| Username |
Post |
| sahara |
Posted
on 26-Nov-02 07:52 PM
Wandering aimlessly around kathmandu didn't help.Drinking also didn't help.Its is affecting my work and my relations with others.
Friends how did you cope with heartbreak if you had one...please do tell..it may help me ...
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| geekypea |
Posted
on 26-Nov-02 09:58 PM
Hmmm....
If you know the reason for your heartbreak, why you had to do this, and if you understand the reason very well, you will not have to wander around to feel better. I had several heartbreaks, and I have discovered that I get better at coping with these as I grow older. If you are able to convince what you are doing is right for YOU then there's no worries. If you can't seem to find a valid reason for your heartbreak, then it's time to call him/her up or have a meeting to discuss what you're feeling.
Talk to people who you can relate to or who have the similar situation as you do. THat helps to put things into perspective. ALso you'll feel a lot better when you know that such things are happening to lots of people and not only you.
Engage yourself in positive, constructive activities ( not drinking!! ). Hang out with friends and family. Take every day as a lesson you learned.
Keep in touch with the person who broke your heart. Don't let emotions lead you. Maintain a healthy distance. People can help you share your feelings, but it's only you who can make you happy. Whatever you think is negative, think of what lesson you can gather from it. You're living for yourself not for that other person. So why engage in drinking and fruitless activities when you could do other stuff to enjoy yourself?
Good luck and be peace with you!
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| HahooGuru |
Posted
on 26-Nov-02 10:21 PM
Funniest answer: Just let it be once and last: Die.
Many tried, but, never told their experience. ... I guess its not good answer.
HG
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| Rastaman |
Posted
on 26-Nov-02 11:49 PM
Hey if you have a heart break then talk to I. I and I is rasta. take a rasta way. Lively up yourself. You need to see I. Dont die like shit.
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| ktm_chahalpahal |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 03:35 AM
Time heals everything Sahara ji.
You should go to Java, have a nice cup of coffee and watch the beautiful people around you. As the time passes by, your heart will be healed.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 05:40 AM
Sahara ji
Here are a few pointers that have helped many in the past:
1. Acknowledge that you have been hurt and let it go.
Never deny your feelings. This is your time of mourning...mourn and be done with it.
2. Don't try to drown your sorrows; sorrows know how to swim.
3. Forgive him/her and above all yourself....there is nothing you can do about it.
4. If you don't have a friend to talk to..... Get a journal note book; write your thoughts, your anger,hopes, betrayels, pain, jealousy, hurt, fears of the unknown..... If you record these down, your subconscious will rest at ease and won't try to make to remember them. Slowly, your mind will let things go as you recuperate emotionally. Your writing will help to give vent to your innermost thoughts. Do this at night... and let it rest as you rest your mind and body.
5. Here is a powerful affirmation (a scientific prayer to the universe):
"all that I need will come to me in its own time and space. I trust in the natural process of life"
6. Take care of yourself....
My positive energy to you!l
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| Poonte |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 09:19 AM
Tei ho...TIME WILL HEAL...just refrain from doing stupid things during that time, and you'll be ok before you know it...millions have moved on, and so will you!
:)
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| sahara |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 09:39 AM
Thank you all Friends..
even reading your replies has uplifted me..
i'll definitely try all methods you have mentioned..
:)
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| happy keti |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 09:44 AM
Sahara,
i understand your problem,i had passed the same phase like you are going through now.I lost my one year in tears and pain,I was damn helpless then,it was so easy for others to say,to give advice,but I know it is very difficult to cope with. But what my experience taught me is the person who gives heartbreak and leaves you in dispair is never meant to be yours.So,just move on.Don't cry for someone who never cared for you like I did.Life has a lot to offer and maybe a right person is waiting for you and hopefully you'll get more happiness and peace in the end.See,I am very happy today but I have never thought this day will ever come in my life without the person I once loved.So,move on,be optimistic and engage yourself in some activities .Life is not only heartbreaks and pain,but there is lot if you just try to find out and be cheerful.
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| Rusty |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 10:34 AM
Sahara,
Let the "Natural Process" of life happen is the key suggestion for you. Meanwhile, try NOT to ruin your life in sorrow.
Try to find some ways of venting your gloom.
Some hints:
1. Don't listen any love songs if you're music lover.
2. Drink/ dope/smoke if you need to. But, don't become addicted.
and
Finally, come to Sajha and write something you're interested in; flirt with people(trust me, it helps you a lot), and so on....... You can start flirting with me;)
Always be postive: "everything happens, happens for good.":)
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 10:52 AM
hey sabai jana k anta-santa suggestions. i agree with hahoo guru's sugegstion, die. C'mon, be practical "khukuri ko chot-achano lai thaha hundaina" (don't know how to translate this into English.. anyway, the one who's hurt knows the pain better).
No, i am not encouraging suicide(s), but think of it this way:
heart never breaks. if the heart breaks, thenw hat's going to pump blood in your system? in case , if your heart broke and you are still alive, go see a doctor right away. Norvic has some good cardiologists, they might be able to fix yoiur heart.
OK, jokes aside: we all go through "sad" phases in our life, but, hey, ce'st la vie! what can we do, except think of it as a learning experience. I totally understand that deception is probably the hardest thing to deal with, but again, this is life. I too went through this same phase and asked a friend how i should deal with this. His honest answer was: Hey, you are asking me how to deal with it, this means you still have a zeal for life.. and as long as you have it.. you'll find the ways to deal with adverse situations.
If drinking makes you happy drink, if you haven't tried smoking, try it.. and if you have a hard time sleeping.. take valium.. then after a month or two you'll realzie that there is moreb to your life than just think about who/what broke your heart. and you'l get sick and tired of alcohol, cigarettes and valium.. you will realzie that there are others who love you.. and you will find yourself on the top of that W curve...
believe me, the exmotion, the feeling lasts for not more than 2 months (maximum), then you'll be able to carry on with your life.. if nothing helps even after 2 months: visit thamel..java,... sit there, drink coffee.. if you are rich and don't mind spending some money on books, then go to mandala or educational enterprises, buy books that interest you.. then, go back to java, order tall black.. and read the book... and if you need a break from reading, just stare at those young tarunis there..you'll find in you the "youthfull-playfulness" ... you'kll be happy and you'll actually thank the person who broke your heart because you'll have more options now..
if nothing works, then.. just find a job.. if you already have a job, its the time to show your productivity since there's noone nothing to distract you. just focus on your work.. now, how you focus, that you know better than any of us here..
if nothing nothing nothing helps, send me an email.
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 10:53 AM
tyo first ukhan at the start should have read: achano ko chot, khukuri lai thaha hundaina"
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 10:56 AM
based on my true experience..! la ja ta..
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 10:59 AM
"But what my experience taught me is the person who gives heartbreak and leaves you in dispair is never meant to be yours.So,just move on.Don't cry for someone who never cared for you like I did"
No, I strongly disagree, i say this is a confession of a loser. be brave, think, why and what the made the othjer person leave you.. think of your own weaknesses.. maybe its time to assess your life and deal with your own problems rather than blaming the otehrs.. yeah, he/she was never meant for me although i tried and blah blah blah...we all have our strengths and weaknesses...
politically incorrect freak
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| jeevan gurung |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 11:28 AM
Lot of good tips in here. Just be prepared for anything in life. For right now, think positively and be around with your trusted one like family members. They are your strength. Read lot of good books like Anthony Robbins..
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| rat-a-tat |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 11:32 AM
Sahara, Here's what helped me when I wus in a similar position like yours:
1. Go to Pokhara, simply laze out. 2. Start flirting (It really does help!). 3. Find another girl. 5. Talk to friends or someone you really trust. 6. Do something that would make someone really happy. 7. Take life this way - Become really successful so that she's gonna regret having dumped you. 8. Move to States, get yourself a green card (Believe me,lot'sa women would die for you then, hehe!).
Finally,
9. TAKE THE ABOVE SUGGESTIONS AS A BIG JOKE!
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 11:33 AM
OK: My choice of good books:
(so that you don't have to go through heartbreaks again)
1. getting to yes (william Ury, Riger Fisher)
2. beyond machiavelli (william Ury jasto lacgha, not sure)
and never get NO for answers.
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| SIWALIK |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 12:31 PM
And always remember: What does not kill you makes you stronger. So as you are coping with a heartbreak realize that you are not the only one who has had to go through that route, but meanwhile your resolve is being tested and you are becoming stronger as a person.
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| Shiva Shiva!! |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 01:01 PM
Do yoga, Control your body and mind. Specifically do Sun Salutaion and Moon Salutation 3 time a week, and take a long breath and let it go every time you feel you have heart break to heal.
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| SimpleGal |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 01:51 PM
Iso Freakji,
I think the Fisher & Ury book "Getting to Yes" is a great suggestion on your part.
Sahara, I recommend that you read it. I teach principles outlined in that book each semester in my emotions and peace studies courses. The book has many good advice and will give/show you much more than what I may tell you in one posting.
In addition, I also recommend Thich Nhat Hahn's "Peace is every step" as a wonderful and peaceful recourse to recuperation.
I wish you luck!
In peace.
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| Bitchpatroll |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 02:01 PM
Wow !!!
Its funny how anyone and everyone is an expert here. Maybe all you folk should get-togather and open up a heartbreak treatment practice. Payo Bhandai ma Byaguta justo Pyar pyar pyar pyar karaiko cha karaiko cha .. Why don't you let the person experience what a heartbreak is..or he(she) will never know
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| bhedo |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 04:57 PM
My suggestion: go play with your genitalia. Masturbation is a panacea. That's what I do when I am depressed. These days I am depressed almost everyday.
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| HahooGuru |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 06:40 PM
Sparsha: after watching the flood of suggestion, I feel guilt and my heart is now broken whether I made a mistake by not seriously considering your request for help. I am not sure how far you suffer shock from the break. What you have to be careful is (personal suggestion):
1. Peoples say when you are under extreme stress, its good to eat varieties of foods ...... Because of the good taste of food you might forget the reason behind your stress/ heart break.
2. Don't smoke. Though smoke is said to be substitute to number 1 above. Smoke will deteriorate your health ..... in long term it has negative effect.
3. Alcohol: well, before going to bed its good to have some alcohol so that you can sleep well. When I am alone here , e.g. when my wife and kids in Nepal, I even don't feel like going back to home, I feel so lonely, its like MASAN GHAT... But, its real world, we have to be practical, I have to return and make my life well not that good as before, but, with some factored level. Yes, that sense, I consume alcohol every night to make my sleep smooth ....... Well, when my wife returned and found that tall bottle empty, she says: Hey, yatro sab piyeko .... K garne, I don't have third option: either you or that ........ ... hehhehe... No way out....
4. Well, cook foods yourself, spend more time in kitchen ..... read books .... learn it. its good to learn cooking foods. Well, while cooking don't forget that you are cooking, so that your food don't get spoiled. If your foods turns to lump of ashes, then, you have to decide to make it better, because the reason behind the turning the food into ash because you could not forget the reason for stress. Well, you are attentive to the cooking, that is proof of free from stress, at least at that moment.
5. Reading books..... stuffs already outlined by the great bugs who chewed all famous books. I am not bug of that kind, I don't answer. ....
6. Well, meet your old day friends .... thats entertaining .... When I go to Nepal for a month or so, I have no free time left .... I spend a lot of time on meeting peoples of all kind ... thats very fun .... I talked --met-- dined -- with peoples from PM to down Peon of my first schools.... Its so fun to find the variation .... all those chat/talk/meet makes you forget where you were? ....
7. Pick up some public school, and offer your volunteer job e.g. english teaching or maths ... public school usually lack such teachers and volunteer teaching is welcome... now such public schools in Kathmandu are either for lower economy class or for servents of middle to upper middle class: kaam garne keta keti .... you can teach them what is internet..... where is world .... they can enjoy ... that can make you happy ......
(sometime, its not bad to spend the bucks if you have some ... I guess you read my
experience in BKK airport, how I spent my 10hrs ..... transit .... serving the fellow peoples who are dire need of help ....)
8. ....... Get married. that is the best solution if are old enough to go for marriage. Once you get married, everything will calm down, ...... Before marriage male speaks, and after marriage your wife speaks, so you just have to listen.... It is not bad to tell her that you had .... experience of heart break ..... if she/he is Nepali, based on our culture. Usually, (almost 90% my guess) go unhurted smoothly ... as if paral ko ago .. telling the past story won't be bad, but, when you are in stress its good to relieve it by draining it from your heart and mind. .... As I told before, I write in Sajha.com to drain what strikes my mind, so that i am no more understress .... when I write things or tell "mero manko kura" to anyone ... I have no stress... I do pass through HURT (it might not be HEART BREAK: HEART HURT).... I clean up all these problems by telling to the selective persons who can listen to you and tell "sansar, yastai ho. Samundra ko tide jasto.... yastai yasti hunda hunda ta manche kharincha ni .... " .... moving towards maturity .... Getting bold.... stiff ... flexible whenever whereever you need. Your heart and mind can make finally more reliable decisions ....
9. Don't worry much, every one in the world pass through HURTs only matter of different scales....
10. Have positive thinking. Take it as learning, and think positively. After every cloud and rainy day, there should be bright day, much cleaner than day before the cloudy.... Well, I saw snow around my place it looks like I am now in Nepal .... Why not spend a whole day watching the snow peaks memorizing their names .....
...
Ganthan ta lekhiyo .... tara kaha samma kaam lagcha .... I wish it be useful to you: even 1/10 idea will make me happy.
Aru Pachhi!?!
HG
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| NK |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 07:18 PM
"wandering aimlessly around kathmandu didn't help.Drinking also didn't help.Its is affecting my work and my relations with others.
Friends how did you cope with heartbreak if you had one...please do tell..it may help me ... "
Diagnosis:
Few questions to you Sahara:
How long did you kknow this person?
Where did you meet this above mentioned person?
Do you have a suspicion why this aforementioned person broke up with you?
What was the parting phrase/sentence/word/letter?
What did you right after that phrase was said?
What was your immediate reaction? a) did you throw up b) were you relieved just for a nano second c) lunged at that person d) laughed yoursself silly e) hugged/kissed that person uncontrolably
Aftermath, did you call anybody?
What did you say?
Prognosis:
that will come later my dear. after you answer all those questions. People here are prescribing medicine without knowing the full truth nothing but the full truth...
NK the (fake) psychoanalys/therapist
:)
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 07:27 PM
NK... i didn't do that! i am another heartr-break specialist here in sajha to help you all.
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| KaLaNkIsThAn |
Posted
on 27-Nov-02 08:28 PM
NK jyu,
hazur ko kura GHAAT laagyo.
You are soooo damn right!!
Sounds like Mr Sahara is making this whole thing up, and almost all the people (but you) were like "Kauwa le kaan lagyo, bhanera kaan ko pachadi daude"
Anyway, how would I know all this? Remember, I am Born Dummie?
How would I know about heartbreaks and heartaches, I am destined not to fall in Love. :)
{Blame in on "solaris"}
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| Hari Bansha Acharya |
Posted
on 28-Nov-02 12:27 AM
A hey Sahara ,
HOW DID YOU COPE WITH HEARTBREAK?
I know the solution!!
Just laugh !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA A AHA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA AH AH A AH AH A H AH AH AH A AH HAH AHA HA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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| sahara |
Posted
on 28-Nov-02 08:55 AM
Hi all
NK ji here are your answers
i know her from last year or so.she is my friend's cousin sister.its not like we broke up...we were/are just friends...but to me she is more than friend...
ani....tye ho...k bhanu khai...bhaigo chhadidinus Nk ji..je hunu thyo bhaihalyo
here lot of good suggestions...so i think i can cope now...
freak...i'll surely read that book
once again thank you all..
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| HahooGuru |
Posted
on 28-Nov-02 08:04 PM
If seems Sahara can get better Sahara @ FOSLA sites.
You should lead FOSLA club in this Sajha.com, ...... that is best way you can serve others who will need similar helps.
HG
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| HahooGuru |
Posted
on 28-Nov-02 08:06 PM
It seems Sahara can get better Sahara @ FOSLA sites.
You should lead FOSLA club in this Sajha.com, ...... that is the best way you can serve others who will need helps on similar heartbreaks.
Khu.Hai.Ka.
HG
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| DHUMBASSE (DUMBASS) |
Posted
on 28-Nov-02 08:26 PM
guruji!! namaskar!! yo FOSLA CLUB bhaneko kya ho , ghitama ali gham lagena HELP!!
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| Shiva Shiva!! |
Posted
on 28-Nov-02 09:27 PM
FOSLA: Frustrated One Sided Lovers Association.
The founder of this club is BISWO. I wonder why biswo didn't post his suggestion for this thread. We all want to learn how did he cope with his Heart Break when he was lovelorned in Bindhawasini.
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