| Username |
Post |
| nescient |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 06:25 PM
As if it had happened to me before, memories were flooding my mind. The smell, the touch, the pain, the words spoken, the fear, and the realization. One after the other I was being bombarded by feelings. It was worse than a country being boomed in a war. I was there, my eyes were still open, I knew. I could see the tension in their eyes, I could hear the fright in their voices and I was there just looking right through them. It was just like before, but this time I thought it would be different? Yes it had happened to me before. Slowly everything was coming back to me. I never thought it would end this way, this time around. I had so much to do but
now itýs all over.Parents,friends,relatives,love....everything gone in a flash.It canýt be the last chapter but it was?
*********************
ýLame Saturday, like any other,ý I thought to myself. I am suppose to be a college student having fun, going out, partying, without worries or tension and here I was sitting inside my room all by myself watching TV and wondering the darkness of my future. I picked up my phone and went through the phonebook. ýHundred and eighty seven people I know but no one to call. Boy! I have lots of friends,ý I chuckled. My phone rang, and reluctantly but excitedly I picked it up. ýHey whatýs up?ý I said in my usual cheerful voice. ýNothing much. How are you?ý said the other person and without letting me answer his question he continued ýSo I was wondering if you are home tonight I want to get my stuff back. If itýs okay I will be there in two minutes.ý Without wanting to argue or give him any explanation that I wanted to be alone, I responded, ýYes, sure. I will wait for you and thanks a lot for letting me borrow. Sorry if it was too much trouble.ý The other person responded in his typical big-hearted attitude, ýHey thatýs okay. Donýt worry about it. So I will see you in a bit.ý ýLater,ý I said and got up the chair that I was so comfortably sitting on and got the thing that he was coming to get. Soon there was a knock at the door. With a big fake smile I opened the door and let him in.
He was in his high-spirit mood, really hyper I reflected. Like a two years old kid he was jumping around excited on his good day and started telling me about it. I pretended to listen to him whole heartedly, with few head noddings, smile and asking questions. The conversation flew by just like the time. ýHey listen; I got some weed you want to smoke some? I donýt like smoking alone and I donýt want to smoke the whole joint as I have work tomorrow,ý he offered. Half sleepy, half tired, and half bored I thought, ýWhy not?ý So I gave him the green go signal. He took the first long drag, started coughing and handed me the joint. I followed his footsteps. He looked at me and said, ýDamn, that was a good hit.ý I agreed and took another one. After couple more we could not finish it and that was it for us. ýSo I will save the rest for some other time or do you want more?ý he asked inquisitively. I motioned my hand telling him that I was good. ýLetýs go for a smoke outside, itýs too hot in the room,ý I proposed.
Both admiring the beautiful night started smoking cigarettes; still coughing from the hit we took the first time. Gradually I started feeling as if I was floating in the sky. ýHey, I think I am high now so let me go to my room and sleep,ý I informed him. He presented the same sensation and with goodbyes we both went to our bedrooms. I got this urge to listen to music but couldnýt decide what I wanted to listen, another sign that I am high I thought to myself. And thatýs when it all started happening. The night that I will never forget, engraved in my memory like the tattoo on oneýs skin, forever. And indeed it was more painful than getting a tattoo cause this night took my life.
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| nescient |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 06:25 PM
I sat in front of the computer and clicked my Media Player, and then I remembered I had to wash my face and brush my teeth before going to bed. So I got up and went to the bathroom. Then I remembered I had to take out my comforter from the closet before going to bed, so I rushed to the closet. Then I remembered I had to call a friend and thank him for emailing me an article that I had wanted to read for a while, so I rushed to the phone. Then I remembered, I had to get some documents ready for the next day, clean my apartment that weekend, clear my drawers, read a book, pay my bills, plan for next semester, study for exam, go to work, search for cheap tickets to go for a vacation, call my parents, buy gifts for my sister, help my sister with her home-works, buy some toilet paperý.
So many thoughts and nothing I could do. I felt my heart racing. I knew I was panicking and I knew I had to calm myself down. ýF**k, I am so high,ý I screamed in my empty room. I knew I had to wash my face with water and then try to sleep. I ran to the bathroom, heart started beating so fast that I was scared, so I ran to my bed. I put my hand on my heart, could feel it pounding through my skin like someone had taken it outside. ýSo this is how my mom must have felt when she got her heart attack,ý I imagined. So helpless I felt, that I could not do anything to stop my heart rate go back to normal. I knew I needed some help. I knew I was going to die that day.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I felt so alone, not like I always do it was different. This time I knew I was going to be alone forever. The more I tried to calm myself down, the more anxious I got followed by uncontrollable heartbeat race. It was racing faster than the light travels. I knew I had to call 911 before it was too late. I picked up the phone, ýNo health insurance this semesterý I recalled. I needed some help. I needed someone to be there with me. Went through my phonebook once again trying to think who I should be calling. No one out-of-state I advised myself. Called a friend who lives in the next building. In his sleepy voice he answered, ýYes?ý I checked the time it was 4:15 am. I didnýt know what to tell him, ýI guess I will call you back tomorrowý and with that being said I hung up. I knew I had to find someone else, but who?
Another friend of mine lived next door and her room is next to mine so I started banging on the wall. Banged as hard as I could and as long as I could. I was hoping, I was praying, I was begging her to answer but there was none. I started walking around the room, with both hands on my heart. It ached, it hurt, and it wasnýt slowing down. I thought I should get some fresh air so I opened my door. I saw her coming inside my apartment. Like cold water in front of a man in a desert, I dashed towards her. I told her the whole story. By this time I was having difficulty breathing. I didnýt know how long I could hold on to.
She took me outside to get some fresh air and held me tight, as I couldnýt even stand on my own. My legs were trembling, my breathe was shortening and my heart was racing. I told her to put her hand on my chest and feel the beat. It was throbbing. She knew and I knew that I needed some professional help before it was too late. ýCalm dow gal everything will be fine. Donýt worry. Donýt think.ý She kept on telling me but I knew that wasnýt enough and I needed to go to the hospital.
We came inside and I sat on my comfortable chair once more. I asked her to hold my hand, it was like one of those movies I used to watch when I was a kid- as an actor of a movie is dying his head is on someoneýs lap, holding hands, asking for forgiveness and counting his last breathe. But it wasnýt a movie. There wasnýt any cameras around or the crew. It was just her and me. There would be no re-takes, I amused. I kept on repeating to her, ý I donýt have health insurance or money.ý But it didnýt matter cause there was no other way but to dial the number that everyone dreads to call.
Now it was getting dark, not cause it was middle of the night but cause I was losing my senese.My friend was holding my hand,I knew it has happened to me before.I have been in this situation before,not this life time though.Is this how one feels when one is dying? a voice inside me asked.Another voice replied "soon you shall find out".Now I was choking, my breathe was shortening and my limbs were lifeless.I looked at her for the 'last' time and said "Dial 911,I can't hold on anymore.Tell them to hurry up PLEASE
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| GoodkillaZZ |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 07:19 PM
damnn nice story maan but weed is jus a parsaad dheraii khanu hundainaa ni ani yo story padheraa hasnee haru lai da pic below....
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| cool_keta |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 07:28 PM
you dipicted exactly what I ran through when i for the first time hit marujuana when I was working carts in SAM'S CLUB. This is a true story, i didnt make it up.
It was me and my work-mate David. David was a pot-head. I was just about to clock in for my work, he met me in break room and told me that since it wasnt that busy would you like to get high tonight rub? (they call me rub). I thought what harm will 1 session of marujuana do anyways. I also had hard time getting along with David since few days, so I thought he wanted to be-freind wti me again. So I said sure dude.
Then we cleaned up all the carts in the parking lot so there would be plently for another 15-30 minutes. David then took his 30 minutes lunch and went home to get some weed. I couldnt wait. He came back. He told me to grab a bottle of water from the cooler, which I had no idea why. So we went inside his car, opened window a little bit. He asked me whether I preferred Pink Floyd or Cold Play. Then he took out his bag od weed and let me smell it and told me, thats how it smells like. He also told me to look out for cops. But I knew as long as we didnt act paranoid we were safe. Nobody will suspect us.
So then he showed me how to take a hit. I had to hold the smoke inside my chest. After few hits, the gum i was chewing on felt like i was chewing a rock. My tongue started getting very dry. Somebody from inside had called for us on the radio. Besides my tongue and the gum thing, i wasnt feeling high yet. So I was like so proud of myself because i proved David that I wasnt gonna go down so easy because I had been telling him all the tales from nepal how we drink so much chiaang (wheat beer) and dont even get high.
So now we started running. I went inside the covered correl and grabbed some carts. When I reached the door, only then I realized how high I was. I felt like I was a pendulum. I was swinging here and there. I found out that the reason we were called inside was because the manager wanted one of the cart guys to door-greet since it wasnt very busy. I knew I couldnt door greet cause i was high. So i told david to do it because he was used to getting high. I went inside the cart correl and sat on top of the cooler. I was feeling very very sacred now that people will find out. I felt like my feet flying in the air. I tried to tilt my head to the right but it kept going left. vice-versa. I coulnt help laughing. I even heard a lady saying to her husband, "he surely looks like it." I was very paranoid now. I knew David leaves at 7:00 pm and I had to close tonight. I had to stay till 9:00 pm. I was so panicked. we havnet pushed carts for last 30+ minutes. there were carts everywhere and david was inside doorgreeting. I thoought what the hell. So I sthought i would just act normal. So i started doing flat beds and took them inside. Inside I noticed the customer service guy was lookinh at me suspiciously. I tried to calm myself down. One of the guys even asked me if i was okay.
I didnt know how i was gonna close that night. i said wtf. without telling david, i went to my manager and told him i wasnt feeling very well. i acted like i had a headache. he called david inside. now my heart was thumping. but he asked david whether he would close for me. I knew david would be really mad but he said of course. i dont know why. so i went home and went straight to my bed and slept.
i still remember that night. from that day i never did weed
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| compulsive_liar |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 11:34 PM
Jai Shambo Gaaza Kam Bho
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| nescient |
Posted
on 28-Jun-04 03:22 AM
tyehi_moro_ashish: You seem to know a lot about weed and I thought I was pothead :) And thank you.Read your story too,you should write more (was too lazy to post comment).
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| Golkhadi |
Posted
on 28-Jun-04 03:51 AM
TMA..
Good to see Nepalese boys in Melbourne developing good habits and skills with the Dope. I will defintely not encourage anyone to develope more but i only suggest u to know your limit because I have seen guys in Melbourne gone bad to worse.
So, Be Careful.
Golkhadi
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| Golkhadi |
Posted
on 28-Jun-04 04:22 AM
Thats ur Bad luck....limit expands then definetly u are addicted.
Good luck for ur survival
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