| NepaliThito |
Posted
on 11-Jan-04 06:52 AM
Advertisement in Pune shop:
Guitar, for sale....... cheap...........no strings attached.
Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.
When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.
You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.
Sign in a bar:
"Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in advance."
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.
Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.
A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.
Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.
Sign on a famous beauty parlor window:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.
Cheers
NepaliThito
|
| luckydude |
Posted
on 11-Jan-04 01:26 PM
The following items were printed in a column in the local newspaper - collected by Nino Lo Bello, a travel writer:
*Fractured English*
Bucharest hotel: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
Japanese Hotel: The flattening of underwear with pressure is the job of the chambermaid. To get it done, turn her on.
Swiss menu: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Shop in Florence: Dresses for street-walking.
Doctor's office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Russian hotel: If this is your first trip to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Polish hotel: As for the tripe served at the Hotel Metropol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.
British hospital: Visitors: Two to a bed and half-an-hour only
Peace in Nepal
luckydude
|
| luckydude |
Posted
on 11-Jan-04 01:27 PM
The following items were printed in a column in the local newspaper - collected by Nino Lo Bello, a travel writer:
*Fractured English*
Bucharest hotel: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
Japanese Hotel: The flattening of underwear with pressure is the job of the chambermaid. To get it done, turn her on.
Swiss menu: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Shop in Florence: Dresses for street-walking.
Doctor's office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Russian hotel: If this is your first trip to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Polish hotel: As for the tripe served at the Hotel Metropol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.
British hospital: Visitors: Two to a bed and half-an-hour only
Peace in Nepal
luckydude
|
| patale |
Posted
on 12-Jan-04 12:54 PM
EXPECT MORE EXCITEMENT IN 2004
Another year has passed and it's time once again for me to gaze into my crystal ball and boldly predict the future. Here's what I see happening in 2004:
---Officials from the U.S. Department of Agriculture panic when a cow is spotted in New York with a cigarette in its mouth. "It shows no concern whatsoever for its health," one official says. "It must be a mad cow." Meanwhile, a Pennsylvania dairy farmer, hoping to capitalize on the mad cow disease scare, produces a bumper sticker that says: "I'd rather have a mad cow than a mad president."
---As coalition troops withdraw from their country, millions of Iraqis rush into the streets in jubilation, realizing that they still have some oil left. But a few are suspicious when they look inside an oil barrel and find a label that says "Brewed in Milwaukee."
---Having restored democracy in Iraq, American troops are given an even more daunting mission: restoring democracy in Florida. While carrying out this special mission, they are surprised to find what they've spent months looking for: weapons of mass destruction. "We were searching for them halfway across the world," a soldier says. "And here they were, right under our noses. Go figure!"
---Rev. Al Sharpton becomes the first African-American to win the Democratic presidential nomination, beating his rivals handily and leading President Bush in the polls, until his wife spoils it all by saying, "Wake up, Al. You're dreaming again!" Former Vermont governor Howard Dean wins the actual nomination, but loses the election to President Bush 5-3, with one justice abstaining.
---The Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece, are a resounding success, though the Bulgarian weightlifting team returns home disappointed. "They told us that this Olympics would be drug-free," a dejected weightlifter says. "But we looked everywhere and couldn't find a single drug that was free."
---As American companies move many of their customer service jobs to India, Time Warner, a major cable company, announces that its service crew will now be based in New Delhi. "We want to reassure our customers that our service calls will not be disrupted," a company spokesman says. "On the contrary, they should be a lot faster." But a Pennsylvania customer complains that he can't watch a movie anymore without all the actors breaking out in song and dance.
---After surviving ten more assassination attempts, Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf decides to visit a psychiatrist. "I could be wrong, doctor," Musharraf says, "but I'm beginning to get the feeling someone doesn't like me." Hearing about his concern, his critics give him a new nickname: Nervous Pervez. He tries to appease them by announcing that he will step down from the presidency as soon as he has figured out what he's doing there in the first place.
---Arnold Schwarzenegger struggles through his first year as California governor, realizing that his acting skills, while good enough for movies, are grossly deficient for politics. His opponents complain that the governor's expression, during a memorial service for a Democratic leader, looks a little too much like a smile. "I meant no offense whatsoever," Schwarzenegger says. "I was just checking out the widow. I mean, window. Stained glass window."
---In a last-minute deal with prosecutors, Michael Jackson pleads guilty to a lesser charge of "impersonating a grown-up." A judge comes down hard on the pop star, sentencing him to ten years of listening to his own music. "I promise to change," a repentant Jackson tells the judge. "I've already made an appointment with my plastic surgeon."
Melvin
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