better choice. And you maynot even want any other person in your life if u are emotionally broken.
I have also seen that living in together gives more right to guys than girls. Guys go after girls till they get them and then rest of the lives girls go running arround after them, Coz then she already lost herself, HER VIRGINITY . Whatwill she have for that guy to follow her arround ?
So think about it 100 times before u move in.
If you want to be counted worthless later, then move in with this guy.
Otherwise, if you value yourself and want to live a regretless life.
" DONOT LIVEINTOGETHER!"
GET A COMMITMENT BEFORE U START!
|
| anamika1 |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 07:59 AM
Just wanted to comment on the postings from a Nepali Woman's perspective...... sad but enlightening. And then...nepalese men/boys wonder why we don't open up like other jaati ka keti haru. This is exactly why....we dont want our reputation at stake for being yourself. After all we have to live in this community...even if we dont coz of interracial marriages...our families have to suffer the badnaam. When is a woman going to be judged in the same scale as nepali men in terms of morality and ethics and not be judged by this double standard? We do have biological and emotional needs just like men do... just in case this thought had not dawned on anybody else yet!!!!
|
| Ruby |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 08:04 AM
I think its a great way of seeing what will be happening, and better yet, get out before its too late, without all the divorce mess. I dont think "95 percent " pf nepali men are narrow minded, in fact , times are chaning , and in the end its between you two only :)
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| mitra 2 |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 08:58 AM
Only one can made the decision. you are asking for an opinion in a public forum and that won't help you at all. if this question is for yourself, it seems you are indecisive. you are not ready. so, don't make a decision based on others views. you are the only one who could make right decision for you. life is uncertain and that is the beauty of it. if you know what would happen in the future, that life is not worth living. something not right for you may be perfectly right for me. so, look deep inside you and ask yourself what you want to do. make a decision and be happy. future will tell you whether you made a right decision or not. if it was right, good for you. if it was not, you gained a beautiful experience - which is also good.
value your being which is born free. don't be worried about the society that you live in. that limits yourself. life is unlimited and mysterious. life has far better value and meaning than what our parents, teachers, society want from us. live your life the way you like - freely, joyfully. Life is love and dont compromise it. don't miss the joy of life because of fears of so-called society. drop the fear and live dangerously. buddha says those who live their life dangerously can attain 'samadhi' the ultimate. or something like that. :)
if you love, you are one and there is no harm living together. if there is not, stay away. without love, marriage won't help either.
peace
|
| whine and chij |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 10:41 AM
maiyanani,
here's my take, based on experience. unless the couple has a supportive nuclear and extended family, or, lacking that, unless the couple comprises two independent individuals who don't always look to family/friends/relatives for approval and permission, then--generally speaking--it is probably not a good risk to take. this is especially true for the woman involved, for obvious reasons of chauvinism. however, i'm in favor of nepalis involved in long-term, monogamous relationships with foreigners living together prior to marrying. if one of those couples breaks up, the chances of an "honor killing" of the girl's reputation are probably less.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 10:49 AM
Wow! Lots of truth. It's sad but true how a girl's image is so fragile in our nepali society.It's amazing to see different view points from men who agree and disagree with the same topic.
I agree with some of the replies here- Not all men have good intention of marrying the girl they live with. I have a friend who went through that. It seems everyone thinks I am going to live together with my bf - hahaha. That's not possible I have family here.
Thanx for the advice though it does NOT apply to me :)
|
| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 11:19 AM
Maiyanani,
Living together...Hell Yeh!
Yo dui deen ko jindagi ma nobody should worry about kasley ke bhanchaa...live your life and do what you want to do and need to do...we dont live for others..and its pointless being scared of those kura katuwas....I seriously believe that nobody should live their life worrying about what other people think of them....live your life and be Happy!
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 11:51 AM
Bhedaji,
Ke have fun and let others have fun ho?? heheheheh
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| babaji |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 11:58 AM
Well well well...this is indeed a good topic for a discussion.
Looks like most of the reply is targeted towards girls/woman..what happens to them if the living together part doesn't work out after a while. The society or should i say 'nepali samaj' considers that a big no no for woman. They will be considered to be the bad. But do they do the same thing for the guys if that guy had other relationship that was bad as well. Looks like it is ok for the guys to have another relationship even though the previous one didn't work out.
So like bhenda2 said, live your life and do what you think is right for your relationship. Not what other people will think.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 17-Jul-03 01:45 PM
Hmmmm...Lots of feedback!
Babaji you made an interesting point.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 19-Jul-03 06:16 PM
wine and chej,
You think living with foreigners is a better option than a nepali?? How? I hate khaires!tiyo ganaune jaat.
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| (*)Y(*) |
Posted
on 19-Jul-03 06:44 PM
kahire haru ganaune jaat re??
kahire haru ko ke ganaucha, miayanani?
|
| Qallu |
Posted
on 19-Jul-03 07:32 PM
tyahi ta, ke ganaudo rahecha, suni halam na. bhana bhana maiyanani, timro experience pani suni halam.
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| k0201 |
Posted
on 19-Jul-03 07:38 PM
jub kisi ko kisi se pyaar hota hai...
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 10:44 AM
Get your minds out of the gutter guys! Sorry to disappoint you all but I meant in general ganaune jaat...nothing in particular! That's why they load themselves with aftershaves! heheheheehe
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| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 12:35 PM
Maiyanani
Nepalis are ganouney jat...with all the pyaz, lasun and ganouney masala we use...ohh boy I cant stay long in some people's apartments....even their clothes smell which is very emabaressing...
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 01:31 PM
Bhendaji... I agree with you 100%.Some nepalese house smell's like crazy. There's a nepali couple who invite me to dinner occasionally and Oh boy! each time I go there to eat..my clothes and even my hair smells of the masala and stuffiness.I have to take a shower immediately after I return from their place. Stinky!
But not all nepali smell.When I cook I leave ALL the windows of my house open along with the exhaust fan in the full swing. I love nepali food but I hate the smell of the masala after cooking.Anyways, I don't like eating Nepali food 24/7.So, it works out for me.
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| suva chintak |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 02:40 PM
Wondering,
maiyananni = maiya + nanni
nannimaiya = nanni + maiya
Any connections between the two? Just curious, nothing personal of course.
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| khimu |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 02:48 PM
me 2 i hate cooking NEPALI food, i used to but not any more smells whole house and makes messy karan i don't like dirty stove including SINK.
so my daily meal is SALAD and PASTA sometimes chicken and pork and if i go out CAFE, PIZZARIA and McDONALs and i love to go "OUTBACK" too.
but when i go my neighbors house i love to eat NEPALI food aru ko house ma NEPALI khana paye pachhi ta i don't care smell sismel, tara i hate to cook in my STOVE (KITCHEN)
ARU BHANDA PANI "CHHETTRI, BAHUN" ko ghar ganau chha yaar ghiu, nauni k k k k khanchhan ba
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 06:12 PM
Who's naani maiya suva chintak? Don't know!!
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 06:25 PM
Living together is the best thing. You will learn about each other and see if it would be wise to fall into any kind of commitment. Very good idea. Highly recommended Mayananni. Go for it. However, becareful , do not bring any life to the world before you get married. Also, Nepali people will back bite about you no matter what. When have they not back bite about you. So , what's the problem, who cares. live you life. if someone says nasty infront of you , smash that ugly face. If they back bite, let them and enjoy your life. Remember , only jelouse people back bite and for them to be jelouse you must have something that they don't. so take pride on it and live your life.
my best wishes.....
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| suva chintak |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 07:17 PM
maiyananni jyu,
Nannimaiya used to be the absolute heart-throb of Kathmandu valley for several years before 1990. She was heard cursing the 'bahdaliya murdars' around Ratna Park in the post 1990 period.
Hope this helped!
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 07:36 PM
Maiyanani:
Depending on who you are * doing the deed* for:
If you are Living together "for the society"---- Don't!!!!
If you are Marrying for your self.... DO!!!!
And the converse is also applicable!!!
:)
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 07:46 PM
for you = like you
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 07:46 PM
ha ha.. yo sitara ji kahilay pani sidha kura gardaina yar.. she always spinn my head. ha ha.. kasto bathee.. ani kata bata ko sitara ji.. i'm also looking for a smart woman for you to committ.. are you available, by chance? hope you won't take it was offense, it's an honest question :)
love,
Sankaa
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 07:56 PM
Sankaa ji:
Ma ja hajur aatti nai committed (in whatever I do ;)
But the question is:
Are you committable?
Am I committable?
Who do you/I have to convince.... (the society/ family/traditions...?) before the *commitment* is made?
;)
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| QaLLU |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 08:04 PM
Committed to an institution!?
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 08:08 PM
Define institution (your term)...
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 09:58 PM
yeah Sitara ji, I am very committable, i think. however, it would be little easier if you told me what kinda of committablity are you looking for. "Am I committable?"- ask yourself.
we don't have to convince anyone, you convience me and i'll convince you..
with love,
Sankaa
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 10:12 PM
oh m g sitara ji, just check out your pic.. ohh boy! you're beautiful.. really. well, since you're so beautiful, i don't know what to say, i htink i better go some and sleep. but yeah, if you're looking for a nice and honest guy, just a little down on financial side...
well, have a nice future..
Good keta
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 10:13 PM
a very good keta for you is here.. so think abou it hai ray k. hehe
byeee
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 10:34 PM
...... ha_ha_ha_Sankaa_ha_ha_ha ......
ghar bata laat marera nikalidiyo ki kaso ? living together ko sapana dekhdai chhau ki kaso?
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| le chef du nuit |
Posted
on 20-Jul-03 10:54 PM
why is it that nepali couples have a hard time breaking up even when both of them realize that the relationship has soured beyond repair?
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 07:16 AM
Sankaa ji:
Aba ma ke bhanum? GOOD MORNING! :)
First, thank you for your good wishes for my future; I wish the same to you. Surely, your "commitability" would make any lady fortunate to have you. As for the "down on the financial side", I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. It's not what you earn but what you do with your earnings that matters.
:)
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 07:40 AM
Le Chef:
Good question: Might it be possible that there is an assumption things WILL work out... and when they do not, it gets harder to come to terms with the reality?
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| Haribansa |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 08:13 AM
Sitara ji,
I have a question for you since u come with real good ones.
Whether a guy or girl whose relationship has broken beyond repair (as u had stated) Do you think getting a new partner would be the better solution always? If not
What is the guarantee that it will work the next time??
What is the good time and phase to breakup?
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| whine and chij |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 08:33 AM
who said anything about whites? i mentioned foreigners, generally (as you like to qualify), not all of whom are khaires, or whatever you so kindly said. thanks for showing everyone what a smelly, racist loser you are. i change my advice to you accordingly: it's better for a nepali woman to live with a nepali man before marrying him. that way, there's not only the possibility of the couple splitting up, there's also the added bonus of the honor killing of the woman's reputation! "wine and chej?"-->WTFYP??
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 08:41 AM
Haribansa ji:
My personal take on breakups.... comes with a whole package of questions not just one :)
Do I hurt the person more than I love him? ( and vice versa...)
Does my relaltionship give me more pain than joy? (VV)
Is "understanding" and "empathizing" a constant struggle for me and him?
Do I have to compromise my values and principles to compromise? (VV)
Given all that, why am I even in the relationship if both of us are getting so much heartache and misery?(VV)
Have I tried remedial methods within my abilities (remember it takes two... he may not be willing; remember I have no monopoly over his desire to leave )?
If I can sincerely, honestly answer "yes" to all of the above.... then, Yes... I'd rather be single than wish I were!
|
| suva chintak |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 10:26 AM
Sitara jyu,
Did some archival research and came to some tamrapatras that record Sajhapur's only celestial apparition during the dark ages. Made a fantastic reading...the heavenly sight extracted the most beautiful poetry even from those normally given to the drugery of prose.
My own humble thoughts at describing the steller being from my recent sighting are no match for the collective euphoria of the past. The only thing I would add from this century is this: If looks could kill, this would be our Women of Mass Destruction! With this WMD in our arsenal, Nepal could finally get the respect it deserves from the nations of the world.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 11:46 AM
oho! Suva ji:
Kasto utkhannan hajur, tamra patra, sajha patra, Gorkha patra n' all!!! Such words of flattery and back-handed compliments...labelling this poor cyber refugee a WMD! Now, I certainly feel my "nuking Bush" satires have labelled me a cyber terrorist! hyaaaa!!!
Aba hajurko pani tasbir heram-na, Oh Mr. Wit personified!
|
| suva chintak |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 02:28 PM
Ye hazur,
Had we not seen your protrait, we might have mustered some Gorkhali surayin to float our less-than-average looking visage into Sajhapure sky and face the music. But to do so after witnessing what in essence is the definitive definition of feminine beauty, it would not only be an utter monstrocity but also a shameless presumption on our part.
We gladly accept the "Mr. Wit Personified" decoration, not as a state we already achieved, but something we aspire to. Oh celestial one, you have proved that you are not only highly intelligent, wickedly witty, utterly modest, inspiringly beautiful, but also sensitively generous. In eminent company such as yours, we will strive to be worthy of this new title you have kindly bestowed upon us.
Humbly yours,
SC
|
| babaji |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 03:32 PM
Well well well Sitaraji...still spinning people's head with your tactfull and philosophical wisdom...cool cool...
btw..how is phucchi?? Must be big by now...
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 04:17 PM
Suva ji's royal "we" dictates a magnanimous and benevolent eye be cast upon this fallen "WMD". Beware, the Ides of March-ing into cyber bias....lest ye be cited for abetting and aiding a criminal's rise to notoriety!
Babaji:
Hajur ko pani photo heram na....do bless us phuccheys with your darshan!
:)
|
| suva chintak |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 04:41 PM
I don't know if Babaji or anyone else is going to feel like putting their pictures up in Sajhapur - Sitara and Ashu have set the bar too high. Now the average Joe and Plain Jane are going to feel so inadequate!!
Maybe Babaji will prove different...having renounced their jat, gotra and the mayamaya sansar, jogis perhaps are less self-conscious of public displays, and I don't just mean the nangha babas.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 04:44 PM
:(
|
| Bhunte |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 04:57 PM
Jaye Sambho Bhole Babaji LIVING TOGETHER at Bagmati riversideville......
posting this pic with the consent of Oohi Babaji.....in jest
|
| suva chintak |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 05:06 PM
Bhuntejyu
Aha, kasto gajab! Manle socheko matra ke thiya, tapka tipera laidinu bho Babaji ko chitra! Pashupati pugejasto lagyo hamlai ta.
Bom bhole Kailash pati
Gara hami sabko unnati !!
Naju chhodi yo desh kattai
Deu Maobadi lai asal mati !!
Jai Shambho!!
|
| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 07:34 PM
Bhunte ji that was a nice pic of babaji hahahhaa. I must say you are very creative.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 07:37 PM
Le Chef!
I think Nepali couples believe that marriage are for keeps and feel guilty when they break up. There are so many issues to think about before cutting the last thread..like moral, ehtical, societal,humanitarian,material I think.
People usually associate one man and one wife. I am sure some men feel lucky when they get more than one ;)
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 11:27 AM
Babaji:
Which of the two is you? I think I have echo-located you. :) How are you? Send me an email or I will hai?
Bhunteji:
Did you ask for Babaji's permission to post that pic? ;)
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 01:06 PM
Sitara ji,
Babaji's blessings are always with us.....So, his permission is implicit in his blessings...I m enlightened by babaji's blessing...
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| le chef du nuit |
Posted
on 23-Jul-03 01:24 AM
humanitarian issues?
whaa?
what does that have to do with anything?
and to tell you the truth, i was not even thinking of married couples....
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| SimpleGal |
Posted
on 23-Jul-03 03:15 AM
Maiya nani,
You've brought up a topic very pertinent to the shifting paradigms in a society (broadly defined) that is increasingly becoming globalized. LT as an ideal is an excellent opportunity for couples to get to know each other, the ins and outs of what a prospective marriage may entail and so forth. I emphasize the phrase "as an ideal," because undoubtedly there are cultural norms and values that dictate the feasibility of such an ideal. In the case of our culture, LT may be viewed differentially from multiple lenses. One, the generation of people which comprises your family or people YOU and YOUR GF/BF value in your life. Are they open to such a proposition? How much of a compromise is there between those you value and those who value you (on an interpersonal level)? Two, what are the values that both of you (the couple) and the ones you love value (on both intrapersonal and collective levels)? And finally, the nature of your relationship with person you are planning to LT with -- how confident are you in the other person is important. But equally and perhaps even more importantly you must be aware of your confidence in yourself. Are you strong enough to withstand the negativity that you may face? It is easy to get carried away in the sweep of globalization which has attractive promises. But how long will it last for You? On the flip side, blinded by the negativity that shackles you to norms you intrinsically abhor has its own repercussions. After all, we only live once and there are few opportunities to remedy the mistakes we make. So, we need to first evaluate our own (mis)conceptions before we adopt lifestyles regardless of whether they are dubbed western or otherwise.
In peace.
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| mountainmama |
Posted
on 23-Jul-03 07:29 AM
LT gives an opportunity to evaluate relationship in a day to day basis and its better to split than get a divorce or be miserable after finding out the unacceptable behaviors of your spouse when you have to practically share a roof. On the contrary, it also brings people closer and delivers certainty to the relationship. well, it all depends on who you are with and how well you understand each other. Risk is prevalant no matter what you do and statistics are also very dyanamic regarding relationship issues. Risk is higher if you are trying to LT with someone with conservative cultural values. We didn't have this choice in the past and we didn't know other options either. Now we have the option, paradigm shift is in this generation's hand.
just a note on khaire's being ganaune jaat. My experience is nepalese people have lower self hygine than americans and they are the ones who put loads of perfumes so that they don't have to take shower everyday (this is very specific and may not be applicable to everyone so please forgive me but this comes from my personal experiences). However, it just sounds unappropirate and rude to generalize the whole race as ganaune.
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| boke |
Posted
on 24-Jul-03 04:37 AM
gahiraai ma doobdai nadooba
doobi sakeko chau bhaney
moti natipi napharka
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 24-Jul-03 11:15 AM
Mountainmama........To each his own. I personally think they are ganune jaat.May be you don't - perfectly fine with that.
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| Himali_yatri |
Posted
on 24-Jul-03 05:05 PM
What is different between married couple and love couple? security?nothing exist as long as you don't trust each other. so my opinion about marriage is nothing more than a ritual things.To be honest I won't get marreid if don't trust her but once we trust each other then there is no need to get married. So as long as you respect and trust each other you are entitled to do anything between you two, that should not be anyone's business. But one should be careful specially when it comes in case of Nepalese soceityl, our soceity is very sensitive. After staying six years together, when my freind went back to Nepal decided not to get married with the girl he was living for last six years.Reason was very simple," I was with her for six years yaar, now its time I should try new one. Though I am not virgin I can have little feeling of honeymoon if Iam with new girl". I felt sorry for the girl. Whenever we organised freinds get together she never came. She is the one who used to organise every get together events in past.
Here is another example another two freinds of mine, basic story is same, but now the reason they couldn't get marreid was cast.She was Newar and he was Bahun, by some reason her parents rejected him. And she didn't have gut to go against her parents. My poor freinds still in love with her, every time we suggest him to get another girl, he says he just can't forget six years with her.
I hate those kids, who uses the opportunity of being abraod as chance to be do something they won't be allowed back in home with family and when they are back in home, they pretend as if nothing happened abraod. If you are in love, you are entitled to be together whether you are married or not but you should have the gut to tell you parents honestly. Otherway around, you can still live together without emotional feedback but one should be honest with each other, clear understanding that whatever happening, its here not there when we go to our real life in society. If you pretend of being in love when you are living together but then all of sudden change you face when you are back to tradiational society, you are really hurting other partner.
All my dear enjoy your life, its yours, do as you wish.But be honest with yourself, don't hurt other.You have right to be do anything that makes you happy but without hurting other.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 24-Jul-03 07:23 PM
H_Yatriji,
Great point! But your friend who did not marry this girl must be a jerk! What an a#s!! Why does society pin point only at women and not men?? It's very unfair. Isin't it the 21st century and men and women are supposed to be EQUAL??
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 24-Jul-03 07:23 PM
H_Yatriji,
Great point! But your friend who did not marry this girl must be a jerk! What an ass!! Why does society pin point only at women and not men?? It's very unfair. Isin't it the 21st century and men and women are supposed to be EQUAL??
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 28-Jul-03 02:27 PM
Yatriji!
I think there is a huge difference between a married couple and a love couple. Why do you think they are the same ha?
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| lonely |
Posted
on 28-Jul-03 02:46 PM
Maiyanani and H-yati..
to me there is a pacific ocean between these two relations: love maybe a commintment and /or promise between two different individuals to love together in future and and have a common path But marraige actually leads you to share and start a new life together...This is my opinion and it doesnot have to true for you.
But to me, LT if you not sure of marrying one another would be very strange and odd one, and I would not go for that, maybe i ma too conservataive in this matter.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 28-Jul-03 03:15 PM
Lonelyji:
How do you he's the one for me bhanera!! Nobody can predict the future haina ra.Some guys can be very decieving.They say something and do something. Like for example he may make promises and really be sincere and then they live together but down the road things may not work out for them perfectly and may end of breaking their relationship.So, where's the promises??
So, I like your conservativeness. It means "I am not sure" kind of thing haina ;)
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 28-Jul-03 03:28 PM
After all why one needs to live together? for sharing rentals and utilities? to avoid the costs of divorce and liabilities after it? one can still know each other without LT. By deciding for LT may imply both the parties are still looking for better opportunities. So both parties have to accept the risk factors there. Well there one of them may be trusting more than other, but sometime it may not work. Whenever possible marriage is a best way to go without any hiss and fiss....
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| lonely |
Posted
on 28-Jul-03 06:58 PM
maiyanani ji:
Thats the main point behind the logic..if you think he can deceive you then he will (Murphy's Law..if anything can go wrong then it will)..So plan accordingly. I don't think its bad just for the girl, but same with the boy as well. Its alwasy sad to eba loser, no matter what.
Tyo Cast ko kura and stuff kura garne le ni, pahilai sochnu parchha ni, about all the consequences than anything else....pachi la..I can't bhanna bhayena ni
maiyanani, are you seroisuly looking for a LT ho???
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| Himali_yatri |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 04:38 AM
Well Maiyanani
Tell me whats the different?You can't leave your partner after marriage or he won't be allowed to leave? Or you will registered legally in registration office as marrital couple? Or if your partner leave you can claim benefit?
Marriage is nothing more than a ritual think we develop during our cultural evolution. As I have said before, Why should I marry her if I don't trust her and once I turst her what is neccessary to get marreid. I have faith on my soul and control over my mind. Of course it is for me. But if you are not sure for your choice and destiny, nothing can stop you in messing things, not even law, not even society. Tell me where does marriage exceed over love? Love is above all the rules and regulation,it is above law. So with my due respect to my love, I dont' want to insult it by putting into social boundaries of so called MARRIAGE. A matured man and matured women, in love, trust each other and promise to give company forever, what do you think it is less than marriage?Where do you think marriage is more than love?
Best regards
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| vivid |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 05:12 AM
Ahem! Ahem!
:)
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 06:46 AM
Whatever the relationship--- marriage or living together, the emotional content is the same.
In marriage you deal with society AFTER the divorce; in living together, you deal with the society BEFORE the breakup. A divorce has greater financial liabilities and if children are involved... bigger implications! But, can be true in the case of living together too.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 05:49 PM
Lonelyji:
LOL I am NOT looking for LT. I just brought a good topic for discussion as most Nepalese choose to LT. And I wanted to see what are people's views, beliefs and suggestions about LT, especially being Nepali.
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| maiyanaani |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 05:57 PM
Himali_yatriji:
I think there is a vast vast difference between living together and a marriage. Living together seems convinent, fun and uncomplicated but at the same time it involves one's character, societal norms and yes less emotional hassle. But marraige is a bond between 2 people and it invloves a lot more than just security and trust. It's the ultimate thing everyone aims for.Usually divorce is the last option in a marriage but in LT if it does not work out then change partners. Divorce has a social stigma attached to it but atleast he/she was married remember. Both have serious consequences but a marriage has more important value to oneself, society and family.
Love is the common factor both in LT and in marraige(not all nepali marriages has this though)..then comes trust,understanding, compromise etc.
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| caliguy1 |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 06:23 PM
I think living together is better than marriage. Marriage brings commitment, relation, responsibility, trouble, hassles, and etc... Living together with out getting married doesnt have to deal with none of the above.. and about social norms, culture, and other things all made by human. It doesnt take much time to solve these problems comparing to the problems that comes after marriage. So either live together with out getting married or stay single if you wana have fun in life. After marriage roaming days are over :-)
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 06:27 PM
caliguy1,
You may have other better option as well. it reminds me someone telling "why not just buy milk from the market instead of rearing cows/buffalows for it"!! How does it sound?...in jest
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| lonely |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 06:46 PM
Bhunte dai, how long will you buy the milk from the market??? won't that be too much after some time?? I have never thought of that, so I am unaware of it, and was curious to know from an experienced one.
Caliguy1, ke ho moj masti garne tara reesponsibilty naline, ka batho ho...Will you be able to find a LT partner of that kind with nepali girls,I doubt!! Mmaybe plenty of US girls may work out for this relationship. I am not for a short term relationship and neither for LT if you both are not commited and equally responsible.
Ki kaso maiyanani, do you agree with me??
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| caliguy1 |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 08:30 PM
Bhunte...
its easier to buy milk from market.. pastorized and with extra vitamins than drinking whole milk from rearing cows/buffalows . Too much vitamins and minarals are not good for body all the time. and lonely your comment is right.. I dont think there will be any nepali gal who wants to go long term with out getting married. I wonder why they dont wana do that. why they like to cook for their husband , clean his dishes, wash his clothes rest of her life? Again then baby and other stuff . Isnt is easier for them to live together rather than get married and stuck with some guy who she doesnt like after some time?
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 08:57 PM
Lonely/Caliguy1:
Actually I wont be able to answer your questions, as I have no experience buying milk from market at all. But, as i said earlier I was just recalling my past where some of my collegue asked a little bit agiated teacher "Sir le madam kahile lyaune" and the Sir used to reply "bajar ma dudh kinera piuna paiyekai chha, kina po bhaisi palnu paryo ra". I was just wondering if the sayings suits to some of u folks who even dont want to LT...enjoy vitamin yukta milk...eheheh
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