| Username |
Post |
| deep |
Posted
on 02-Sep-03 11:10 AM
"Paapmochan"
"Hey bhagwan, kun janma ko paap bhogna parya ho maile..." Upi heard that same taunting voice running loose once again from the other room. Her lips were still closed; misty eyes were lost in and beyond the horizon. She slowly closed her eyes; saw her heart bleed-little more today. Priceless teardrops rose from wrenching heart then escaped through her drenched eyelids. She didn't wish to follow them to witness the loss but she apparently felt those warm drops running down hurriedly only to disappear in that neglected stinking pillow. She found nothing to console her trembling yet young celestial lips. "sachhi kun janma ko paap ho yo?" The question also struck her in lightening speed then disappeared with a thundering blow. She tried to get up but couldn't. "Aaja Dashain ko tika ko din".
"Upi, la ooth ba---Aaja Dashain ko tika ko din pani yati bela samma suti rane ho?" Upasana heard her mom calling. "ek chhin dhilo samma sutna ni napaunu ---tika ko din pani ke kich kich gari ra hola mamu pani." Mumbling she turned to the other side of her bed then realigned her pillow. Hardly 15 minutes may have past, she heard her mom again "Upi, la chhito ooth, sait ko bela chhutchha feri".
"Haina--- tyo budho pandit lai 4 baje nindra le chhodchha bhanera sabai jana lai aath baje ko sait kina nikaldya hola? Kasto allergic" She oddly visualized Shankhar baje, the family pandit, with a bit anger as if the baje was deliberately targeting her sleep while determining the auspicious moment for tika. Bhajan was going on, she could feel her mom shuttling between kitchen and other rooms, and hear her dad talking with neighbors. Kids were screaming on the streets, it was a nice and cool morning blessed by a soothing, occasionally overwhelming though, incense aroma. As she was slowly gathering herself to get up, she felt a soft and gentle hand of her mother running through her forehead to her hair. She loved the caress and opened her eyes. There she was- her mother with a smile. "chya lyaideko, la ooth", she said. Upi also smiled.
Haina maharani ko oothne sait kati baje ko chha? Ma budhiko had ghotna paye pachhihey bhagwan! Afnai mal khoto. " Upi heard Aama scream again. " Maal ta khattam ni ek number ko khoto re chha" she surprising supported Aama's statement this time. She started to get angry with Ranjit, now. She again tried to get up but she couldn't. She failed to break the grip of overpowering pain. She badly needed Ranjit but he was of no use. This shooting pain was killing her.
"What? Have you lost your mind, Upi?" Bhawana asked. "No", trying to calm her tumultuous voice Upi answered. Bhawana looked tensed, amazed, and confused. "taile khyal gareko ho?" Bhawana asked again. "haina, kina napatyaki?" Upi asked back.
"Ko?-Ra---?Bhawana couldn't complete the sentence. It was not necessary. Upi took out the picture. "tyo kasai?" Bhawana was even more amazed. "So, what's wrong with that?" time has changed. Manchhe bhaldmi bahye bhai halyo ni. I have found what was I looking for" Upi responded. Silence prevailed for a few moments. Two close friends were looking at each other. Bhawana was totally puzzled but Upi seemed determined.
Ranjit came around one in the morning. He was drunk and almost slurring about his loss on marriage. "dui hajar khattam, radi ka chhoraharulai bholi taat pardinchhu" he was saying. "yo marriage bhanne chai jhoor khel re chha---he was still complaining---" Upi was not sure if Ranjit was in sense or was speaking under the influence but she felt like he was speaking her mind, even though he was referring the card game. Upi was having shooting pain all day long yesterday. Worked like a machine as if she is perfect. She was not sure if she needed some rest or should visit the doctor. Ranjit was not around. At 1 O' clock in the morning, she was not sure if she should talk about how she felt with a drunk man. Ranjit smelled like he just took a shower in kodoko jaad. That horrible smell was terribly bothering her. After a couple of minutes when she wanted to share her pain with him anyway, he started to snore. She felt no closeness with the man sleeping next to her. Am I a whore in "beshyalaya"? She asked.
She broke the trust and faith of others to reinforce hers. Who would've thought? Even she didn't know she would do what she did but she did. Upi was 18. Just 18. She was blessed by nature in every way. She was a reflection of celestial beauty. She was the pride of her family. Very obedient, helpful, always respected other. She was an example to others, or was she? She couldnt understand how she snapped but she did. The door slammed on her for good. What was her fault? Now, she is in her seventh month. Baby is kicking. " What did I run away for" Upi asked. The premium answer "love" disappeared long ago.
"Kasto futeko karma re chha, mero" Kasti na lyauli bhaneko kasti ko fela parnu paryo? Sunya nasunei garera aadha din samma suti ra chhebhagya fute pachhi--" Ranjit got up. "Aama le bolai ranu bhachha---yati dhilo samma sutna laj lagdaina?" he asked her before she could share her pain with him. She sat quietly just staring his eyes. There was no love. Not anymore. Heart wrenched again. "sadhe sat ko dasha lagera hola yasto bhognu pareko maile budheskal ma", Aama screamed as if she is going to cry now. Upi didn't know what does this old lady wants from her. "Ma ta aaja sanibar pani pareko chhaahilenai pipal lai pani chadauna janchhuyo paap bata mukti pau bhanera" Ama blessed her again. Ranjit walked out of the room.
"Mukti ta malai ni chahiyeko chha" Upi thought. She came out and looked straight in Aama's eyes then said, "I will also go with you for paapmochan, let's go".
----------------------*****--------------------------------------------------------------
[budho haddi makkiyechha ki ke ho--hat dukhera lekhnai nahune bhe ra--balla ali thik bho--].
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| Dilasha |
Posted
on 02-Sep-03 11:34 AM
Nice story Deep. I have a few quesitons:
- Is that "Amaa" Upi's grandmother?
- Is Ranjit the kasai who's the father of upi's baby?
- Is Upi having an affair with someone else whose baby she's carrying...i'm sorry but the fifth para puzzled me a bit.
In the end I felt sorry for Upi who is helpless but majboor. Thanks Deep.
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| bhenda2 |
Posted
on 02-Sep-03 02:04 PM
Ohho Beechari Upi...tara chainey katha ta ali confusing lagyo...banki bhag padhey chi ali bujhincha kee...??
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| sparsha |
Posted
on 02-Sep-03 07:58 PM
Dilasha ji ,
I don't see grandmother's role in this story. I doubt Ama is Upi's grandmother.
Ani bhenda2, I also don't see any more parts coming to this story.
DWI, where are you?
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| Boke |
Posted
on 03-Sep-03 07:25 AM
Deep-ji,
I am your fan. Tapai-ko katha haru padhna pauda kata kata swarga ko aavash huncha.
Tara, euta sidha kura bhanchu, narisaunuhola: yo particual katha chahi tapai ko usual standard ma pugna sakeyna. Character development pani ramro bhayena, plot pani distinct chaina, plus, tapai ko katha haru ma huney usual ambiance pani lacking bhaye jasto lagyo.
Lau na, arko ramro lekhnoos, chaadai nai.
Boke.
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| Deep |
Posted
on 03-Sep-03 07:52 AM
Dilashaji, Thanks for reading.
"- Is that "Amaa" Upi's grandmother?"
No, Amaa is Ranjit's mother.
" Is Ranjit the kasai who's the father of upi's baby? "
Yes, I hope so.
- Is Upi having an affair with someone else whose baby she's carrying...i'm sorry but the fifth para puzzled me a bit.
"No, I am not aware of Upi's affair."
Bhenda2,
Sorry, no "bhag dui" is coming.
Boke,
Thank you for your straightforward response. This means a lot to me. The plot is from my memory. I had seen "Upi" falling down (emtionally) in those dashain days many years ago.
I was having some problem with my hand. So, was not writing much lately. When I post story here in sajha, I don't copy and paste from my collection. I just type here and post. So as soon as I feel like typing another one, I will do so. Sorry, I disappointed you (and may be others as well) this time. Hopefully, I will come up with something better, next time, for you and others. Once again, thank you for your honest comment.
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| hansy420 |
Posted
on 03-Sep-03 08:30 AM
it was awesome!!! didn't disappoint me...
{
" Is Ranjit the kasai who's the father of upi's baby? "
Yes, I hope so.
- Is Upi having an affair with someone else whose baby she's carrying...i'm sorry but the fifth para puzzled me a bit.
"No, I am not aware of Upi's affair."
}
You're responses are more fun to read though...:-D
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