| Username |
Post |
| SITARA |
Posted
on 28-Jan-04 09:13 AM
"STOP!" I raised my voice at the enraged child. He glared at me through angry tears "I hate you! I hate him! I hate school!" yelled the 4 year old as he dissolved into a frustrated tirade of colorful language. The other children fell silent; I rarely raise my voice in the classroom.
Little Daniel had speech problems although he was very vocal when angry. A twin in a family of two sets of twins and other siblings from different fathers, Daniel suffered from emotional problems. He came from a single parent home where the mom worked two jobs while the dad was locked up in jail. Both, Daniel and his twin had emotional aggression and violent outbursts which could only be contained when security was called in. That particular morning, I watched him in despair as he started throwing chairs at his other classmates. He was a pre-schooler who needed help and fortunately, his mother knew that. At that point, I intervened and grabbed his hand to restrain him while my assistant went to buzz security. Then it happened, Daniel, threw himself on the floor trying to bang his own head on the ground while I tried to hold his little body powered with wound up energy. He was desperately trying to hurt himself and while I restrained him, I could feel my wrist crack and arm pulled from my socket. A sharp pain shot up my arm and into my neck area; I knew I had pulled a tendon. Then, security came in and removed the frenzied child from my room. The rest of the day was an ordeal for me; I was spent mentally, emotionally and physically.
We had a conference; Daniel's mother, my other colleagues and I. The student coordinator suggested that perhaps, such aggressive behavior should warrant for his removal from the school. In silence, I heard everyone's suggestions. I had never given up on a child and the thought of letting go of this one brought me to tears. Un-decisive, I asked for more time and some private time alone with the mother.
Daniel's mother apologized profusely and then collapsed into tears. "I'm trying hard, Ms. Sitara.... I know, with my two jobs and 5 other children, I have not been able to give him the attention he needs." Then she took my hand and said, " I am trying to get both Daniel and his twin adopted by a good family, who can provide more than I ever could!"
That night, I could not sleep. The pain on my arm bothered me and thinking of Daniel’s situation broke my heart. Finally, I came to a decision.
I told the mother and the principal that I would keep Daniel with me for the next two years and arrange for special services/counseling to be provided if the mother agreed to that.
Yes, having Daniel is a continuous challenge for all of us. But nothing beats those days, I see him smile and get along with his peers. His mother is still looking for a "normal" family or friend to adopt him.
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 28-Jan-04 09:59 AM
Speech problem, temperament problem etc. Little Daniel seems to have all of these. Yet , there humane treatment by fellow human may be the cure of his outbursts and weaknesses. Rather than isolation, a helping and considerate hand will make him mend his way.
Although it is very irresponsible for me to ask this question: but I am wondering whether Daniel belonged to some specific ethnic group.I've seen that African Americans especially have these huge problems concentrated at the same household: a lot of kids, father at the jail, or even worse single mom working multiple jobs that doesn't pay very well.
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| Logical Sense |
Posted
on 28-Jan-04 12:09 PM
Absolutely nobel work Sitaraji. It is very easy to say 'No', but, it takes a lot of courage and patience to do what you just did. At the end of the day you will always be rewarded when you remember the big radient smile from Daniel's face.
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| himali_yatri |
Posted
on 28-Jan-04 03:47 PM
One of summer few years back me and two of my freinds were drinking beers in University football ground and talking about what to do rest of summer vacation. One of freind suggested of going to nearby sea beach for couple of days of vacation. But just few hours before we were supposed to catch train, my phone rang and my freind told me thatt trip is cancelled.The reason is because another freind was hospitalised in Mental hospital. I could not believe myself how could someone who seems to be so normal, talking as usual, joking and laughing as usual just a day before could be hospitalised for mental disorder. When I went to hospital, I could not imagine that it is the same person with whom I drank beer the night before.
We cancelled every programmes for whole summer break and everynight going to hospital to give company to this freind. He has been diagnosed of schizophrenia. Wildness of my freind was creating problem to whole ward, female nurses were scared to come close by him. He hesitated to eat any food from hospital. So one day I was trying my best to feed him, talking sweet things about him so that he won't beat me and kick me which he attempted couple of times. I was feeding him with spoon.He chews the food and throws it away on bed. Everytime I feed him, he does same. But still I was trying to feed him. One time he chewed food almost for 5 mins and saliva was drainiing out of his mouth. I asked him to swallow it but suddenly he spits all the food on my face.It was so disgusting that I vomitted right in the spot. I could not keep on going anymore, rang and asked another freind to come and take care of him.
I left the room with heavy heart. I know he didn't mean it, its just his disease made him to be so but still I could not stay there anymore. Whenever I think of whole scene, I still feel like throwing up.
Sitara! all I want to say is i really admire those people who has this courage, dedication to help such mentally disordered people.One must has very strong determintation to take such job. You did nice job by deciding to keep Daniels. Thanks for sharing your story. Hope to hear some more and wish you all the best to keep on going.
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 28-Jan-04 04:26 PM
As a related note to what Himali_yatri wrote above, I also had a friend: a very congenial and a very intelligent (was ranked among top ten in I.Sc. board). He also had this problem of schizophrenia. It was very very painful to hear about his disease. A lot of times I really thought we lost a very bright Nepali to that disease.Then one day, I read about George Cantor, a great mathematician of our age[Those who have taken Real Analysis should know about Cantor sets]. Even in his deranged state, he worked on the concept of infinity, and his theorems are so beautifully written, his work is so beautiful and plain that they almost baffle us even in their transparency.[He said infinity between 0 and 1 is smaller than the infinity between 0 and 2, and proved it. He sort of created smaller and bigger infinity, irony in itself.] May be one day, my that friend will also recollect himself, and make all of us proud.
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| rajeev |
Posted
on 28-Jan-04 07:49 PM
Biswo,
kaha chou aja bholi? Fill me in when you get a chance.
PS I apoligize to the sajha house for this personal note.
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 29-Jan-04 12:00 PM
Rajeev:
Good to see you. I've sent you an email via sajha. Pls check.
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| Biruwa |
Posted
on 29-Jan-04 12:59 PM
I too had a friend who became mad when he could not get any job after graduating from college. His dad had taken a lot of debt back home to send him to a good college.
Then several months ago he found a job with a big US company and has been working over there.
U never know what life leads to. Just like that chineese farmer who said "It can be good and it can be bad".
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 29-Jan-04 07:01 PM
Biswo, Himali Yatri, Logical Sense, H. Kattu and Biruwa:
Thank you for reading this piece which is nothing but an exercise in expressing a human conflict; more of a Dharma Sankatjanak situation. Often, it is difficult to gauge the extent of impact of our actions on children/people. Daniel's is just one of many scenarios we all face in our daily lives with family, friends and our own children. In this case, the nobility lies not in me (the educator) but the mother who will go the heart-break route to provide for her children. My role is to know my own limitations and acknowledge the moment when I have to give up, for the benefit of other children. This time, I tried to stretch my limitations by bringing in other professionals. Himali Yatri you know what I mean; the helplessness kills!
Thank you all for contributing your own thoughts. I appreciate it.
Biswo: As you have guessed the family is African American. Ironically, issues of neglect and abandonment exist in the higher-income bracket families too. I used to work at a private school where a child was brought up by a Spanish-speaking nanny while the parents were too busy making money. I met the parents rarely as they were usually on business trips and when they did visit, they came in a Jaguar. The little boy suffered from nightmares, reading disabilities, lack of focus/concentration and violent tantrums. His was a case of emotional neglect.
Hawaldar Kattu ji:
This, might require a more mature approach to reading/understanding human conflicts, no?
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| Lalupate*Joban |
Posted
on 29-Jan-04 07:22 PM
Sitara, that was *really* great of you.
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| Spark |
Posted
on 29-Jan-04 07:38 PM
Rajeev, what do you mean by "Fill me in"?? Sathi ta khatara chha jasto chha ni han!
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