| Username |
Post |
| NK |
Posted
on 18-Oct-01 02:19 PM
While I was not reading GBNC I managed to write a poem. Hopefully this will get off people's mind from squablling.
Her Rose Garden
She puts her ivory brush delicately
on the mahogany table,
Unfurls her hair once more
Shaking them gently.
She looks in the mirror,
Her beautiful reflection stares back
from the jaded mirror,
Precariously balancing itself at a forty-
five degree angle at the edge.
She gets up, her silk robe
touches the softness of
the Prussian rug,
Pats the head of her purring cat,
Swings past the thorny rose bush
that her husband grows
- lovingly,
in one corner of the vast living room.
With the steady frail arms
she carries the pitcher,
Filled with water and slowly
She pours onto roses.
Smile hidden in the small corner
Of her delicate mouth,
She picks one rose for her husband
and one for herself.
She leaves them on the bare floor
to enjoy their shared fate.
She walks past her Mahogany table,
Not looking at the mirror,
Hears a distant siren wailing,
She closes her bedroom door ever so quietly,
In all quietness she bares
Herself.
She looks for the sun in dark morning cloud,
sits next to the window and waits,
Not minding the chill of the winter,
for the rose bush to grow.
Namita Kiran-Thuene
|
| anepalikt |
Posted
on 18-Oct-01 11:19 PM
Namita:
Nice work!! I like the image and the mood at the end. The beginning is a bit long. You mgiht think about varyign the sentence structure a bit to ceate more movement in the poem, it tends to get a little rpetetive. Otherwise, really nice.
I am curious about whether you have a communtiy of writers that you belong to? a writer's group? Also do you revise? Are you interested in receiving comments/criticism (constructive, I assure you)? I am not familiar with the ettiquete in this forum as to what posters expect when they share a poem. I could not help commenting and critiquing :) ... that in my book is a very good thing though. means you got my attention as a reader and a fellow poet (well okay, an ex-poet).
|
| NK |
Posted
on 19-Oct-01 09:32 AM
hi there,
thanks for your suggestion. how i wish you lived in boston so we can have our poetry group to discuss and critique each others work. that was my first draft, there are at least 50 revisions to make :) ... does that answer your question? Also, I really, really really don't understand if people say they don't revise their works. everybody i talk, from my lit professor to amateur writer each of them does. so really who says he/she does not revise ?
i used to have a poetry group at my work but in the summer they disbanded it. . every body on vacation, you know. why don't we write to each other in private and maybe who knows you may pick up where you left off.
I really don't mind comments good or bad on my poem as long as it is from somebody who knows what they are talking about.
|
| GP |
Posted
on 19-Oct-01 10:22 AM
In todays business of publication of any art or technical writing,
the publishers want to make sure that common readers have
almost mean understanding. Even genuine works after lot of
editing, revisions, and peer review, are sometime not
accepted by publishers, because publishers overestimate
themselves and call the article or collections of articles unfit
for them. One great example, that I had seen in Museam in
Kanazawa University in Japan. One of my Ph.D. committee
Professor grabbed and pulled me from one corner to another
corner and tried to explain the book inside air tight glass show
case. I don't exactly remember which one is senior, among
Fourier or Laplace. One of them was authority in
mathematics at that time and was organizing a conference,
(I guess it was Fourier, the pioneer of fourier series)
and Laplace submitted a paper (on present day Laplace
transform: that we study in Undergrad.), and Fourier
felt it a mess of series, and rejected the paper and called
it unfit for he conference. The Laplace transform which
is one of most fine method of solving differential equations,
was also rejected, probably, Laplace did more revisions
and corrections to make his method called Laplace transformations.
Todays' computer science and electrical engineering
development could have delayed if these gentlemen were
not chasing each other. The computer has allowed us
so much flexibility that we can immediately make
revisions. Even in 20th century, peoples like Beatles group
had so many revisions in their art work before they
go to recording room. I saw the J. Lend'l(?) 's hand
written Songs and corrections one arrow over another
and sign for moving top and down ... , and its I
guess still available in British Museam or National Art
gallery in London (I forgot which one). You can see
these KHESRA work still there (I am quite confident)
preserved as an inspiration to peoples.
GP
|
| anepalikt |
Posted
on 20-Oct-01 07:15 PM
Namita:
I would love to say I write, but its been long. I am still mustering the courage and disciple to start again. Until then, I will pass. But I do look forward to reading your stuff again in tis forum.
|
