| Username |
Post |
| What's in a name |
Posted
on 17-May-04 11:53 PM
Hi all
I am in a quandary and I hope you lot can help me put things into perspective coz my mind is not functioning very well at the moment. Of late, a woman has been showing a lot of interest in me and I know for sure she likes me a lot. There have plenty of direct and indirect hints that she finds me attractive. (I have absolutely no clue why anyone would find me attractive)
Anyway, she is gorgeous and has a body that would make jeniffer lopez feel insecure, ok maybe that was an exaggeration, but you get the idea? What’s more, she has that “class” if you get my drift, and knows how to carry off herself.
Until now, I have been playing it cool, pretending I ain’t too keen etc. But the fact of the matter is, I feel the same way about her. But I am very good at hiding my feelings, I have always been that way. I am sure she is confused as to how I feel about her, because I have been sending mixed signals to her. I have to say though that my feelings for her started growing after I noticed that she liked me. I have never felt so strongly about any woman and no woman has had such effect on me. It’s surreal.
Problem is, she is married and has children! She is in her late twenties and I am not too far behind her (excuse the pun) in terms of age. I suppose, her feelings for me are far more intense than the other way round. This is something I could take it or leave it as it were. But I can’t get her out of my head. I hope you don’t think badly of her, because I am not saying that she sees me as a boyfriend material. It might just be a harmless infatuation on her part and she knows where to draw the line. Maybe she is genuinely unhappy in the relationship that she is currently in. Maybe I am reading too much into this, or maybe she wants to hook me up with her sister. It could be anything.
But yes, there is definitely a mutual attraction, and if I want to, I think it can be taken a little further. Why do I have to bottle up my feelings for her just because she is married and vice versa. Your opinions and views would be much appreciated.
A shajhite in disguise.
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| anonymous |
Posted
on 18-May-04 12:33 AM
Duuuuuuuuuude!!!!!
Shes MARRIED!! and has Children!!
anyways there comes point of time for everyone has to make some decison(atually arent we making decison everyday??there is always a choice they say), seems like you got one to make, so think hard and make one...and follow ur decision.
And you will definetly lose out on something one way or another...so just make that decison and be prepared to live with it..with no regrets.(Was it the right or wrong choice...only time will tell). And its your problem...you have to think about it yourself...you already know whats right.. dun you?? If not you woudnt be posting this question here..would you?(shows u got some morality in you..:D)you just wanna hear that that decision iyou have made is right...cos when more ppl tell you do this..etc....u find it easier to follow it..but what if...they thought diffent from you?majority rules..but this is ur life ur talking about...what if the sajha is filled with sick ppl(me included ;)..) what if you all the wrong advices? what would you do??so just do what you think is right..cos in the end its gonna affet you(and the ppl you are talking about) not us..
its easy for us to tell u to do this..or do that..cos we are not in your position...so...well hope u make the right decison for yourself and the ppl concerned...(seems like some no of ppl are gonna be affected by it)...good luck..:D
(ps i Bs a lot hehe..and have been sending to and reading a lot of Dear Aggie stuffs so ...dun really listen to what im saying ;)...nor anyone else ;)..)
cheers :D
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| HarvestMoon |
Posted
on 18-May-04 03:24 AM
I support 100% of what anonymous has said...!
Get the hell out mate ! Once you are into it you won't be able to come out unscathed...!
Attraction is like wild fire... you are not sure of the direction it will take and what it will consume on the way! And a lot of price to pay... from both parties... ! C'mon... she is married and with kids!
She may be infatuated... or attracted or whatever...but if you make this move both of you will be putting your integrity and what-have-yous at stake...! Are you both really ready to pay so big a price?
Sometimes an opportunity is too tempting to let go... but it's the right thing... however difficult! This kinda opportunity is devil in disguise!
BUT then again... it's your life and you have to make the decision. YOU... none other will be accountable for the consequences. Listen to your head this time.
HM
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| JagaltayBhoot |
Posted
on 18-May-04 03:37 AM
I would suggest to go for it and give it a try, mate. Of course, be honest and let her know at the start if u are not looking for a long-term relationship. And as long as it is based on mutual consent and respect, it should be ok. If both of you adults want to have fun, what are you waiting for?
And, dont forget to let us know further developments.
cheers
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| redstone |
Posted
on 18-May-04 06:20 AM
I would agree with jagaltay. Go for it. If she's interested in you and you like her too, then whats stopping ya? nobody. This is your own world bro, play with your own rules. If it was me, i would go for it. BUT don't go to far, stop right before the sign when that says "kid ahead" :p
goodluck
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| LadyBug |
Posted
on 18-May-04 07:27 AM
Dude, there comes someone spicing up the sajhapost fiinally! hehe
ok, let me try my role as Ms AbbyLady here.
I say WHAt the Hell dude! you got the wrong signal. it has happened too many times, people getting the wrong signals because their own psyche is telling them to go for it.
let me ask you this - are you 100% sure that she is unhappy in the relationship she is in. Are you sure, she's not just being too friendly maybe? may be you need to tell her to backoff a little (flirtation wise) before accusing her of falling for you. Also i gather that you are younger than her??? did you know woman mature so much more than man (at the same age)........so if you (or her) are thinking long term, then you are already in trouble. your young age is not gonna help - unless you are a far more mature guy somehow (which i find hard to believe, reading your post here) - no offense, but think of this as a misunderstanding and MOVE ON! is my advise to you. it might be hard early on, but you'll realize later what a prudent thing you did, for all of you involved (for the kid's sake at least)......jee. and where did the sister come in the picture? i'm just curious.
at any rate, good luck reading people right.
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| porcelina |
Posted
on 18-May-04 11:05 AM
AIIIYAIIYAII....!!! do you seriously want to be seen by her children as the person who destroyed their parents' relationship?? NO NO NO NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO... and as for sajhaite in disguise... hmmm.... hint hint!!
')
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| netaa_ji |
Posted
on 18-May-04 11:10 AM
Should I comment from a Nepali social and cultural prespective or an American prespective ??....duhh....hic hic..!!!
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| What's in a name |
Posted
on 18-May-04 11:18 AM
Anonymous and HarvestMoon,
Deep down, that’s how I feel, that there is no point in hanging onto or nurturing a relationship that is going to lead nowhere.
The stakes are too high, and I guess some things in life unfortunately, you just have to let go of, however difficult that is to do so. But the fact that she is very attractive and the attention that I get from her, I suppose, puts a damper on my will power.
JagaltayBhoot and Redstone,
You completely got the wrong end of the stick there, maybe I didn’t explain myself better. No, I wasn’t talking about getting into her pants. I have a great deal of respect for her to even contemplate taking advantage of her. My question was, would you get into a long term relationship with a married woman ?
Ladybug,
why are you so cynical? Give me one reason why I would want to start a thread like this if it wasn't true. She has made it abundantly clear through her actions on a number of ocassions that she fancies me, the details of which I am not going to get into.
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 18-May-04 11:24 AM
what's in a name:
Just give it a try.
If you think she is unhappy in her marriage, well, she probably has a legitimate reason to seek resort elsewhere.I don't think it is a crime or anything.
However, in midtwenties, young men have tendency to define every nice moves of opposite sexes as amorous advances. So, make sure you are not misinterpreting things.
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| wateva |
Posted
on 18-May-04 11:26 AM
Maybe she's just looking for a fling... what the helll Indulge her... BUT NO I dont think there can be a LONG term relationship as you put it!
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| provein |
Posted
on 18-May-04 12:13 PM
everybody who is telling you to go for it are just doing it to get some good gossip material later on. one of them is even asking you to update him about 'further developments!'.
anyway whatever people say here i dont think you will follow anyone's suggestion. you will just do what you want to do. so think about it yourself and make a decision.
but make sure you are not misinterpreting her 'actions' which you mention many times to convince us that you're getting the right signals. a verbal communication would make things clearer. actions can be misleading. once a girl who was a friend, sat on my lap while we were having a nice conversation and a few drinks..but when i tried to go for more.. she looked surprised, left and never talked to me properly again.. that's the saddest story of my life... misinterpreting a friend''s comfort as a close friend as a sexual advance and blowing it. but hey, i never had girls sitting on my lap before.. so what would i know? :)
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| Rosie |
Posted
on 18-May-04 01:41 PM
I totally agree with what Provein said. Sometimes, when you really like a person yourself, it is easy to read too much into it all, and mistake their innocent actions for overtures of flirtation.
Not to drift away from What's in a Name's problem, but I have a similar experience to share as Provein's.
Back in college, I was really good friends with this guy, but I never thought of him as more than that. Once we were alone working on a project together and he started talking about his family. Something he said me made me touch his face, and the next thing I know, he was trying to kiss me on the neck. I was startled.
I wasn't offended or anything, but just really surprised.
Upon realizing that I wasn't going to yield to his advances, he quickly collected himself and apolgized. We finished our project. Little was said.
After that incident, I tried to talk to him and to revive our old friendship. However, when I heard from some mutual friends that he felt like I had led him on the whole time, I stopped making the effort.
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| netaa_ji |
Posted
on 18-May-04 03:06 PM
Well, to my understanding and according to my experience I'm little too harsh on dealing with situations like NAME'S.
If I were in NAME's place I would certainly would like to use my mind rather than my heart.
So frankly I would like to tell, if NAME is getting into this mess simply for fun then I would have no objection. I love to flirt with married women.,.ha haha . However if NAME has got some long term plans then I would never recommend it cause he would end up messing up his own life, hers, her childeren and her husband.
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| Casey00 |
Posted
on 18-May-04 03:23 PM
whatsinaname bro:
Like someone mentioned before I think your situation isn't that rare and persoanlly if I was YOU and had that feelings of uncertainity then I would speak my mind..pour it out to her.. I would make her read the same words you wrote for us sajahites so that she would get better understanding of what you feel about her..Dont make things complicated because at times we analyze things totally wrong ..and in the end it makes us feel so stupid...so brother go tell her..and IF YOU REALLY LIKE HER AND VICE VERSA THEN what the hell ..go for it!! Having said that you also have said that you feelings started to grow more after you found that she liked you... selfishness to me...thats really interesting!!!.....and maybe its you who is infatuated..so once again go up to her and express yourself
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| redstone |
Posted
on 18-May-04 04:39 PM
my man! go get the stuff you need and get out. LOL. then forget the woman!
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| Garibjanata |
Posted
on 18-May-04 06:02 PM
What's in a name,
You told us about your masuka's marital status, but what about yours? And where is the origin of place of this love story - Kathmandu or America or some other place?
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| Rekha |
Posted
on 18-May-04 09:18 PM
All I have to say is "Follow your heart". Do whatever you want but before you do anything think about everything carefully. Do you really love her ??? Does she love you ??? Can you see yourself spending your life with her ??? Can you see yourself loving her children as your own ??? Think about all the PROS and CONS and make your decision. Good Luck Bro.......
Peace Out..............
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| What's in a name |
Posted
on 18-May-04 10:42 PM
porcelina, :)
I know what you mean, don't want to break up a family. But there is always that nagging 'what if' that refuses to go away.
Biswo and wateva,
I wouldn't say she is looking for some action, but she is definitely attracted to me. I am the one who is being pretty much laid back about the whole thing. She is so graceful and effortlessly exudes character/aura (for want of a better word) which I find so appealing. She's not tarty at all, or my opinion of her would not have been so high. She is just perfect in every sense.
Netaji,
Point taken. I have no intention of fooling with her. She deserves better.
Provein, Rosie and Casey,
I normally give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't jump to conclusions in a snap.
Redstone,
hehehe..
Garibjanata,
I'm single and I would like to think of myself as a one woman guy.
Anyways, thankyou all for your inputs. Appreciate it.
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| Robert Frost |
Posted
on 18-May-04 11:38 PM
"Since a long time I have been observing that you have an interest on me, forgive me if I am wrong, but I get the feeling that you love me, is that so?"
The possible replies,
"What!! you are absurd!!"
"What!! you totally mis understood me, I was just trying to be good friends with you and share things"
"What the heck! Do you even realize that I have a husband and a son that I love so very much??"
"How could you even think that way??!!"
"No!!so and so!! You look so alike my brother, thats why I was trying to engage in a conversation with you"
"I think you are good looking and charming and sensible, but sorry I never looked upon you like that, I am sorry if I made you feel bad".
.........................................
Some possible replies..!!:) Many more is possible...!!
To be honest with you bro, I get the feeling that a woman with a husband and a son, is a step too far from thinking just casually. There can be a lot more possibilities of woman being frank followed by a huge prank right in the face. So, before you commit, you have a lot of thinking to do. Her husband might be a total ass and she would not want to stay with a bit, but I am sure she loves her son and would like to remain with him, So are you ready to accept her son?? It seems like you will have a lot of court fight to do as well. Another thing, if you are in US, can you afford to devote so much of time trying to engage in this one?? Can you assure yourself that it is not an infatuation and you just totally in love with her? If I were you, I would follow what TMA has said.
Thats all, GOOD LUCK>>>!!!
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| czar |
Posted
on 19-May-04 02:42 AM
While it is true that people now spend extended periods of their daily lives at work and romances do result in this situation, management mostly frowns upon it. For starters, many HR people consider it unprofessional behavior. At the workplace, one is expected to focus on the company’s bottom line, not on a colleague’s bottom.
Those amorously etangled can find their judgement impaired, tough decisions may not be implemented or contemplated when it affects the object of lust/affection, leaving other workers an opening to level charges of favouritism. Some may not see it quite this way, but it is a place of work. Not quite the place to indulge in romantic interludes, regardless of how innocently it comes about.
The argument of human failings, human nature and perhaps even human necessity may be waved about, but most HR people would argue against it. Consider the potentially thorny issues of sexual harrasment, trading of favours to gain advancement etc. and one begins to perceive a potential powder keg. One that can easily blow careers to smithereens. Sometimes bolsters that of special prosecutors. (Ken Starr comes to mind immediately.)
Despite varying estimates, it is thought that most office romances fizzle out. Which then leaves the aftermath. The awkward situation between workers-turned lovers- turned not-so-cozy-coworkers who mostly have no clue how to deal with each other. In the event the breakup is a nasty one, the fallout exacts a greater toll. One or both parties draw in other colleagues for support and the whole thing spirals into one sorry, possibly sordid, mess. Morale and productivity plummets, frustration and wastage of company time and resources go up. The bean counters go berserk.
As one wag succinctly put it ‘Don’t dip your pen in company ink.” Especially interns.
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| JagaltayBhoot |
Posted
on 19-May-04 03:58 AM
Quote
My question was, would you get into a long term relationship with a married woman ?
Unquote
What’s in bro, my simple answer would be “No” for a longterm RELATIONSHIP. If you are just talking about friendship, then, obviously, age, sex and marital status etc do not matter.
Now let me clarify about my earlier stance and suggestion.
You clarified thus: “ I have a great deal of respect for her to even contemplate taking advantage of her.”
I never suggested taking advantage of anyone. If you see my earlier suggestion, it was about mutual understanding and respect and fun between two adults. I hope you see the difference.
My earlier suggestion was rather based on what I would have done in the given situation and not “just to get some good gossip material later on” as somebody has mentioned. I would like to assure him/her that asking for “further developments” was merely out of curiosity.
Hope you make your own decision, after judging fine comments by so many individuals, so that you wont have anything to regret about later.
cheers
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| cool_keta |
Posted
on 19-May-04 06:29 AM
quit copying and pasting from Reader's Digest
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| czar |
Posted
on 19-May-04 05:37 PM
Perhaps you'd specify which of the material posted above has been taken from Reader's Digest.
Charges of plagiarism and fabrication are not to be taken lightly. The recent spate of very high profile resignations in the New York Times and other leading dailies highlights the scope and extent of the issue.
This website has seen instances of plagiarism and it has resulted in some distasteful exchanges. The stain of such dishonesty remains in one’s mind long after the scandal blows over. Any presentation thereafter will be tainted. That is the death knell for any serious writer. A lesson well learnt by aspiring writers here and elsewhere.
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| What's in a name |
Posted
on 19-May-04 11:30 PM
Rekha,
Just in case you haven’t noticed it, the omission of the word ‘Love’ in my previous posts was deliberate. I don’t want to delude myself by saying we’re in love, coz we aren’t.
In my humble opinion, love is something that grows in you over time, and is unconditional, and you would still love the person in spite of all his/her flaws (if that makes sense). The word ‘love’ has lost it’s charm because it has been way over used.
As far as your questions are concerned, therein lies the dilemma. :)
TMA and Robert Frost,
I really did not want this to come out but it seems I have no choice. I know she fancies me because her best friend told me so.
(not that she had to tell me, I already knew she fancied me from her actions, body language, and stuffs she said to me etc.)
BTW, I don’t have a clue who Ashley is. By the sounds of it, she might be of some help, no doubt.
Czar,
No, this is not workplace romance. You have raised some valid points though.
JagalteyBhoot,
I see where you are coming from. BTW, I never thought your opinion was out of order, just incase you had doubts.
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| LadyBug |
Posted
on 20-May-04 10:19 AM
What's in a name,
Let me ask you this - Have you ever fallen in love? Did you just break up a serious relationship? Are you desperately looking for love? Are you ready to settle down?
Which one/more of the above holds true for you? then further diagnostics can be done.
(now i take that you are being serious about this)
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| provein |
Posted
on 20-May-04 01:13 PM
"Provein, Rosie and Casey,
I normally give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't jump to conclusions in a snap."
duuuuuuude, you seem more intent on proving to us that the woman REALLY fancies you than thinking about the real problem at hand. why get snappy when some of us are suggesting that you ascertain her intentions verbally? what do you want me to say - i believe every word you say. boyyy, she really seems to like you? is it so bad to be 100% sure (no, even 99.9% doesn't count) before you consider the next step? anyways follow your own advice - dont jump to conclusions.
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