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| Arnico |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 11:51 AM
Here's an article from BBC that is an especially relevant warning to married folks who spend too much time chatting online...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/3083173.stm
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| Arnico |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 11:52 AM
THE TEXT OF THE ARTICLE:
Cyber sex lures love cheats
Growing numbers of married people are turning to internet chat rooms for sexual thrills, a US study has found.
Can marriage vows survive in the internet age?
Most spouses who got involved with the opposite sex over the internet did not think they were doing anything wrong, said the report by a University of Florida researcher.
But partners felt betrayed by the virtual infidelity, even though in most cases no physical contact had taken place.
"The internet will soon become the most common form of infidelity, if it isn't already," said Beatriz Mileham, from the University of Florida, who carried out the new study.
"Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling.
"With cyber sex, there is no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online liaison may even take place in the same room with one's spouse."
Sexual thrills
Chat rooms are the fastest rising cause of relationship breakdowns, according to counselling groups in the US.
The problem would get worse as the number of people online continued to rise, said Ms Mileham.
For the study, the researcher interviewed men and women who used chat rooms specifically aimed at married couples.
She found that most people said they loved their partner. But the anonymity of the net provided an outlet for those seeking an erotic encounter.
"All I have to do is turn on my computer and I have thousands of women to choose from," said one of the men questioned for the study. "It can't get any easier than that."
Most people ventured into the chat rooms because of boredom, a partner's lack of sexual interest, or a desire for variety and fun.
"The number one complaint from men was lack of sex in the marriage," said Ms Mileham. "Many of them said their wife was so involved in child-rearing that she wasn't interested in having sex."
From virtual to real
The study found that what often started out as just friendly chat turned into something much more serious.
Almost a third of people taking part in the study went on to meet the person with whom they had made contact.
All but two ended up having a real-life affair. In one case, a man had 13 affairs with women he had met over the internet.
"We are hearing from therapists around the country reporting online sexual activity to be a major cause of marital problems," said Al Cooper, author of the book, Sex And The Internet: A Guidebook For Clinicians.
"We need to better understand the contributing factors if we are going to be able to warn people about the slippery slope that starts with online flirting and too often ends in divorce."
For the study, Ms Mileham interviewed with 76 men and 10 women, aged between 25 and 66, who used Yahoo's Married And Flirting or Microsoft's Married But Flirting internet chat rooms.
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| KaLaNkIsThAn |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 12:27 PM
Arnico hero bro!!
To me, this article is like 'kano goru lai aushi na purne', since I am single.
To you, it obviously inflicted a wound.
watch-out watch-out dude!!
Don't lose the one who loves you the most for someone who seems like an angel in the chatroom, but doesn't even worth a penny in reality!!
(okay, I am jaaniskaar! eh)
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| Arnico |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 12:58 PM
Well Kalanki, you've got a point. It even tells you what chatrooms to go searching in.
But I DID mean to warn fellow married chatters about the slippery slope...before any of us find ourselves getting carried away too far, doing things that we later regret.
(Guna ji's story come's to mind).
No, it did not inflict a wound on me... just a warning to keep my eyes wider open and to be more careful about a perhaps not very visible line between making friends and going too far. By the way, I have found online chatting, especially in sajha, to be a very good way of building friendships with people I would not get to meet regularly due to geographical separation. It's a good way to socialize... as long as one does not socialize all day or night to the neglect of wife and work...
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| (*)Y(*) |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 01:01 PM
>>as long as one does not socialize all day or night to the neglect of wife and work...
That's exactly what's been impossible for me!
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 21-Jul-03 06:45 PM
I think this article applies to anyone in an " emotionally committed" relationship not necessarily marriage.
Unfortunately, I know a girl who broke off her engagement because she found that her fiance was chatting up gals, indulging in sexual banter and erotica. Also, another couple I know divorced for the same reasons. Sadly, the marriage was ruined for temporary thrills. On the other hand, there are happily married couples too who met through chat; ironically, they have an unspoken rule not ito indulge in chat with strangers.
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| Suna |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 05:38 AM
Sitara
Don't you think that a marriage/relationship that breaks up because of chat sessions and indulgence in cyber sexual banter may not have had a very good base after all? And what good is a marriage/relationship if it does not have a strong foundation that cannot withstand trivial matters?
Anybody who is in a relationship and still needs to frequent chat rooms for thrills that goes beyond mere conversation or friendship should take a step back and look into their relationships. There may be more than meets the eye!
:)
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 06:44 AM
Suna,
I absolutely agree with you. There is a certain degree of honesty and integrity involved in any relationship. Any breach of trust breeds insecurity and heartache. Unfortunately, according to recent studies into chat-culture do show a rise in break ups and divorces. Some of my colleagues who are family and marriage therapists are appalled at the devastation chatting has caused. But then there are those who do get addicted to chat and there are many who don't. Also, a matter of tolerance, I suppose. How many would tolerate their significant other chatting up others of the opposite sex (sexually or otherwise...), day in and day out? The appropriateness of the nature of conversation is for the couple to decide, if there is an agreement... the relationship stands and if not, there will definitely be disharmony leading to breakups.
Hey enjoying the weather????
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| MunnaMobile |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 07:47 AM
Hi! Suna..Long time No C... still honey mooning?..hehehe
I agree with you on the intregrety of a relationship, Love, n understanding between two comitted human beings within the Institution of Marriage. Yes! if a realtion has a strong foundation, then it should not breakup just becoz one is chatting with an unknown person over a certain period of time. Well, If you don't hv commitment and responsibility then I think there are too many other ways to break a marriage, rather than by chatting.
But hey! where I dont agree with you is that, chatting is not neccesarily seeking cheap thrills on a day to day basis. There may be a few exceptions, but I honestly believe that majority of us come to the chatroom to cyber socialize (if you will), interact, exchange our ideas and keep in touch wiith our long lost frenz.
Sitara..marriages are no longer made in heaven n tailor made by our parents. Any breach of trust n commitments in a relationship are definately individual shortcomings rather than chatting hazzards.
BTW..The weather is too hot here..hehehehe n can I ask you something?..Why is Bush poking his red nose in Africa..? I thought he had enough in da Middle East.
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| Suna |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 08:46 AM
Munnaaaaa
gosh! it has been long huh!
"needs to frequent chat rooms for thrills that goes beyond mere conversation or friendship "
Selective reading? Ki the thrill of seeing me post again sent you in a frenzy and you missed certain portions? :) wishful thinking huh??
I said..that goes BEYOND mere conversation and friendship ni.
Anta aru k cha ni? ma ta chasma layera photo herna parkheyko parkheykai bhaye ta!
:)
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| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 08:54 AM
I would be really unhappy if I come to know that my partner is chatting...people may call me narrow minded but I just dont see the need to chat with strangers..my partner knows about everything I do...even our email addresses are open to each other...
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| khimu |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 10:16 AM
good for me that i don't chatt 2 much tyo pani ma single chhu,
Totaly right, that chating in internet and playing game is totaly time chor so stay away guys. Time ko mahatwa bujha, wake up!
I know feels good chating with others i didn't say, that i never did chatt, i used to hai whole night talking with girls "you know me dirty bastard if i am talking with girl, i talk only sex and girls like that way 2" Now i relized that chating with others is no good for this growing tree (life).
Since I start liking classic "ROCK" & somekind "POP" my mind changed totaly apposit. You know before i was like i was from "BROOKLYN" i was totaly fu*ked up
but still
nani ma lageko bani kaha janchha ra bhannya !
haina ta
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| (*)Y(*) |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 10:55 AM
janme dekhi nai chat gardai aaisya, khimu dai tapai ?
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| MunnaMobile |
Posted
on 22-Jul-03 09:48 PM
Suna..Thanks I stand corrected..hehehe
Indeed the very sight of seeing you post sent me in a blue streak Frenzy:) n I completely 4got to read between da lines.
Nonetheless..does.."needs to frequent chat rooms for thrills that goes beyond mere conversation or friendship " mean cyber sex alone? If so, then I stand double corrected.
Tyo photo herna chai chasma hoina...doorpin leeayra basa, karan m still not done.hehehe
Good to see you.
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