| prasnachinha |
Posted
on 05-Nov-02 06:50 PM
No offense inteded, just for FUN
Prashnachinha’s jhataro
America Nepali Akhtiyar pidit sangh
My long time buddy who recently landed in this US of opportunities was the “bus boy”, thanks to my strong verbal recommendation to the millionaire restaurant owner Mr. Garibnath Bhagwan Das. He was invited to take part in some kind of seminar, but he decided to extend his stay infinitely in the interest of his fellow country men( in his own words). Ever since he had converted my living room into his bedroom , a typical pig sty. When I vented a bit of my frustration and raised my concern over my unemployed state to him, he showed his aesthetically challenged 32 teeth to me and volunteered to be my career counselor. In his own words that’s how he decided to pay me back my favors and all amenities he had been enjoying. He emphasized on the fact that he was not a ‘chanchune’( ordinary) man and had experience of running a variety of organizations including INGOs, NGOs , student unions, political parties, ‘khudra pasal sangh’, madira sangathan, etc etc. Looking at the stack of his certificates and credentials, I succumbed to his intellectual and organizational prowess.
He looked at my resume which hardly filled an A4 paper and called it a piece of crap. He thought my GPA 3.9 was okey but I severely lacked some of the qualities that any fast growing ambitious organization would seek for. He looked at me the way an elephant would look at an ant and yelled, “ you don’t have any leadership experience, you wasted your three decades of life without leading even a single organization.”. He succeeded to make myself realize I was a total waste of time, money and my parents’ matrimonial effort. I was not even the monitor of my class in my high school. I wish I were the local ‘dada’ of my tole ( home town) which I could possibly add in my resume as “local coordinator of law and order”. I wondered why this leadership instinct never popped up in my entire life. I wish I were at least a bal neta or kishor neta or yuwa neta or allare neta or ekal premi neta or thiti pidit neta or whatever. May be the universal architect Mr/Mrs God dint design me to be a leader. To maintain the global ecosystem God needed some spectators who would always give a standing ovation to the leaders.
He asked me if I could tell a lie to manipulate and to save my delicate buttocks. I said yes. He kept on asking if I could steal, chastise my opponent, back stab/ cut throat my competitors, kiss all kinds of asses (from colorful to bushy), change colors like chameleons, shed tears like crocodiles and use thousands of tongues like shesh nag. To his great surprise , I had all those qualities. He got excited and declared that I was natural. I had been molded post birth to be a neta ( leader). I thanked him for awakening my inhibited desire of being a neta and offered a six pack of Heineken as guru dakshina (Consultation fee). He gracefully told me that unlike musical or literary talent, leadership quality was something we acquired during our life time. He gave me examples of some hawaldars , hukkes, baithakes, bhanchhes(chef) who eventually became great leaders because of their constant exposures with people having above qualities. If Bush Jr could be a leader of the world, at least I could be a leader of some organizations. After all I had every things he had but money and a powerful father.
Then I began my research to find out the target community for my unborn( not even conceived) organization. Considering my ‘alpagyan’( little knowledge) on American culture, history, society, wine, football, celebrities, music, Nasdaq, corporate scam, fund raising, base ball, basket ball, movies, tax evading schemes, political correctness etc, I could not even think of running a pure ‘khaire’(Politically correct-American) organization. That left me with only one option- Nepali organization. Guruji stressed that pertaining to my qualities, I was very suitable to run a nepali organization.
Big question was what kind of nepali organization. I was wide open to ideas like pre 911 US boarders. We repeated our brain storm 101 every night by cleansing every single vein and brain cell with brewed liquid products. I was shocked to know that like beautiful girls all the resourceful nepali communities had already been taken by some non profit social organizations. You name it, they have it. I even found that dozens of organizations existed just to discuss and recommend who would best run Nepal. All big shots like “ khaa-u-ba”, “Tulsi Giri-aa”, “Talu Giri –ja”, “maa-**k-ne”, “Khaam- Dev”, “K-pi-u-lee”, “OK –indra Bdr Chandra” had a strong nepali community backup to help morally and financially. There were many organizations just to oppose and protest what ever happened in Nepal. They had a server which would run 24/7 and constantly send the automated voice/ written messages like we condemn, we oppose, we regret etc. There were dozens of human right watch dogs who would bark every time a maoist had some scratches in his/her right or left leg in an army ambush. I was impressed by their relentless efforts they put in publishing a reports on human right violation by Nepal government which looked like a 28” air bag. Since Nepal is a peace loving nation these watch dogs argued that the government should at least implement Gandhi ideologies by giving another cheek when maoist slapped one. Further more the government should not spend development money on arms and keep on fighting against AK-47 equipped maoist with second world war rifle prototype .
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| prasnachinha |
Posted
on 05-Nov-02 06:53 PM
I found many youth organizations which always exceeded the target of membership recruitment. They had ‘big brothers’ especially trained to polish newly arrived naïve nepali. They would provide free off the record consultation on part time employment( before getting social security card); disposable social security cards and green cards; Tequila /beer/ bar etiquette, potential hang out places to meet /mingle ( or at least see) opposite sexes, INS hurdles etc. There were several Nepali fundamentalist organizations to preserve the conservative nepali view towards nepali women. Their active members mostly included Nepali male of reproductive age and were thoroughly brain washed why they needed to find/ marry a nepali women with intact hymen, an evidence of virginity. “ Small tissue- a big issue” was their slogan. They were planning to file law suit against the producers of some sit coms like “friends”, “The sopranos” and “sex and the city” for spoiling Nepali women and encouraging them to indulge in frequent pre marital sex in search of big O. They were however very liberal to their male members in their pre marital ventures and always encouraged to explore more and more of American beauty.
One of the biggest/ richest organizations was called “ dacter saab sangh” which believed on the fact dacter saabs are the first class people and rest are class less( not even third class). During their annual conventions, all of their elite executive members would march in their designer suits and exhibit/ announce their financial and career achievement. That was also an unofficial match making ceremony where dactar saabs would try to hook up their taruni chori (18 plus 30 minus daughters)with the offspring of other dactar saabs. Their biggest rival was ‘khasi bakhri ekai dhokri association” which claimed that it represented the whole continent (However the leaders seemed to be suffering from a very common but a complex clinical disorder called east coast philia mid west coast phobia.) Their annual convention was bigger than kumva mela and the audience felt home when the leaders took hours to finish their ‘vasan’(speech) and uncooked rice was served in the banquet. They were also planning to organize a huge all America garage sale and get rid of all unwanted commodities like computers /microwaves/ junk cars etc , eventually to ship to Nepal, so that all poor Nepali would reach the US standard.
I was very depressed to find out that nothing was left for me. “ Khaire poi sangh”, khaire Joi sangh”, “Amrikane nepali bhantyang vuntung club” ‘mahila uthan”” dalit pidit”” pahad sangathan”, “Madhesh bistar”, “ Desh bikash”, “baliyo Arthatantra” etc. Every time I thought of a new name, it had already been registered. No matter what /how they were named, all of them actively practiced and taught some of the basic social survival skills like leg pulling, back biting, ostracizing, frawning, showing off, etc. The whole scenario compelled me to think out side the bottle. It took me several weeks and cost gallons of expensively distilled colorful liquids before God smiled at me and blessed me.
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| prasnachinha |
Posted
on 05-Nov-02 06:54 PM
One of the crucial factors that binds a major chunk of Amrikane Nepali is their intimate to distant “nata pata”(relation) to “ thula bada manchhe”(big shots) back in Nepal. No matter which nook and corner of this gigantic country they have made their second home, they never fail to reiterate their big connection ( with a lot of pride) to Nepali thula bada manchhe. This becomes very infectious especially while barping on the Indian cuisine ordered for nepali festival gatherings. The proud offsprings or siblings of “ mantri”, “sachib”, “hakim saab”, “CDO saap”, “SP sap”, ……etc sap gather together to reiterate/exaggerate the contribution their parents/ uncles/ siblings etc made to the overall growth of the country. The stories ranged from the capturing of the big congress/ communist leader during panchayat era to representation of Nepal in Olympics as the 156 th official of Khelkud parishad. This resourceful Nepali community felt a strong after shock when in an unprecedented move CIIA nabbed some corrupt officers in Nepal. Their was big ambiguity and curiosity to figure out whose father/ brother was that star performer who using an extraordinary intelligence covered his face by an imported fancy towel. Soon they realized that if it was left unchecked /unprotested they could soon see their near and dears being nabbed by CIIA live on television. Since they were not officially united, their concern could not be voiced in an effective way. I took this opportunity to register the organization called “American Nepali Akhtiyar pidit sangh”. I collected the signature and released a press statement accussing CIIA’s move as the politically conspired malicious one. It also condemned all those jealous neighbors who gave a big applause to CIIA when their ‘sarkari officer neighbor” was arrested from his palace. I published fancy pamphlet on glossy papers with slogans like “khai pai aako subidha khosna painna, hamro dad ko ghar lilam garne painna” etc. Since those posters were printed employing the cutting edge computer graphics and printing technology with a back drop of American city or Christina Aguilera’s semi naked torso, it would easily get its way into the bed room wall of Nepali family. (I could not help feeling ecstatic about my recently explored talent on campaigning!) Further more I established a hot line and gave 1-800 number to all victims to counsel on how to transfer Nepali black money to America thru white hundi. I also formed a group of young professionals specialized in foreign investment to lure all dubious money from Nepal to different parts of the world very discreetly. An especial agreement was made with a Swiss bank( cant dislose the name!) which would help to facilitate the money transfer in the most secure way. We also had an emergency congregation where the members expressed their gratefulness to their dad/mom/bro-sis/nata pata back in Nepal who did not hesitate to do any thing to provide them with expensive education, luxurious childhood, expensive vacations , financial freedom and Tuition fees and living expenses for the US education, that eventually shaped their future as an aspiring professional. Many remembered the great connection their natapata had which had helped their other naata pata to secure coveted positions and possessions. They confessed that without those direct and indirect contributions, they would probably land in a government run schools and fail SLC in English. The executive committee member decided to open a Nepal chapter at Tribhuvan International airport, which would help their naata pata exit Nepal safely in case the CIIA ever awakes again. As a back up to the original plan, thousands of Halloween masks were shipped which would be more convenient and glamorous( a fashion statement!) to use instead of those towels. Remarkably my organization has now the highest number of members from all over the world. With an exception of some Nepali residing in the US, Europe or Japan, whose parents were “dukhi”, “khyute”, “bichara”, “university professor”, “nimukha kisan”, “worker without a political affiliation’ etc, I hope all other Amrikane Nepali would join and support to save thousands of high calorie fat filled glorious buttocks back in Nepal.
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