| Username |
Post |
| American Girl |
Posted
on 13-Aug-01 01:38 PM
Maybe this forum can help me better understand some cultural aspects of the Nepalese. I am engaged to a Nepalese guy but no date is set for marriage yet. Can someone share with me their experience. I mean cultural aspects after you get married. Anything I should think about the future? Thank you for your time.
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| Observer |
Posted
on 13-Aug-01 02:16 PM
Amrikan Girl this forum paints a bleak yet sort of accurate picture of the Nepali Community at large. Yet, different individuals are different and it will be hard to judge anyone according to their culture. You will be better off living in the US for sure than trying to adjust to life in Nepal if you are planning on moving there.
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| manche |
Posted
on 13-Aug-01 02:40 PM
Well if you look at it intellectually, there are lots of positive sides but as you know every thing have pros and cons. According to the time, nepali culture is also changing.. You might be little bit shock and may not like a lots of things which is normal to everyone but there is always a way around to such situation. If you and your soul mate have a mutual under standing then you do not need to worry about it. All the best .
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| sally |
Posted
on 13-Aug-01 04:44 PM
Well, I'm an American married to a Nepali guy, and I often get asked–by American men, American women, Nepali men, etc.--"What are intercultural marriages like?"
The quick, glib answer is, "I dunno." Marriages are between two people, not two cultures. Intercultural issues are likely to come up, in a way, even if you marry an American. Imagine you married someone who grew up in a military family, and all his relatives went to fundamentalist churches, whereas you grew up going to protest marches and celebrating Solstice rather than Christmas. Extreme example, but you know what I mean.
I totally disagree with the person who said you should live in America, and not in Nepal. There are just too many possible variables to say that one place is "better." We've been married six years and have lived in both places, and I know others who have, too–-with varying experiences. Of course, living in America is safer, in the sense that fewer problems are likely to arise. If you DO live in Nepal, it will be a more difficult adjustment for you. But some people (like me) enjoy that challenge. I expect you're pretty flexible and open to other cultures anyway, or you probably wouldn't have gotten close to a foreign guy, right?
It's probably true that the potential for trouble is less in the US, simply because you can avoid the weirdest aspects of Nepali culture--particularly gossip, back-biting, and status-seeking--by having mainly American friends. (Yeah, Americans do this stuff too. But frankly, not as much.) But don't be scared away by this "warning." Really, not all Nepalis are like that!!! If you fiancee isn't much of a gossip or back-biter, he probably won't have many friends who are, either. Like attracts like. If he's a good guy, his friends will be good guys--whether they're Nepali, American, Indian, whatever.
Probably the BIGGEST variable will be his family. That's a factor in any marriage, but a far more prominent one (in my opinion) in American-Nepali marriages. Your fiancee probably has a greater sense of duty towards his family--and a wider sense of what "family" means--than an American would have. But what that means will vary, depending on a lot of factors. Is he the eldest son or a younger one? How many siblings does he have? Are they married yet? What is your husband's position in the family dynamic? (For instance, who will run the family business if there is one?) Is it OK with you to live with in-laws in Nepal, or to have them come here and live with you for months on end, or to get phone calls about issues that Americans would not be talking about (like arranged marriages, what your husband's bai should be studying in college, etc, etc.)? Some extended families are EXTREMELY melodramatic, and life is one big soap opera. Mine is not, so I'm lucky. But do think about how you'd handle being in the middle of family dramas if they happened to become a part of your life.
Another thing. If, for instance--and I hate to point this out, but it's something to be aware of–-his parents have long harbored notions of arranging his marriage to a well-connected Nepali girl, an American buhari may not be seen positively, because she doesn't bring much by way of status. Again, I didn't have to deal with that. But it's not uncommon for Nepali men to have pre-existing arrangements, or parents with their eye on somebody back home. It's something to be aware of.
And it goes without saying that you'll need to be confident that he's not interested in you just for a green card. Sadly, that is sometimes the case. My sense is that it's not it's a definite minority of intercultural marriages, but I have to admit my "sample group" is probably skewed ... as an American married to a Nepali, I do tend to meet other Americans married to Nepalis, and we're the ones whose marriages have lasted, of course! So I'm not really running into the green-card hunters. (I hate to be a real turkey about this, and I know this is a stereotype. But if he's here illegally, or if you met him in Thamel or while trekking or something, and he's not very well-educated or is kind of a "disco guy," be really careful.)
Another thing. What about the "C WORD"--caste? People do tend to say things like, "there are more Buddhists married to Americans," or "Usually it's Newars who marry Americans, cuz they marry older." But anecdotally, I've found that there's no real correlation between acceptance of intercultural marriages and the Nepali family's caste, economic status, or level of education. It's really a matter of what kind of human beings they are. My own in-laws are conservative in cultural and religious matters, but tolerant and open-minded in practice. Consequently, they've been quite gracious, and I've never felt any kind of exclusion. (Other people have been less fortunate, though, and my sense is they deal with it by staying out of Nepal.)
Of course, some hypothetical American bride who insisted on eating hamburgers and got into arguments about cultural supremacy would have a hard time of it--and she'd deserve it!!! But I doubt that many people like that get into inter-cultural relationships in the first place.
You may think I'm saying that the success or failure of a marriage will depend on the family. Obviously it doesn't! But most other things will really have to do with your fiancee's individual personality, and culture may have surprisingly little to do with it. For instance, Nepali society is far more sexist than American society. But a Nepali guy who's dating an American girl is probably an independent thinker, and he may well be quite pro-feminist. My totally anecdotal observation is that Nepali guys with American spouses are just as much equal partners as their American male counterparts. Some like to cook; some don't. It's individual. I don't think they're any more "sexist" just because the culture is conservative in its gender roles. It's just one of those individual things you'll negotiate, just as you would if you married an American or a guy from France or Botswana or anywhere else.
Well, that's probably more than you need. Naturally, it's an interesting topic to me. Ultimately, of course, the big question, "to marry or not to marry," will depend on your own personalities and how you connect and interact as a couple. But you don't need some stranger on a web site to tell you that! GOOD LUCK!!!
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 14-Aug-01 11:56 AM
Sally's points are very meaningful and worthy of attention.
The understood conclusion about conjugal system in Nepal is: in Nepal , the
marriage is not just a personal, one marries with the family of the husband
or the wife.
So, they often see the caste, the family status, whether the sister of
the bride have eloped away with the lower caste person or not, whether
the father of the groom had two wives or not etc..
Marriage in US is none-of-others-business. That is the biggest difference.
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| Romeo |
Posted
on 14-Aug-01 05:39 PM
exactly, marriages are tough in nepal due to social obligations. it's only now that many are open minded. if you talk about people born after the 60s, they are a whole lot broad minded than those born in the 50s and before. but again it depends upon individuality, education and one's own thoughts. one will be difinitely better off living in usa after getting married to a nepali (or american) due to individuality here. plus many women in nepal still do nothing but household chores. working women are growing in numbers only now.
besides one needs to think about what others say too. many still give suggestions to others but when it happens to himself, doesn't accept it. for instance, many elderly folks might give suggestions and advice saying that even if you are american, you can marry the guy you love etc etc. but when his/her own son/daughter wants to get into inter racial marriage, the table will turn. many in nepal are gossip mongers, back-biters and what not. people love to talk about others and not notice about what's happening to their own homes. i've seen it first hand. so and so has eloped away with a guy. but hello, didn't your brother also run away with a gal? know what i mean?
look at the guy. talk to him about stuffs in detail. ask him about his family. try and find out how serious is he in marriage or if it's just for the green card.
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| Atap |
Posted
on 14-Aug-01 06:36 PM
Dear American Girl. Thank you for bringing this very important topic to this forum. It is interesting to read and discuss about American Nepali marriages. It is curious that no Nepali girls have responded to your guestion. I think they may be disappointed that a Nepali guy has chosen an American girl over them. That you will always experience. You will always be a second class citizen in Nepal. You will not be accepted into the most important pujas and other religious ceremonies that are such an integral part of the Nepali culture, and these occur minimally twice a month. Nepali men are attractive and often of a gentle character. Women are expected to keep their place while men are expected to try the field. All in all I think it can work very well for you and your mate. As others have said, marriage is between two people, not two cultures. Be flexible. Dont stray as Nepali women are expected to be infinately loyal to their men. The last 10 years of my relationship with a Nepali man have been largely trouble free, and his is a great, hard working guy, innocent as a child, willing to learn my ways, and gentle as a lamb with me and my family. Good luck.
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| Neela |
Posted
on 14-Aug-01 08:04 PM
Women in Nepal suffer the same subtle prejudices as in any male dominated society, men are expected to to bring home the becon and women are still expected to cook it. If you are sensitive to such view you may be quick to take offence at the still traditional roles that men and women play in Nepali life You will likely object to some of the random comments you are bound to hear though in fact no harm or seriousness is generally meant by it In a way they are just reinforcing their traditional roles with wich they feel most comfortable with. you will notice that if invited to a nepali home for example that women do all the meal preparation while the men sit and talk! Some of them will not even lift a finger to help out serious.. My friend recently got married to one. She looks the other way because he has other wonderful qualities she admires. Relationship is really between you and your mate right? so makes it up by One tends to generalise about a people when one becomes familiar with them, but i donot think it would be right to do that. So much for now.
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| PDK |
Posted
on 14-Aug-01 10:26 PM
Wives in Nepal, not all, are treated as servants, who is expected to cook, clean, take care of children and the house, and everything else. I have seen even educated men doing this because it's just the norm.If the woman is also a working wife, then the case might be little different. If you are a foreigner married to a nepali man, and you wish to live in Nepal, maybe you can impress the Nepali in-laws by showing them how fast, and good you get into the culture. They might be impressed by the amount of money you earn and the respect you show towards them. Even a newly wed Nepali bride has a hard time in the in-laws house because mainly of the mother-in-law and the sisters-in-law. Nepali parents, at first might not want their son/daughter to get married with a foreign person, because marrige is sacred in Nepal. Getting divorce is very uncommon, and is not taken positively. Nepali parents, again not all, have seen the cases where a white couple have separated due to reasons of adultery, or disinterest. This is why it is very difficult for them to approve of the marriage between a nepali and a non-nepali people. You can say that, many parents also would not prefer inter-nation marriages because of the society. They fear what their relatives and people around might say. Maybe this is one of the reason why Nepal hasnt been able o lift itself up towards any kind of development. One trick that might help you is to learn Nepali and speak with them. They will really like it. Also, lots of people here are doubting about the guy's intention (for the gree card). But I'm sure you are smart enough to tell that. It is very important for you to decide that you will be spending the rest of the life with this guy, if you are planning on marriage. It is definitely not like some american families, when you fight one day and divorce the other day becasue u have a better person in mind. Nepali families are very sensitive to these issues..... while in the US, parents don't seem to mind much. Good Luck American girl, and would like to hear from you soon.
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| sally |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 12:54 AM
A lot of people are raising interesting and truthful points.
I'd like to add a couple of things from my perspective, though, lest "American Girl" or anyone in her shoes get scared away! Actually, I think it's much easier to be a Westerner married to a Nepali--even within Nepal--than to be a Nepali woman. My sense is that Western wives of Nepalis tend to be somewhat exempt from the obligations that can make the lives of Nepali wives so difficult.
For instance, a buhari (daughter-in-law) is quite likely to do the cooking for her in-laws, scrub and sweep the floors, and do laundry by hand. But my impression is that families with Western daughters-in-law seem to be pretty aware that the girl is coming from another culture and isn't used to doing those things. Have you ever watched a girl brought up in America try to do laundry by hand? It's pretty funny.
It would take a remarkably sadistic family to force this poor uncomprehending bride to be squatting over a basin of suds like some Himalayan Cinderella--and ruining all their good clothes to boot. And what saasu really wants to trust her family's evening meals to someone who can't tell jira from jwanno? Plus, not everyone lives in extended families, especially these days.
So yes, there are many challenges. But they're not really quite the same challenges that face Nepali women. For instance, for a Western woman, the main problem with hanging out with the guys in the living room during a party won't be that girls are expected to go off and cook. I mean, everyone knows you're not Nepali. The main problem is that if you don't understand the language, it can get boring and isolating. (And that could be the case in the US at Nepali gatherings, as well.)
Perhaps the hardest thing about intercultural marriage is that many relatives, neighbors, husband's friend's wives, and so on, may be very nice people and treat you kindly--but your life experiences will be so different that it may be hard to relate to them. Not to speak of the language barrier!!!
That's part of why it's easier to live in the US than Nepal. After all, this is home. But a lot of mixed couples DO decide to live in Nepal, and do it successfully. It does take a lot of adaptability, though--plus an open mind, a strong sense of adventure and, perhaps, a good sense of humor!
###
A couple more things, just because I can't resist ...
From PDK: “It is definitely not like some american families, when you fight one day and divorce the other day becasue u have a better person in mind. Nepali families are very sensitive to these issues..... while in the US, parents don't seem to mind much.”
Come on, folks. NOBODY gets divorced that easily. Divorce is painful and most people avoid it at all costs. It's true that divorce statistics are high here, but that doesn't mean it's casual, or that our families aren't sensitive to those issues.
And what was that bit about warning American women "not to stray" because Nepalis value loyalty? As if Americans don't?!? An American woman who cheats on her American husband is looked down on, too. It may be more openly talked about here, but it's not exactly accepted behavior!!! PLEASE, folks, don't believe the DUMB STEREOTYPES.
But I hear these stereotypes from Nepalis so often. So yes, it's legitimate to point out that "American Girl" would have to overcome these ideas. Of course, her husband will also face stereotypes from people in the US who don't know the difference between Nepal and Afghanistan.
Luckily, I think most people give up their stereotypes when they get to know each other as individuals.
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| Anu |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 07:12 AM
Hi there
This message is for the American Girl. See there are lots of things around you going to influence you like the environment etc. But you would be living your life with the man you are wanting to marry. All these Cast, Creed , differences , race etc are stimulus to effect your life. But all depends on what kind of person you are and how strong you are!! See marriage is all about compramises, family life and love. You need to evaluate your personalty and see wether you can cope, as interracial marriages are not easy and alot compramising from your side would be required as because there are high expectations from a women and lots of differences exist in different culture. You would just have to be tolerant and patient. If you are not then its not your cup of tea. Mind you it is not easy!! So just evaluate yourself first.
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| Maya |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 08:33 AM
Atap: This is in response to what you have expressed!
I am a Nepali girl is married to a "kuirey" as some of you guys so lovingly call them. Well, its not a matter of not speaking up. Mind you, I have been following this thread with great interest. It was only due to work crunch that I wasn't able to respond.
I don't think Nepali girls have any problems with Nepali guys marrying outside of their race. At least, I cannot throw stones - glass house and all that :).
But, I would have to admit, ours is a culture which is pretty conservative - generally speaking and you will be faced with many many different reactions - like Sally says, it is an adventure...
There have also been cases where here too a friend of mine (Nepali) was told by a total stranger that she snatched a nice young man of their type! This, in public!!!
I know of some white and black southern families who would have major issues if their children married someone of the other group. So considering the number of years Nepalese people have been exposed to inter-racial marriages, I would think our parents are doing just fine and learning..as time goes on.
So there are ignorant people everywhere....Nepal is no exception.
Now I'm veering off the subject - Sally, I too, have plenty of thoughts that I could ramble about :). I know these things are endless but it does help to discuss hoina?
"The last 10 years of my relationship with a Nepali man have been largely trouble free, and his is a great, hard working guy, innocent as a child, willing to learn my ways, and gentle as a lamb with me and my family."
I'm glad to know that your relationship is great. You have seemed to found a good person who obviously values you and your relationship. I'm sure there has been an equal willingness to learn and respect each others "ways". This, I feel, is key to good inter-racial relationship. Not condoning different values.
In fear of rambling on..I'm going to continue this in another posting LEST I be branded as Ashu II - sorry Ashu :).
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| Manjari |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 10:40 AM
This is an interesting topic, very relevant too, otherwise gbnc was getting rather boring :-) Sally, you brought up an interesting thought in your second posting. And I quite agree with you. I do think that Nepalese in-laws ( and the nepalese society at large) have different expectations of their Nepalese buharis and non-nepalese buharis. The rules are more stringent for the nepalese, and if they fail to meet certain social expectations, the girls’ family, mostly the mother gets the blame for not teaching their daughter the proper manners.
I think it is most diffcult for Nepalese girls who have spent a few years overseas (while studying or working) and have been exposed to the less restrictive culture, and then go back and get married in Nepal where they have to readjust themselves and compromise a great deal. But these days, I think even Nepalese girls who have studied overseas or in America are getting excused from not knowing some of the social or cultural peculiarities. Recently, in a gathering, I overheard a lady defending her newly wed daughter-in-law saying “ bichari, bides ma padheki, siknai paki chaina” ( poor thing, she’s studied overseas, she hasn’t had the chance to learn).
It is also very interesting to read Sally’s comments, an American buhari J
I think I’m digressing from the main topic here..Yes American girl, it will help you a great deal if you can learn the language because that will help you adapt more easily.
You don’t have to learn all the cultural aspects..you may get to know them anyway through experience. And you don’t have to adopt all of them to be comfortable, I believe.
It is upto you, what you wish to adopt and embrace, and what you chose to leave out. Yes, you will have to be tolerant to a lot of nepalese idiosyncracies and accepting of a lot of Nepalese rituals and traditions, no matter how absurd they appear to you. Accepting doesn’t mean you have to adopt them. I know women who actually love all these cultural aspects and find their own special meanings in them.
Ultimately, you are marrying the guy. And probably ( as the rest have said already) knowing him ( and learning his idiosyncracies, if he has any) is most important than anythingelse. If you two have a great relationship, I believe everythingelse will work out fine for you. I wish you all the best.
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| Priya |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 10:56 AM
American girl- Since you live in the States, you will not have to face various cultural taboos here. When you visit your future husband's family back home remember that mother-in-law's role is prominent in nepali homes so get along with HER and charm the family members with your sweet talk and helpful manner( you will fit in just fine.) They will not expect too much out of a "foreign buhari" cos she is new to the culture.
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| Bullworth |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 11:20 AM
Hey no use listening to all these lame stories.
It depends upon the person. marriage is a 2 way st. Its the matter of give and take, compromise, and commitment. You can listen to all these stories as much as you want. But if you are not willing to compromise, be tolerant, and commit there is no use of getting married. It helps to listen to these lame stories, but ultimately it depends upon the individual. If youi are the partying air head type, dot't even attempt to cross that cultural boundry. If you are sensitive and eager to learn type, it might work but you would have to make a lot of sacrifices to fully understand the culture. If you consider yourself patient, understanding, sensitive, giving nature, it will mork.
Living in Nepal forever, forget about it. Its eay to go from low living standard to high. But it is very hard to go from high to low. You might be able to survive a few years, but long term foget-ta-aboutit. No electricity, no running water, discrimination because you are white in the family, language barrier, health problem, diet problems(getting the runs). I know a lot of foreigners(female) that came to live in KTM, but bailed after sometime. Longest I have seen is about 7-8 yrs.
BUt if you are planning to live here, it will definately work. I have relitives who have been married 30 yrs & still going strong. So good luck.
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| Dee |
Posted
on 15-Aug-01 11:38 AM
I am an American who has been married for over a year to a wonderful Nepalese man. I agree with the posts saying that dealing with each others personality will be the main "hurdle" and not necessarily cultural differences. If both of you are patient, tolerant and flexible it is bound to work. Learning the language doesn't hurt either. (I'm still in the process of this myself-if you're in Boston we can learn together)
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| Yana |
Posted
on 16-Aug-01 12:18 PM
Most of us enter our partnership with our minds full of pictures, dreams, movie fantasy, belief of "how its going to be" but reality has a way of indemining our fantasy. If you ask ten people with their eyes wide ope to describe an event or object or a culture aspect of nepali marriage, you can be certain that each of us will recount it differently according to our own interpretive filters. I would not worry too much about the cultural aspect of marriage, the reason being every marriage within a culture can be unique. Since you wanted our input regarding the future, If I were you, I would really concentrate in strenthening the relationship, accepting one another unconditionally, working as a team to accomplish a task-( by the way american america men who fold laundry or make bed or dinner is not loosing his manhood!! nepali men now living abroad are slowing learning to pick-up after themselves...) You may want to learn common nepali words if you are interested. American girl -laughter is a potent stuff, sprinkle a lot of it in your relationship, it will immediately change the mood, quell fears I would certainly name is as a "priceless asset in a relationship. All the best.
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| Bostoni_Babu |
Posted
on 16-Aug-01 04:46 PM
American Girl,
First of all, I would lik to wish you all the best. About the cultural aspects of getting of married, I don't think you should worry too much about it. You may find
this amazing but in Nepalese Culture, I've found marriges with foreign people are
widely accepted compared to people from same country but different casts. I know, it is a sad thing but this doesn't seem to affect you in your relationship. I think, you don't need to worry too much about this so called " cultural aspects " kinda crap, ya know. Just go with flow...
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| Bostoni_Babu |
Posted
on 16-Aug-01 04:47 PM
American Girl,
First of all, I would like to wish you all the best. About the cultural aspects of getting of married, I don't think you should worry too much about it. You may find
this amazing but in Nepalese Culture, I've found marriges with foreign people are
widely accepted compared to people from same country but different casts. I know, it is a sad thing but this doesn't seem to affect you in your relationship. I think, you don't need to worry too much about this so called " cultural aspects " kinda crap, ya know. Just go with the flow...
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| pravas |
Posted
on 16-Aug-01 07:58 PM
goodluck
it takes twice as much work than regular couples from the same culture... How do I know? I am married to one. if you like challenges in life and have patience go for it.Don't expect the person to completely change either, know his roots. I think go live in Nepal for a while and see for yourself what the upbringing is like. That is the best way to really know your nepali partner. Goodluck and let me know if you need any kind of help.
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| Custom |
Posted
on 16-Aug-01 08:29 PM
The topic is quite interesting for those people, basically, who want to get marriage with different race. Race is itself an identity and value of a community. Every race have their own defferent identity in terms of its values and norms.
Let's say about "Nepalese", geographically South Asian and Mixed of Asian Indian and Mangolian (there may be some other too), these two races have their own different culture, language, religion, etc. These both are perfectly matured and functioning well in their precise curcumstances. A question is that how many married-couples can you find such a" non-discriminating" practices in Mother land Nepal? You can hardly find a married couple between Tara-ian and Himal-ian. Then, how is interracial marriage possible with an American-woman or man? Is not there possible to occure some sort of "artificial love" and such a "beneficiary" attitude on those marriages? If it exists among the American-Nepali marriage, how do you accept such relations?
I have seen couple of American-Nepali marriages in the US that those couples are getting rigorious problems because of RACE and its values. A friend of mine, he is Bahun and he does not eat beef. It is his ethnic, family and racial value. He married with a Nisei-woman. My friend's wife loves eating beef because it is her ethnic, family and racial value. My friend did lie to her for making "paper" (green card). Once he got the "paper", he started to show his custom aftermath their interracial marriage did not make sense at all.
So, my opinion is to get marriage to whom you really like and perceive of every circumstances. Marriage is not for divorce, while you want to get separation.
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| Nepaliguy |
Posted
on 16-Aug-01 08:40 PM
Hey Amercian girl:
A few thoughts from a Nepali guy.
1. What's the color of your skin? Nowhere do you mention whether you are black, brown or white. If you are black, you are in deep trouble. Nepalis are racists. Typically, a Nepali guy wants his wife to be "gori" (fairer the better) - never mind her waistline or height - and that he is pitch-dark himself. His friends, who have harldy lived outside the country, will feel extremely uneasy relating to a black woman.
2. Another important factor. Are you going to live in a joint family? If both of you are professionals, you are blissfully away (at least most of the time) from back-biting in-laws (unemployed, jealous and hostile sisters-in-law!) and hwaking housewives in the neighborhoods, whose favorite pastime by the way is family gossip. Some egs., "His American wife got drunk in front of her sasura (father in law)!!!", or "She went for a five-day trek with her American boyfriends to Solu!" and, "She walks around the house in her skimpy clothes."
Good luck. There are wonderful Nepalis. Make no mistake, though. And above all, for Nepalis marriage is for keeps. It's definitely not a half-hearted experiment.
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| maya |
Posted
on 17-Aug-01 08:57 AM
Nepaliguy,
Some of things you have pointed out were/could be true. Things have changed a lot in Nepal as well. Many more women work these days so I hope the gossiping/bitching has slowed down.
But WHY did you presume that AMERICAN GIRL was not into this marriage for keeps??
Stereotyping/Generalizing!!
But then, you did that to most Nepalese women too - back-biting in-laws, jealous sisters-in-law.
FYI, my sisters-in-law are the most wonderful people but they are in competition with me and others, they do gossip and they are foreigners.
How obnoxious of you!
Have you ever heard - Afu bhalo ta jagat bhalo?
As long as your intentions are good and you know an inter-racial marriage might take twice as much effort, if you love one another sincerely - then you are going on one heck of an adventure American Girl! ;) You have to determine for yourself if HE is worth the effort you might have to make (not to undermine the adjustment he might have to make in order to accommodate you as well)!
Best of Luck!
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| villagevoice |
Posted
on 17-Aug-01 09:22 AM
Nepaliguy, you got it right bro the thing about nepali being 'racist' ie. in love with white skin. Funny, eh? Makes me ponder about this whole thing about colour- colur theory.
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| ProudNepali |
Posted
on 17-Aug-01 12:38 PM
Yo Nepali guy or should I say Amricanized Nepali,
Fine examples you have given of Nepali family gossip. Did it ever occur to you that all the examples you have given apply to almost every culture outside of America? How many cultures do you know that do not have nasty gossip or unpleasant in-laws? Do you think Americans are above all of this petty bickering and gossip?
"His American wife got drunk in front of her sasura (father in law)!!!"......How many cultures on this planet would tolerate this? How many cultures tolerate even SONS getting drunk in front of their fathers?
"She went for a five-day trek with her American boyfriends to Solu!".....I have lived in America for 11 years, I would not want my American wife (if I had one) to go off to the mountains with her American boyfriends. Would you want yours?
"She walks around the house in her skimpy clothes.".....Do you know any one among the 2.5 BILLION Asians who like to see their sister/daughter-in-laws walking around in skimpy clothes?
STOP JUDGING THE WORLD BY AMERICAN STANDARDS. America is not the center of the universe as much as you would like to think that it is. Just what is it that happens to Nepalese once they set foot on America? They truly feel they are in "God's country" and that the rest of the world - and especially Nepal - is stupid, pathetic, and a sorry mess.
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