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| Username | Post |
| dancinqueen | Posted
on 20-Mar-04 01:04 AM
Hello everyone, I am new to this site and I have enjoyed all the threads in this site...thanks for the person who referred me to this page, I'm absolutely hooked. As a novice writer, I have decided to post something here as well, and I hope everyone who reads it will enjoy it, find humor, find a topic for discussion...will criticize the writing, writer and so on and so forth. I am sure a lot of the sistas out there will relate to some if not all of the contents, and fellas...what can i say about you, besides got love for yall. Currently I am in a situation which I find absolutely entertaining but most don't seem to agree with my amusement in the seriousness of the subject...SETTLING DOWN. therefore to ease the nepali communities feelings of uncomfort regarding my singledom...which I am absolutley enjoying, I decided on the following want add...the catch...if someone does fit the needs, then I guess I will have to give up my precious singlecom and move on to the world of couplehood... Wanted single male, national origion Nepali, age not a barrier as long as they are not in need of someone to change them from their huggies or depends ;) Someone who enjoys long walks, strolls around Central park on a cold but starry winter night on a horse drawn buggy, or wants to make a fool out himself trying to ice skate away from the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping, someone who is not afraid to be silly and laugh at himself, someone who calls in the middle of the afternoon and leaves a message to say hello--howz it going, someone who personally plucks wild flowers before a date, someone who believes in personal hygiene, not the head showers over the kitchen sink and drenches himself with CK to mask the pungent smell of garlic and masalas, someone who doesn't think he has refined taste because he is a wine connoisseur, someone who doesn't like Van Gogh because everyone else likes Van Gogh, but has the ability to see talent when a five year old colors insides the lines...now thats art, someone who dances without fear of pointing fingers at his outdated moves, someone who is equally at ease at a Rock Fest but can jam with a local blues band, someone who has a great sense of humor...that does not mean his source of jokes is the back of a playboy magazine, someone who serenades me with romantic songs in his offbeat scale because his talent as a singer was discovered, develped and remains in the 'john', someone who will run through the sprinklers in his birthday suit because its just so god darn HOT, someone who likes sloppy joes, someone who doesn't think his next big purchase are wing tipped shoes because he wants to become a wannabe yuppypuppy because all his acquaintances at wall street wear them, someone who is comfortable hanging around town in a pair of shorts and fip flops, someone who doesn't look at the mirror more then me but has a great sense of personal style...almost to the point where his sexual orientation may be in question...you know, queer eye for the straight guy kinda, someone who is not afraid to intelligently discuss politicial issues but has a great time watching Sponge bob square pants, especially if he owns a pair of sponge bob slippers, someone who doesn't think that being romantic with his lady involves candlelit dinners at a fancy restaurant and buying a dozen roses, but that being romantic means that he is comfortable just to be in her company doing what they both like doing, someone who can lay on the beach and fake a tan- unless he's in desperate need for more color, someone who can curl up and watch chick flicks and not complain, someone who can be a good sport when my basketball team (Go lakers!) wins again. Someone who is cool with a seperate girls/boys nite out, someone who likes long drives to destinations unknown, someone who likes to stop at quaint little towns in the midwest and laugh at the curious onlookers because oh my my...what tanned skin do we have ;), someone who is not intimidated by a females thirst for ambitious goals, someone who can walk side by side, someone who is just....perfectly flawed because he is true to himself and doesn't need designer wear to make him feel better, or trash talk to feel thuggier, someone who is confident in himself and his surroundings. If you are that someone please contact the nearest nepali community because I'm sure there are plenty of other women who are undergoing the same pressures of settling down and is tired of having to answer to all these aunts and uncles why they want to enjoy their singledom. lol....all in jest. |
| stillontheshelf | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 08:56 AM
amen to that...but do they exist? I'm sure they are an endangered species, either close to extinction or taken already probably by girls who don't even appreciate what they have. Me...bitter? naaaaaaaaah!!!! like you miss queen i've had it up to my eyes with relies barking on about marriage putting different men in my face, men who share very little with me and who were bought up with very different values of life and marriage to those of mine. so why should i be doomed to a marriage with what i regard a stranger? what happened to 'love' and finding someone u consider a soul mate and who the vows u take in the eyes of God, you actually mean!! something has definitely gone awry in this process, and the whole institution of what marriage actually entails has been left at the door like a wet umbrella. it's now seen as a chore for many parents, their last duty in the name of parenthood. but surely if all nepalese women feel obliged to be the dutiful daughters and forsake their real happiness, needs, desires etc for others...then we're bound to the cultural dogma of systematically enslaving our women. women now are stronger than their mothers, aunts, muwas. they have the ability to stand on their own feet, they have ambition, will and drive and no longer rely on a man to feed and cloth them, if that ever was the case. surely the last vestiges a successful, strong nepali women has is the right to choose her own man...but the parody being whether such a man exists? Are there men out there secure in their being to take on stong minded confident women as their wives, or are they still like their fathers and grandfathers blinkered to the system of wife = domestic goddess. miss queen if you ever find the man u're looking for, please ensure he has a younger brother for me...i would be eternally grateful |
| EdHunter | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 09:09 AM
think only Televisions can do those stuffs... there ain;t no perfect males in this world.. and that's coming from a guy... |
| stillontheshelf | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 09:27 AM
don't say that hunter...if us ladies can make an effort, surely u fellas can too? |
| EdHunter | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 09:42 AM
meaning to say that tehre are such pple as perfect females?? all i'm saying is that there ainlt no perfect males.. let alone perfect human beings... nobody's perfect.. no matter how hard they try.. and dun ever blame us for not trying ok.. we guys ain;t expected to be able to read yah gals mind all the time yah know... |
| _sade | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 12:06 PM
You girls been calling for a ‘perfect world’ with no flaws. If you girls can come to all of our prospects! Or even close to it(?) 'Your craves are mine now'- will what build the bridge in the relation. Furnishing less options will end up creating a big wall. Broaden you girls way of thinking before you find yourself all-time loner. Yeah sure why not thou honey will be there- that is only when you close your eyes- in your dream. In Jest. |
| shriman_atlantan | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 03:04 PM
I know one guy in Atl who meets all your criterion. But he is taken by a non-nepali girl ;-) |
| SITARA | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 04:58 PM
Hi hi dancingqueen! Welcome! A thought struck me: could it be that the very nice guy friend we (females) have who is forever ready to help, run our errands, lend a strong shoulder to cry upon (on numerous occasions of heartbreak), the un-official date to friends' parties, the helper/dishwasher, movie partner and so on and so forth..... whom we never considered dating material, just might be the one we are looking for????????!!!!! Yes, I'm talking about the boy next door who does not give us emotional crap! ;) |
| babaal | Posted
on 21-Mar-04 05:23 PM
Sitara, exactly my point, less the 'jerks' ! ;) - http://www.sajha.com/sajha/html/openThread.cfm?forum=2&ThreadID=14502#59768 |
| dancinqueen | Posted
on 22-Mar-04 11:08 PM
wow...I'm delighted by the responses. ms. stillontheshelf..will sure let you know if someone comes along and has a younger/older brother, will send him packing to you ;) Sitara, first of all I have to tell you that I have tremendously enjoyed your contribution to this site and to my little thread. The only problem I see with the boy next door, is that for some odd reason, he never seems to get promoted to quite the man as I describe above...something is always lacking or maybe its just my nerves because I do not wish to embark on a different journey with him, lest it ruin the beautiful friendship. and shirman_atlantan...thanks for the tease ;) |
| MEera | Posted
on 23-Mar-04 09:59 AM
Dancingqueen, my whole life I am also searching for him, now I am 80+ and the search is still on. Just in case you do get him, can you refer him to me. Oh Hon, where art thou :-) |
| Poonte | Posted
on 23-Mar-04 10:08 AM
Mei aayaaaaaaaaaaaa tere liye! Dhin chyak, dhin chyak, dhin chyak...(3 choti bhanda dherai hallayo bhane pittikai jaanchha mero kammar feri). Oooooooops...bhul giya thaa...mei to taken hun...eheheh Meerru pani in the search? didnt know ni...chha euta mero ghar najikai...dallo dallo, diunsai batti baalera herna parne kaalo, baldengre aankha bhaako, bhyatlyakka bhundi, sukya pakhura ra tighraa, ke jaati, 5 kakshya samma padhya chha kyara...atti haseelo...purohit laai pathaidim timra baa-aama kahan kura chalauna? :p dancingqueen laai ta sakdina baaaaaa...naamai sunda royal, aafu ta sarba saadharan, sarba saadharan sanga mattra sangat chha...Narayanhiti ko Dakshin Dhoka nira auta flyer taasna parla ki? ;) Sunya thiyen, haamra Yuba Raja Dhiraj laai jatti bhayeni pugdaina re...ehehhe :p |
| stillontheshelf | Posted
on 23-Mar-04 02:44 PM
reading some of the replies to this thread, i'm beginning to think perhaps we are being too picky!!! no one walking this earth's surface is perfect, but does that mean we should settle for less...ay there's the rub! being educated, well-mannered, articulate ladies bought up in a culture very different to our parents, do we have the right to demand better things, or should we acknowledge that despite our wonderfulness, finding our soulmate is highly unlikely and in fact we will have to lower our expectations if we want to marry someone our parents approve of and recommend. how high a price should we put on a pretty face, a sensitive guy, very intelligent and importantly understanding???? or should we stick to ram babu with his greasy hair and pocked face who still gets excited watching baywatch??? Is my perception of the nepali male incorrect??? Please correct me if this is the case, cos the few i've met puts our county to shame. |
| Nanii_Kanchi | Posted
on 23-Mar-04 05:43 PM
Still girl, You can’t oversimplify nepali guys approximating that. There are countless glittery, able and well-groomed ram babus too. And the Josephs (prolly) you have been talking about- What is the likelihood that he can be understanding and go with all your ‘Dos’ and ‘Donts’. The point is all Nepalese are not the pits like all whites are not icon. Nice write though!:=) |
| juhip | Posted
on 23-Mar-04 05:56 PM
This thread really resonated with me since I have experienced first- (and second!-) hand all these issues raised. The search for a suitable boy for me had gone on for over 5 years and crossed many international boundaries. It was an agonizing process not only for me but for all those around me. Now I'm not one to complain and I know for a fact that women are not perfect but in my experience, there are just more qualified women than men in the Nepali community. And, if the woman happens to have grown up in a more "westernized" way (i.e. spent a lot of time in the US), things get all the more skewed. Yes, the Ram babus are out there and usually they are the ones ready to take the plung after one look at the girl - often times they're ready to do it to get themselves a green card if the woman has been here long enough to have a more permanent status. And then there are the other Babus, those who are often qualified men who would probably fulfill a number of the above characteristics (as described by dq)...well more often than not their requirements for a women are dictated by their parents and they go with the super-star woman hand-picked among many screened applicants. It's a difficult situation for those women not taken up in that process, like me. Sure there is compromise, but how much compromising can one do? In the end, you know you don't want to compromise your identity and if it calls for that then marriage is really not worth it. But, then you feel so bad for putting your parents through hell (who by the way, remind you constantly that they are slowing dying because you haven't gotten your act together) by being so ghamandi and bardeko. So, you search and you search some more and hope that desperation doesn't kick in because it could mean putting yourself in a situation that you will regret forever. I've sometimes felt that the more educated a woman gets the harder her life becomes in trying to find a man. So many times I had envied my 18 yr old cousin who just finished her 10+2 and married a NRN 10 years her senior with nothing in common - and it made me feel sad that a young woman with a masters and so much life experience would come to think like that....but when you saw just how much this little girl worshiped this man who literally became God in her eyes, you could only wish for that kind of naivety. And, many times I wished I was a man and I could do exactly the same - have throngs of women to choose from in Nepal and pick one that would do everything for me AND be beautiful. But, I realized quickly that I wasn't going to waste my life complaining and regretting; rather, I was going to make the most of who I am....so after much agonizing and crushing the dream I always had to marry a nice, educated, down to earth, Nepali man who respected my background and beliefs, I got married to a non-Nepali last year. Boy am I happy I did. Of course, had I found the right Nepali guy, I would have jumped at that opportunity. But, in the end my compromise was to look outside the community - - and it was such a hard decision for me. I know there are amazing Nepali guys out there and I'm in no way dissing them but I will say it is damn hard for MANY Nepali girls in the US to find the right Nepali guy. Best of luck to all my sisters who are in the search.... |
| stillontheshelf | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 02:37 PM
juhip, it sound slike u've been through the very same dilemma I currently face. I'm happy u found a way out, but I'm just worried of the consequences I am bound to encounter by family members should I 'stray' from the Nepali community and marry a foreigner. I whole-heartedly agree with the your anxiety regarding reasons behind a guy's decision to marry u, is it cos of my British passport or cos he, like me, loved to watch love 'Button Moon' and 'Cities of Gold' when he was younger too!!! I mean will he find bangers and mash tasty, or ever acclimatise to our weather, or go to football matches home and away!! I agree also that the type of men we would like are probably shacked up with dimwits, with either more tits, ass and money than brains. It really is a sad reality. Maybe compromise is an option cos like you I'm sick of being told that cos i'm 'British' I am arrogant and bhadeko just cos i want to have a say in the man i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. Maybe looking 'outside of the box' is our real option, ignoring lifelong snide remarks and grimaces by family members...but God do i pray I'll find a nepali one!!! |
| juhip | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 03:39 PM
stillontheshelf - I'll be hoping for the best for you! Did you grow up in England? I grew up in the States with a huge sense of Nepali pride, making it all the more difficult to stray outside the community. In fact, most people were absolutely shocked when I did. Probably making it harder was the fact that my husband is an Indian American. I remember growing up strictly thinking that Nepalis were far better than Indians at all levels. I would venture to say that there was a lot of Indian-hatred in my family and in the community at large. What is interesting is that I am learning that I am among many Nepali-American girls who have taken Indian-American guys for husbands. It just goes to show me that sometimes the thing that makes a relationship work is simply having similar experiences growing up. Most kids of immigrants face the same issues and go through the same things - making it much easier to relate. It was a huge surprise for me when I realized I had way more in common with an Indian than I did a Nepali. I suppose now looking back it doesn't seem so profound but my Nepali pride was so immense that it hadn't even occured to me. Like I said previously, I still probably would have married the first Nepali guy I met that seemed even remotely possible. But, since it never happened, I ended up on another path. I can say that I don't have any regrets at all. But, it is hard when you hear your own relatives make snide remarks about Indians and how I'm lucky I didn't end up with a cheat (since most of them are, right? ha!). After marriage, I've found a new sense of pride and ability to stand up for myself and my decision and I'm happy to say that I haven't lost any of my Nepali pride -- in fact, it's a lot of fun teaching my hubby about our culture and trying to get him to speak. We're hoping to return there one day. I only pray that he will be accepted by everyone back home. |
| Arnico | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 03:54 PM
...just got back from long travels, and only had a chance to skim through the thread briefly... but one thought came to mind: one NEVER finds someone who fits everything one imagines in a perfect partner. What is important to look for is that there is enough of a shared background and understanding to form the basis to start a relationship, AND, EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, that the person is someone willing to learn and to be shaped by the relationship, someone who respects you, and someone you can have fun with. The most treasured memories in a relationship (whether before or after marriage) are not of events that could have been dreamed of ahead or foreseen, nor are they necessarily events that correspond to one's earlier imagined perfection... but things that happen sponteneously, that involve both partners, and that bring two people closer together. Over time a relationship acquires its strength (and its weaknesses) through a growing pool of shared memories. Your tastes will change, so will his/hers. What remains unchanged though is the need for someone who treats you with respect and care. |
| stri_brood | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 06:38 PM
"But, it is hard when you hear your own relatives make snide remarks about Indians and how I'm lucky I didn't end up with a cheat (since most of them are, right? ha!)." Thank you very much!! Most of us are cheats...at least we don't try to fake it!! Anyways, i don't think anyone glorifies their married life in a public ..UNLESS THEY ARE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT! This online forum gives a lot of misconceptions...but i am not easily duped. And the hatred for the Indians, INDELIBLE!! PS> I AM ALSO NOT TRYING TO DISS THE NICE NICE NEPALI LADIES, WHO OVERLOOK THE NEPALI GUYS! GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL! JUST DON"T COME BACK WITH YOUR DISTRESS WHEN YOU FAIL AND REGRET! THAT"S LOWLY |
| rajneesh | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 09:02 PM
Streeji just wat are you trying to say???? FYI the lady was not trying to disparage indians and she seems to be quite happily married + this thread IS on marriage....so wat are u griping abt that ppl shd not be discussing their married lives???? |
| rajneesh | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 09:10 PM
Streeji just wat are you trying to say???? FYI the lady was not trying to disparage indians and she seems to be quite happily married + this thread IS on marriage....so wat are u griping abt that ppl shd not be discussing their married lives???? |
| dancinqueen | Posted
on 24-Mar-04 11:01 PM
Wow...the responses have been amazing and Poonte while it took me about three reads to understand your eloquency....I did eventually get a good laugh, especially about our dear dear crown prince...(all in jest) Arnico, thanks for your "advice", though I did not express your thoughts in the orginial start of the thread I am absolutely insync with yours. This thread by no means was started as a diss to any of the nepali men...the search for that perfect man has enough room for flaws because I too am not perfect and do not look for perfection, just the thought of sharing a relationship that will blossom with someone that fits some of the description or is willing to be a part of some of that. Men nor women, we're not perfect but we do want the best in life...don't we? And please no racial or ethnic bashing required. "O hon where art thou...." does not require the applicant to be from a specific national, religion, social background...just someone willing to love and be loved.....and whatever else comes with life. Meera....when I or if i ever run into that person...I'll send him your way, and his brother due to stillontheshelf...(haven't forgotten ya gurl) |