| Username |
Post |
| maaya |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 10:43 AM
Need some suggestions about how to tell one's parents that she has a boyfriend and that she wants to marry him. Obviously, the problem here is the couple being of a different caste, religion and maybe even nationality. I'd like men and women who have gone through this to help me out here. How did you convince your very traditional and conservative parents? This is a very important thing for this new generation, so please take it seriously!
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| Sadabichar |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 10:51 AM
You have to shaken your parents tradiation beliefs and way of thinking by giving them practical logics.
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| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 11:18 AM
I just called and I said I am getting married....No Need to take permission since I am an adult....and I dont think they have controll over such a sensitive matter...I choose my own partner...just because they gave birth to me does not mean they rule the rest of my life too.....
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| DISCO |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 11:29 AM
Think of what you would do in this situation, and you should expect the same form your parents either they are traditional or not...it does not matter. You know your society more than them. Usually they have to meet your partner, so they WILL HAVE TO digest the reality of the situation, if your partner is charming etc. that will stand out as more than convincing. So, best thing to do is announce it to your folks and have your to be meet your parent asap and may be a party with both sides of the family present.
Good luck.
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| khimu |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 11:47 AM
yeah! "Bhneda2" is right "Maaya"
dosen't matter that what caste and religion you are just go for it.
good thing is you are human and bad thing is you are in Love and stupid thing is Nepali caste.
if you really want to tell your parents mmmmmm
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| tanas |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 11:48 AM
Bhedoji "just called and I said I am getting married....No Need to take permission since I am an adult....and I dont think they have controll over such a sensitive matter...I choose my own partner...just because they gave birth to me does not mean they rule the rest of my life too..... "
Babai, Sabai ka chora esto huna thaale bhane ta babu aama lai ke ko chinta... man pari garne santaan paye pachi ke ko surta...
harey !!
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| maaya |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 11:56 AM
Thanks for the responses. Seems like you all are guys and nepali parents and society are little more flexible towards their sons than towards their daughters. How do women solve these problems (those who have had)?
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| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 11:58 AM
khoi mailey aru kehi man pari garya cha jasto lagya chaina. Afno biha ta afno adhikar hunu parcha. Nepal ma ta afu ke padhne nee bau ama ley decide garchan..afno echya ta ke h ke ho...khoi...mero sathi bhai haruko kattio ko heartbreak keena ki baou ama racist, conservative, assertive...etyadi etyadi..
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| tanas |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 12:01 PM
Hoina Bhedaji, Santaan thari thari ka bhanya ni.. kasaile babu aama ko kushi ko laagi, mildo partner khojchan , kasaile yo hamro janmasiddha adhikar ho bhanera afai garchan... hoina ta?
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| dogz |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 06:36 PM
Well Maaya ji, to be honest I haven't been through this kinda situation so I'm not gonna tell you to go ahead and do this. But like you said 'today's generation', I don't think anybody would give a second thought about how their parents might react when it comes to making a decision of their life as you might have figured it out from some of the suggestions above. I personally think it is the right thing to do, granted it is not fair for our parents who have great expectations from us. Yes, it is easy for some of us especially us guys to do what we feel is right as it is well know fact that our typical Nepali society is partially lenient toward us. We won't be damned as a women might be. But it is 'Today' so I strongly believe in equality in sexes. Hence, Maaya ji it is time for you to break free. Go with your instinct, trust me you won't be wrong. It totally depends upon you how you handle this situation.
To backup my notion I'd like to mention one of the similar incident that I've witnessed. I'm talkin about one of my relative, she did the same thing. She married the same person her parents had rejected due to their caste and social status differences. But with time her parents got over it and finally accepted them back. And now they all are doin good.
I'm not sayin you should go breakin their heart, instead you should first try to talk it out with your folks, matter of fact that would be the best possible way to deal with it. If they don't agree then do what you feel is right. It is your responsibility and obligation as well to keep your folks satisfied but in return they should learn to live with your happiness rather than stickin to their prejudice. I believe that would be the biggest sacrification they'd make as a parent. Correct me if I'm wrong.
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| maaya |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 08:49 PM
Dogz,
I cannot agree with you more. I think the best way to go about it is to tell them. If they agree, that's great. If not, do what you feel is right. One way or the other there is going to be some broken hearts. But I'm sure parents will soon accept it once they see their children being happy with what they chose to do.
Tanas,
You are right that one shouldn't try to break their parents' hearts. But when love happens I don't think people think if that's the person your parents is going to like. It's not easy to make everyone happy, and definitely not by sacrificing your own happiness.
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| khimu |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 09:16 PM
Yes, "Maaya" you have to tell your parents.
when you see your parents happy i mean you know "golden oppurtunity kya"
make lovely dinner for whole family, when dinner is ready call your parents . If necessary, (if you do) pray before dinner just pray and make a wish "Amen"! Before start your dinner stand up and say to your parents that "I have an annoucement"!
everybody will look in your face but DO NOT worry.
mmmmmm that mmm... may be your dady probably gonna say "What is it?"
mmm.... i i i want to ......... that ... he is a mmmm hold on !
and go to your back door and bring him inside >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom, Dad he is my BF "S*****u" and so on .........................
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| maaya |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 09:24 PM
Khimu, It's not a joke btw.
And what's that "S*****u" ?
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| khimu |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 09:43 PM
i know
i am not joking either
thats the best time to tell your parents you know that
s*******U is your BF name i don't know yur BF name hai thats just a sample
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| terimabajiya |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 10:00 PM
jasko maya garne dangha chahina usaiko naam MAAYA...
haina maaya.. timi kina yesto parents sanga darayeko? aba aafno jaat ko ketai man parena bhane ke garne ta... aafno jaat ko keti biha garne bhanera samjhau na. the reason why nepali people still discriminate about jaat bhaat is- bahun le bahuni bihe garne, newar le newarni, rai le raini.... ani chora/chori le tero jaat ke bhanera sodhda ma rai, bahun, newar chutyaucha... look at the united states... great great grandparents french ho, hajur bau german, hajuraama italian, aama greek, bou nepali (example hai) huncho ho... abu chora chori ke bhayo ta?... american.
ho maaya... nepal ma pani yestai hunuparcha. tero jaat ke bhanda, dherai complex bhayera ma nepali ho bhanne hunuparcha. ani tyas pachi nepali haru ko average height 5' 2" bhanda bardcha ki.. ani budhi pani. cross garyo bhane ramro breed niskincha bhanera ta scientific proof nai cha. i have done a few experiments myself on fishes ; ).
khai aafno ta relationship pani aafno jaat sanga kahile bhayena... khali international.. hyat teri..
terima katti laamo lekhiyecha... nindrai lagdaina... ke garnu, aba sajha ma post gardai baschu.
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| hangu lama |
Posted
on 12-Aug-03 10:16 PM
terimabjiya! any unusual breeding??
bajiyale ke ke experiment haru garchha kunni?? haat khutta bhayeko machha niskelaa ni
;)
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| dogz |
Posted
on 13-Aug-03 01:27 PM
Oh ho! Terimabajiya bro mailey tapaiko gharma kalo biraluu dhekhya jastu lagchha, katai moro mero bhatijo ta hoina !! Bhabi jan ley biraluu lai khubai maya gareko dhekchhu ni. Karan tyasoo po!! Aamai ..
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| ugly duckling |
Posted
on 13-Aug-03 03:51 PM
marriage is an union of two souls, two people, and two families. I personally think it is necessary to let your parents know about the person you wish to marry. They might disagree becuase of the caste and/or soical status. However, it is in your hand to tell them why you like the person. Some of the reasons could be - he is smart; he is caring; he understands you; he is there for you in every moment of your life. Maybe, you can explain a little bit more on how he is compataible.
Parents today are more understanding than they were 25 years ago. So, I am sure they would be more considerate of your feelings. The wedding will be more joyous if you are able to get blessings from your parents and his parets.
Hope all goes well in this process.
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