| Annam Nepali |
Posted
on 14-Jan-04 01:45 PM
Hi,
I have been regular viewer of sajha.com. This is first time I am putting something on board. There might be lots of spelling or grammar errors in this story but just egnoring those, can i get some comments or suggestion, whether or not the picture i am trying to create inside reader's mind flashes.
EXPECTATIONS
I was tired of the lectures in class and now I was heading home. I saw Sid coming from the other side. There was something different about his face. He was smiling by himself. I could feel moisture in the wind; trees around me were making pleasant sound as the wind swept through them. Sid came closer and closer. He was waving his hand towards me. I waved in reply. “Hey Sid, how are you? Today there is something new about your face?” I threw two questions at one time. “ I am fine and yes I am happy today.” “Good. I am happy for you.” “ Thank you.” “But …….” I put an unexpected question for him; “I want to know that why I am happy for you?” I could feel his puzzled eyes glancing at me. “I mean why are you happy today?” “Oh! Man COM ‘on don’t throw me your curly words. You know I can’t understand. Well, my mom called me from India and she gave me some good news.” I was curious, “Are you going to get married or what?” “No. She told me that she went to see a fortune teller and he told my mom that with in six months I will get a job and live happily ever after.” I forgot that he was a big fan of fortuneteller. It reminded me when we were working in food court and once I was looking at Sid’s hand and told all good things about his life, which was all lie but he believed me. “Well than accept my Congratulation from now. I hope you won’t forget your old pal.” “Of course not. I have to go. I am late for my class”. I didn’t stopped him and murmured ‘Go ahead my friend Dr. Wilson has a lots of things, which he couldn’t share with his wife, and have been waiting whole weekend to tell you guys.’ I saw him moving fast to grab that opportunity. I began to continue my journey towards home. I can see my mom waiting for me. She said “Balu, I want you to drop me to that fortuneteller.” “Ok.” I never denied her wants. I dropped her. “Why don’t you stay? It will take only few minutes.” I accept that too. A skinny man, half naked, and with long fuzzy beard greeted my mom and pointed towards couch. We sat down. After a long uncomfortable silent my mom said, “Swami Ji, I want you to look my son’s future.” He nodded his head and asked me to show my hand. I did ‘coz of my mom. He began to say, “Well madam, your son has bright future. He will study hard, be rich, can handle problems in an efficient way, ………………” every good things that he could think of at that moment. ‘Crap. All crap. He wants to please my mom so that she could pay him good’ I murmured myself. I asked him about my life. “Well son, you will live for 80 years and I am sure by that time you will even have your grand children.” He was being funny. ‘80 Years,’ I bumped on a stone but managed to balance. I was home. I open my door and kept milk on the gas for coffee. Sat down on couch. That fortuneteller spelled those two words ‘80 Years’ in simple way but what he couldn’t see was the expectations generated by those words inside my mom and me. “Balu, don’t worry I will find a fine girl for you. I will arrange everything for your marriage. We will go here… and there… I will do this and that……….” About two hours she was bringing every expectation out and honestly I had a whole picture in front of me. I was thinking additional things that I would do. I was combining my expectations with her. “You have to get your parents. I can’t tell you.” Dr. Vashu with terrified eyes told me. I could feel his mumbling voice when he pronounced those chewed words. I sensed an alarm buzzing inside my head. I convinced him that there is nothing wrong to tell me about me. After a long struggle and throwing big words towards him, finally he agreed and told me, “Son, you have few more years to go.” And began to tell me about my sickness. I couldn’t hear anything ‘coz my eardrums were full of noises. Noises of breaking glasses of my dream house and my mom’s expectations. The girl who was waiting for her Prince to come one day and give all the happiness, today he was facing his death. Something was burning, ‘Oh My god! My coffee’, running towards gas. There was nothing left beside black layers of burnt milk. ‘Man, Manoj is going to kill me. It will take great effort to take these black layers off. Wow! How similar my life is, all I have left is a black layer of memories and I know its going to take a lots of courage to avoid those expectations and move on with my new life’. I murmured. ‘Move on with new life?’ Isn’t it interesting that people never gives up their hope? Five more years and still I am thinking to lead my life. Where? …. How?…. Do I have any choices left? I can’t talk to people with sweet voices ‘coz I am afraid they might get closer, Can’t stay alone ‘coz I am afraid of past memories, Can’t love ‘coz I am afraid of loosing them, Can’t die early ‘coz I am afraid to be called coward, and can’t live ‘coz I am afraid of my life. Shift of words from ‘80 years’ to ‘5 years’ has changed a lot in me. I have every right to live but have no reasons left. But still I am waiting…………………..waiting to change the words again so that I can live again, can talk again, can enjoy my past memories again, can love again, and can find reasons again. But for that the words have to change once again and this time from ‘five years’ to ‘miracle’. Than got up with hope and grabbed my jacket from the chair, I walked towards Java city to have a cup of Chai……
Annam Nepali
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