| Username |
Post |
| Deep |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 09:25 AM
What did I lose?
It must have been around 8 PM. It was still raining and the roads were deserted. Few motor vehicles were occasionally plying through the wet roads. I got up and tried to walk. I was in immense pain. Under that Maghe jhari, my physical pain seemed and felt dominant over emotional ones but I swear the emotional ones were more painful. My heart is still bruised and a chunk that I lost that day has made my heart a damaged and an incomplete one. Forever. Under every lightening, I clearly saw Uday leading the assault on me with his buddies. Uday was a friend of mine. Was he not?
I slowly walked northbound seeing a dimly lit shop hoping to buy few tapes-band-aids- or bandage to stop bleeding. I passed Jayabageswori temple on my left and stone paved stairs that led to Pashupati temple on the right-across the street. A young girl in her late teens was in the shop by herself. Not sure why but I was expecting to draw a few, sympathetic or empathetic, expressions (verbal or otherwise) from people on at least those priceless blood drops constantly dripping, if not on me. That girl in the shop, in no time, disappointed me. I saw an expression alright but was of fear and disgust, perhaps.
What did I do to deserve this? I was soaked in blood and the pouring raindrops were poorly failing on their attempts to wash me off. I could barely walk. I felt like I was freezing inside and out. Since that tiny shop didn't have any bandage and the tapes that I purchased with wet notes were not effective enough in holding the blood from streaming out, I was alone and helpless there unless I believed in fate.
I was blank not just empty. I couldn't think anything straight. Once I reached Mitra park, I turned left, passed that firewood depot and paused once I reached Lampokhari. Should I turn left and go through Sifal ko oralo-kalo pool, and turn right right at the base of sano gaucharko ukalo or should I make right and head down after chabel Ganesh? I stood there with the split heart for few seconds then turned right. I wanted to avoid people's questioning eyes. Even when I passed that masan where Newar people brought their dead ones, I was not scared that night. It was alredy 9 PM but felt no earlier than midnight around dhobikhola banks. I didn't even bother to see how deep the flooding dhobikhola was. I just dragged myself in.
I got home. Sneaked into my room. There I saw how badly was I hurt with visible wounds. My whole body was almost numb. I just crashed in my bed and just then as I was staring at the ceiling, the phone rang. Without thinking much I picked up but then as I was about to hang up without listening the other party, I heard someone speaking on the other side. "Hello" I said in my collapsing voice. "I love you", she said in her sinking yet marring voice. I was losing all my senses completely damaged by pains in anger and confusion. She, then, even dared asking, "are you ok?"
"Uday knows", then I hung up.
****** ****** ******* *****
Uday died in a fatal motorcycle accident yesterday, my cousin casually told me when I called him this morning.
Now just at her young and blooming age of 27, she became a widow with a two-month-old daughter. I just feel like crying with her.
What did I lose?
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| czar |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 11:19 AM
Painful yet poignant, superb !
|
| vibrant_soul |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 05:31 PM
one of deep's finest!
poignant indeed
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| Echoes |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 05:36 PM
Powerful.
|
| SITARA |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 05:56 PM
Deep ji:
Read and re-read it!!! Still have not dared to comment upon it. Your writing and the story evokes strong emotions that leave me wordless, speechless and overwhelmed!
Life Happens!
|
| GurL_Interrupted |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 06:04 PM
Wow!! Truely deep. A very strrrong piece! Do write another piece, when you will have a hint of what did u lose?!
I am sitting here and thinking what did he lose? *Thinking out Loud* >>> If he had loved her genuinely, he had lost her when she had become uday's? He loved her so much even now, so her pains and misfortunes were his also :-/! Hm...all I can sense is his deep genuine love towards her!...but why didn't he speak longer with her when she called him? Perhaps, she had called him because she knew he would be there for her when she was going through the storm? But he managed to spare only few words 4 her? I am sure her heart was bleeding more than his :-/?! Too many questions hm...!
Newayz deep, keep up ur creative side! Loved it!
|
| phateko_kattu |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 06:45 PM
"Without question,This is Deep's best.A Glorious piece of art............."
A moving tapestry of familial love and redemption,' What Did I Lose 'transported me into Deep's fictional world and ,like the best fiction ,helped illuminate the corners of my heart.[It] dared me not to cry and shout upon recognizing this glittering portrayal of Kathmandu life.'
- PK, The washington Post
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| ruck |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 07:33 PM
Painful ............
:-((
|
| SimpleGal |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 01:27 AM
Didn't understand at first reading. Read again. And now I feel this sense of being overwhelmed--by what I do not know. But its overbearing weight is immense....Are these tears that I feel filling my eyes?
|
| phateko_kattu |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 01:53 AM
no those are ashu ka thopas .[gohi ko ashu]
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| OU812 |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 01:54 AM
Cut runs Deep. Bummer!!!!
|
| Bhunte |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 02:06 AM
hey folks,
Wait wait....so udays wife was in love with Deep. Deep had gang fight with Udaya and company on that Maghe jhari night, and he was panicking of some kind of gang punches ...and just now Udaya is deceased, and Deep didnt loose any but probably got back her gf?
sorry if wrong interpretation...
|
| Bhunte |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 02:10 AM
her=his
|
| vivid |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 02:25 AM
Damn! motorbikes, I hate them. Lost too many friends to it.
Deep ji,
I don't know what you lose but am sure, you still have a heart to grieve along with her in her sorrows. That matters the most.
Nicely written!
|
| Dwi |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 04:30 AM
What did I lose?
Well, atleast I didn't gain anything. She was mine and my arch enemy, Uday (who I thought was a friend of mine), took her from me. Now, I know that he is gone, but should I rejoice? I can't. How can I even think of doing that for an old 'friend' of mine and for a girl whom I once cared, and whose future is flushed in the sink of misfortune.
I certanily want to cry with her. I hope tears will wash out my confusion. I hope they will channel my sorrow, ascertaining in a pronounced manner that I, indeed, Lost something.
Uday, may your sould rest in peace.
How accurate is that Deep?
Definately a classic. I had told you that there is a slight change in your style of writing since your last few ones and that for goodness. Thanks for not uncovering all the facts and also not making it too much 'hidden.'
I like the style of presentation, as well as the content. Love to read more.
|
| Deep |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 10:50 AM
Thanks for the comments.
Utheka kehi Jigyasaharu lai ma feri aanechhu sambodhan garna.
|
| oys_chill |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 11:58 AM
Have to agree with other sajhaites....certainly one of deep's finest and the most poignant one! So much depth yet very terse and precise to expose the wound that keeps haunting us all in those nightless wonders of stormy nights :(
I have to agree with vivid on motorcycle accidents too. have lost a few myself on those treacherous road with reckless driving!
|
| Haribansa |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 02:35 PM
Deep, Is this your own story??? You still care and love her the same just like everyone else had said. We are all human and there is nothing wrong with that.
You had lost her one day and now she lost Uday! Life goes on. It is not your justice, it is the justice of GOD. We can forgive each other but God decides who gets what. And that is the way life is!
You are still in love with her. You have certainly forgiven her with the past years Eventhough her betrayal probably had given you unbearable pain at the time. As you have been thru the pain of loosing someone. You are grieving because - now she will know "How painful it is to loose someone"
My three words to your story Deep: Your story is simple, very pratical and PAINFUL.
|
| sparsha |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 09:33 PM
Betryal is more effective than love.
|
| kalankisthan |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 10:13 PM
Deep Bro,
Can I borrow your dictionary? I am running out of words -- hazur ko taarif ma!!
If the story was real, I am sorry about that...!!
hoina bhane,
Oho, la la cha cha! ;)
|
| komal the soft one |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 01:24 AM
Deep ji............
Is it a real accident?Well if it is then don;t cry or some thing else...............Cuz this is the rule.........KOHI JANMINCHA VANE USKO MRITTU ABASYEAH HUNCHA........
Its just chito ra dhilo matra ho.............May his soul rest in peace.....He might be looking u from the heaven.This is life..Some time happiness then some time sorrow.........These way life goes on.Hamilai KATI MAYA GARNE BABU,MAMOO LE TA CHODERA JANU HUNCHA................Vane ?
At the end i think u lost your fren.Thats it.Please don;t worry.This is the rule which we can' change it.JANMANU VANEKO NAI MARNU KO LAGI HO. So just sit back and relax...............
Komal
|
| Deep |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 06:38 AM
czar Posted on 07-29-03 11:19 AM Reply | Notify Admin
Painful yet poignant, superb !
** Czar, I have always enjoyed reading you. Your words mean a lot to me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
vibrant_soul Posted on 07-29-03 5:31 PM Reply | Notify Admin
one of deep's finest!
poignant indeed
** I am not so sure if it is one of the finests but your words have certainly
encouraged me, vibrant soul.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Echoes Posted on 07-29-03 5:36 PM Reply | Notify Admin
Powerful.
**Echoes, Powerful? May be the content/incident. The presentation is weak, I know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SITARA Posted on 07-29-03 5:56 PM Reply | Notify Admin
Deep ji:
Read and re-read it!!! Still have not dared to comment upon it. Your writing and the story
evokes strong emotions that leave me wordless, speechless and overwhelmed!
Life Happens!
**
**Sitara ji, Yes life happens. But when it wrenches a soft and loving heart, it hurts..real bad.
I am learning from you. So, please don't make me go wild with more encouragement than I can handle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GurL_Interrupted Posted on 07-29-03 6:04 PM Reply | Notify Admin
ow!! Truely deep. A very strrrong piece! Do write another piece, when you will have a hint
of what did u lose?!
I am sitting here and thinking what did he lose? *Thinking out Loud* >>> If he had loved her
genuinely, he had lost her when she had become uday's? He loved her so much even now, so her
pains and misfortunes were his also :-/! Hm...all I can sense is his deep genuine love
towards her!...but why didn't he speak longer with her when she called him? Perhaps, she had
called him because she knew he would be there for her when she was going through the storm?
But he managed to spare only few words 4 her? I am sure her heart was bleeding more than
his :-/?! Too many questions hm...!
Newayz deep, keep up ur creative side! Loved it!
** GI, there is nothing to hint (please read DWI's comment below, if you care). There were
three parties directly involved in the incident.
All are hurt. Who betrayed whom is a subjective judgment. Thanks for reading. kyaset dinchhu
bhanya khai ta?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
phateko_kattu Posted on 07-29-03 6:45 PM Reply | Notify Admin
"Without question,This is Deep's best.A Glorious piece of art............."
A moving tapestry of familial love and redemption,' What Did I Lose 'transported me into
Deep's fictional world and ,like
the best fiction ,helped illuminate the corners of my heart.[It] dared me not to cry and
shout upon recognizing this glittering portrayal of Kathmandu life.'
- PK, The washington Post
** PK, Thanks. Chot pani ghachchikai khayon'ta deep le.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ruck Posted on 07-29-03 7:33 PM Reply | Notify Admin
Painful ............
:-((
** Ruck, Painful, indeed. I once again would like to take an opportunity to wish you a happy family.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SimpleGal Posted on 07-30-03 1:27 AM Reply | Notify Admin
Didn't understand at first reading. Read again. And now I feel this sense of being overwhelmed--by
what I do not know. But its overbearing weight is immense....Are these tears that I feel
filling my eyes?
** Simpy hazur, I also couldn't understand what went wrong in all those years. And I still am confused.
Thank you for your kind words. I am overwhelmed by your expression.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
phateko_kattu Posted on 07-30-03 1:53 AM Reply | Notify Admin
To those are ashu ka thopas .[gohi ko ashu]
**PK, gohi ko ashu? Is gohi getting married with ashu? does ashu also knows this? just kidding.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
| Deep |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 06:38 AM
OU812 Posted on 07-30-03 1:54 AM Reply | Notify Admin
Cut runs Deep. Bummer!!!!
** Ou812, it sure does.Bummer 2. :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhunte Posted on 07-30-03 2:06 AM Reply | Notify Admin
Hey folks,
Wait wait....so udays wife was in love with Deep. Deep had gang fight with Udaya and company
on that Maghe jhari night, and he was panicking of some kind of gang punches ...and just now
Udaya is deceased, and Deep didnt loose any but probably got back her gf?
sorry if wrong interpretation...
** Bhunte, I am afraid your interpretation is off the mark. Deep never loved Uday's wife. Hami
arka swasni love garera hinne khalko haina ke!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhunte Posted on 07-30-03 2:10 AM Reply | Notify Admin
Her=his
** This is quite a harmony provoking statement you made here, Bhunte. Her = His. Does this
really work?
:)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
vivid Posted on 07-30-03 2:25 AM Reply | Notify Admin
amn! motorbikes, I hate them. Lost too many friends to it.
Deep ji,
I don't know what you lose but am sure, you still have a heart to grieve along with her in
her sorrows. That matters the most.
Nicely written!
Vivid, If you love someone with all your heart, that someone's pain hurts you more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dwi Posted on 07-30-03 4:30 AM Reply | Notify Admin
What did I lose?
Well, atleast I didn't gain anything. She was mine and my arch enemy, Uday (who I thought
was a friend of mine), took her from me. Now, I know that he is gone, but should I rejoice? I can't.
How can I even think of doing that for an old 'friend' of mine and for a girl whom I once
cared, and whose future is flushed in the sink of misfortune.
I certanily want to cry with her. I hope tears will wash out my confusion. I hope they will
channel my sorrow, ascertaining in a pronounced manner that I, indeed, Lost something.
Uday, may your sould rest in peace.
How accurate is that Deep?
Definately a classic. I had told you that there is a slight change in your style of writing
since your last few ones and that for goodness. Thanks for not uncovering all the facts and
also not making it too much 'hidden.'
I like the style of presentation, as well as the content. Love to read more.
**DWI, you are pretty much right. you are the master, what can I say?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deep Posted on 07-30-03 10:50 AM Reply | Notify Admin
hanks for the comments.
Utheka kehi Jigyasaharu lai ma feri aanechhu sambodhan garna.
"Aauchu" bhanya thiye. Ani, here I am.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
oys_chill Posted on 07-30-03 11:58 AM Reply | Notify Admin
ave to agree with other sajhaites....certainly one of deep's finest and the most poignant
one! So much depth yet very terse and precise to expose the wound that keeps haunting us all
in those nightless wonders of stormy nights :(
I have to agree with vivid on motorcycle accidents too. have lost a few myself on those
treacherous road with reckless driving!
**Oys, loss is a victory too, at times. Think about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Haribansa Posted on 07-30-03 2:35 PM Reply | Notify Admin
Deep, Is this your own story??? You still care and love her the same just like everyone else
had said. We are all human and there is nothing wrong with that.
You had lost her one day and now she lost Uday! Life goes on. It is not your justice, it is
the justice of GOD. We can forgive each other but God decides who gets what. And that is
the way life is!
You are still in love with her. You have certainly forgiven her with the past years
Eventhough her betrayal probably had given you unbearable pain at the time. As you have been
thru the pain of loosing someone. You are grieving because - now she will know "How painful
it is to loose someone"
My three words to your story Deep: Your story is simple, very pratical and PAINFUL.
**Haribansa, the entire story is not just an imagination. I don't have the jurisdiction or
authority to forgive her. Thanks for reading and commenting. I am encouraged.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sparsha Posted on 07-30-03 9:33 PM Reply | Notify Admin
Betryal is more effective than love.
Certainly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
kalankisthan Posted on 07-30-03 10:13 PM Reply | Notify Admin
eep Bro,
Can I borrow your dictionary? I am running out of words -- hazur ko taarif ma!!
If the story was real, I am sorry about that...!!
hoina bhane,
Oho, la la cha cha! ;)
Kalaki, asti lagekai diksnari firta garya chhaina---behcera sauni ko chori lai icecream khwayo re
bhanne sunchhu --ajha feri arko pani diksnari chaiyo rey? Thanks for the comment, bro.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
komal the soft one Posted on 07-31-03 1:24 AM Reply | Notify Admin
Deep ji............
Is it a real accident?Well if it is then don;t cry or some thing else...............Cuz this
is the rule.........KOHI JANMINCHA VANE USKO MRITTU ABASYEAH HUNCHA........
Its just chito ra dhilo matra ho.............May his soul rest in peace.....He might be
looking u from the heaven.This is life..Some time happiness then some time sorrow.........
These way life goes on.Hamilai KATI MAYA GARNE BABU,MAMOO LE TA CHODERA JANU HUNCHA................Vane ?
At the end i think u lost your fren.Thats it.Please don;t worry.This is the rule which we
can' change it.JANMANU VANEKO NAI MARNU KO LAGI HO. So just sit back and relax...............
Komal
**Komal ji,
Worry does not need my permission to rule. I am a victim of my emotions.
Thanks for your kind words.
Take care all.
|
| Bhunte |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 08:36 AM
Deep ji,
maile teso bhanya hoina. Ex gf ho ki bhanera bhanya....hoina bhane bhai halyo ni ta...
|
| Deep |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 10:10 AM
Bhunte ji,
Please don't feel bad. I did understand what you meant.
"Hami arka swasni love garera hinne khalko haina ke! " I wrote this in playful mood.
Sires li liyidya ho ki ke ho? bhaye na ni!
Risani bhako bhe maf pau, hai?----hai bhanya?
|
| Bhunte |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 11:46 AM
Deep,
ye ye la la maile balla bujhe....ma testo risaune jat ko manchhe hoina ni hajur...my sympathy goes to the gal and her daughter....
|
| Bond-007 |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 11:54 AM
Deep Ji,
A master piece! Read it twice, might read again!!
(I wonder if Bollywood producers will make a movie with Shah Ruk Khan in the lead role, since, he is always in love with some one elses wife) :)
|
| Nepe |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 04:07 PM
Padheko ta alli pahile nai ho. Lekhna chaahi ahile mauka milyo.
As always, Deep has brought a touching story. One more attestation to Deep's matchless ability of story-telling. The characteristics of Deep's stories is that the stories themselves are not extra-ordinary, they are regular stories, they are mundane stories, they are stories we already have heard, seen , experienced and forgotten. It is the magic of Deep's story-telling they suddenly become special to us one more time. What is that magic Deep puts in them ? It's nothing. Yes, it's nothing. He puts in them nothing, he does not put any additives of interpretation in them. He does not add any preservative of judgement and preaching in them. They are like those small streams formed immediately after the snow of the Himalaya melts. They are not those water collected from somewhere else, distilled, added minerals, bottled and marketed with a pretending lebel. In Deep's stories, you taste the real thing. That's the magic Deep has mastered to a perfection.
More energy to your magical pen, Deep !
|
| lonely |
Posted
on 31-Jul-03 04:20 PM
Deep dai
A master piece. I totally agree with on " LOVE HURTS". It does.
I am sorry for what happened. Its always sad, that things don't turn the way you want, rather try to hurt you one after the other, haina ta hajur?
I think true love lies in seeing your love being happy rather than yourself, ki kaso???
|
| MunnaMobile |
Posted
on 01-Aug-03 02:12 AM
Wonderful...Deep bro. The title should hv been "The Golden Triangle".
When you know you are fighting a loosing battle..I guess theres nothing to gain.
Correct me if I am wrong.
|
| Deep |
Posted
on 01-Aug-03 11:58 AM
Bond 007,
ma ta dhanne bhai hale ni---
baru hero ni mai vilen ni mai huna mildai na?
Nepe,
ram ram ram --- mutu le prasamsa jhannai thamna nasakera---
"That's the magic Deep has mastered to a perfection."
"Aba yo ta hazur ko badappan ho natra hami ko ham ra?"
lonely,
afno man ta aba bhanne matrai afno ho prem ma--oosko ma gayera baschha. tension tyasai hunchha ra?
Munna,
ye ali bhayena--keta keti suniyo--Munnabro (this is better, haina ta?), even in losing battle you might win.
tara rajbari bata mirik chahi janu parchha---mirik aru kehi nabhaye ni jhil chheu ma afu ra maya bhayera junkiri herdai bat marnu parchha ke---kaso? battle sattle maro goli.
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