| Catz |
Posted
on 20-Apr-02 01:31 PM
Do you ever feel that YOU and Your Partner are from two opposite poles?
Opposites can contribute to the chemistry in a relationship, but if the two of you are too different, you might end up heading in different directions. It's time to examine your differences and discover whether they work for or against your relationship. A successful relationship depends on how different you are, what you choose to make of the differences, and what the differences make of you.
The best thing about being different is that it allows you to compensate for whatever quality or character trait you lack and wish you had. You might gravitate toward someone who could be the missing piece in your life, which, as Jerry Maguire so eloquently put it, will "complete" you. Although it seems logical for an aggressive man to be attracted to equally aggressive women, as we learned in physics, two positives fields will not produce energy. A negative and a positive, on the other hand, can make sparks fly.
The idea of opposites doesn't have to signify polar opposites. Your anal-retentive, clean freak self might find your boyfriend's "why clean now what you can't clean tomorrow" attitude adorable at first, but it could become downright irritating by month two. The appeal of your differences can wear off like a great buzz, and feel like a hangover once the excitement wears off. That's why you need to establish from the start which characteristics and values are important to you in a mate, and which ones can be shelved.
Everything in the honeymoon phase seems perfect, so it's likely that your boyfriend's quirks and habits won't bother you within the first couple of months -- and these are the ones you're aware of. Since you can't give every potential boyfriend a "what would you do if…" test to see whether he measures up, you can take his actions as hints of what is to come. If his apartment is a nuclear waste zone every time you visit and his dishes are always piled up to the ceiling and his room is always dirty it could say something about him(unless he works long hours and has a hectic schedule and spends most of his quality time at SAJHA.COM).
Once you know someone's tendencies and personality, and you know that they are problematic for you, ask yourself whether these are things you're willing to accept later on down the road. Remember that the more emotion, time and effort you've invested, the harder it will be to break things off. If your differences consist of the homebody vs. party animal, for example, sacrifices can be made to resolve the issue. Compromise is the key to keeping your relationship afloat; the two of you will simply have to learn how to communicate your needs with each other and make sacrifices. Just make sure your needs are equally met and fulfilled.
The troublesome differences are those that come in the form of opposite wavelengths. If you're a big spender while she was raised with the mentality that money doesn't grow on trees, bigger issues may surface, especially if it ever comes to sharing a bank account. These opposing mentalities must be confronted from the start, or they will end up becoming emotionally expensive. If your differences are relationship-based and present long-term effects, such as premarital sex vs. abstinence, or no children vs. a station wagon full of kids, these must be addressed before things get serious. Unless you meet a woman while speed dating and grill each other upfront about marriage and children, these are issues that should arise naturally as the relationship progresses. These are not first-date conversation topics, but make sure they are addressed before things get serious.
If you are not willing to change, then do not assume that you can change her. She has known her way of life longer than she has known you, and it's nearly impossible to change unless she's doing it for herself.
Opposites are tricky because they do attract, and serve to bring out a new and improved side of each person. Different points of view can definitely bring a whole new spark to your relationship, and there's nothing wrong with adding another dimension to your life. And some healthy debating and differing opinions can add fire to any relationship. But if the differences you have are deeply rooted and present long-term effects on your romance, then you need to ask yourself the following questions:
How much do his/her differences bother me?
Do I complain to his or her/friends/myself more than I rejoice?
Can our differences be solved with compromise?
How important are my traits and mentality to me?
These questions should help you decide whether your opposing personalities will cause more damage than progress, because while opposites will add spark, too many contrasts will only burn bridges.........
Article Suggested By: Mario E., Salvador, Brazil
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