| El Chico |
Posted
on 17-Mar-01 02:27 PM
Bill and Hillary were married for 40 years. When they first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage Hillary never looked. However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now need to know why do you keep the cans in the box?" Bill said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen." and she thought to herself "I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?" Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in."
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Our man was walking down a dark alley when suddenly a mugger jumped at him... "Your money or your life" the mugger barked... "You mean I have a choice?!!" said our man. "Here take this...." He pulled out his wallet and gave it to the mugger. "And this...usually this is secret money". He removed his cap and flipped it around and there! Some more money! "Wait! Here is my card. Feel free to contact me whenever you have a cash crunch!" The mugger left confused and dazed. "Such a nice fellow!" sobbed our man. "He gave me a choice. At home I have no choice.... my wife takes them both!"
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A travelling salesman stops in a bar after a long day of travelling. He sits at the bar and asks for a scotch and water. The bartender looks at him oddly and asks if he has ever been in this bar before. The salesman says, "No". The bartender says, "I guess you don't realize that this is a gay bar." The salesman says, "That's okay, I just need a drink and I'll leave." The bartender tells him that he will have to abide by one of the rules if he is to stay and have a drink. "If you want a drink, you must nick name your private part". The salesman is desperate for his drink and thinks about it. The bartender says, "See that guy over there? His is named 'NIKE'...'just do it', and see that other guy over there? His is named 'Timex'...'takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'." The sales man, after a few minutes of thought says, "Okay, 'Secret'." "Secret?" questions the bartender. "Yeah," says the salesman, "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!" Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse comes in and tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence!" the man exclaims. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!" The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!" "Wow, what a coincidence!" he replies. "I work for the 3M Corporation!" When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets. "Another coincidence! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!" At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong. "What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"
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sardarji jokes: A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says " Hello, how did you know I was here?" ////////////// Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day. "Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?". "Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to put on two coats." //////////// Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids? So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. ///////// A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him. The sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly.
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A pregnant women was picking up the guavas from the guava tree. She was on the top of the guava tree and was wearing peticoat. Children on the ground were asking for some guava's with her. Then Women goes "if you need guava you have to answer one of my question". Children agreed to answer it. Then women asked children " which baby i will give birth to, girl or a boy". children promptly replied it would be a boy. Women asked "how did you know that". Then children said "we saw his mustache" .
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A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her it will be $300 She exclaims.."I don't have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland"~!!!! To that the man asks "Anything" And the blonde says "yes.. Anything"!! With that, the man says "Follow me" ..He walks into the next room and tells her "Come in and close the door" ..She does!! He then says "Get on your knees"..She does!!.. He then says take down my zipper"..She does!!... He then says "Go ahead... Take itout" With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!! The man then says "Well.. Go ahead"!!... She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips.. She says "HELLO, MOM"
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Q. What does a Blonde do if she has a blank piece of paper and needs another blank one? A. She photocopies it.
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Two women jump off a bridge, one was blonde and the other brunette. Who hits the ground first? 'The brunette', she just fell but the blonde had to stop to ask for directions.
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Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"................ Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.............. Teacher : How ?.......... Student : Ladies first.
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HE: Hi! didn't we go on a date once?or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!
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HE:Will you come out with me this saturday?
SHE: Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!
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HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
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HE: What would you say if i asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. i can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
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There was this little boy. He wanted to know more about his mom so he asked her,' Mom, how much do you weigh?'............ His mom answered, 'Don't ask me or any other woman that question.' ...... He left, then came back again. He asked, 'How old are you?'............ She answered yet again, 'Don't ever ask me or any other woman that question.' .......... He finally asked a pretty subtle question. He asked,' Mother how tall are you?'..... She told him to get her driver's license. He came running back asking, 'Mom was the reason you got a divorce, was because you have an 'F' in sex?'
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