| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| paramendra | Posted
on 05-Sep-02 11:03 AM
I was hoping Arnico's thread on marriages would hold the waters, but it did not. And there have been other ramblings by stars at the site like Ashu and Paschim on their "desperate" singlehood with hints of "nice times" thrown in hither and thither. I am launching this new thread to discuss mArRiAgEs-rElAtIoNsHiPs-dAtInG-fRiEnDsHiPs. Human relationships. I hope it does not descend into people saying hello to each other and totally ignoring the topic at hand, like happened to Arnico's thread. ("Oho, long time no see, sanchai?") Despite words of wisdom here and there. NK: "Once you find the "right" person, that is merely the beginning, not the end of the journey." (loose paraphrase of what she said). I would like to pose some introductory questions. Mind you, this is not a thread only on traditional, heterosexual marriages, but on human relationships in general. Please get new usernames if your current "popularity" at the site might hinder your desire to freely contribute. (1) What is your "dating" experience? (Dating being a loaded western word, like birthdays.) (2) Are you married? How did that happen? What has it been like? (3) Was your marriage "arranged" or "love" (to use two crude words from my Kathmandu days)? Regardless, what do you think of the two types? (4) What is your idea of the "right" person for you? (5) What do you think of permarital sex? In the Nepali context? In the American context? (6) What does the phrase "family values" mean to you? (7) How do you look at the difference in divorce rates in Nepal, US? Does that mean the family values are stronger in Nepal? Or that Nepal is a major sexist country where most women just don't have the option to end it, regardless of the unhappiness in marriage? (8) Where do you stand on inter-caste, inter-faith, cross-cultural relationships? What have you seen personally, experienced? Do you have family and friends who have ventured into those? What have been the social repercussions? What were some of the fun stories? (9) Are your closest friends from high school days, college? Do you stay in touch with them? (10) How real are cyber friendships to you? (11) What do you think of gay unions? (12) When is it time to call it quits? (13) What is this talk about it being hard to raise kids in the US? (14) What are your favorite dishes to cook? Recipe? (15) How hard has it been to balance career and family? (16) How hard has it been to meet your obligations to your parents? (17) If you are single, are you happily so, or have you been on a lookout for a while? (18) What is the best way to raise a kid? (19) Any good neighbors? (20) How/when do you know you are in love? (21) Does/can love last a lifetime? (22) What are the peculiar challenges of cross-cultural marriages? Ones that are different? (23) What do you think of sex outside of marriage? How would you react to it? (24) Is there social segregation? (25) What are the challenges of a multi-cultural work environment? (26) What is romantic to you? (27) What do you do to keep the flame alive? (28) Does love grow over time? (29) What do you think of domestic violence? (30) Sex crimes? (31) Do you think marriage can be an excuse to perpetuate sexism? I hope others will post answers as well as more questions. And excuse my typos, if there are any. Usually there are quite a few everytime I post something long. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 05-Sep-02 11:30 AM
What thread without a few links thrown in! Friendships, single japanese women seeking single men Google Directory - Society > Relationships > Marriage Open Directory - Society: Relationships: Marriage iVillage: Relationships Channel Australian Relationship Support Relationships: Practical advice, information and friendly support ... About -People & Relationships FamilyHaven: Romance and Relationships APA HelpCenter: Get the Facts: Family and Relationships Teen Relationships Website! Gay.com Relationships Channel MSN Love & Relationships: romance, dating advice, online ... Salon.com: "Kamasutra" redux EPICURIOUS: THE WORLD'S GREATEST RECIPE COLLECTION Bawarchi -- Your Indian Cook The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran |
| SOULFREE | Posted
on 05-Sep-02 02:52 PM
ahhh... too many questions and no time.... !! I hope to answer you sometime... sometime. |
| Euta Thita | Posted
on 05-Sep-02 05:04 PM
Sperm is disposable,as there are millions produced, and maybe billions, but ovary is not. For this reason, a male tends to find as many mates as possible, but a woman tends to be more scrupulous when choosing her mate. So, what would be the ideal mate for a woman. Someone who can guarantee a baby, of course. And what would be the ideal mate for a man? He doesn't have any. The best approach for a male would be to mate with as many females as possible, and produce as many children as possible. My point is this: a male needs to be much more promiscous than a female. After all, those that can outbreed others will have more of their genes floating around, which means his posterity will have a greater probability of surviving. During the neolithic era and earlier, a strong male who was able to outcompete other males physically had greatest success in finding females. Not so anymore. These days, you need fame, prestige, money and courage, courage not in the sense of being physically strong, but in the sense of being able to show affection even in public. I am not going to deny the fact that many women still rely on their neolithic instincts and go for physical beauty. But when the same woman who says she loves physical beauty more than anything is made to choose between a hunk and a rich man, she will of course go for the rich man. And rich men are mostly alpha males. Remember, an alpha male always has a better chance of dispersing his genes. Bottomline, males should have sex with as many females as possible, and females should try to conserve their eggs! |
| Chyante | Posted
on 05-Sep-02 05:11 PM
Thita, Thiti haru ko anatomy birsyo? Eggs are also disposable...they produce eggs once every month! And, testicles that produce sperms are not disposable, just as the ovaries are not:P |
| Euta Thita | Posted
on 05-Sep-02 05:24 PM
Uh, no they're not. Millions of sperm cells are needed to fertilize just one frigging egg. Do you know how many eggs women produce, on average, in a lifetime? Only about 20,000, and that too is determined at birth. And don't forget that things die. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 06-Sep-02 11:22 AM
Now that Euta Thita has informed us on the sex aspect of mArRiAgEs-rElAtIoNsHiPs-dAtInG-fRiEnDsHiPs, I was hoping others would show up to throw light on some of the other aspects. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 07-Sep-02 03:58 PM
"Lack of understanding in couples is a cause of misery" |
| maya1 | Posted
on 07-Sep-02 07:44 PM
are you married paramendra? |
| sunnysideup | Posted
on 08-Sep-02 04:19 AM
This Paramendra guy is something. Never fails to leave a link. |
| suna | Posted
on 08-Sep-02 07:54 AM
Paramendra: I bet most of us did read these threads and then from #6. down we started going hmmmmmmmmm :) Yes your questions were of the "hmmm" type. I would love to oblige and answer but some of my answers would be just too lengthy and boring and then some :). I decided to let you know that while your questions are pretty interesting ones and even answerable on a public board, some are just wayyyyyy off the chart and some even my shrink would hesitate to question for fear of knowing too much and going insane :) hehe. |
| GrecianUrn | Posted
on 09-Sep-02 01:14 PM
Mr. Paramendra, It's my first time at this website. In fact, I happened upon it yesterday when boredom (or perhaps the heat?) drove me to surf the net. I read many of the discussion threads with much interest. I am responding to this b/c I happen to be doing research on the very aspect of human interpersonal relationships. The other threads have been interesting (esp. the one on V.S. Naipaul) as well. Anyways, I meant to relay a message to the readers of this thread that rather than pursue issues such as "why there are ugly people in Boston" or analyze a woman's anatomy, it should be important to people to "try" to understand human relationships. I do not mean to sermonize or anything, but it just pains me to see how a huge chasm has somehow been created between and among people today that has lead to events that surpass any of our comprehension. Events such as the upcoming 9/11 anniversary, and our own Maoist massacres back home. It was nice to see your attempt to start this thread on issues that should be at the core of human existence. Yeah, I anticipate responses from fellow Bostonians and other Nepalis who frequent this site that may inquire thus of me: What of joblessness, homelessness, hunger, and so forth that plague human lives worldwide? But have we ever stopped to think that perhaps the breach in fundamental human relations may be the cause for these misfortunes? I think we should spend time (despite our busy "American" lives) to reflect on this issue. I know, this thread is meant to focus on "romantic" relations per se, but romance is by definition is born of "love" and love lies at the heart of healthy, happy, and "human" relations. GrecianUrn |
| koko | Posted
on 09-Sep-02 02:06 PM
Overload = meltdown Paramendra, Ashu used to do what you are doing today. We have been through this before. Too much of anything is not good. Ashu seems to have learnt his lesson but you seems to be goin' on. Are you trying to test the threshold of people ? You seriously need to take a class in socializing( learn when to stop yaking). You and you femnist sympathysing topics are not going to get you lucky if thats what you are trying..gotta have that personality or you're nada Muchos. |
| anepalikt | Posted
on 09-Sep-02 02:06 PM
no e-special insight on marriage or eomance, just wanted to read what someone who calls him/herself "grecianurn" would have to say:) |
| grecianurn | Posted
on 09-Sep-02 03:17 PM
anepalikt, i will take your curiousity to knoiw what I had to say as a compliment. :) Although it's quite a difficult task to understand people's theory of mind, or intentionality. this thread may posit the necessity to comment perhaps on romance, marriages etc., but i take it as a manner of commenting on human interpersonal relations, which is the truth and therefore the beauty of life. grecianurn |
| paramendra | Posted
on 16-Sep-02 03:32 PM
Suna: Select and repond! GrecianUrn: You congratulated me on starting this thread, but did not really participate. Would you like to respond to a few of the questions? What does your "research" say? Koko: Perhaps the thread got "overloaded" at the top, but my sole reason is to start a discussion. I have no alterior motives, whatever you think they might be. Conclusion -- Looks like this thread is "go-ing-no-where!" |
| ugly duckling | Posted
on 16-Sep-02 09:07 PM
Parmendra ji, Interesting topic you have chosen. I wish this thread had gone further than just 17 postings (including mine). But, like me.. i beleive most readers felt that you have too many questions, and too little time to answer all your querries. also, what;s up with giving a link to everything you write, say, comment, think, breathe.... :) Maybe each ideas (topic) should be splited into different threads. what do you think? |