| Username |
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| SimpleGal |
Posted
on 17-Nov-02 05:07 PM
Dear all,
I was exceedingly intrigued by a key aspect of cross-cultural difference that HahooGuru-ji quite perceptively put forth at sajha. And it neatly ties in with Slipknot dai's remark on the differential developments of values among human beings. And hence, I am opening this thread up for discussion on a related issue, though in a different league--namely the differentiation that people make between what gets disclosed or how on behaves in public and what transpires in private. My own interest in the field of developmental psychology has been, among others, this marked distinction between public and private disclosures that is more pronounced and stringently practiced in the Asian culture. To contextualize it in relation to our own cultural orientation, let us take the example of the Nepalese culture. For instance, there is this taboo against divulging "family matters" beyond the four walls of the family home. "Ghar ko kura ghar mai hunu parchha" is a common family slogan. And under this pretext, violations of various kinds thrive and proliferate through generations. At one of the places that I chose to conduct my interviews this summer, prestigious and renowned for its open-minded policy toward research ventures, I was told to my utter disbelief, "Well, it's only because you yourself are a Nepali that this kind of research is being permitted. Otherwise, issues relating to this subject, especially domestic and sexual violence against adolescents, who are very young, is not allowed at all. We have refused such projects." I was stunned. Granted that my nationality MAY have contributed to their comfort, but in no way whatsoever should issues concerning blatant violations of human rights, regardless of the victim's age, be barred from general public awareness. And consequently from help that may be available to them. But on second thought, it occurred to me: Well, DO they have, in the event that such "private" matters get disclosed, have resources to turn to? Especially adolescents? The answer will, on average, invariably be in the negative. Counseling centers are scanty, even in the Kathmandu valley, with staffs who are under-trained, underpaid and therefore "under"-enthusiasts. What then of the victims? What recourse do they have? What of their futures, their self-image, self-worth, self-esteem, self-concept? Where does the "self" go in the age old tradition of "keeping things within the family walls"? In trying to adhere, willy nilly, to societal norms and not be, as Sitara pointed out in her instance of the gifted boy dubbed gay, and a "deviant" for having long hair?
In our culture, adolescence has seldom been given much scope in understanding the biopsychosocial implications and repercussions of changes and tribulations during that time. Yes, awareness in this regard is on the rise, I will not discount that trend, particularly in the Kathmandu valley. But resources are few and far between. The carrom games for young boys and hop-scotch games for young girls did and still do provide an ambience for social exchange. Even with the invasion of the internet and video-games, I was happy to see neighborhood children and adolescents gathering at late afternoons to play. Increasingly, young adolescents participated in cross-gender activities that are healthy in fostering experiential exchange and consequently social netwoking that provides a safe channel for expressing those pent-up feelings and frustrations. Especially in a society where the disclosure of private (and perhaps violent violations) affairs is strictly proscribed, mainly for the preservation of normative behavior.
I do not wish to make this posting too long and tedious to read, but will certainly bring in issues concerning this topic if people express interest. I think Village Voice-ji had broach upon a parallel topic once (thread: Nepal and Counseling), in the aftermath of the return of the monarchy, and I had responded. But sadly, the topic trickled to a halt. And that is NOT a good thing for our culture as a whole!!
In peace.
SimpleGal
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| khai_k_Vanu |
Posted
on 17-Nov-02 06:36 PM
Adarniya Simplegirljee,
Ma ta haraye. ARe you trying to initiate discussion about how young victims are counseled in Nepal ho?
Moto dimag kura bujina :-)
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| SimpleGal |
Posted
on 17-Nov-02 07:15 PM
Khai_k_vanu ji,
I apologize if my point was unclear. I tend to digress a lot and often see connections in various things. :)
The central tenet of the posting is that our culture, under the pretext of the normative, often restrains people from being able to "speak up" about matters that may be tormenting them. Please refer to the family slogan that I comment on. Adolescent counseling is just an Example that I offer to illustrate my point since that is the group with which I chiefly work and am most familiar. The need to "speak up and speak out" cannot be more emphasized, as Nepali people are often socialized to muffle their problems. And in the meantime, much marauding and massacring goes on.
Thanks for your query! Your dimaag seems anything But moto...:)
In peace.
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| KaLaNkIsThAn |
Posted
on 17-Nov-02 07:52 PM
Simple jyu,
I am sorry, I couldn't read that posting, coz half way through, I went dizzy. It is a long paragraph. I still have 20/20 vision, and I don't wanna wear them spectecles and ruin my appearence. You know, that "sauni ki chori" thing.
As far as your "gharko kura ghar mai", call me an orthodox, but I support that. Whatever happens in my house is not anybody's problem. It is of course mine and my families. Why should we go to the roof of our house and let the whole world know about it.
I am lost already!!
save me!
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| khai_k_Vanu |
Posted
on 17-Nov-02 07:56 PM
Simplegirljee,
Ho ni 'need to speak up and speak out' is important. But in Nepal, it is not conducive. In high school, if a student asks teacher a question in class, most probably teacher may interpret that as a threat or challenge. Because in Nepal, if you are teacher you got to know everythign and you cannot say ' I don't know'. When seniors are conversing, if you take part in that conversation, the act will be considered to be very rude. They will say 'Thulo manche haru boleko thauma janne huncha'. These are simple matters. What if if someone got raped? What if that victim is female? That is why in Nepal, I think you don't hear much about rape and incessest. It is not because such crimes don't occur. They occur but they don't get reported. Even if you establish many counseling centers equiped with well trained people in Kathmandu, I don't see people going there seeking help.
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| SimpleGal |
Posted
on 17-Nov-02 09:18 PM
K-ji,
My apologies for causing your vision any problems! Hope they are temporary.
True, you are entitled to keep your family matters to yourself. I did not mean to imply that you need to spill the beans all the time! What I was trying to address is the need for the "malicious" acts that transpire under that pretext and never get reported! And Khai k vanuji, you are very accurate in your portrayal of our cultural taboos and practices. And people just accept it passively without efforts at reformation. "That's how things are" is what everyone ultimately ascribed to the situation and walks away. Recently, quite a hue and cry was evident at sajha itself over the Shrisha Karki tragedy. I recall that some even wanted to see the picture under the pretext of sympathy! When will the reality of what's not reported ever be disclosed and justice brought? Will domestic violence just be a thing of the West? And we as Nepalis become like the ostrich that hides its head in the sand and think it's unseen??? At least the rest of the ostrich CAN is observable. In the case of many domestic violence cases, not even a "feather" is MADE visible, to use the ostrich metaphor. And in the need to preserve collective solidarity individuals get trampled on ruthlessly.
In peace.
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| baadal |
Posted
on 18-Nov-02 01:20 PM
i agree with simplegal that in the pretext of keeping family matters private, many acts of "violence" go unvoiced. the desire to "protect" your family is obvious specially in a society like Nepal, where the focal point is the extended family and not the individual. but, sometimes i wonder about what conspires in the name of "protecting the family's name." even though there is increasing awareness in k'mandu about the pyshosocial needs of young people, many of those who have gathered the courage to speak about violent acts towards them rarely receive adequate support.
as far as counseling centers go, who would feel comfortable going to see a counselor who knows your family and might really not keep your info confidential (i am not stating that this is so, but it is hard for me imagine otherwise).
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