| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| Biswo | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 10:35 AM
This is an effort to recount Kathmandu's night life experience as I experienced it this summer. -- An actress was sitting a few meters away, having dinner with her friend when I was having dinner with a friend of mine in a swanky restaurant in Thamel. The actress looked so irresistibly beautiful that I furtively looked at her a few times, and my looks were reminiscent of the way I used to watch my first love in my teenage: with a timorous, uncertain, and guilty look. "She is a whore." My friend declared with some certainty, "I am pretty sure about that. It is just a matter of price. And you have to find a right person who can take you to her." "How do you know this? and I don't think a whore can afford to eat here." I told him. I had met him after about five years, and I didn't like the way he talked. He seemed to be pretty disrespectful of everybody. He told me of some other actresses who were mentioned in the local press as having dubious character. The so called dubious character included ,among other things, talking to boys, and drinking beers. I didn't argue with him, I just laughed. I wanted to have some fun. I told him that in the past I could go to a good restaurant and listen to the ghazals of famous singers, and asked him whether that was still possible. I told him Everest in Baneswore had something like that. "Who goes to Everest now?" He said. "It is Hyatt now. In Kathmandu, Hyatt represents newness." So we decided to go to Hyatt. Hyatt was a huge hotel built in 37 acre of lands in Taragaun. Perhaps due to its newness, its popularity with Kathmandu elites was undeniable.I had read about some conferences that were held there.I was sure the hotel had something for me. But it turned out to be a disappointment. "We have program only on Friday." The engaging receptioninst told me. My friend took me to Durbar Marg. Walking in Durbar Marg was like walking in old time Lucknow. You could hear traditional music coming out of the restaurants the same way the sound of ghughru of Tabaayef used to come out to the footpath of Lucknow.We went inside one of those restaurants. The watchman standing in the door turned out to be a garrulous fellow, he started talking just after he saluted us. His attentive salute embarrassed me very much.I thought it was demeaning for a man of his age to salute a man of my age like that. Just a namaste would have been a lot more gracious, I thought. As I followed the stairs to the second floor, I could see the testimonials of rewards that the dohori-team of the restaurant had won in various competitions. "Dohoris are the trend now." My friend proclaimed. "There are Dohoris everywhere." Someone ushered in us after a few minutes of wait, then as soon as we sat in our chair, a beautiful waitress in sari came to serve us. We ordered something, though we had already taken our dinner. Since the dohori was only meant to be the compliment, presumably one had to eat something to listen the Dohoris. Dohoris turned out to be a disappointment. They lacked originality. True, we were fans of Kumar Basnet, and he sang unembarrassed like a sailor.But none of his two songs repeated themselves. Dohori, as I experienced, repeated themselves in such an unembarrassing platitude that one could guess the worthless words that they embedded before listening. And the lack of originality extended far beyond the restaurant wordings: even in their videos, they were all same: a few of the dancers danced in the traditional dresses in a plateau of a green mountain, and those dances, often same in all songs, were interrupted by short-pants wearing singers singing the song. The restaurant was full. A few men got very excited, and they even went near the singers, all but one of whom were girls, and tried to shake their hands. But the male singer was determined to create an environment respectful of those female dancers, and he shooed the men away. I was impressed by his chivalrous deeds. I asked my friend what he thought of those singers. "These girls are all bhaalu." He again repeated. Bhaalu, or the female who becomes sexually excited very quickly (like a female bear), is one of the most disrespecful terms a man can use for a woman in Nepal, I believe. "I'ms sure they all have their rate." He declared. "I think you are paranoid." I said. " You have nothing to prove your claim, yet you go on." He said he would provide the proof. But that was his bluster only, I knew. He loved to claim that every women , except the ones he liked, were cheap. In my insistence, we left the place early. Then he suggested that we go to Thamel. Discos, he said, were the new trends. "But I had heard of murders in Discotheques." I said."Is it safe to go there?" He didn't reply, he just took me there. The first discotheque we went to turned out to be almost empty. "It is week day, sir. " The bar tender explained. The second one,again in Thamel was ok, but my friend thought there were too few girls. The third one, near Shankar Dev Campus, was in the most unlikely place, and it was both crowded and full of girls.My friend was familiar with the place:" I know the owner." He claimed. I didn't know if he was lying or telling the truth. He added that the dancers dancing at the time in the Hindi song, "Baabuji Jaraa Dhire Chalo Bijli Khadi Yehaa Bijli Khadi" were actually the workers of the club, and up for grab.It turned out that they were in deed the dancers of the club. Customers steadily arrived for the whole period I was there though it was already almost midnight. The girls would rush to those customers and company them to drink beers. The visitors looked like they were jamindaars, or thekedaars. Cellphones were squawking even in the din of the disco floor and people were talking about thousands of rupees in their cellphone chats. When, bored and cloyed with Coke after coke, I thought I had had enough, a girl came near to me. I was startled, and looked at her, my eyes up. She looked at me with her king-cobra eyes and asked whether he she could sit with me. My friend preemptied by saying "Of course". My friend said I should talk to her. I looked at her. She was wearing a white shirt, and brown pants. She looked like a sixteen years old kid picked up directly from Sindhupalchouk. Her precociously grown up chests were incongrous with her tender body. She was already drunk. She asked me whether I could dance with her. I didn't waiver, and said no. |
| mastermind | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 10:57 AM
bhlau is a whore dance restaurants are not discotheques. many girls you meet in thamel are bhlaus, with rates ranging from 200-5000. some nepali actress are bhalus. the best dance restaurant is infront of the american ambassador's residence in putalisadak/kamaladi area strip shows are at thamel restaurants. the best place to go is the one opposite of the bamboo club. if looking for a cheal bhalu go to lady bird in putalisadak-baneswhor turning. |
| SimpleGal | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 11:44 AM
Biswo ji, I loved this narrative of yours! Frankly, have not seen you write something like this before! :) Please do continue if it hasn't finished--I feel that more is coming, am I right? I was in Nepal in the summers of 2001 and 2002. However, I didn't see this "Roop" of Ktm although I must say that the young gals of Ktm have started wearing bold outfits and that disco-going is considered very upbeat or "cool" these says. And I also came to know of "Cabin Restaurants," which I was unfamiliar with before. Hyatt's The Rocks is a popular haunt for many youngsters and professionals, esp. on weekend-nights. As Kalanki would say--Aru ni jawosh! ;) |
| mastermind | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 11:46 AM
its the Rox, simplegal. |
| Biswo | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 02:29 PM
mastermind, Thanks for some corrections.So, dance restaurants are not discotheques? I remember they were called either discotheque, or club there. Simplegal, Thanks for your comments. Well, no there are no sequels. To see this 'roop' of Kathmandu, it seems, as a girl you have to be real bold:-) and go around the city after 9 or 10. There are other features of this 'roop' that are pretty obtrusive however. One of my friends told me that one day he was walking in Lagankhel, and felt like eating something("May be a coke and a chowmein" he said). He ended up straight into a cabin restaurant 'unwittingly'. What happened inside, as you can also guess, was a shocking reality for him. |
| SITARA | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 03:03 PM
Biswo: I enjoy reading you whether in politics or narratives (such as this one). Thank you for this glimpse of KTM. Is it urban poverty, urban migration, sheer desperation, globalization (western influence) or the mere frustration/s stemming out of the instability in the country that result in such changes? Opinions anyone? |
| jira | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 04:54 PM
Biswoji! It was one of your incredible abstract of KTM night life. I think your every word depicts the troublesome life ahead. I do not know about other parts but in KTM, they have everything the modern world can enjoy. If you have money and want to delve into it, you get everything. It seems like we do not have roots, only the fruits. Dunno how long will it sustain....... |
| NK | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 04:55 PM
Biswo, I don't really get to read (or even open) Sajha as I used to (napattya Jira ko thread hernu :)] but postings like yours makes the time spent worth it. It seems like your friend, a connoiseur on "bhalu" gatha, needs some education, or is it re-education?Those girls might or might not be up for sale, but for him to be so sure about it deride them, *and* enjoy them if the opportunity presents itself is a sure sign of hypocricy and chauvinism, and of a very sick mind. Yes, Kathmandu has changed. That ,I saw when I was there five years ago. I was amused if not shocked.:) And Sitara, yes, yes, and yes. You know nothing remains the same. Somethings change for good and some for bad. Just the other day I was reading how Guragaon, a small city near Banglore, has changed. People go shopping in malls on Gandhi's janmadin and eat in McDonalds [Yummy ;)], after that drink in an Indian Starbucks and go see a movie called "Boom" or something like that. The article did not mention about "bhalus," or actress disguised as ones. Maybe our friend, that is Biswo's friend ,should be our guide. |
| Biruwa | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 07:34 PM
Bishwo, I too had a friend who saw every girl as bhalu and actress as Upalabdha. It is unfortunate that people like that exist in abdunce in KTM. |
| Chordaku420 | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 07:51 PM
Bishwo is my dwag. He is absolutely right. I was in Nepal during the winter break and I went through all those crap. I am really sad about seeing all that in tose Cabid restaurent. I was in this restaurent in Putalisadak and this lady was keep making me drink and ready to go home with me and I was bit scared eventhough I wanted to have some some..... I think most of these girls are either from Refugee camps or from Hilly districts and some of them are Darjeelinge as well. |
| eNigma_too | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 08:29 PM
Biswo wrote: "She was wearing a white shirt, and brown pants. She looked like a sixteen years old kid picked up directly from Sindhupalchouk." On what basis did you make the assumption that she might be from Sindhupalchowk ? |
| eNigma_too | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 08:34 PM
Only a sick mind will see "bhalu" in every women he come across. It clearly shows the person's state of mind..of his extreme frustration on not being able to put his schlong into any good use. I found the same attitude in Indians towards Nepali girls while I was in Delhi ..pathetic sickos... |
| L-a-x | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 08:41 PM
Bishwa, Good writings. You saw things different perseptives and your friend saw it from a different one. As you noticed from your friend, that was the perception from Nepali standpoint. I am saying that is true or anything...but as far I know prostitution was increasing i these cabin resturants and even in some discos.... But whatever is happening in Nepal, I don't think it is for good. |
| shirish | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 08:44 PM
Biswo, Nice narrative. quite different though from your intellectuals. I wonder if you could visit a "cabin restaurant" and share your first hand experiences seriously. Not for the virtue of pervertness but for the sake of having yet another authentic experience of "Bhalu" world. |
| SITARA | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 09:36 PM
Enigma too ji: Sindupalchowk is a hot zone for women trafficking into India (mainly Calcutta and Bombay) and to the Middle East. NK, agree absolutely with you about some men's tendnecy of viewing women in general as "an easy lay". "I can easily 'get her', but I choose not to" is a mentality stemming from low self-esteem. |
| lonely1 | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 10:51 PM
As always, Sitara is asking very serious questions. As sajhapuris with social conscience, it is crucial that we ask these questions and explore their answers in a way that we can arrive at a better understanding of our native land and ourselves. It seems to me that there is no singl question or answer, but generally, a resounding yes to all of your questions. Still I would say that it is the result of different kinds and levels of disjunctures that Nepali society is going through today. While at one level the contemporary "disco" culture is a result of direct contact with the west (although we had the indigenous RODHIGHAR and so on to begin with anyway) but these businesses (in capital and flesh, sadly) survive because of the local economic disjuncture. What I mean is that while a majority of Kanthmanduites--let alone the rest of Nepal--have no idea of what these places are like--a few from the mercantile class with upward mobility or foreign expatriates fill in these places. Any way, the owners make money, the cutomers get a means to spend, but harld do people ask where the money actually goes. Those that are dancing or escorting can come from anywhere; so long as they are instrumental to the profit motive of the business owner and the libidinal hunger of the customers, they are there. Otherwise not. No policy or mechanism to protect them or advocate for them or anyone like them. Nor much awareness of what goes on in much of the country to the masses. When the elite is in loggerheads for control of a virtually disfuntional state mechanism and we don't have stron social and community organizations to separhead the common causes of the people or to educate them and when the country lacks visinary leaders, the rest do nothing but are born in and die in confusion. The Maoist insurgency is rooted in these disjunctures, among others, but its criminal characteristic makes it impossible that it will be able to bring about any progressive conceptual changes at a broad scale. Given the state of art, the same story is likely to continue for a while--we the few continue ruminating over the decay and the local men and women in Nepal continue with the age-old sexist, casteist, ans classist practices. How sad but unfortunately true! I wish I was not saying this. |
| Biswo | Posted
on 24-Oct-03 11:06 PM
Let me first thank you all for your comments, and start by stating one fact: that I in deed disapproved of my friend's blanket stigmatization of basically all female we saw that night. I believe that those who work in a profession, irrespective of what that is, need to be accorded dignity as long as their action don't hurt others. Subjecting women to humiliation due to some preconceived belief is a very inveterate problem of our men-world in Nepal, and people(men) need to change that attitude. When I go to Nepal, I meet with a lot of people who were once my friends, but because I have left my country years ago, we would often be unaware of how we had matured in our respective place. We assume that we are still same as ,say, when we were in our highschool. I thought my friend was still a nice person as he was in highschool, and believe me, I regretted his company. enigmatoo, If Sindhupalchouk reference hurt your feeling, sorry about that. I didn't mean anything pejorative against Sindhupalchokes. Just that the perception that Sindhupalchouk has the highest proportion of unfortunate women who are sold to the brothels or forcefully made to engage in prostitution in their teenage is what I was influenced by when I was writing that adjective. Sitara and NK, thanks for your kind remarks. I have a feeling that economic boom is fertile land of prostitution, as women, with no string attached, seem to be the most desired commodity for those men who have money to burn, and who are not bounded by the preset parameters of social propriety. Jira, may be we have roots, but a lot of us probably don't care about it. And just like the indifference towards one's root eventually kills all those in living world, our apathy to our roots may only undermine our(culture's) prospect of survival eventually. Biruwaji, I guess we all have such friends. Since our society fosters an environment where all women flouting men's traditional authority and encroaching on men's traditional niche are looked with skepticism, it is natural that such characters live everywhere. lax and c420, thanks for your comments. Shirish, Will I visit the cabin restaurant? Honestly, No, unless , of course, Tarantino wants to make a movie about them, and enlists me as a scriptwriter and offers me money that enables me to buy an island near Fiji:-) I am still a guy from old school of thought. Growing number of cabin restaurants have proved that there is a demand for them. This also signals the increasing problem within our families if, let's say, what I have heard about the workers of those cabin restaurants is true. People visiting these kind of places to fulfill their wayward desire will most likely contribute to the creation of dysfunctional families. Broken and dysfunctional families are often the swamp where radical minds breed: most of the serial killers, radical leaders and wackos are from such families. But, another question is if we ignore these restaurants completely, then we will be slave of propagated information, i.e. we would believe what others are saying without even bothering to check the fact, when in fact we can check it easily. So, I guess there is this delicate balance of what I can do, what I should do, and what I might do in some situation. |
| phateko_kattu | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 02:39 AM
Biswo ji says : [Just that the perception that Sindhupalchouk has the highest proportion of unfortunate women who are sold to the brothels or forcefully made to engage in prostitution in their teenage.............] Sindhupalchouk has the highest proportion of women sold to brothels .....Very true ...I agree 100% with you .But then where did you find brothel in kathmandu ?Can you give me the location of brothel in KTM ? Bishwo ji ,there is a vast difference between women like from shindhupalchouk who are tricked and sold to brothels and women who trade thier raw meat on thier own .latter group of women are basically lazy ,who wants to earn big bucks in short span of time and are usually from darjeeling [talking from experience ;) ].They usually come for holidays and instead take home big bucks ......hooker on a holiday you see .But ofcourse women from other parts of nepal are also engaged in so called hooker on a vacation business .DO you really think those cabin girls or dancers or bhalus are forced upon by mafia or gangs in nepal ???..GET REAL ...stay away from sindhupalchouk next time . About the actress being bhalus .I partially agree with friend of yours .Nepals Number one actress Karishma KC [manandhar] once was in galaicha karkhana .Now dont give me that innocent look and dont ask me what girls from carpet factory is famous for .I even know the exact rate for Melina Manandhar .And dont ask me again why shrisha karki committed suicide .Another hot actress Rupa Rana have played in XXX movie in Japan .I was shell shocked when a dalal boasted of bringing padma kanya campus ko taruni haru when I was with a friend in Bag Bazar ko lodge .Later he came up with two girls ....on dress ...same brown sari with thier campus identity card pinned on thier blouses .I nearly fainted when I heard thier rate ....just 500 ruppees for whole fu**king night . believe or not ...up to you my friend . |
| L-a-x | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 09:53 AM
phateko kattu, you really looed experienced man.... But I will repeat agian the situation in Nepal is not improving, and if this continues, this will even be worse on the days to come. BTW, happy tihar to all daju bhai and didi bahini...no didis to send any masala or nimto for tihar??? |
| najar | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 10:09 AM
Biswo, Interesting observation. Am yet to encounter any of those. After coming to nepal going out at night has come to a complete halt. It'd be interesting to observe the happenings. But i agree with you very much on what you say--"I believe that those who work in a profession, irrespective of what that is, need to be accorded dignity as long as their action don't hurt others. Subjecting women to humiliation due to some preconceived belief is a very inveterate problem of our men-world in Nepal, and people(men) need to change that attitude" Its very common to encounter a condescending attitude among many re the profession ppl choose/are obliged to take both here or elsewhere. Not just w/ women but also among men who go abroad for labor work or even in the US who take up diff jobs. i feel like i am rambling...gotto catch up on some sleep. more later. and btw Biswo dai happy tihar hai ;) |
| isolated freak | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 10:12 AM
hey biswo, that was a nice narrative. hopefully, SC jyu will post something on China's nightlife. its good to read good posts in Sajha. zai jian! |
| Biswo | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 03:06 PM
Najar, Welcome back. Hope you enjoyed his holiness's hometown. What about this discovery that Kathmandu is suddenly one of the best managed cities in Indian subcontinent? Ani tyo Dai bhanne relation kasari ni? You are giving me some "Tihar shock", just the way some of my friends used to call me "mama" as Dashain drew near:-) IF, thanks for your comment. P_K, I am not very comfortable about that Sindhupalchouck comment, but I definitely meant no 'blanket damnation" of those people:-) |
| DP | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 04:28 PM
Where is Bishow's piece?I only see the comments. |
| Biswo | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 05:24 PM
DP, Go to the top of this page. You will see the following just below the heading "Return To Kurakani". LET THE BEAT CONTROL YOUR BODY There are 23 posts. Showing last 20. Click here to see ALL replies to this thread Please click to see all replies. The first one is the original posting. I hope you will enjoy reading this. |
| najar | Posted
on 25-Oct-03 08:09 PM
Biswo, Thanks. Yeah, the trip was interesting, will share more later. >>>>Ani tyo Dai bhanne relation kasari ni? You are giving me some "Tihar shock", just the way some of my friends used to call me "mama" as Dashain drew near:-)<<<< Biswo, birsidine bhanya hareyyy....it was exactly the same way that you'd found one not too long ago, a reciprocation to that. I hope the shock was not too strong :-) Anyway happy tihar, this time without dai or bhai title ;) |
| KaLaNkIsThAn | Posted
on 26-Oct-03 07:58 AM
Hmmm Awesome piece Biswo!! Compare nightlifes in America and Nepal and it would either make all the girls in America "bhalu" or all "those" girls in Nepal no-bhalus. (Especially, the last part of your posting, where this drunken girl approaches you.. ;)). I'd go for the latter one, because, we are higly influenced by Indian and Western culture. If we are ready to welcome MTVs, fashions etc. in our house, then we must be ready to welcome all thes so-called negative things right? Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised if a "gigolo" trend hits the Nepals nightlife in a near future. It already hit the major cities in India... Nepal is not that far. Or is it there already?? check this out - http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/cms.dll/xml/uncomp/articleshow?msid=245396 ;) |
| Rekha | Posted
on 26-Oct-03 08:41 AM
Wow it's just amazing to hear how much it has changed in last 7 years. When I was there about 7 years ago people didn't even use the term BHALUU. It was not acceptable. None of the gurls went to club or even talked about going to a club. They only had GAZALS back then and only rich people could afford to go there. It doesn't even make me feel like going back to KTM anymore. I hope it won't continue like this. Just think about it Nepal back then and Nepal now.......... |
| oys_chill | Posted
on 26-Oct-03 09:56 AM
Bitter reality of Kathmandu...Thank you Biswo Dai for this courageous piece. I don't think it has changed a lot in the last three years. The derogatory terms used on women, even those that go to school and campuses is really shocking, especially when your own friends used it as a mundane vocabulary. Rekha implies it was not acceptable seven years ago. I cannot agree with that. I remember friends and people blurting out the term "bhaalu" in every other street in Kathmandu. The sad thing is there's no organization or security forces whom you can resort to for complaints and stuff, when security forces esp. the police use these derogatory terms much more than the common people. Stereotyping might seem harmless at first, but it can lead to very devastating consequences in a society like ours, and I hope our Nepali Women wouldn't have to face anything like that of Delhi on daily basis in the future. |
| paad ka | Posted
on 26-Oct-03 09:04 PM
What is so bad about being called a bear?....Bhalu = bear, right? |
| Biswo | Posted
on 27-Oct-03 11:40 AM
Sorry about being late in replying some of the recent postings. I had been busy in celebrating 'bhai tika' thing and was out of the town. -- Kalanki, The first thing I asked myself when I went to these places last summer was whether I was completely out of loop last time around I visited KTM or the city really changed. With some reasonable confidence, yes, the city has changed, the trend has changed, the definition of entertainment in KTM is changed. Restaurant environments are so dynamic in their definition of what is trendy, and they are so adaptive to new things. Rekha, I think the term was in use since quite a few years. I am pretty sure it is wrong, but in a country where people have derogatory words for every ethnic groups etc, women couldn't have left behind anyway. Oys and TMA, thanks for the comment. Ani tyo 'dai' kaa 'dai' comment kina bhanya? We are contemporaries. |
| Kiddo | Posted
on 27-Oct-03 11:54 AM
Rekha I came here about 7 years ago and that term was pretty common back then too. You probably didn't here it coz it was more familiar with the boys (calling girls). Also ghazal restaurant had become a common hangout place already, even for commoners. I don't think it was as bad as it is right now though. Cabin restaurants were hardly heard back then. Kathmandu is becoming 'cheaper' as it has become a reservoir for all the good things and specially the bad things that goes in the country, everything flocks in here. Last thing I want it to become is another Bangkok, wouldn't trade development for that. |