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| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 11:57 AM
Bush On Alert: Iraq Berserk: Cuba On Siesta The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 31 (By Our Foreign Correspondent) -- The hostility towards the island in the South Pacific, the United Nations, was never greater at the White House. "I thought it was some little country on the submerged Atlantis," White House spokesperson Are Fletcher told a roomful of scribes. "But Colin Powell, whose commitment to abstinence is second to none, has informed me otherwise. Now I know it is in the South Pacific. It is a teeny weeny island, and it deserves nothing more." In another hemisphere, Saddam, after his customary late afternoon nap when he is driven around from one palace to another for security reasons, woke up in a suburban humble abode of Baghdad. "I had a dream," he said. Subsequent to which all prisoners in the country were let go free. "Let the Bushies match my new record on human rights and freedom," he said to the foreign media through a spokesperson. As the tug of war between the two, the one with the mustache, and the one without, went on, Fidel Castro was caught by the paparazzi sunbathing on the Miami beach. "This is nothing personal. I fooled Carter into coming to Havana. He delivered a speech, and that made it possible for me to have my own million man march," the ageing leader said. "I deserved a Miami siesta. Besides, I have a few relatives around here." "Don't tell Bush I am here," he pleaded. "Or he might blame it all on poor Saddam." |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:00 PM
Mass Conversions In Pipalpura The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 27 The dalits in the district of Pipalpura in south-east Nepal, numbering anywhere between 100,000 to 300,000 (for the mass census, long sabotaged by the Hem Bahadur Malla Janata Ko Bal of the Panchayati infame, never got corrected while the Banarasi Kangress ruled during the 1990s in a veiled attempt to succeed the Gorakhe Shaha dynasty) converted away from Hindusim in 20 different mass ceremonies in 12 different towns and villages. "Half became Buddhist, the other half became Christian," said the local Narad Sah Gupta Yonjan who works for three different weeklies, one from Biratnagar, another from Silgudi, and yet another from an unspecified location. "And the rest became Muslim." When told his numbers don't add up, he referred to the famous Hollywood blockbuster Sholay. "Aadhe udhar jao, adhe idhar jao, banki mere piche ao." The Christian denominations have not been revealed. The central committees of the UML, the Koirala Congress, the Deuba Congress, and the RPP are in emergency sessions, it has been reported by our south-east Nepal political correspondent Haatmaidhan Singhbachan Sunwarkarodi Dhamal. There is a sense of disbelief. "Where did we go wrong?" one senior leader ruefully asked. "On our watch?" another fumed. Nepal is a kingdom, rectangular in shape. For the longest time his brother ruled, until the current monarch Gaynendra took over. Some think many think he is some kind of an avatar. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:03 PM
"Ask Me Your Future......": RPP And The Sadbhavana Going Their Own Way The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 24 Trikaldarshi, even after the paparazzi that had been following him had long left, kept walking, it has been reported. Reportedly, he also kept talking. "The two NCs and the UML will go one way, and the RPP and the Sadbhavana will go the other way," he was heard saying by the clerk at the 7-11, as he purchased a can of pepsi, as he continued to sleepwalk, or so it seemed to the bystanders. "This is their chance to grow, for if the NCs and the UML do not shrink, what relevance will they have once the dust settles down?" "They will join the Chand government and stay in power and wait until the Maoists calm down." "But will they calm down, the Maoists?" he was asked later. He did not respond. He, instead went to his study ko keep scribbling. He appeared to be in the middle of frenzied number-crunching. He was overheard talking of stars and planets. In other news, "RPP president Surya Bahadur Thapa warned that failure of the political parties to bring about a conciliatory approach with the King will have a disastrous consequence, which will push the country into the lap of absolute monarchy or the extreme left," as was reported by a valley daily. ""We all wanted Deuba removed as the Prime Minister and election postponed. Do you think things were quite constitutional upto that point and the drift began only after Chand was appointed as the Prime Minister!" Koirala was speechless and didn’t respond to Dr Lohani’s query." "Hridayesh Tripathi, General Secretary of NSP said that the political parties have no any differences on the appointment of Lokendra Bahadur Chand as the Prime Minister but they want the King to hand over the executive power to the Prime Minister who should form an all-party government after a political consultation with all the political parties of the dissolved House. "CPN-UML, RPP and NSP are positive in joining the all-party government if the executive power is handed over to the Prime Minister," Tripathi said. "We put this proposal in the all-party meeting today." ..... Tripathi, on the other, claimed that the political parties with dissent views must support the government if the Prime Minister with the executive power forms the all-party government. "I think all the political parties will join the government at that situation," Tripathi said, adding "There is no any point of increasing confrontation with the King."...He said that it is not the time to get engaged into the unworthy debate of constitutionality and unconstitutionality of the government since the Constitution has already been dead. "We have to focus on the resolution of the present crisis which is not possible by the reinstatement of the already dissolved House," Tripathi said. ........Speaking on the same vein, Khadga Prasad Oli, leader of CPN-UML said that the formation of all-party government by the Prime Minister with the executive power is only the solution of the current political and constitutional crisis." |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:04 PM
"Ask Me Your Future......": Nepal To Go Republic The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 24 Trikaldarshi of the Rasputian fame from the cyber territory of Sajhapur was sent the janma kundali of a distant territory of Nepal over expedited bijulipatra, a reporter for The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest learned. He was known to be busily scribbling even as this paper went to press. But some glimpses were gleaned. "The situation will further deteriorate," he was heard fumbling, as he sleepwalked to the local 7-11. "There will be further polarization that will bring the six political parties closer to the Maoists. A compromise will be reached. The Maoists will renounce violence for the promise of a constituent assembly to draft a new constitution. Sadly the monarchy might be the casualty once that assembly takes shape." When asked if King G might pre-empt such a development by usurping all powers and go back to the year 2017 as per that kingdom's obscure calendar, Darshi declined to comment, for he kept walking. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:10 PM
Summary In A Sentence Or Two Contest The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 17 It has been learned over the grapevine that the newly crowned King Of Links, Paramendra Bhagat, has launched an open contest called Summary In A Sentence Or Two. The contest has been launched as a pilot project for the territory of Sajhapur. After the trial period, it is expected to spread into other cyber territories like the love virus. The rules are as follows: (1) Describe a fellow resident in a sentence or two. (2) The total number of words used may not exceed 50. (3) Any entry should have at least five individuals described. There is no upper limit. (4) A person may enter the contest as many times as desired, but the above rules apply each time. (5) There are no language barriers to entry, "though I hope Maithili and Hindi get widely used," the monarch surmised. The monarch, who several have compared to King P of Gorkha from a few hundred years back, inaugurated the contest by making the following entry. He was said to be busy composing more entries even while this reporter was typing away in a hurry. M.P. --- Member of Paramendrapur/Pataliputra/Parwanipur/Pakistan/Papua New Guinea/Patan Dhoka (As in the song: mujh ko na de ye dhoka)/Palestine and other related territories. The gentleman published a newspaper. Many confuse him for a parliamentarian. And he is known to revel in the confusion. Ashu --- Quarreling, all barrels blazing, argumentative, gets on several people's nerves all while holding a full time job, and a part time search. Nicknamed sasu bina ko ashu on his slow days. Also known to have fast days when he is missing in action during the lunch hour. Paschim --- Was last heard on radio in the jungles of south China. But then some mistook the voice for Bin Laden's. And the precise point of origin of the radio signal could not be located. Addicted to the online game "search anne miss." Sitara --- Sitara, Pitara. Flies like a kite, barks like a rein deer, sweet like honeysuckle, scathing like The Sinking Nepal. This part-time student/counselor is a full-time Sajhawasi. Citizen Czar (not to be confused with the deposed Russian, circa 1917) is said to have a thing for her. NK --- Formerly known as Namita in cyber circles, NK has shortened her cyber name. Some attribute the change to burnt fingers. Others say that was her way to introduce her last name to the identity without prolonging her username to an undue length. Her last name remains a mystery of Golgothian proportions. Anepalikt --- Sitara complained it is Anepalikt and not her regal self that "barks like a rein deer" but the truth is "out there, may the force be with you." The said individual, despite her name that is said to have an unmistaken linkage to some little known kingdom run by an even less known little King G, is known to know very few words in the language that shares the name. Suna --- She is said to have a sing-song voice. But when she takes offense, that is it, as happened once on the janajati question when some "pigs" (the cyber term for sexist men, but then that term might also be used by other lands less well governed) thought they could insult her and get away with it. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:11 PM
Games For Sajhapur The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest: Classified Section October 17 GamesFor Sajhapur (Please support our advertisers.) |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:12 PM
News Flash: Paramendra Bhagat Named The King Of Links The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 17 Our online freelance reporter Sitara sent an instant bijuli-patra (e-mail) a few minutes back to inform that the kingdom of Cyberia has welcomed the deposed Prime Minister of Nepal, the erstwhile Paramendra Bhagat, with open arms. He has been crowned the King Of Links. "King G should not have put the crown back on his head, but now that he has, I have my own, " Bhagat commented during his cyber media conference. The wires were abuzz with rumors and precious metals were spotted on the crown, even as it was being designed. "I am not competing with King G, but his founding father, the King P himself," Bhagat added. "Wo Gorkha ka Prithvi Narayan, main Cyberia ka Paramendra." |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:14 PM
Situation: Volatile The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest October 13 The recent fax from the Badal-Prachanda-Babuaram trio condemns the newly formed government. "I regret my decision to inaugurate the toilet in western Nepal," Babuaram was quoted as saying to one of his comrades. Thapa has offered "personal" support to Chand but has opposed the political move by King G to appoint Chand to the top job. Similarly Tripathy has acted "surprised" by Badri Mandal's appointment as Deputy Prime Minister. "He never told us," he reportedly stared at the reporters. Former strongman Khum Khadka Chhamakchhalo was seen profusely sweating as he left the CIAA offices after a few hours of grilling. "Fenta pilao, fenta pilao," he told one of his aides as he waved at a passing bikram tempo so he could hitch a ride. Deuba appeared less shaky yesterday, but as confused as when he got deposed, or, for that matter, when he was Prime Minister. Prince Paras was reported to have learned how to smile "sardonically." In other new developments, Chand shifted gears, and started speaking in fluent Baitadeli. "Baata ma gaand padanchha," he said and then smiled in a "clean" way while his son Binod Chand translated the statement for the waiting BBC reporter Rabindra Mishra of the Pratyoush-Onta-Haroo-Le-Rajniti-Kina-Garne fame. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:15 PM
"It ain't over until it is over." -Paramendra Bhagat The Drudge Report, South Asia Edition October 11 The recently ousted Prime Minister of Nepal, Paramendra Bhagat, talked to Matt Drudge over an instant messager from an undisclosed location in Nepal. Drudge: Are you okay? What happened? Bhagat: I underestimated the resistance among the Kathmandu elite for a Madhesi prime minister. I underestimated Gyane's greed for absolute power. Wo to mera Siraha ka classmate Gyane is Gyane se sau guna achha. Drudge: What's your next move? Bhagat: I feel like I have been embarassed in Babuaram Bhatatatarai's presence. My happiness at the inauguration of the republic has been proven naive. Why did none of my advisors warn me? My next move? Consultations are on. Drudge: What hurts? Bhagat: Oh, those online rumors, all those false stories and assumptions about me that are circulating more now after I am no longer in office. Drudge: What has been the most dramatic development since you were ousted? Bhagat: Tiger Deuba went back to Mahakali. Drudge: What was that thing about Allposters.com? Bhagat: That was/is a side business. I am a free marketeer after all. Global operations. Roji roti ka sawal hai. Private enterprise hai, koi corruption to nahin. Drudge:What do you think of Chand? Bhagat:Kaun? Chanda kaun? Wo to Pachim ka department hai bhai, usi se puchho. Mid-flight mein hi wo Pachim wapas purab chala gaya. "To spend more time in the air with the flight attendants." Drudge:Age kya karenge? Bhagat:Part-time journalism karenge. Rajniti bhi kya cheez hai yaar. Drudge:What do you see in future? Bhagat:The future is dark for democracy, for stability, for madhesis. But Janata Dal will fight for the rights of all and sundry. We will rise from the ashes. Drudge: Why are the words on my screen from you shaking? Bhagat:Because I myself am shaking. Drudge: Any parting words? Bhagat: On a private note, I feel for Biswo who I succeeded. Biswo, I feel your pain. Drudge: Will anything console you? Bhagat: If the next Prime Minister down the line is a woman, I will take great satisfaction. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 02-Nov-02 12:18 PM
FOPs In A Scramble, Microsoft And Yahoo Gamble The Drudge Report, South Asia Edition October 10 It has been said that the FOPs - Friends Of Paramendra - have been in a mad scramble from Boston to Budapest to Bangkok, from Tanakpur to Janakpur to Sultanpur, ever since the gentleman made it to Baluwatar. Especially after he proposed his cabinet, many names that have been left out have been clamoring to get in into the leftover spots. The various embassies and commissions continue to have vacant spots in their leadership positions. It has been reported Bhagat has been spending more time on the phone with the FOPs than on "doing his work," a peon at his residence, his gamchha sliding, told this reporter on condition of strict anonymity. Both Hotmail and Yahoo have offered him e-mail accounts with 1MB of memory for the publicity that that would generate for their respective brand names. They were about to shut them down for the deluge of e-mails before they learned of the user's identity and saw a market opportunity instead. Similarly, Yahoo Geocities has opted for an unlimited data transfer protocol for his personal homepage he has nurtured since his student days, again for publicity. Most visitors to the site leave messages in the guestbook they found little of value there, reportedly. They claim instead that The Drudge Report has "more on him." |
| paramendra | Posted
on 05-Nov-02 11:09 AM
Girija: "Tyo Loke Ra Badri Ta Dubai Mandale Hoon." The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest November 5 (By Our Kathmandu Correspondent) - The esteemed leader of the Koirala Congress was caught smoking in his 10 by 14 cubicle at eye specialist Shashanka Koirala's place. "Ke garne, yo churot ta purano banee. Thuldai lai panee thaha thiyo ma churot khanchhu bhanera." Observers saw smoke hours after he was supposedly done with his last sarko. He was speaking at the weekly meeting of the Birtanagar Jute Mills Trade Union Congress. "Tyo Loke nachineko ho ra maile? Badri ra Loke ta Mandale charitra ka manchhe hoon," he said, fuming. "I have sent a fax to Baburam. Don't deal with these nonsense type people. If you have to talk to someone, fax me back. I don't like e-mails. Hurt my eyes." Intellectuals surmised Koirala's unhappiness was at an utter lack of response from the rival Deuba Congress to his overtures toward a reunification of the two factions. In related developments, MaKuNe was said to be seeking Badri Mandal's spot by the night and asking for a new government by the day. The renowned Academy Award winning Chief Editor of The Sinking Nepal, M.P.,who regularly watches Nepali politics webcasts from his hideout in Vermont, when asked to comment, said, "King G has not been seen in public for weeks. The last few times he has been seen he looked his usual glum. That is telling. Sinister days might be ahead." Trikaldarshi had similar observations to make, even as an online petition has been launched against the monarch's move. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 05-Nov-02 11:12 AM
Lokendra Bahadur Chand: "He stands corrected." Letter To The Editor The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest Dear Sir/Madam, It has come to my attention that some Girija Karela has erroneously reported my last name at a public forum. My last name is Chand. Mandal would be the Deputy Prime Minister's last name. He stands corrected. Bhabadiya. Lok. |
| paramendra | Posted
on 12-Nov-02 11:22 PM
Arnico In The Wings: Peace Possible The Hallai Halla Ko Desh Digest November 13 (Our DC Correspondent) -- For the first time in the country's history, an expatriate might end up at the Prime Minister's residence in Baluwatar. As Chand's popularity wanes from the low it started out in the first place, and the polarization between the major political parties and the palace extenuates, rumor is rife Arnico might arrive on a chartered plane. Little is known about the said individual, his last name remains a mystery. But his statement that he would easily swap the palace for peace has been making the rounds over e-mail. Left-leaning newspapers have already published editorials protesting his possible arrival. "Samrajyabad chahindaina, CIA ko manchhe utai basa," was one of many calls. Prachanda and BRB were faxing messages to each other and, in error, to themselves. In one private exchange they are said to have expressed concern that Arnico's reliance on e-mail might prove their use of the fax machine out-of-date. "We need to be concerned," BRB whispered. In the mean time, Arnico was not available for comment. |