| Username |
Post |
| Nepe |
Posted
on 18-May-04 04:50 PM
Completed version from an old thread...
- zg}M zg}M hgpå]ngn] k|ltudg, cltudg / oyfl:yltjfbL dgsf] lj?4 qmflGtsf/L :j?k / prfO{ u|x0f ub}{ /x]sf] of] sfnv08df cem} låljwfu|:t /xg' ePsf aGw'afGwjnfO{ ;;Daf]wg– g]k] _
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| nsshrestha |
Posted
on 18-May-04 04:57 PM
Nepe Sir,
Nice one. Let me add a little.
Maddham surya lai tarsaudai bhanchha Diyalo
Bas raat hunthyo yaha, hunna thiyo mero ujyalo.!!!!
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 18-May-04 05:10 PM
I can't stop making a self-gratifying comment. We long ago discussed about the use of sanskrit. I just found so many sanskrit words in your posting that I couldn't believe it is my old friend Nepe who was not a great fan of Sanskrit:-)
Words:
exact Sanskrit words:
shanai shanai, janaudwelana, pratigaman, atigaman, yathasthitibaadi,biruddha, krantikaari, swarup, grahan, kaalkhanda, dwiwidhagrasta, bandhubandhaba, sasambodhan.
slightly modified sanskrit words:
man(from mana:), uchaai(from uchcha), ajhai(from adhya) etc. etc.
This from only first two lines.
:-)
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| kusume rumal |
Posted
on 18-May-04 07:00 PM
hats off... kasto ramro sabda samyogen.. especially second and the third line did the trick for me.... marvellous!!
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| Nepe |
Posted
on 19-May-04 09:46 PM
Yaar Biswo, tyasari chyappain samatne bhanya ?
I will not deny that there was little bit showing off of my Sanskrit vocabulary (like you do with your GRE English, according to some Sajhaites ;-) ), however it is absolutely not true that I am against Sanskrit. I love Sanskrit. Doesn't my writings show just that ?
Although I love Sanskrit and I am very comfortable with Sanskrit, I am against the policy of making Sanskrit compulsory for everybody in school. We had a long discussion about this and I think we both agree on this.
Then there was this talk about techie. My point was we are better off with adopting English techie (I called Englishization of the language) than trying relentlessly to invent Sanskrit equivalent for us (that would be Sanskritization of the language). Once again, my point was about the language policy- not about Sanskrit per se.
I am not against using already existing or used words- from any language- Sanskrit, Hindi, Urdu, English or our local dialects. The richer our vocabulary, the better it is- particularly true for ghazal writing :-)
What I am against is our brand of purism- Sanskrit is pure, other languages are not.
And I am certainly not a jhharrobadi fella.
So, in essence, I was advocating for more liberal policy rather than Sanskrit limited policy for Nepali language. But I am in no way an anti-Sanskrit, Sanskrit-buycotting freak.
Without Sanskrit, I can hardly have a decent conversation in Nepali, how can I be anti-Sanskrit ? Not to mention chances to show off my vocabulary !
**************
Nsshrestha,
Nice matla, ani extension pani jawos na. Shanai shanai..
***************
Kusume Rumal ji, thank you for your kind words.
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| GurL_Interrupted |
Posted
on 19-May-04 09:49 PM
Nepe Dai,
Hajurr ko ghazaL ekdam mitho! Love reading every ghazal of urs!
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 19-May-04 11:47 PM
Nepeji,
No hard feelings: I was just trying to point out something I found rather unexpected.
Have fun:-)
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| rauniyar |
Posted
on 20-May-04 07:41 AM
Nepe Ji,
Awesome!!! Dhe-rri ramro lekhnu bhako cha. You almost made my day by making me read this fine piece.
Ani yo-uu Biswo ji, khali na chahine kura lekhnu hucha "Angregi Ma"( GRE type). Kai ho yesto ??? Aba manche lai waha kasto ramro Sahitya lekhda, kata bata Saskrit ko kura bhanya? Haree!!!
Uhi Rajeev,
CT, Amrika
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| AdjunctProf |
Posted
on 20-May-04 11:33 AM
..
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| nsshrestha |
Posted
on 20-May-04 03:41 PM
Ek Sher bhanda baddhaina Gazal, marchha sanai sanai
Machcho barsiyos bhanchhu Bhyaguto, jharchha jhanai jhanai….:)
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| Nepe |
Posted
on 21-May-04 08:29 AM
Rauniyar ji,
Biswo ji and I have had interesting discussions in the past on the topic of language- government's policy, Maoists' anti-Sanskrit views et cetera. Biswo ji, as usual, has frank and reasonable views. Can't produce the links to those threads now, but I am sure you will appreciate Biswo's excellent arguments and perhaps mine too :-)
And thanks for your kind words to the ghazal. Admittedly, I was not sure how it might sound to broader spectrum of readers. The obvious rhetoricism, political connotation and non-neutrality should have compromised the artistic value of the piece. I am glad to see some of you liked it despite the propagandist purpose it has !
**********
GI,
Thank you sister, for your constant encouragement.
**********
AdjunctProf,
You hit the bull's (Pashupati ko saandhe ko) eyes, sir.
**********
nsshrestha,
Barshaa sangain barsera bhyaguta haru chheDdachhan rati-raag twaarra twaarra
Paanima umreko machhaharu bhane maun chhan kathai- gamdaichhu mana-manai
jiff{;+u} a;]{/ Eofu'tfx? 5]8\b}5g\ /lt/fu 6\jf/{ 6\jf/{
kfgLdf pd|]sf df5fx? eg] df}g 5g\ s7}, uDb}5' dgdg}
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| Hellbound |
Posted
on 21-May-04 12:08 PM
Nepe, very good. Enjoyed:) Did anybody try to sing your ghazal?
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| nsshrestha |
Posted
on 21-May-04 07:20 PM
Feel free to amend.
Idealistic Version
----------------------
Yestai rahyo yo mel ahile, arko patak milda, indreni ko - dhar ma milau
Kaha Anta timro ra kaha suruwat mero? dekhne haru ko - dhodhar ma milau.
Na baki rahos timro youban ko josh paskana, Na mero bhok nai karan banos
Akha haru ko upasthiti pani nahos milda, bas anubhuti ko - adhar ma milau.
......................................................................................
Chhal le kahile milna nadiyeko Samundri moti jhai kasaiko haar ma milau.
............................................................................................
................................................................... majhadhar ma milau.
Realistic Version
---------------------
Majhadhar ma milau. Adhar ma milau
Kahile kahi, milnai namilne dodhar ma milau.
Timi awaj deu ma kaan dincchu timi lai
Kahile kahi, Telephone ko taar ma milau.
Nindra ko bhet ati bho priye gazal
Kahile kahi, timro buba ko car ma milau.
Naya Sadak ko wari pari matrai kina?
Kahile kahi, Mad bhari, hos bihin, bar ma milau.
Kati khun kharaba yo sapana ko
Najar ko yudhha pacchi - Pyar ma milau???
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| kusume rumal |
Posted
on 21-May-04 09:28 PM
i liked your first version nsshrestha... it was beautiful.. thank you so much for putting it up here. manai kasto bhayera aayo.. I wish we could have something so pure like tht. Its sad that it doesnt exist in reality anymore.
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| shirish |
Posted
on 22-May-04 05:54 AM
I think, nsshrestha has great potential.
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| Nepe |
Posted
on 22-May-04 05:49 PM
Nsshrestha ji,
You have a knack of writing ghazal. Thoroughly enjoyed both versions. Although I am not sure if I agree with the characterization of idealistic and realistic ones. I'd rather call the first one 'realistically ideal' and the second one 'naughty' one.
I have often used two descriptors - hridayaranjak and mastishkaranjak- to classify my ghazals. I'd call your second ghazal a hridayaranjak one. However, the first one is not a mastishkaranjak; it's rather aatmaranjak.
Yestai rahyo yo mel ahile, arko patak milda...
Composing Sher is about as they say 'gaagar me saagar bharnaa'. And you have just done that. You have summarized a story of everybody as they often view- not that great, and the hope for better next time- in this modest, confessional and hopeful misra.
One more thing. In this age, okay in the past too, when faking is standard mannerism, only poets can afford not to do so. A non-poet would have described the company as 'great' and 'wonderful' instead of 'yestai rahyo', no ?
Kaha Anta timro ra kaha suruwat mero? dekhne haru ko - dhodhar ma milau.
The urge to prove the disparity the spectators saw did not matter to their bewilderment is high !
Na baki rahos timro youban ko josh paskana,..
There is really a thin line between sleazy and refined, ordinary and great, adolescence and maturity so and so forth. Compare 'youban ko josh paskana' to 'youban paskana'.
I often like to cite one sher, actually one misra only, to make the point to my shagirds.
From Kaifi Azmi's 'zhooki zhooki si nazar' (Film- Arth)
too apane dil kee jawaan dhadakanon ko gin ke bataa
Just alter that to 'jawan dil ke dhadkan', and it will become amateurish from the masterpiece.
Akha haru ko upasthiti pani nahos milda, bas anubhuti ko - adhar ma milau.
Wah ! Don't they say beauty is skin deep ? It's because of the charma-chaxu that we look at with. Let them be absent and see, a whole new world to be discovered !
Thank you Nsshrestha.
*******************
Hellbound ji,
That was really a generous word from you who, if my memory serves me right, does not support the very jana-udwelan this piece tries to promote. You are too kind.
*****************
With the disclaimer of propaganda at hand, let me add one more sher. Again, a pure rhetoric, however, very crucial one.
csdsfpg]x?nfO{ asfpg], 8udufpg]x?nfO{ ;dfpg]
gf/f …g]tf xf] va/bf/, ;'q c7f/ s07 kf/Ú b]v]+ ..&..
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 22-May-04 07:39 PM
Another fabulous piece! As Shirish ji has hinted (on keeping a Gazal corner alive)... keep this thread blossoming! GRE English = Bombastic English?! :P
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| nsshrestha |
Posted
on 25-May-04 07:42 PM
Thank you all for such inspiring words.
Nepe Sir,
Ramro samalochana :) The second one was just the manifestation of the frustration of not being able to complete the first one.
Keeping this thread alive.
Feri man bata uhi purano chot Niskiyo.
Hami milne booda haru ma khot Niskiyo.
Ragat le sinche jasto lagthyo, tara
bikh ko bij bata bikh kai bot Niskiyo.
Sadiyou saharnu bryatha thiyo sayad
Feri Gadhhari ko uhi note Niskiyo.
Yo hamro sajha ghar ho bhantheu ni
Kaha bata yesto krur athot Niskiyo?
Kasto singaraula bhanthe Mero Hajur
Feri ek choti gali nislot Niskiyo.
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