| _BP |
Posted
on 03-Dec-01 12:09 AM
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important
that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much
money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
-- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've
wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went
to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to
calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the
doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what
I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side
of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually
feel a lot better, and no harm done.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those really high
notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him
is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another
cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to
take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned
down." He cried and cried, but I think deep down he thought it was
a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but
it was getting pretty late.
When I was a kid, my favourite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school
we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he would eat one
of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a
bear.
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should
automatically disqualify you.
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