| chupacabra |
Posted
on 15-Jan-02 01:43 PM
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the
following warning
labels be placed immediately on all containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering
when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a
retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over
and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you
can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are
invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in
the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol will give you breath that
could knock a
buzzard off a shit truck at 100 feet.
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