| Username |
Post |
| disturbed psyche |
Posted
on 22-Oct-03 10:40 AM
I am neither his son, nor he is my father. He is himself. I am myself. Father and Son is just a formality.
Is it good to put up a wall against this relation??? or do i follow the traditionalism and do "santanga dandawat"???
which one sounds more relevant for this disturbed psyche????
Advise me.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 22-Oct-03 10:45 AM
Which one does not allow your conscience to smite you?
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| DISCO |
Posted
on 22-Oct-03 11:02 AM
Don't shoot the messanger, suite yourself withought fooling anyone.
I think your father-son relation is not just a formality, you are his extention, youve got your father written all over your genes. I'd just not sastanga him if I were you, I'd Dasthanga dandawat him tucking that eighth anga the "Disturbed Psyche" under my Seer (head).
Just a suggestion...Disco.
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| disturbed psyche |
Posted
on 22-Oct-03 12:39 PM
i mirror myself..i nowhere see father written all over my genes...now you might say mirror does not project the genes....then what does??? this disturbed psyche feels like kicking his fat ass...u know why??? cause he captured a free soul and embedded in it his semen ...he tells me that he was so happy when so doing....but when he was bound to care his output..thats me......he is so upset about his previous act...
for what he brought me into this world......
i was happy in my soul-state.....
I was weak that i could not escape his search for a soul.....
i have a determined decision now...........i ain't going to do any santanga dandawat .....
thats my part....
his part: he does not a give a damn about what ever I do........
thats the relation between me and my dad......
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| DISCO |
Posted
on 22-Oct-03 01:54 PM
DP ji I guess i'm the one whos smitten here, if I may borrow Sitara ji's good quote. My suggestion was too general for your stuation. If I may turn around 180, i'm sure there are plenty of bad genes (the semen) and good souls ( to be semen jr.) around, some are consciously bad some unconsciously and some subconsciously ( I was drunk when I met my soul son), but what whatever ways the feel good drive is, is a bout form the Nature herself, withought her, there is no BAD ( or good), its the aftersoul (the culture of sastanga dandawat), that gives us the choice of Bad/Good, which gives us some hold on our soul with a purpose...I hope at least your dad will give some damn about you.
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| disturbed psyche |
Posted
on 22-Oct-03 04:15 PM
lemme say something about her and the culture of "sastanga dandawat"
poor she! she was another victim the satan captured...his evil soul left no body behind...two were inside the satan cage already....me and my mom... then that very evil carved beautiful face successfully captured another and then came my sister...
here is what the point is....
me and my sister both are the victim........i am labelling her as a victim just because she and i spent 17 years together in the devil's house and she did not seem quite happy about herself....
his output or say "extension"....are me and my sister...i have to put my head on that satan's feet for what purpose...if it is meant to give us some hold on our soul with a purpose... i.e for guys...what holds the sense of purpose for girls like my sister...dont they need any sense of purpose....if that is true for boys....gals shudd b doing the same...putting their head in that satan's cursed feet... that shudd be true for gals too...as both are the extension of the same branch....
this is why i hate this sastanga dandawat.....
even more....what is there in his feet even he is god like....
collected dirts and germs....
and about her....i do beleive that without her "NATURE"..there remains no possibility of any good or bad....as nature is the most pure thing...and each of her creation is as pure as she is...actually there will be no bad at all if nature can herself control her creations....she has lost her war against her own son... the above mentioned devil like sons....
and he is so occupied in destroying all the goods and invents only bad...i dunno why???
thazz why i did not want to come here...
what could i do...poor me ...i was caught in his net....
just some random thoughts that came swirling into this disturbed psyche's damaged brain......
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| DHANANJAYA |
Posted
on 23-Oct-03 01:35 PM
Dear Disturb Psyche,
I read your postings and thought that would be great if i could be your help. I have a story from my soul mate
Dear Dad,
I am feeling unfortunate that you have cheated me. You left me so early that I am refrained to serve you. You are a cheater, you just gave me, when the time came that i could be free from your debt you showed your back. I am crying, you are the great cheater.
When I heard that you are sick, Dhamma gave me strength, I did not loose the balance of my mind, I took great determination and asked Dhamma to save you at the cost of all Punya I have earned. It prolonged your life just for few days. When I called you at hospital, I thought you will be all right, but I flew next day when I heard that you were very serious.
Dhamma is great dad! I could see you. I told you, don't worry dad, I am here, your son is here, who can fight the entire world alone, a very powerful person. You said, no I don't worry, I don't worry at all, you are here why should I worry. Many weakhearted person at the hospital could not stop their tears hearing our conversation. Dhamma was only my friend, dad, it was only my support. what human beings could do? We neither could share you pain, we were helpless. Dad, this is life, full of misery, never lose the balance of mind, I reminded you the teaching of Buddha. You told me, your mind is balance. I told you to practice Anapana meditation and you said to mom, lets practice Anapana together. I told you again and again, trust on Dhamma, the law of nature and keep the balance of mind, you agreed.
Two years ago, I have seen you so healthy and active, I have never thought that you will betray me. I could not think that how your whole structure got changed after the sickness. Life is like that dad, full of misery. That morning when you leave me alone, I came earlier to hospital and ask you to listen songs of Dhamma, you listened and said you want to have rest, I switch off the walkman and start to talk to doctors, soon after that, you went consiously. I felt so happy that you left the world consiously, talking to me till you breath last.
Dad you have interest of living even at last moment, this is true for everybody, I am sorry, I could not make it possible, it was out of my reach. Since we all are grown in Dhamma environment, nobody cried, I ask everybody to keep balance of mind, death is natural phenomena and accept it, everybody did that. I guess, that was the first case in our family where we farewelled our beloved one without tear.
I have taught you Dhamma since years Dad. I have been telling you that life is full of misery, we should strive to come out of it, you did your best. You had taken couple of meditation courses also, but you were so attached to household life that you could not grasp as per my expectation. I kept calling you almost every week for hours together and my subject used to be Dhamma. I was so serious to get you stabished in Dhamma, I don't know, may be my unconsious mind knew that you have very less time to be with me.
i sometime got angry with you when I noticed you were not serious in meditation and involved in household activities more. i put down my phone but in few minutes I again call you and encourage you to practice well. I have taught you Marananupassana, an understanding of death as a natural phenomena. You used to scare a lot from death before, but later on you understand Dhamma and death was not big deal for you.
Do you remember, I used to say, dad, don't give importance to anything, I will take care of all other things, just practice meditation and earn for next life. It is only the Punnya that you have earned which will go with you, rest things will remains here. It happened dad.
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| DHANANJAYA |
Posted
on 23-Oct-03 01:36 PM
When I learned Vipassana, I heard Buddha's word;
Even if you serve your parents in the whole life without doing anything you will not come out of their debts, because you made just this life happy and comfortable and you have not done anything for their further lives. If you really want to come out of their debt, orient them to the path of purification, help them out to walk in the path of Dhamma. This will make them happy in this life and better for the next lives.
More and more my mind get purified, more I thought my parents welfare and ask you to take Vipassana course. I served your first course and became so glad thinking that I am clearing my debt, mom had already taken couple of courses. Then I started strict rule at home for morning and evening sittings. Everyday I asked you how many hours do you meditate, I encouraged you to practice more and more. I bought many Hindi and Nepali books of Dhamma for you and mom. When I left home, I thought, I missed one thing, to direct you and mom towards Dhamma. I have recorded something for you, for your practice, you kept reminding me that you listened it while you were meditating. I was thinking of writing a book especially for you and mom, i am sorry that, I could not make it, my busy and unmindful life did not help me, moreover, you were your last 50 and I have never imagined that you will leave earth in such a hurry.
Do you remember dad, you sometime lied about the practice and again corrected it. I used to say you, I have done my best for your safe future, I will never cry at your death. I kept my words dad, I did not cry. Noone cried except fufu, she was not meditator by then. I kept my words. You used to say don't cry at my death. I told you last time, be equanimous dad and accept the death, death is natural fact, you have done enough punnya, there will be promotion not demonation. you said you are equanimous and weren't afraid of death. I said whatever Punny I have earned I am giving you entirely, you appreciate and said Sadhu Sadhu. I have read many examples where sons have given their lives for their father, I have thought for a while, but I was helpless.
At your last moment, I am experiencing the imparmanent nature of the beings and things. When you left the body, I felt very thrilling vibration which sensed me happiness, I bet you must have good rebirth. I kept saying you, we may not be father and son in next life, so work hard to earn Punny for your liberation and for your selvation, you hegitated to accept this fact. I will develop determination to be your son agin, some time, in some life. I used to tease you, I and mum will get enlightened and you would be alone, this had not happened but you left us dad.
I fought with society not to follow any rite and rituals, Kaj Kirya. I asked them for scientific reason, I gave my logic. But I could not convince them. As you know, I don't want to hurt anybody, I made them happy doing Kaj kirya. I spent my most of the time meditating and talking about Dhamma with my brothers, mum and visitors. Than I went Banaras, after meditation of hours with your bones at holy place Sarnath, I farewelled you in Ganga. Soon after, I spent one month in solitary, meditating day and night, I gave you all the Punnya, that I have earned in that one month holly life.
Dad you used to say me hero. You used to proud of me, I have see your tears of happiness in my praise. Now I am full of tear dad, but these tears are not of sadness, never, these are of rememberence of my generator, my best friend and my soulmate. Your hero is alone Dad, but very strong because Dhamma is with him. As I used to say, you also could take only Dhamma with you, nothing else.
I am letting many friends to know our story dad! Hope they will give me more than condolisence, that what I want. I want them to help their parents if they are not helping. If they are helping, I want them to direct their parents towards the path of liberation, a pure scientific and dynamic techinque of cleaning mind, Punny is nothing but cleaned mind.
Dad, I am pretty much mindful, i have to leave this earth one day, I am earning Punnya dad, which is only currency used after the death.
Dhananjaya's soulmate
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| le chef du nuit |
Posted
on 23-Oct-03 02:14 PM
nature is pure
but so are you
you too, are perfection
and just like the devil, there are the demonesses too. maybe you just havent seen them
so forget the hate, it only bothers you
and creates another demon.. you
so be pure
be perfection
be what you truly are
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| disturbed psyche |
Posted
on 23-Oct-03 03:50 PM
DHANANJAYA JEE!
that story fits for all those who run on blood.
i read it but i am not among the targeted audience..
Poison flows in me instead of blood...
Violence is all what I dream. Killing is what I aim. I shake hands and arrange meetings with satans.
Punnay...the currency that matters only after death....what antagonizes that?
Its non other than PAP.
I am a PAP-ORIENTED disturbed psyche...chronic decay of brain....
Thank you for trying to help me at least.
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| DISCO |
Posted
on 24-Oct-03 07:40 AM
Dhananjaya ji, That sounds more like Rawana Clapping his hands...whatever happened to the sound of good ol' one hand clapping?? I did read them but at the end my bowl was leaking, my buddha is a sad one with a small tommy. But you are very generous. Thank you.
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| DISCO |
Posted
on 27-Oct-03 01:08 PM
i do beleive that without her "NATURE"..there remains no possibility of any good or bad
The nature of good and bad.
In the historical discourse of nature, there are appendages present in our culture of beings that were merely a vehicle in the past for expression and replication of nature. These appendages are now construed by culture, the self-cleansing apparatus if you will, to further the hegemony of nature towards what is fit for our society. What you consider a bad dad, was really a beast of burden in the past carrying out the act of autonomous insemination (who was not?) to further the affluence of the natures extension. In short, there was neither good nor bad in the primeval nature, dad was an animal and so were you, there was no sense of purpose for you or your sister. Just like the animals that came out of the nature, the culture came out of us the human and here we are, milking away the nature with the culture at its fulcrum. The only difference between you and your dad is that he does not give a shit about the culture of sastanga dandawat, but you, a product of our good cultural nurture do give a shit and you think your dad is bad. In fact in the realm of just measured time, your dad has been better for the nature than you are thus far.
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| disturbed psyche |
Posted
on 27-Oct-03 04:31 PM
lets go back and review the case when my dad was a son of his the then living dad.
he too was influenced by the culture of sastanda dandawat. it decended from his father down to him.his father introduced him the whole system. the root of culture spread in him as he grew. if he had enough guts to fight, he would have stood right away to revolt..coward and spoiled was he...the culture spoiled him...it did make him weak...seriously weak that he could not stood against his rivals..this system including many other were his rivals..rivals in a sense that they did harm him... he could do onething wihtout having to possess any guts...that is to blindly pass his culture to me. he never took a single moment to measure the degree of harm it would do to me .neither did his father ....they both were spoiled.
i have overwhelming guts to combat the system ....sure..he does give a great deal of damn about this system....he wants to hold on to his culture..i am the one who don't. he could never be better to nature with some stinky culture in his possession...the culture he possess spoils the nature rather...you see how ill mentality i bear ....thats all beacuse of his culture that he passed down to me....had he not done that, i would never have to struggle this hard to wash the print in me....this struggle is to be nice to nature....nature loves purity....and i am purifying myslef by removing the stinky cultural dusts that are still attached to me...i am sure i will get rid of them soon....what a relief would that be??? i would have time to do some better things in life than to talk these shits. i would not have to suffer while struggling...see how this pulls you back...
that whole system is a curse to me...i have no thing to say if its a bleesing for others...
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| DHANANJAYA |
Posted
on 31-Oct-03 06:13 PM
Dear Disturbed Psyche,
I believe you are wise person so you will understand what I mean. I never talk about the feelings because feelings are impermanent and they get generated according to the situations and state of mind. Both, situations and state of mind are variable. Never think that I am saying something philosophical and involving in debate with you, I am writing this with full of love and compassion for you, I want to see you happy.
That is also blood which is running in your vains; the problem with you is you have taken some wrong views. I know very well from my own experience, mental views are so dangerous. If you feel that your views are right it will be very hard for you to leave them. With little hope, I will tell you some reality, hope you will understand.
My friend, there are two very gross good qualities should be possessed by purity loving person. One gratefulness and next is selflessness. If somebody gave you a single glass of water, you should be grateful to him/her, this is gratefulness, and if you have helped someone you should feel that you have done nothing, this is selflessness. These two are the yardsticks to measure the purity of mind. More and more these two qualities are developed in you, more and more you will get purified and more and more you will get happiness.
Nature loves purity, first understand what purity is. Purity is something that brings happiness in your mind. My friend how can you be happy if you are not grateful to your generator. Don't do formal Sastanga dandawat (Shasta+Anga= the respect which is complete from six aspects, lets not go in detail), thats not necessary, just be thankful to your father. He is the cause of your being in this world and he helped you to grow up and be educated. You must have gratitude towards him, you must be indebted, if not, there should be something problem with you, correct yourself.
You have to make your father happy; no father of the world wants to see their children miserable. They always try to bring them in right path so that they will be secured from misery. There must be misunderstanding with you and your dad, but love him. If he is not happy, help him to be happy, if you feel that he is wrong, bring him in the right path, I have seen so many examples where the sons have brought their fathers in the right direction, be one of them. If you can not change him, be compassionate, don't hate.
Don't give wrong definition of purity of the nature. Nature love purity, there is no doubt, but purity is the wholesome deed that comes from the joyful mind. If you dont' have love for your father, if you are not grateful for what he has done for you, how can we expect that you will be grateful to someone who helps you, because no one can do more favor than your dad. Then you are knowingly or unknowingly holding a wrong principle ie there is no difference between wholesome and unwholesome deeds. Any deeds in this worlds bears no fruit, this principle can be discarded even by a child.
I have heard from many people that everybody have different way of thinking and different ways of living. That is true, but no one can claim that his/hers way of living is absolute. They said that nothing is absolute in the world; I would love this statement if they have declared it from their experience. There is a lot to explore for those people. There is an absolute way of living, sooner or later everybody has to follow it. There is an absolute way of thinking, sooner or later everybody has to train them to think that way. The reason is, directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly everybody wants happiness. And there is one and only one way for happiness, that is, to eradicate mental negativities, to eradicate mental negativities, one must have right way of living and right way of thinking ie right livelihood and right thoughts.
The fact is always one, so the way of happiness is always one. If there is no love in your mind, you can not be happy. If you are saying, there is love for someone and hate for your dad, you are in illusion, love and hate can not coexist.
If you think that you are miserable n not grateful to your dad for giving you a birth and growing you up in this miserable world, then that is your problem my friend, there are techniques to come out of misery. That is not the problem due to your father, rather its your great personal problem, so try to solve it. I will love to direct you in the right path.
If you think that you are big brain and start to give me philosophical lecture, I am already out; the last thing that I will accept is the theoretical philosophy. I am positive that you are wise, the first sign of wisdom is one is able to see ones own problems, drawbacks; the second sign of wisdom is one wants to corrects the drawbacks. Out of Billions population, almost all think they are OK, this is statistic. You are wise, this is my guess.
The conclusion is, if you are not doing Sastanga Dandawat, that is OK, I am also against of the blind acceptance of culture, the day when you will understand the scientific meaning of it, then accept. But if you think that leaving the tradition of Sastanga Dandawat, you are hitting another Sati tradition, I am not with you, I am sorry. You must have gratitude for your generator, and you must serve him more than a paid servant; I would say that is also not enough. If you really want to hit on wrong tradition, hit on Dashain, which is first in the queue to be eradicated.
Dhananjaya
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| disturbed psyche |
Posted
on 03-Nov-03 04:35 PM
Dhananjaya Jee,
I read it. Lets hope that i can delete my mental negativities and move forward with positive attitudes and principles.
Thank You.
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| DHANANJAYA |
Posted
on 04-Nov-03 04:11 PM
DS Ji,
I am very much optimistic that you will be able to clean up your mind. I have seen wisdom in you. More or less we all are suffering from mental negativities. Anger, ego, ill will, animosity, greed, passion, supriety complex, inferrior feeling, these all are mental negativities and these all are present in almost all poeple of the world. Some possess more negativities so they are more miserable and some possess less so they are comparitively less miserable. But almost all people of the world are miserable.
I said you as a wise man, not to praise you. I found you are wise because you can see your drawbacks. this is first step of porgress the second step is you should do dynamic excercise to eradicate mental defilements. It will not happen automatically, its a tough job. You need to learn this exercise from someone highly experience person.
I am very much optimistic, one day I will see you crying at the foot of your father, out of love and gratitude. I am very much positive that one day you will be able to win the heart of your father by love, and both of you will be crying out of sympathetic joy, hugging each other.
The story, I told you was a real story. The son thought once to give his life for his father. More you will clean your mind more love will be generated and you will be able to win the heart of many including those of your closest ones. As your mind possesses love, pure love, compassionate love, you will feel joyful, always joyful, external ups and downs of life, won't bother you much. That is happiness, a real happiness. The instanteneous pleasure from funful life, can not last, rather brings mental turbulance.
I will be so joyful on that day while you will be happy, one of my friends will be happy. I am optimistic that the day will come, you will eradicate your bulk mental negativities and experience the glance of peace, the real happiness.
Be happy
Dhananjaya
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