| Username |
Post |
| shirish |
Posted
on 15-Aug-03 09:41 PM
yetaa laage(n), utaa pani laage(n), yeklai,
Maancheko basti bhannu, dherai para maatra cha !
yeta bhatkiyo, uta pani bhatkyo, beglai,
pahiro gako tham-ma, merai ghar maatra cha !
raat bhar jage(n), din bhar jage(n), sajilai,
sapana-ko nagari-ma, darai dar matra cha !
timi-sita ba(n)che, timi bina ba(n)che, uttikai,
swotantra bhan-thyou "shirish", karai kar matra cha !
correct me !
Boston 8.15.03 12:42 AM
|
| Nepe |
Posted
on 16-Aug-03 02:38 PM
Awesome ghazal ! You have got a knack of writing ghazal, Shirish. Just a minor technical note. A traditional ghazal needs an opening couplet (called matla) in which both lines should use the rhyming phrases that you are going to use later in the second line of each following couplets.
I took a liberty to give a sample of matla to your ghazal. You might want to compose your own..
Looking forward to read more ghazals from you.
My best wishes to your writing and I must say if it is your first, it is a gem.
|
| shirish |
Posted
on 17-Aug-03 06:39 AM
thanks nepe for your comments. You are such a inspiration.
Thanks for typing in Nepali. I can see your love in that. (Chadayeko chahi pakkai hoina hai)
This is not my first gazal. I worte lots of "fazals" in the name of gazals.
Once a while I tend to write, UKUSH MUKUSH BHAYERA AAUNCHA. You know what i mean.
|
| Nepe |
Posted
on 17-Aug-03 11:26 AM
My pleasure, Shirish (what a beautiful name you have !). Even greater pleasure was to learn that you are an old ghazalkar. Will certainly feel honored to read more of yours. Keep up the good work.
|
| GurL_Interrupted |
Posted
on 17-Aug-03 08:42 PM
"timi-sita ba(n)che, timi bina ba(n)che, uttikai,
swotantra bhan-thyou "shirish", karai kar matra cha !" Wow!
|
