| ashu |
Posted
on 27-Feb-02 07:18 PM
> The following advice for American travellers going
> to France was
> compiled from information provided by the US State
> Department, the
> CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug
> Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and
> some very
> expensive spy satellites that the French don't know
> about. It is
> intended as a guide for American travellers only.
>
> General Overview
>
> France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in
> the continent of
> Europe. It is an important member of the world
> community, though not
> nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by
> Germany, Spain,
> Switzerland and some smaller nations of no
> particular importance and
> with not very good shopping. France is a very old
> country with many
> treasures, such as the Louvre and Eurodisney. Among
> its contributions
> to western civilization are champagne, Camembert
> cheese and the
> guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself
> as a modern
> nation, air conditioning is little used and it is
> next to impossible
> for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One
> continuing exasperation
> for American visitors is that local people insist on
> speaking in
> French, though many will speak English if shouted
> at. Watch your
> money at all times.
>
> The People
>
> France has a population of 56 million people. 52
> million of these
> drink and smoke (the other 4 million are small
> children). All French
> people drive like lunatics, are dangerously
> oversexed, and have no
> concept of standing patiently in a queue. The French
> people are in
> general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant,
> aloof and
> undisciplined; those are their good points. Most
> French citizens are
> Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it
> from their
> behaviour.
>
> Many people are communists. Men sometimes have
> girls' names like
> Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they
> meet. American
> travellers are advised to travel in groups and wear
> baseball caps and
> colourful trousers for easier recognition.
>
> Safety
>
> In general, France is a safe destination, although
> travellers must be
> aware that from time to time it is invaded by
> Germany. Traditionally,
> the French surrender immediately and, apart from a
> temporary
> shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty
> in getting baseball
> scores and stock market prices, life for the
> American visitor generally
> goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France
> to Britain beneath
> the English channel has been opened in recent years
> to make it easier
> for the French government to flee to London during
> future German
> invasions.
>
> History
>
> France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark
> Ages. Other
> important historical figures are Louis XIV, the
> Huguenots, Joan of Arc,
> Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was
> President for many
> years and is now an airport.
>
> Government
>
> The French form of government is democratic but
> noisy. Elections are
> held more or less continuously and always result in
> a draw. The French
> love administration so for government purposes the
> country is divided
> into regions, departments, districts,
> municipalities, towns, communes,
> villages, cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these
> has its own
> government and elections. Parliament consists of two
> chambers, the
> Upper and Lower, though confusingly they are both on
> the ground
> floor, and whose members are either Gaullists or
> Communists, neither
> of whom should be trusted by the traveller.
> Parliament's principal
> occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the south
> Pacific and acting
> indignant and surprised when other countries
> complain. According to
> the most current American state department
> intelligence, the President
> is now someone named Jacques. Further information is
> not available at
> this time.
>
> Culture
>
> The French pride themselves on their culture, though
> it is not easy to
> see why. All their music sounds the same and they
> have never made a
> movie that you would want to watch for anything but
> the nude scenes.
>
> Cuisine
> Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on
> it, a snail is
> just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on
> the other hand,
> are excellent, although it is impossible for most
> Americans to
> pronounce this word. In general, travellers are
> advised to stick to
> cheeseburgers.
>
> Economy
>
> France has a large and diversified economy, second
> only to Germany's
> in Europe, which is surprising because the French
> hardly work at all.
> If they are not spending four hours dawdling over
> lunch, they are on
> strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and
> tractors. France's
> principal exports, in order of importance to the
> economy, are wine,
> nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles,
> champagne, guns, grenade
> launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft,
> miscellaneous armaments
> and cheese.
>
> Public Holidays
>
> France has more holidays than any other nation in
> the world. Among
> its 361 national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37
> National Liberation
> Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of
> Charles de Gaulle
> in triumph as if he won the war single-handed Days,
> 18 Napoleon sent
> into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile
> Days, and 2
> "France is Great and the Rest of the World is
> Rubbish" Days.
>
> Conclusion
>
> France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and
> varied landscape, and
> a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very
> nice country if it
> were not inhabited by French people. The best thing
> that can be said
> for France is that it is not Germany.
>
>
>
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