| Biswo |
Posted
on 10-Feb-01 02:01 PM
These are Indian jokes, I suppose. I found them interesting.
These jokes are not intended for serious thought, and may
annoy a section of gender,class or profession. Please take it
lightly,in such case, and try to understand that I don't endorse
such implications.
1) At a bar in New York the man to the Laloos left tells the bartender,
"Johnnie Walker, Single" and the mans companion says, "Jack Daniels,
Single".
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, And you sir."
Laloo replies " Laloo Yadav, married"
2) Laloo goes to see the movie "Jhoota Harischandra". At the ticket counter
Laloo asks for a ticket and gets one on paying.
After a few minutes he returns and asks for another one. The person at the
ticket counter gives him the ticket and takes the money.
A few minutes later Laloo is back again and ask for another ticket. The
ticket issuer gives him the ticket but is annoyed with Laloo. He says, "Hey!
What's your problem? Why don't you buy all your tickets at once?"
Laloo replies, "What to do? I need only one ticket, but every time I try to
go inside the damn man standing at the door tears apart my ticket!"
3) After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to do modelling.
On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the
back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears on
the front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION !!
Laloo, third from left!
4) Bhola went for shopping to a grocery store and came to the counter to
pay. The person at the counter started preparing bill for the items.
Bhola asked" Where is the fat ?"
The person didn't understand what Bhola was saying and said "Excuse me sir,
FAT???"
Bhola : "Yes fat, Give me the fat"
Bhola started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered
and then the Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Bhola about
the problem.
Then Bhola said "Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your store and it
was written 'FAT FREE' on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.
5) /*=========================================
** here's a piece of C++ code...No experience required :-)
*=========================================
*/
Source Code for "Indian Female Software Professionals"
struct Indian_Bachelor_female_professional {
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind ;
void knowledge;
char non_co_operative;
};
struct Married_female_Software_Professional {
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work;
char unstable;
};
struct Female_Engaged_software_professional {
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};
struct Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional {
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};
struct Indian_husband_wife_software_professional {
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void love_life;
char money_minded;
};
6) A Bihari Professor
# Inside the Class :
----------------
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today ...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
* Take 5 cm wire of any length....
# About his family :
----------------
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
# At the ground :
-------------
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
# To a boy, angrily :
-----------------
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
-------------------
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
# Sir at his best :
---------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see
one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the
next day at school... ( to that boy ) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE
at the Cinema Theatre"
7) Q: So this Bholaji is walking the other day and comes across a banana
peel on the road. Can you guess what he must be thinking ?
A: "Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."
8) Q: Why does Bhola always smile during lightning storms?
A: He thinks his picture is being taken.
9) Laloo's speech
Excerpt from a Laloo Prasad Yadav Speech (it was really said by him)
"I Thank You All For Coming Here From The Bottom Of My Heart And Also From
My Wife's Bottom"
10) The Most Intelligent Person: Laloo!
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a
private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out
shouting,"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and
there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important pilot I am
taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the
luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.
Sonia Gandhi said,"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very
important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said,"I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest
politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this
country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went
to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and
there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You
take the last parachute and jump."
The school boy said,"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with
us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my
school bag!"
11) Vajpayee's quote on the Gandhi family
This is one of the many laughable statements that Mr. Atal Behari Vajpayee
has said during his lifetime.
Smt. Indira Gandhi ke do bete the.
Ek ko desh chalane ka showk tha.
Usne ek baar plane chalaya aur plane ko gira diya.
Doosre ko plane chalane ka showk tha.
Usne ek baar desh chalaya aur desh ko gira diya.
12) Bong jokes ( no knowledge of Bengali reqd ):- :
Q : How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :
Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A : He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij.
Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit.
Q : What does a Calcuttan who has a lot of time do? And what does a hurrying
Calcuttan do?
A : The one with a lot of time takes some public transport(bus/tram). The
Calcuttan in a hurry would walk. .
13) A Gujju Spesal !(Gujju Means Gujarati-(Biswo))
Q) Why did George Bush had the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told George Bush "You are an IMPOTENT man"
Q) Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A) The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked
for KESH.
Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race? (in case
of one)
A) Tomato KETCHUP.
Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome ?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.
Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.
Q) What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro STATES ma gayon"
?
A) Ramesh's son failed in statistics...
Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams ?
A) He wanted to get "cent-par-cent" .
Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.
Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.
Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch "GANDHI"?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.
Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"?
A) They read Ben( behn) Kingsley did the acting.
14) During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a
German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the technological
advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.
The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so
we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grown up and became an
Olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist!"
The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Back in
Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of
artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold
medallist!"
The Indian interjected, "Is that all you have achieved , just gold
medallists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD! We
attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is
the Chief Minister of Bihar!"
15) Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo "WAIT
PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...
16) Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
17) Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went
into extra time.
18) Banglo: What time is it when Dracula goes to the dentist?
John: I don't know.
Banglo: Tooth hurty.
19) Chuck was driving his car home one day when one of the tires went flat.
He stopped at a garage and found an attendant that would pump up the tire.
"That will be $50," said the attendant when he was finished.
"That's too much for pumping up my tire!" cried
Chuck.
The attendant replied, "Inflation, my good man, inflation!"
20)
Laloo's Slogan:
Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo.
21) What would be changed if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister:
1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (AM)& Buffalo Race (PM)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation .
22) The nice thing about C++ is that only your friends can handle your
private parts.
23) C++ PROGRAMMER
if(you-love(m_she)) m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;
24) C lets you shoot yourself in the foot rather easily.
C++ allows you to reuse the bullet!
Cheers,
Have a nice week end.
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