| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 11-May-04 02:45 PM
Euta Gazal Bistarai..:) --------------------------- Ke jala sahar ko - dhyan bistarai Tarabar bhitra pasdaichha - myan bistarai -1 Tauka ma kagaj ko nakkali, gulab ropera Attar chardai chha - rachhyan bistarai - 2 Pakhanda ko yo parakashta dekhera Kati rokos attahas yo - jyan bistarai - 3 Ahara pachauna nasake pacchi, lajjit K hune hola bagh ko - bayan bistarai - 4 prarthana bahek k garna sakchha ra ------ Tuppa batai bhaye pani palaaos - gyan bistarai - 5 |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 11-May-04 04:33 PM
. 
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| Nepe | Posted
on 11-May-04 04:50 PM
Nsshrestha ji, Hatterika ! Maile bhanda chaado post garisaknu bhaechha, Nepali font ma. Je bhaye pani tapaain le yesto eloquontly lekhnu bhaye ko ghazal ko samman ma mero tarfa baata maile kamchor bhayera tayaar paareko yo ... 
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| nsshrestha | Posted
on 12-May-04 08:24 AM
Nepe sir, Thanks for your time and input. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 12-May-04 01:02 PM
Nsshrestha ji, My plesasure. Looking at the standard of this ghazal and chhit-poot shers you have posted, I am suspecting you are one of those ghazal hastis from Nepal. Which one is you ? Your shers are so good, I have to literally struggle to find good enough words to admire them with. Each sher is exquisite. Powerful commentaries on our contemporary life with illustrative similes, metaphors, imageries and an array of emotions. A gift to students of ghazal like myself and parakhi Sajhaites. Aharaa pachaauna nasake pachhi, lajjit Ke hune hola baagha ko bayaan bistaarai This one so complements with Bund Rana's following equally stunning sher- Dakarera maachho-laai dosh dinchha gohee Jhukyaayera pet bhitra pasechha haraamee 8sf/]/ df5f]nfO{ bf]if lbG5 uf]xL– e'mSofP/ k]6leq k;]5 x/fdL .. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 12-May-04 01:09 PM
One thing that you left is beher. You might want to put 'em in a beher so that Sajha ghazalkars are encouraged to compose metered verses. |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 13-May-04 10:57 AM
Nepe Sir, I am non of the heavy weights of Nepali Gazal, if you are suspecting. Actually It is the first Gazal I ever wrote, not counting the chitta-putta sers in Sajha. I am an authentic product of Sajha and your Gazal classes here. Moreover, an aftermath of “Snigdha Suvra Santa Najar Sitara Ko” So truly disciple of yours in Gazal. Do I get an A+ now? |
| shirish | Posted
on 14-May-04 08:11 AM
Thunge_ko ta fool_le ho, failadain_cha jahar bistarai bhukampa_ko dhakka napardai, bhatakai_cha sahar bistarai ! ne muddai darta bho kunai, na sunuwai nai mero pakchyako birruddha, vai.sa.ke_cha thahar bistarai! kura milen are bagar sita lahar_ko simana bhitra basna baru, khoj_dai cha nahar bistarai! khel afanai bas_ma parun, jitaoun bazi sabai_ko. chahiye_ko taas ekkai ho, aaundai _cha dahar bistarai ! Open to corrections! |
| Nepe | Posted
on 14-May-04 02:45 PM
Nsshrestha ji, I wouldn't know that. In any case, I am honored if I was any part of your interest in Nepali ghazal. Lately I have become more beher-conscious about ghazal. I think, looking at the flood of extremely good ghazals coming from Nepal, the time for meter-free ghazal is over. Now we have to start composing more ghazals for singing. Our own Jagjit Singh, Gulam Ali, Punkaj Udhas' are waiting for Nepali ghazalkars to produce ghazals for them. As a rough attempt to put a meter on your such an expressive ghazal, I did the following exercise. As you can see, I assumed 12 maatraas (harf) for each line (misra) with a pause in the middle (6 syllables-pause- 6 syllables). Modifications are self-explanatory. To recite the ghazal (singing), I imitated Shayar Khumar Bara Bankvi's recital of his ghazal "Na haaraa hai Ishq.." Listen to Khumar's recital and try for yourself. I hope you'll enjoy your ghazal as much as I did. The link for Khumar's recital- - http://www.urdulife.com/mushaira/mushaira.cgi?kb_g6 s]÷ hf÷nf÷ z÷x/====sf]÷Wof÷g÷ la:÷tf÷/} t/÷jf/÷le÷q÷ k:÷b}÷====5÷ Dof÷g÷ la:÷tf÷/} 6f÷p÷sf]÷df÷ u'÷nfkm==== sf÷uh÷sf]÷ /f]÷k]÷/ c÷Q/÷5÷/÷b}÷5==== /÷5\of÷g÷ la:÷tf÷/} kf÷v0÷8÷sf]÷ of]÷ k====/f÷sfi÷6f÷ b]÷v]÷/ s÷lQ÷ /f]÷sf];\÷ xf÷;f] ==== of]÷ Hof÷g÷ la:÷tf÷/} cf÷xf÷/f÷ k÷rf÷p====g÷ g÷;÷s]÷ k÷l5 s]÷xf]÷nf÷t÷ af3÷sf] ==== a÷of÷g÷la:÷tf÷/} k÷/f÷y{÷gf÷ af÷x]s==== s]÷ u/÷g÷ ;S÷5÷ / 6'K÷k}÷af÷6÷ k÷nf====cf];\÷ 1f÷g÷ la:÷tf÷/} ' P.S. It is a pleasure to learn that a wide spectrum of Sajhaites were touched in various different ways by "Tasbir Sitara-ko". The problem is- I don't know if I should take the credit solely or share that with Sitara too ;-) |
| Nepe | Posted
on 14-May-04 02:47 PM
Shirish, To me, this is the best ghazal among all you have posted. Not that I don't like "romantic" poetry, but, I think the metaphor of beloved has been over-used by too many and it's time to look for fresh metaphors and socially-conscious or reflective topics. You have done a wonderful job. Beher milauna banki chha. Everything else is perfect. A beautiful work ! |
| SITARA | Posted
on 14-May-04 03:12 PM
Nepe ji: Here is a proposition: Let's share.... The pleasure IS/WAS ALL mine but the credit goes ALL to you! :) You brought tears to my eyes with your creation; but then you have the ability to beautify even the most mundane. |
| SITARA | Posted
on 14-May-04 03:22 PM
Shrestha ji... I am at bliss reading gazals like yours...such beauty in composition. |
| Gunaraj | Posted
on 14-May-04 09:07 PM
Tension bho hajoor, tension. Chup lagi basna pani sakiyena... 
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| shirish | Posted
on 15-May-04 06:07 AM
Here is a proposol of mine: Lets declare next month as the "SAJHA GHAZAL MONTH" and we will determine topics, beher and qafia and compose couple of ghazals within the rules and post them as we finish. We can even request San to provide us a small permnet space FOR A MONTH in the main page and create some more "parakhis." This can be a "khurak" for ametaeur like me. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 16-May-04 09:58 PM
Sitara, Sharing is fine to me. However, the problem is- I already took a bite of my share of pleasure. Jutho haleko pleasure kasari firta garum ? And the piece, yes, I too have been moved, as a reader if not a poet, more than I (atma sharir) will ever let myself (sthul sharir ) know fully :-) ********************* Gunaraj, Impressive ! my favorite sher Lukayeko mutu bhitra ekai chhin haraunda Kusume rumal pratigaman ko tul bhayechha Use of a fresh metaphor. Open for interpretation. Great ! ********************* Shirish, Great idea. I'll be more than happy to participate. However, we need expressed commitment from a critical mass first. We have not been very regular lately. |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 17-May-04 11:09 AM
Sitara Ji, Thanks for your nice words. |
| Deep | Posted
on 17-May-04 11:43 AM
Rukhbata khasdo Baadar Umere sidhi orlidi Beshya Chautarama bhet huna ta deu Ek.kai chhin ma miteri hunchha tara abiswas ko! Naranthan ma-sunchhu aba bhetghat rey chadai "collectively" Singariyeka beshyaharu ra rukhbata khasdo badarko! Yastai bhetle katilai ghat puryai sakyo Aba balima boko aauchha ta dosh beiman khukuriko nabhaye Ke ta kasai ko? Aastami ta aaudai chha- Khabardar!!! |