| Username |
Post |
| deep |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 11:07 AM
Mard ko chhora
(Sunil told me this).
It was really hot. Surya looked upon the sky. Few dark looking clouds were gathering and were heading northwest from southeast. “Paani ta parchha jasto chha”, he said. He was heading back home from Kathmandu after working three full years there.
He was walking up slowly listening to jhyaukiris and many other birds through thick saal forest. “It is really hot today”, he said, again. Slowly more and more dark clouds came together up in the sky.
He felt the first drop. Surya looked around for cover. He was quite familiar with this locale. He has been in that jungle hundreds of time if not more with his friends and animals-basta charauda. He quickly headed towards an odar-cave for cover. Rain started to pick up its momentum. This rain and odar took him three years back.
****
That day too he was there in that jungle with his animals. Animals were busy grazing and he was busy playing music out of a leaf. It was also a very very hot day.
He realized it’s gonna rain pretty quick. So, he tried to gather his animals but before he could collect all of them and head towards home, rain started to fall. With a big bright lightening and with a scary thunder sky opened up. He ran for cover to this odar.
A woman came running covering her head with a vorla leaf, Surya saw. He did not recognize who she was until she came pretty close to the cave. Then he knew it was thul-kanchhi. Ke ho thul-kanchhi lai pani paani le ta nithrukkai pare jasto chha ni? Bastu charauna aaiki thiyou ki kaso?” Surya asked. Thul-kanchhi was Krishna dai’s saili daughter. When she was born she was the kanchhi. But quickly, that kanchhi position was taken over by her younger sister. Then she was promoted to san-kanchhi. One and half year later she was promoted again to thul-kanchhi because current kanchhi was bumped up to san-kanchhi by another new-born kanchhi. Krishna dai was desperate for a boy, a key holder, for him, to the gates of heaven.
Anyway, thul-kanchhi shyly looked at Surya and said, “Aan, bastu charauna aaki…pani le hernus na Surya dai bijok paryo…”. Thul-kanchhi was seventeen years young only two years younger than Surya himself. He looked at thul-kanchhi and saw how atesh mateshly jawani is residing there. A wave of shyness ran through thul-kanchhi as she sensed Surya’s look. Surya said, “timi ta purai bhijichheu…sancho nahola hai…luga ferihal…”. Thul-kanchhi gave a look with a fainted smile to Surya. He realized, “what am I talking about…. change clothes to what?” He also was worried if thul-kanchhi took his words (about luga ferne) negatively. He looked at her. She was still looking at him.
Surya gathered some woods and lit fire inside the cave. He took off his daura and gave that to thul-kanchhi and said, “put this on …take off your clothes…spread them around fire….” The sky was down pouring rains with continuous thunder and lightening. Thul-kanchhi took his daura and started to unwrap her fariya. Being a decent man Surya knew it was not appropriate to stand there and watch a woman changing. As he was turning around he saw she was still looking at him. Her face was red and glowing on fire radiance. She was taking off her clothes. So, he moved little closer to the opening of odar and turned his back at thul-kanchhi. It was still raining, and raining hard.
After just a few minutes, Surya thought he heard some one by the odar. He looked and was surprised to see thul-kanchhi running away on her wet clothes. He called on her. She briefly paused and looked back at him and continue to run. He went inside the odar. His daura was lying there alapatra parera. He couldn’t understand why thul-kanchhi left that way. He was little scared, too. What if she misunderstood me and tells Krishna dai that I asked her to take her clothes off in this odar? Then he thought well I have not done anything wrong, so what’s there to worry about. “afno man ma paap chhaina kyare…” he consoled himself. It was still raining and kept on raining for another hour or so.
He headed back home with his animals after rain stopped. He did not find Krishna dai there with a khukuri. He was relieved.
****
Surya looked at that cave corner where thul-kanchhi was standing glowing that day with her wet clothes. He smiled. Kati chado teen basra biti sake chha. He thought. Thul-kanchhi kasti holi ahile he thought.
He continued towards home after rain stopped. Everybody was so happy to see him back at home.
Next morning, he once again remembered thul-kanchhi. “Ek choti betam na ta…”, he said to himself. Surya reached at Krishna Dai’s house. As he was doing bhala-kusari with Krishna dai’s family a small cute boy came around. San-kanchhi hugged the boy with great affection. Surya asked, “kasko chhoro yo?”
“Marda ko”, Thul kanchhi came out with a piercing look and ho ki haina jasto smile on her face.
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| jira |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 11:32 AM
Good one! So thats what they want hun!!! :-) Very realistic...good work!! Keep it up!!
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| psychodreamer |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 01:18 PM
awesome story...depicts the village thulkanchi life and rainy day and cave and would be sex .....
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| kumar keta |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 01:35 PM
I remember my earlyhood and that kamini kanchi in our fedi gaun.
Good Writting.
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| Dr,Dre |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 02:22 PM
IT'S COOL !
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| SIFALE |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 03:12 PM
Yo DEEP ta gajab ko lekhdo rahecha. Wah! kasto ramro katha. Arupani chan ki. Saun bhadauko jharima Bhijeko Bhandarkhal yad aayo, Without Thul kanchi. mathi dandako CDO ko gharko 'Radhe' Nokarni nai bhaye pani hunthyo.
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| deep |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 03:26 PM
Sifale,
Thanks.
Bhandarkhal ko pani katha chha. Will write on that some other time. Alikati R rated chha. So, I am not quite sure if I can write that bhandarkhal story here, though.
Bhandarkhal was a honeymoon hang-out for some of the dudes I knew back home. So.....
Yaar, Partape kaha "Ye kaha aagaye hum.....(silsila)" suneko hijo jasta lagchha.."
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| swa |
Posted
on 25-Jul-02 08:16 PM
Marda ko chhora?
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| he he |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 12:14 AM
nice story
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| Paschim |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 02:15 AM
so the moral of this story is: there are many thul-kanchhis who want it but can't ask for it, and there are some thul-kanchhas who also want it but don't want to be seen wanting it?
but as stereotypical first-movers, this ambiguity is especially painful for men. damned if had done it, damned because he didn't do it.
anyway, good one deep-ji. I would have loved to have watched that last piercing look from thul-kancchi.
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| NK |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 06:50 AM
A wisp of
northern wind
lavender and sweet
a kiss
just missed
Still
in the chilled wind
*******
(deep, this story reminded me one of my poems that I had posted here a long time ago - a poem about missed opportunity.)
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| deep |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 08:27 AM
I would like to make one thing clear to Jira, Kumar Keta, Dr, Dre,NK, Paschim, he he, and many other friends who liked the story but did not like to post any comments and those friends who may like the story later also those friends who read but did not like it that this is NOT my story.
*damned if had done it, damned because he didn't do it.*
You're damn right, Paschim.
*I would have loved to have watched that last piercing look from thul-kancchi.*
Me too. I actually would have likeed much more from thul-kanchhi but...
*...a poem about missed opportunity.*
NK, yeah " missed" as we used to say "golden" (as Paschim) "opportunity". Missed...missed ...missed. Well, abhagi bhe pachhi....
Yeah, Surya missed and missed big time but I commend him for his stand - integrity.
I did put this story as I was bored at work yesterday. I did not go over the story to correct mistakes or proof reading. I posted as soon as I entered the period at the end. My English is weak and flawed, I know, but I am grateful to all of you- readers- for being considerate.
I wonder why Biswo JI didn't like "Marda ko chhora"? Is he still regretting for Surya?
Thank you.
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| Bhenda |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 11:56 AM
Deep Ji,
Your stories are always so Nepali and so interesting, keep up your good work.
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| Mitra 2 |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 12:12 PM
Deep,
Nice story. Being a bakhra gothalo in my childhood, I enjoyed reading it very much. The whole time I was thinking of my village, which is in the north east of Nepal. Experts in our village used to make different sounds/music putting 'aangari.ko paat' flat in their mouth. We, beginners, used to roll the paat and blow. Ani kalo makura, khajuri thiyanan tyo odaar ma?
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 12:14 PM
Hey Deepji,
Nice job. The narrative is so intriguing, so intense, that I always felt 'aba ke hunchha'.
It was still PG13, so great job.
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| deep |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 12:45 PM
Biswoji,
"It was still PG13.."
Did I with PG rating disappoint you? kidding.
ke garne bhandarkhal ko R ta post garna bhe na ni...
Mitra 2, Bhenda, and other friends,
Thanks again.
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| Biswo |
Posted
on 26-Jul-02 01:03 PM
Deepji,
Kurakanimaa 'R' ali nagarau ki. PG13 samma thikai chha. Ghumaayera lekhnu paryo
ni.
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| Censor Dude |
Posted
on 27-Jul-02 08:37 AM
We are all adults. R pani chalchha!
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| fm |
Posted
on 28-Jul-02 03:39 AM
hey deep..
is that a real story..or just ur kinda imagination??? anyway...it gave me the impression of the sojhi village girls....had been hearing endless stories about them n the gothalos.....but going thru this one has made me feel that those were facts...not just rumours...i wish there had been advanced technologies in the villages too.......heheheh guys like u would have been remorsing then....one thing more..if surya was so much fascinated with kanchi's rasilo jawani.....i m wonderin...what kinda effect had her son brought in him..?? the same kinda sweet sensous feeling..or sense of guiltiness n regret.......hey..do try to write the remaining portion..about his reaction....n all.......would love to go thru it.....
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| deep |
Posted
on 28-Jul-02 11:56 AM
Hi fm,
the point is alrerady made. To thul-kanchhi Surya was not marda enough. I don't want to stretch the story any furthur. Obviously, I am not a dharabahik writer.
I decided to leave Surya and Thul-kanchhi alone (not in that odar again...: ) ).
I think you liked the story. My pleasure. I really appreciate your input.
Go to another thread called "lola" if you have not already. That one is based on a true incident.
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| wow |
Posted
on 28-Jul-02 12:07 PM
Good one deepji,
your story reminded of of khagendra sangroula's stories. Being in usa, we rarely get connected with these very "gaule" kathaharu. Bheda, gai bastu charauna jada , I bet, those things do happen alot. I am no critiq. But I enjoyed it alot. Keep it up.
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| deep |
Posted
on 28-Jul-02 12:56 PM
Thanx, wow.
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| Junkie. |
Posted
on 28-Jul-02 11:18 PM
Deep dai:
Hmm ..... thought provoking and morally questioning .... If we had been in that position, what would we do? ...... should we have gone for it or not? there's ethics and then there are ethics ..... not to mention khukuri ko maar if things go astray ......
Jay bhaye pani, gajjab ko katha ..... didn't have this fun reading nepali-paan bhako katha since under-SLC days.
Waiting for part-2 ..... (you knew that was coming :) )
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| deep |
Posted
on 29-Jul-02 08:47 AM
Junkie BHAI (? really?),
Well, EKANKI life has no part 2 bro. The moment passed and passed with a gahiro mark.
Haina ta?
Thanks.
BTW, I can't speculate what would you have done if you were Surya then in that odar but if I were him I would've done....well, who knows...
****
Hijo aaja bhaidiyeko bhaye
Tank launi yi aaula ahile hoop kholdai hunthe
Kaukuti laune chha lunge pote ra tilhari
khuiliyeko jantar halline chhatima
chheu laisake pachhi....
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