| sally |
Posted
on 02-Oct-02 02:03 PM
Serious comments: Not a bad start, but trying varying your sentence length, you need more rhythm.
Not such a serious suggestion: Uhn-oh, I'm hope from work today, no energy for anything but this silly stuff, so ... you REALLY want people to add stuff? Now, THAT could get interesting. Sorry, Paramendra, all in good fun, but you asked for it :-)
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I looked outside. The gathering clouds looked down on me, squinting as if they needed glasses. But thank god for their myopia! There was no escape from their cruel, all-seeing eyes. They were looking for me! Oh my God, if they ever got glasses, I'd be trapped! The phone had been ringing earlier, and I just knew it was those clouds, after me, after me, always watching, always searching. Because of what they'd seen the night before.
I decided to get out of bed. So late in the afternoon, and yet not late enough for the storm to blow in, a wild hurricane that would blow, blow, blow away those clouds. I might catch a show at the dollar theater, I thought, if it wasn't blown away by the hurricane. I had stayed home the night before. Most Friday evenings I am out and about, what with being a cool, desirable, man-about-town kind of guy. Yesterday had been different. It had been been fun. I must admit it. Let them call it murder if they would, but I felt fresh. Drowned out, given that after all I had barely escaped drowning myself during the struggle in the bath tub. But fresh. It had been hard. Murder is always hard, especially in your own bath tub. But finally I had said it. Things were not working out between us.
And then, yes, I did it. And only the clouds had seen. Through the skylight. The blasted skylight that I, a brilliant architect, had added to the bathroom. But now, dear god in heaven, what a mistake that skylight had been! A ghastly mistake!
There they were, searching for me, and yes, they were near the optical store and if they ever got glasses, I'd be a goner!
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| CallasSapho |
Posted
on 03-Oct-02 07:41 AM
If you had asked me two days ago if it were possible to live without Anna, I would have drowned you in my laughter right there and then. Today, I am lying in my crumpled bed and wondering if I was not too careless cleaning up the mess in my state-of-the-art, epitome of good taste, my bathroom.
When does intense love turn into burning hate? When do 'to love' and 'to kill' become one? Are these two feeling one and the same? Or intetwined like grape vines hard to separate which one is what. All blurred and fused. Othello! I understand you now.
[sally, thank god this thread was not started by my good friend Biswo :). he would have been on your case by now. hehehe]
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| paramendra |
Posted
on 03-Oct-02 10:51 AM
I feel a sense of relief, but also a creeping emptiness, like the gathering clouds of storm. I used to feel like under siege, now I feel taken hostage. The feelings keep comeing back to me. The doubts come back. I decide I have spent too much time by myself. If I were to go out and mingle, I'd feel better, I think, and call Mangal on the cellphone.
He is not home.
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