| Username |
Post |
| SITARA |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 07:30 PM
VERMILLION
By Sitara
.....She stood in front of her full length mirror and scrutinized her face. She was poised with a vermillion tika on the tip of her ring finger...she paused and waited for the pain of feelings to rush over her...it usually did at this time for it brought back memories...
....."Himali!!!!! Hiiiiiiiimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaali, Hiiiiiima......!!! her mother called. " Don't wear the white dress, white kurtha, white...anything!...I can't understand your obsession with white and blue!...we are going to the temple, wear something red!" Then, Himali was 17 yrs old, a rebellious teenager and could not understand why color mattered. "Mamoo, I will wear a white kurtha and a Rato tika with Rato churi...hunna ra?" "Lau ba jey sukai gara timi...bhanya maney po... khali tarka bitarka gareka dimag khaisakyo yesley....and plzz don't bring in your western book-philosophy into our discussions, Himali.... I don't care what they say...just get dressed!" Himali put on her anklets as her finishing touch and traipsed down the stairs.
"Mamoo, you named me Himali... I love the color of the himalayas, the sky and the clouds adrift above the peaks... mamoo, what do you expect? but you are wrong...I also love silver...not gold mind you.... when I get married, I'll get married in white and silver...you know mamoo, those silver banarashi saris with no red and no gold????" Her mom just glared at her and said " bho! bho!....nakara...you are only 17 and talking about marriage!" "Ke ta mamoo, hajur ko saathi haro le kura katlan bhanney daar hajur lai?".
....Five years later, married to the love of her life, she still wore a lot of white. "He" never minded...." It is not the color of a widow...not for me!" But aama ra sasu ko maan rakhna, she wore red glass bangles, a pothe and sindoor ko tika on her forehead. "He" had seen her wearing one of those short white summer dresses when he had fallen in love with her. The dark color of her hair set off the brown of her skin and her stark white dress! "He" had playfully serenaded her with his guitar with Santana's song.... except modifying it with ..."Your eyes are the color of the bagmati....you look my way and the waves wash over me..." she had no choice but to fall in love with him.
"Mamooo mero kapal na katisyos.... mamooo pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese..... I will wear white.... mamoooooooo leave my sindoor on.....just break my choora..... mamoooooooooo leave me alone.....!!!!!!" Himali's mamoo had no strength to fight her wayward but slowly, wasting daughter....heart broken, bewildered and incoherent with pain, Himali had refused to let anyone near her vermillion sindoor and her hair. "Mamoo, he never minded the way I dressed, when he was alive, why would he mind now that he is dead????????...........He won't care if I don't wash away my sindoor...he won't laugh if I cut my hair!" Her mamoo had told the people at the funeral to let her be. "Chadi dewoo... Himali has been traumatized enough.... allow her, her moment of grief.... It does not matter if the sashtras don't allow it....I, as her mother will!"
And now... 2 years later, poised in front of her mirror, she waited for the waves of emotions to wash over her...engulf her and enundate her with her memories...... They did not come! She waited bracing herself.... then surprised, she opened her kohled eyes and stared at her reflection. The hurt in her eyes were gone.... the wounded look of a startled deer was fading...slowly replaced by something deeper! ....Of having loved with abandon.... of having lived with a passion...of having experienced the depths of pain..... Of the experiences of deep shadows and the play of blinding light!
...but the pain was gone!!!! She looked at the vermillion on her ring finger poised at her forehead.... hesitated and without a second thought wiped it on her hankerchief. Then she took up her black kaajal pencil and placed a black dot where her sindoor used to be.... AND with that knowledge, she stepped out in her blue kurtha.... her hair swinging at her waist, the silver anklets melodious on her light-hearted feet!!!
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 07:33 PM
Sorry, had to re-post it because the original thread seems to have unravelled !
Sparsha ji:
Thank you for your comments. I am a great fan of your writings too and I do appreciate your time reading this short piece. Ani tyo gazal haroo... :) Should I hold my breath hajur?
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| phateko_kattu |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 09:46 PM
"Chya chya chya ..kasto cheu na tuppo ko lekh " bhanera bhannu bhayena kyara:0)........ ,aba chowak taruni le lekheko kuro .Sitara ji that was mind blowing .Your skill is honed to razor-sharp edge when it comes to express the feelings of nepali Naari .
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| lonely |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 09:58 PM
Sitara jiu,
Really great. I wish I could read more of these kind.
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| krantiveer |
Posted
on 29-Jul-03 11:30 PM
Sitara Ji,
Wonderful thought! Artistic presentation!
We have to go for the revolution. The political revolution can not be sustainable wiithout social revolution, and this needs psychological revolution. Your article is aimed towards social revolution through psychological means. So, pls keep it up writing and posting in Sajha.
Krantiveer
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| sankaa |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 09:42 AM
Sitara ji, tapai lay kaso marmik lekh lekhnu bhayako.. la man nai chodeoyo... "mmmmmmmmaaaamuuuu please don't cut my hari", "mamooooo please leave my sindoor" kasto maya lagdo hai hai hai... kasto chucho mamoooo ni. Aba k bhannu... mailay ta dherai bujhena.. i don't think i understood much to make any good comment, but again, it's just one of the many things from sitara jyu that i don't understand.. k garnu aafno angrajee pani ramro chaina pheree i like to keep things simple, so ... i don't know... i always get confused from sitaja jyu.. .. la ma ta gaya oys bhai ko memory lane padna.. tehi bujchu baru..
has ta hajur , rishani maaf pau...
haru layee mero dherai dherai maya ra samjhana
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 10:14 AM
PK wrote: ".....Chya chya chya ..kasto cheu na tuppo ko lekh " bhanera bhannu bhayena kyara......"
Conventionally one is impressed that way..that's the way contemporary short stories are written which i came to realize after reading this Sitara's writing and few other prominent Nepali Shakespears' one....
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| OU812 |
Posted
on 30-Jul-03 01:55 PM
Sitara Ji,
Another fine work,very moving. Wonder what happened to Himali? As all great stories make you wonder about future don't you think?
P.s All the best with your move and new place.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 03-Aug-03 07:13 PM
Kattu ji:
I understand "Vermillion" does not have a "A long long time ago, and I can still remember when the...." kind of beginning. But life is like that hoina hajur? Time has a timeless beginning and a traceless end. Each incident can only be enclosed in the palms of your hands to capture the significance of that particular moment. However, thank you for your compliments on my "understanding the feelings of a Nepali naari". Do I? Sometimes, I struggle to understand why we put ourselves into fetters to appease the "norms" of tradition.
Lonely ji:
Thank you. Deep, Lekhak, Oys (among many other Sajhaites) are the source of my inspiration.
Krantiveer ji:
A powerful name you have there; a survivor of a kranti? :) Thank you for your words of encouragement. Yes, if as UG Krishnamurti states "mind is a myth", so are the bonds of the mind!!! Very krantikaari thinking isn't it?
Sankaa ji:
tyasto garo cha ra mero lekhai? Certainly,it is a metaphorical writing. Well, I am happy to see you here. :)
0U812:
"Himali" lives with no regrets... if she had to re-live her life, I am sure she would not have it any other way. Even "death" did not affect her zeal for living life on her own terms.
Definitely a far cry from "last night in DC" hoina hajur? ;) One of my "die-hard" attempts at bhabhuk writing.
Thank you.
Bhunte ji:
Hajur lai ta ke bhanoo... except, that I am touched.
The old thread has my comments.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 03-Aug-03 07:15 PM
OU812:
Thank you for your good wishes for my basaai sarying! Definitely can use it! :)
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 03-Aug-03 07:29 PM
Sitara ji, i noticed that in V-I
ye tesai le po hajur dui char din bepatta....tyo naya ghar-dera ko shanti swosti ko lagi yo bhunte bahun lai pani nabirsanu hola ni hajur....mero pani office sarai hundai thiyo this week....ehehe
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| gharmigirl |
Posted
on 08-Aug-03 06:35 AM
Sitaraji--
Excellent, powerful story. Reads like a prose-poem. Character of Himali is very strong and leaves an indelible impression in reader's mind. I love the way she wears only blue and white and silver. I love her energy.
You may want to consider removing all the dots (. . .) and just make those short sentences for fuller effect and take the quotations from around the HE character. Maybe develope HE a little more so that reader knows how he died and what Himali was doing when he died. Were they together? Did she witness his death? Was it accident or disease? Was is senseless death in a fight? Maybe this from her point of view. Just short sentences to give readers emotional content.
Then send to literary magazine for consideration. :)
Keep writing, Sis--
gg
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| Bhunte |
Posted
on 08-Aug-03 08:36 AM
Sitara ji,
I encourage you to write more on other contemporary gender issues such as the Vermillion...It may come out as a book of collection of short stories....I may want to title the name of book as Voices of Women (Naari Aawaj)...
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| rendra wasito |
Posted
on 08-Aug-03 09:40 PM
I have smelt only the SITARA Flowers
The parade, when it comes, is banners and gardenia SITARA flowers,
the smoke of jungle fires brought down from distant land,
its shy peoples sparkling like raindrops in the afternoon.
Each coughing truck, a frangipani of whispers, fragrant
in its hopeless abundance, all innocence and good expectation,
that this dream will be dreamed for all time.
A tangled forest of skirts shines in the night air.
Each arm is a SITARA flower before it falls and sleeps, enormously tired.
Each sleep is an islan, abondoned and luxurios.
Yours
Dil Jaleki Aah aur Dil Jaleki Waah !
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| Bond-007 |
Posted
on 08-Aug-03 10:08 PM
Sitara,
Just fabulous!
Yours truly!!
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 04:47 AM
This thread keeps resurfacing; it is a pleasant surprise to read your comments.
Gharmigal:
Appreciate your suggestions. You are right, I need to sit down and clean up some of the glitches. It has been on my "to do" list. In the mean time, I enjoy reading your comments; constructive criticism indeed.
Bhunte ji:
Will keep that in mind. :)
Wasito ji:
You write extremely well. I have read most of the poems you have posted in Sajha; I find myself in the grey areas...lost in the words as I struggle to make sense of the nuance and the meanings of your words. Yes, you do have the ability to move a reader when you write with an intensity. You surely have a gift, I pray you don't abuse such a gift for writing.
Bond ji:
Thank you!
So nice to see you again! I hope you are rejuvenated after your brief respite.
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| phoenix |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 09:02 AM
Sitaraji
A beautiful piece of writing i should say.After reading , it left me wondering .... will our women will be able to face the trauma that 'Himali ' faced with a brave heart?.Will they be able to stand up against what's written in the shastras? And society... will they let her live in peace? Society can be real cruel to people who've dared to stand up against them.
i hope there are women like her in real life .A very thought provoking work. Keep it going ,Sitara ji.
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