| Gandhi |
Posted
on 03-Nov-01 03:55 PM
Ponder these questions when you don't want to think about
important stuff!
1. If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
2. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
3. What do chickens think we taste like?
4. What do people in China call their good plates?
5. What do you call a male ladybug?
6. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
man?
7. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
8. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
9. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
10. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
11. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
12. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?
13. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
14. Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
15. Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead
of parachutes?
16. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is
prohibited?
17. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
18. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
19. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it
have locks on the door?
20. Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
21. You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
22. If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime,
what does a freedom fighter fight?
23. If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby
oil?
24. If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
25. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens?
26. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
27. Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called
shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called
cargo?
28. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
29. What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
30. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
31. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
32. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
33. If you throw a cat out of the house, does it become kitty litter?
34. If aspirins are always "Take Two," why not increase the size of
ONE?
Source: Funny.com
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| Gandhi |
Posted
on 03-Nov-01 04:05 PM
Guy Rules [RATED : PG]
1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach.... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.
14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.
20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
Source: Funny.com
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