| Username |
Post |
| 93454475 |
Posted
on 25-Dec-01 09:24 PM
I am sorta talking about those who are looking for an arranged marriage deal- the unfortunate ones who could never get their significant others or have get dumped after long-term relationship or just for those who could never stick with one and now are in desperate situations.
What are the girls looking for? Those who are looking or those who are married could shed some light?
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| Trailokya Aryal |
Posted
on 25-Dec-01 10:27 PM
Dear Mr Digit,
I actually am thinking of the same questions, just let me know when you have answers to those. In the mean time listen to Elvis Castello's "what do you get when you fall in love". It might be of help.
Cest la vie, mon ami.
Trailokya
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| GP |
Posted
on 25-Dec-01 10:53 PM
93454475 wrote:
What are the girls looking for? Those who are married could shed some light?
---
You would get best answer from your own father and mother.
Ask them. BTW, did you already asked them? If then, can we
learn what was the answer?
I guess they could even tell you what turned out to be
true and what was false, before and after the marriage.
No flame intended.
GP
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| 93454475 |
Posted
on 25-Dec-01 11:58 PM
GP-- I think there is a vast generation gap amongst our parents and us. The arranged marriage then and now is much different as well. So it is better if recently married or soon to be wed could shed the light.
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| Debbi |
Posted
on 26-Dec-01 12:21 AM
"Nowadays, it's a whole new ballgame in the relationship arena. In the past, women needed men for economic reasons, and were willing to mold themselves to please their men because, basically, they were getting paid to do so! Now, women earn their own money outside of the home, thereby putting a new twist on what they require or need from a relationship. Men now need to ask themselves, "what can I bring to this relationship that will induce the woman of my dreams to share my life?" Although it most probably would be easier to import a woman from a country which still places a value on the woman staying in the home and catering to her husband, if a man wants a woman in this country (the United States) he will have to change the way he thinks and maintains relationships. For some men, this will be too difficult a transition, and they will seek to acquire their women from another country rather than learning new behavior. And that's okay, but they need to be up front about it. You can't have your cake and eat it too, anymore. Most women will not be willing to bring home half the bacon, clean the house, cater to your needs, and be willing to be available for those sexual times that pop up when you decide you have nothing more exciting to do! Women want the same things men do.....they want to be respected for who they are, they want you to be proud of them, and they want you to desire them. (And here's a hint, guys, the desire women want to feel from you is not what happens first thing in the morning when you wake up...that is a call to go to the bathroom) Women get really upset when you confuse the two actions, and then try to convince them that those two actions are one and the same. We do know the difference! "
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| Homiji |
Posted
on 26-Dec-01 09:48 AM
Hi Debbie,
What do you feel is the unique contribution that Nepali girls who are educated in the US bring to the table as compared to Western girls?
Certainly Nepali girls who are educated in Western countries are (in my experience) more outgoing, confident and up to date on latest trends.
But then so are the Western girls. What qualities/attributes/values do you feel distinctly distinguishes them from their Western counterparts? What part of the Nepali culture do they retain despite their Western exposure?
In other words, why would a Nepali boy look for a Western educated Nepali girl as adverse to him looking for "out and out" Westerner? What do you feel are the advantages for him.
I admit that choosing a partner is a personal thing that we cannot over generalize according to cultures. Yet, I think a certain amount of abstraction about gender and culture is quite natural and needed. Hoping you could shed some incite...
And please, my intention is not to belittle or put you in the defensive as a Nepali girl educated in the West...it's a sincere question trying to find some objective answers.
Would appreciate it,
Homes
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| joie de vivre |
Posted
on 26-Dec-01 09:55 PM
Ahem!! Homes, should I be actively seeking a 'dulhan' for you? :)
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| ashu |
Posted
on 27-Dec-01 05:14 AM
Hi all,
There was this long and really interesting article in The New Yorker a few years ago. It was about how evolutionary psychologists "explain" marriage/mating and all that.
Some of their GENERAL findings (from what I could remember).
All things being equal, women value financially secure mates. Example: Even female investment bankers (already earning loads of money), for instance, in
one study, preferred marrying men of MORE net financial worth. Also, most divorces and break-ups tend to happen around financially insecure times.
All things being equal, women prefer mates of similar heights and similar ethnic/religious backgrounds.
All things being equal, the article goes, a woman asks: "Can I trust this guy to be the father of my child?" This is so because evolutionary psychologists (who think, believe it or not, like microeconomists) argue that pregnancy is a biologically "costly" proposition for a woman. And she can only bring down that "cost" if someone -- ideally her committed boyfriend/husband -- shares some of the caretaking "expenses".
What's the lesson here? Well, if you as a male are not PERCEIVED as "a father material", then most interested-in-having-children females will NOT be seriously interested in you. [Aside: has anyone read Nick Hornby's very witty and entertaining novel, "About A Boy"? -- I strongly recommend it.]
In some studies, good looking men attracted women when women were looking for short-term relationships. If those good-looking men fell short on the criteria of "financial security" and "father material", then, women lost theiur serious interest in those men.
And so on . . . .
Anyway, these are only GENERAL remarks.
If you are interested in reading more about what evolutionary psychologists have to say, I would recommend chapters of these books:
1) The Moral Animal : Why We Are the Way We Are : The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology by Robert Wright.
2) The Evolution of Desire : Strategies of Human Mating by David M. Buss
oohi
ashu
ktm,nepal
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| Horizon |
Posted
on 27-Dec-01 03:06 PM
I think this question will best be answered by our ladies out there.
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| sunakhari |
Posted
on 27-Dec-01 03:33 PM
Interesting question but even more interesting is the fact that you think Nepali girls would have many choices.
Most young Nepali girls who are of marrying age are far too young or inexperienced in the very basics of life to have an idea of what personalities or traits would best suit theirs.
When a certain friend of mine was approached by families as a good candidate for their respective sons, she was looking for someone who was making a fair amount of money, had a respectable family and of good reputation. Now this was when she was 22! Her ideas have changed drastically :).
In my opinion, solely MINE, I think most Nepali girls of marrying age have never stepped outside into the real world and faced any kind of situation therefore she is unequipped to make a good choice (okay okay, there are those who are just plain lucky). I think our society is so clouded with social stigmas and hindi movies and such, that men and women, both, have no real idea about sharing one's life with another. So what an AVERAGE Nepali girl looks for in a marriage would be a kind pair of in-laws and a kind husband, but more the former. The rest all falls into place if one has that! What do others think???
NOW, Nepali girls who have stepped outside the threshold - thats a totally different question altogether! Do you want to know? :) that would be an essay.....
Ashu: I was trying to read your bit on the article with a pinch of salt(a palmful may I add) and could not make out where you were "quoting" and where your own views lay. Too many punctuations I guess.
To answer you or rather the article (ummm confusing, whatever): at least women do have different criterias...I wish I could say the same about men!!! :)
Cheers
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| Homes |
Posted
on 27-Dec-01 03:41 PM
JDV said:
>Ahem!! Homes, should I be actively seeking a
>'dulhan' for you? :)
Well actually Vivs, the real question is 'Should * I * be actively seeking a Nepali Dulhan for myself.' Tell ya what, if the answer turns out affirmative, you can be my go-between match-maker, k? ;-)
Just let me know if your commission for the setting up interviews will be in $$$ or Rupees...
Homes
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| Hom Bdr |
Posted
on 27-Dec-01 03:59 PM
Sunakhari wrote:
NOW, Nepali girls who have stepped outside the threshold - thats a totally different question altogether! Do you want to know? :) that would be an essay.....
Hi Sunakhari,
When you do get a little time I really hope you write that essay. Should make a killer read and would probably be quite educational for the rest of us,
Ciao,
Hom Bdr
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| sunakhari |
Posted
on 27-Dec-01 05:07 PM
Hom:
If I may jump in and answer your question:
NOTHING!
A westernized Nepali girl will be very similar to an "out and out" western girl. And by the way, there is no out and out western girl out there. Some more open than others, depends what kind of family values one grew up with and what one picked up while growing up.
Now, what I would personally shy away from are those adhi kalcho pareko ones. (both sexes) Ones who have no idea as to what they are or want to be or portray what they are!
Now one can compare a westernized Nepali girl vs a Nepali girl who has never been exposed to other cultures.
Depends what rocks your boat, whether you're still tied to your family's aprons(I wouldn't say mother's here as its a not a given who exactly in the family one has to please) and what you can digest/handle.
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| ashu |
Posted
on 28-Dec-01 01:30 AM
JDV wrote:
******************************
Ashu: I was trying to read your bit on the article with a pinch of salt (a palmful may I add) and could not make out where you were "quoting" and where your own views lay.
*************
Fair enough, JDV.
(Sorry that, at times, when I post a reply here, that reply also goes via private email!)
But I was actually summarizing -- from memory -- some of the findings of evolutionary psychologists.
I believe that even if one is not a biologist, the theory of evolution has a lot
to teach us all about how and why men and women behave in ways they do.
Then again, here is a book you might enjoy. This takes a stand AGAINST evolutionary psychology, and it's a lot of fun to read.
BOOK: Woman : An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier
oohi
ashu
ktm,nepal
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| ashu |
Posted
on 28-Dec-01 01:35 AM
Sorry that I confused Sunakhari with JDV above.
My apologies.
oohi
ashu
ktm,nepal
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| An Indun Poet |
Posted
on 28-Dec-01 02:49 AM
It looks like in Nepal, for arranged marriage scene, its the parents who look for the girls/guys and girls really have little to say. Guys usually have more to say. Although it was interesting in my personal case that, the girls sneakingly came and visited me before it was ok. I thought it was very unprecedented and bold- but since I was alreay booked with my sweetheart (which my parents did not know at the time) I had to deny. I tell you, I was tempted to know about this girl since this girl was really something different. I was attracted in a way but not enough to break-away from my girlfriend.
I wish there were more girls participating in this discussion and providing info on what type of guys- physically, education, academian, journalists etc. etc. I doubt if financial strength is the only means for them to comb through.
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| 93454475 |
Posted
on 29-Dec-01 03:04 AM
Girls just wanna have fun as much as the guys. But girls are always smarter. They have better control than the guys. Girls are beautiful beings. They can laugh, they can cry, they can really have a bad time but they still look good. They might not be the most beautiful being, but when they do certain things the way they do, it just melts your heart and you love them. Women are devine beings. They are simple and unsophisticated yet difficult to understand. I am drunk and I need some love, good love, some serious love. Love that lasts forever. But that's tough- no one cand love a drunkard as long as he is poor. I wish I was rich, I wish I was making millions-- isn't that all what the girls want? Common' girls we need some answers, so that we can change.
I have utmost respect for women. They are so powerful, they can melt a guy no matter how they are-- men don't have the same power. Viva Women!!! Via Vagina Monologue!! Yippeeeeee!!!
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| doomsday is nigh |
Posted
on 29-Dec-01 05:08 PM
sunakhari wrote:
>women do have different criterias...I wish I could say the same about men!!! :)
REPENT, FOR YOU ARE IN ERROR
AND YOUR ERROR POINTS TO APOCALYPSE
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| anepalikt |
Posted
on 29-Dec-01 08:24 PM
Ashu, I was interested to see you quote articles and refer to books. A very academic approach I have to say. While there is great merit in considering evolutionary psychology in how people choose mates, I have to say humans are more than their instincts. Academia, books, studies and experts will give some insight into general ideas about women as a species, but as things change, so do humans and the reasons they might do anything. So if you (generic you) are depending on the experts, you might still be a far way off when it comes to understanding women. generalizations will only take you so far.
Who knows though. My suggestion to Mr. Numbers, get a hold of your self, boy! And get yourself out of the bottle and go out there and meet someone. Start looking at the photos your Mommy is sending at least. :)
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| 93454475 |
Posted
on 30-Dec-01 02:18 AM
aepailkti: I was really drunk, I am sorry what I wrote in my drunkenness. I am a happily unmarried but with an unsure girlfriend (I am not sure if she is the right person, sometimes I feel she is the one, sometimes I don't). I just hope my gf does not read this or even if she does, she does not figure its me. Again an apology and your advice is well taken.
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| carjunk |
Posted
on 31-Dec-01 03:52 PM
After coming to the United States, I realized that Nepali boyfreind is the best one could possibly have. I never dated a nepali before ..but believe me! they may not have the best car in America...they have the biggest heart and minds. They respect girls and sex is not the only thing in their minds. They are totally different from all your friend's boyfreinds. Unlike your roomate's boyfreind, he doesn't come sleep with you when there is another girl in your room. He makes you feel absolutely comfortable at a bar by not misbehaving with other white chicks. If you are drunk he's always there to take care of you.....and when he gets drunk, you don't find that nepali girlfriend of his elsewhere. She'll be driving him home, taking off his shoes, putting him to bed and giving him ginger ale the next morning.
In words, that's what we as nepalese enjoy " A plain simple happiness" and no matter how hard we try " our values lie in our sophisticiation and cultured minds".
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| ashu |
Posted
on 02-Jan-02 12:16 AM
anepalikt wrote:
***********
shu, I was interested to see you quote articles and refer to books. A very academic approach I have to say. While there is great merit in considering evolutionary psychology in how people choose mates, I have to say humans are more than their instincts. Academia, books, studies and experts will give some insight into general ideas about women as a species, but as things change, so do humans and the reasons they might do anything. So if you (generic you) are depending on the experts, you might still be a far way off when it comes to understanding women. generalizations will only take you so far.
**************
Oh, absolutely.
No one is suggesting that evolutionary psychology, or for that matter
science in general, explains everything re: mating rituals of humans and
so on.
That was NOT the point.
There are reasons why we do what we do.
Some of those reasons are obvious, most are not.
Some of those reasons are credible; others are merely
plausible, and others are downright unconvincing, and so on.
And so, doing good science is one CONTINUOUS good effort to explain why
we do what we do.
I, for one, am enormously impressed with the way evolutionary pscychologists make arguments (with evidence and increasing theoretical sophistication) to
argue why we humans are the way we are, and why we do what we do.
I am especially struck by the fact that most evolutionary psychologists seem to use economic reasoning (the kind used in price theory) without apparently
being conscious of it!! NOW, that, to me, is intellectually very exciting.
Sure, there are PLENTY of hard-nosed critics of evolutionary psychologists: but that's what makes the whole field such a great spectator sport!! I mean, the debates that rage within that profession -- as they spill over into public domains via general-interest books and magazines like The New Yorker -- hold enormous interest even to non-biologists like me.
oohi
ashu
ktm,nepal
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