| chupacabra |
Posted
on 22-Jan-02 06:31 PM
2001 THE DARWIN AWARDS
It's that time again! The awards this year are
classic. These awards are
given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who
through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the
most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when
he hit a lift tower
at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down
the slope on a foam
pad. The 22 year old David Hubal was pronounced dead
at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3a.m. The Mono
County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had
hiked up a ski
run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam
protectors from lift
towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes
Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who! might hit
towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope
and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It has since been investigated and
determined the tower he
hit was the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,
Puelo grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying. Police
found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the
six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked
him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a
stag standing above
him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly
when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party."
A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to
the winner last
year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 calber
bullet to replace the f! use
in
his pickup truck, popped a blasting cap into his
mouth and bit down,
triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
teeth, and tongue.
Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap
as a prank during
the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man had it
in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to
explode it." "It
wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how
to set it off." He
put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his
teeth out and his
lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed
in guarded
condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,
according to a
spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I
just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
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| chupacabra |
Posted
on 22-Jan-02 06:32 PM
part 2
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
Oregon man shot through
the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
will be released
soon from the hos! pital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his
right eye last
weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting
club, Mountain Men
Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men
Anonymous) in
Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer
can off his head,
but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors
said that had the
arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood
vessel would have
been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor
Johnny Delashaw at the university Hospital in
Portland said the arrow
went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
protruding at the rear
of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major
blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the
arrow out on his
own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts
admitted afterwards
that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon. Said
Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have
been file! d, but
the Josephine County district attorney's office said
the initiation
stunt is under investigation.
Now, The 2001 DARWIN AWARDS GRAND CHAMPIONS!
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late)
Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no
tickets (but having had
18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy
to "hop" over the
nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled
their pickup truck
over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky,
who was 100 pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then
assist his friend
over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky,
there was a 30 foot
drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved
himself over, he
found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was
abruptly halted
(and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch
that snagged him by his shorts.
Dangling
from the tree
with a broken arm, he looked down
and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the
bushes
would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and
proceeded
to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free,
Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp
leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the
protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters
worse, on
landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Mr.
Hawkins, seeing his
friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and pull him to
safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and
slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck
into reverse and
crashed through the fence landing on his friend and
killing him. Police
arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver
thrown 100 feet from
the truck and dead at the scene from massive inter!
nal injuries. Upon
moving the truck, they found John under it half
naked, scratches on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his
thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
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