| Username |
Post |
| Udas |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 01:08 PM
Namaskar sabai jana,
I am in need of help and advice. I know there are professional services, but came to sajha, seeking Nepali haru ko support and suggestions.
This are my true problems . I'm a 23 year old Nepali female, living in America without any Nepali frens.
1) I came to US on F-1 visa, almost finished school, one semester left, but droppped out due to financial reasons.
2) Last year, I have been living in USA with F-1 but didnt attend college, it has now been 2 semesters.
3) I have a bunch of previous debt, little things here and there, and a few things, total to maybe 5,000 dollars aorund. I think I can negotiate and even lessen that amount.
4) I have been working off the books, but doing volunteer at non profit as welll. The off the books job barely pays my rent and other expenses every month. The non profit job is very good, great resume builder and now they are thinking of hiring me with all benefits.
5) Good about full time job, if I get it : will be able to pay off all debt, eventually go back to school and get that damn degree. Can even enroll in kaplan courses and further study etc.
6) Bad if I get the job: I am not allowed to work b/c I am not maintaining my visa status! i could take the job give them my correct social sec. etc, and hope they wont catch it, but that is too risky yeah? Maybe just work there for a month or two until I can pay to go back to school?
7) Where can I work off the books and make a good living. I can still volunteer at this place and in the meanhwile get a better off books job. even 5 dollars/hour is fine for me.
8) Once I save up enough I want to go back to school, I will restore my F1 status right? as long as I register for 12 classes?
9) Are there any other visas for someone in my situation? Had to drop school b/c no money, and need to work for a while to go back to school.
10) Finally I have an American boyfriend. We are together for a long time now. We live together as well. Does that mean we are married by common law? What is the common law marriage law in the New York State area?
11) What is the privileges of Fiance visa? What do I have to do to get it?
12) If we marry soon, then how long to get a work/study visa for me?
13) Do I have to leave the country to get that visa or can do it at INS here?
14) I am scared to take HIV test, mandatory for all weddings to American citizens by foreign nationals, for which if you test positive then you cannot get greencard anymore. Not that I have slept around, but got a blood transplant in Nepal when I was sick a few years ago. I heard they dont test for HIV at Nepali blood banks. I am too scared to find out!
15) I am almost afraid to meet Nepalis because I dont wanna be judged for being a screw up. It is my insecurity speaking. I cut off contact with 95% of my frens from college in USA and Nepal b/c I have social anxiety. When they ask me what I am doing, etc etc, i always feel the need to lie b/c I am so embarassed of my underacheivements. I was always popular in kathmandu and in US college, but now i am very withdrawl. When I go to big cities like Boston, DC, NY , I am always worried that I will bump into nepalis that I know from Kathmandu or college frens and they will see me when I am not on the top of it all!
16) I sit and daydream about a better life every single day, for hours and hours.
17) I used to be very fashionable and always loved to spent time dressing up and gettign erady , shopping for clothes etc. now I am in sweat pants and sneakers all the time.Not that nothing is wrong with sneakers and sweats, but sometimes I look so thotro and dont shower all day ! That is filthy.
Most important of alll::::: I want to get my life straight now. Ekdamai dukha pai maile, I cannot handle the daily stress and have gone into a state of depression and anxiety. I also smoke and drink too much for a a long time, I recently quit smoking ganja after 5 years of smoking almost everday!! I am ready to change my life. I know America is land of opportunities, but Kasari re-establish garni maile afulai?
What do you think is the best for me to do? I know there are many Nepalis out there, hopefully no one is in the pothole like I am, but I really need some help and advice. Any numbers/ references/ resources will be helpful as well. Most important: I do not want to get deported.
I have four things I can proudly say 1) my family loves me and vice versa, from deep down under 2) I have 4 great frens that will stick with me through heaven and hell, including my boy freind, 3) I beleive in god truly and have been saved from disaster at more than one time, no matter how much I screwed up, God is always there for me. 4) i am the most proudest Nepali you will ever meet. i breathe Nepal!!!
I hope I can get out of this mess , and sorry to drag you along as well ! Sajha is my only link to the nepali thought.
Thank you so much.
..............................................................................................................................................
|
| DWI |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 01:45 PM
Dear Udas,
The best solution at this situation, is to legally marry your boyfriend. You might have to leave this country to get a green card, because you're out of status for a while, but u'll ultimately get the card. Don't wait any more, the more you stay out of status, the more you jeopardize your situation.
Sometimes we adore the fantasy life we dream so much that we grow reluctant to live in the real life and tend to ward off our priorities. Good thing is that you realize it now, You should take every measures to fix the situation. You cannot go back to school and regain your status, it doesn't work that way. One semester was tolerable, u could come up with some economic hardship reason, but now even if you are admitted to a university, chances are that you won't get your status back.
So here is your gameplan:
1. Get the HIV test done. You cannot run from it. You have a good chance of not being infected. We all will pray that you are HIV (+ve) free.
2. Talk to your boyfriend. Don't pressurize him but ultimately make him marry you, if not in a ceremony, then atleast on papers.
3. Re-establish your contacts with your friends and family after that. U can atleast tell them, 'Hey u know what? I am marrying a nice young American.'
4. Once application is filed, apply for labor documents and start working. Once you earn enough, finish up your college. You now can continue with your life at the United States.
And always remember, we all will be here to help you and pray for you. About your debt situation, Consolidate. Call one of those companies where they consolidate the debts and make a small monthly payment plan. Marriage should be your priority than job. You should work on some odd jobs till then.
|
| Logical Sense |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 02:48 PM
Udas baini,
Your story really made me udas. And, sincerely I wish I could be infront of you looking straight in your eyes to console you and give you a Logical advice and give you a big hug.
I am 200% with what DWI had to say to you. It is sound advice.
Here is what I have to add:
I had a similar friend from Nepal long time back. She also used to shy away from Nepali Samaj mainly because she was scared that her beloved people in Nepal would know about her in no time. And, I was the only Nepali who could force her and bring her in the main stream Nepalese by lovingly scolding her. Today she is very settled with her loving and dashing American husband, and two beautiful and intelligent kids!!!
Baini, you have to face the reality. Not testing HIV for fear is not a choice. What if you have it, one day it will come out, so why not now? Also, you need to be bold and slowly come out of your hiding and make lots of friends. You don't have to tell the story to every Aire Gaire, but, you might find lots of people in similar stituation and will console you most.
You are only 23. You have all the life infront of you and really speaking you have not done any great harm to your carrier and yourselves. Have you seen many Nepalese starting their carrier at age 40 in US?
Also, truly speaking many of our Nepalese Bhai Bahini are in similar situations, but, they work hard, have positive attitudes and come out of problems. I know one such very dear friend of mine who took 7 years to complete his undergraduate degree, but he did it.
I would encourage you to keep your PRIORITY Straight, keep working in that volunteer organzation.
I am trying to think, what alternative is there for you if your Boy friend is not upto the marriage certificate (I would warn you not to force him, and also if he does out of sympathy then be careful with INS questions during GC interviews). Nowadays for marriage GC to work, you should really be in Love and is committed to one another.
So, you may want to think of earning good money quickly and apply for Canadian Immigration. Find with more Nepalease students in similar situation how to get into status if that is a possibility. I have known many Extension colleges give F-1 without much of fuss. You may have to try in small cities.
Above all baini, you need to be proud of yourself. Think high. Keep your priority straight. And do not forget your Matribhumi and your loved ones back home will be happy to have you back. They love you unconditionally!
Good luck to you! Keep us posted about your situations!!!!!
- iti
|
| Biswo |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 02:49 PM
Hi Udas,
I think you are ok. You are doing good, it is only that you are being 'eaten by manko baagh'. You are loyal to your family , you are working and you want to go to college, so you are a courageous young lady who wants to do better in future.
The biggest problem is your being out of status. But, I don't think you will be in deep trouble just because of that. Try to get the job. See what happens. Talk to them honestly about your status. Remember, New York has millions of people who are out of status.You might even wanna try this TPS thing if you are from out of KTM.
Get the HIV test done. There is not that much risk in blood transplant in Nepal. Again, I hope it never happened to you, but even if it happened, knowing it in advance would be a lot better than knowing it after its maturity.
I sincerely hope that you will have a good future ahead. You are doing great, and you don' t have to be udaas. Give up drinking and smoking, that might help you:-)
|
| deep |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:06 PM
Udas ji,
sukh dukh yastai ho...sabai lai hunchha. Don't punish yourself with drinking, smoking, drugging, withdrawing and the stuff like these. Your situation probably is not as bad as you think. I am not aware of the solution for many legal issues you have raised here but I know you can pull yourself out of this situation if you move on faster with your positive thinking. Try to be in status as soon as possible. There are many places (attorneys) where you can get free advice on many legal issues. Try those places. Getting married with your boyfriend perhaps is the first thing you should do. You guys are on love, right? so, why wait to get married with the one who loves you?
You will be fine. Stay focued to your objectives. My best wishes.
Deep
|
| protean |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:08 PM
Udas,
The greatest thing to fear is fear itself ,AND you shoud try that not to affect you from now on. It is difficult, but very possible. You've already come one step ahead by opening up at Sajha.
As you've the courage nd openness that you've exhibited by expressing your situation in Sajha, it is fine to be open in real life even if you meet Nepalis. Mind you some wouldn't judge you by your story.
Life has its trials and tribulations. But, unless you do something about it, you've go deeper in depression. So, be honest with yourself and the ones who're close and dear yo you, and move on.
Also, have you wondered about going to Nepal for a visit or live there for some time? The visa could be an issue, right?
If you feel ,you need to finish school, do so, and then head home.
If getting a degree is not that important to you now, just go home for some time. After all, living every moment is better than not doing so and spending in isolation.
Call your friends and get their help.
Get the test if you want to.
Stop the Smoking and Drinking,and go walking or exercsising. :-)
Cheer up for you've a life to live!
|
| SITARA |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:13 PM
Udas...
Only you can take charge of your life! And half of it has been achieved by acknowledging that there is work to be done on your part; that you want to take control of your life and that you want to be strong.....for yourself, not for anyone, not for anything, not for any other reasons!
Know this: When you have reached rock bottom, the only way to go is up! Yes, it will take time but inch by inch you can make your way up! You already have picked yourself up from the floor, the trick is to remain standing!
Do you read? If so bibliotherapy is wondergful! If you want, I can give you names of books that help in strenthening the mental and the psychological and thus injecting positive outlook to your life!
The other posters have given you practical advice .... listen to them and choose what makes sense to you.... You seem to have support from family and friends;take strength in that. I f your boyfriend loves you and wants marital commitment, I am sure he will willingly marry you. Don't worry about the HIV test.... it is a technical detail which you have to face sooner or later. No sense in worrying about it!
but I wish you well! And my positive energies to you!
:)
|
| Poonte |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:14 PM
No one could have put it better than DWI did--let me just stress on a few points he made...
Get married to your BF, i.e. if you both truly love each other, and get your green card! This is perhaps the best thing that you can do to alleviate many of your problems. Since he is a citizen, and not just a green card holder, you will probably be eligible to get your GC without having to leave the country. Marrying a citizen is different from marrying someone with a GC--it takes about a year-18 months only for the spouses of US citizens to get the GC.
It may be impossible to regain your status as a student if you have already overstayed it by more than a year--I have seen people go back to school and regain their F-1 status after a break of only one semester, but your's is a difeerent case.
You've mentioned NYC above...if you live in/around NYC, you can go to CUNY without having to worry about your status--they have provisions that allow even the illegal immigrants to enroll and take classes. This can perhaps help you get your degree.
HIV Test...it's better to find out earlier than later. Even though the chances of you being positive is perhaps minimal, what matters most is finding out early so that you can get help sooner IF need be.
Aru ta ke bhanum? Ganja-sanja, rakshi, haahoo...I think many of us have gone through that, and you need not worry much about it. Look at it this way: you had your share of fun, and now you are at least contemplating changes that you believe will be good for you.
JUST DO NT GIVE UP HOPE!
|
| Robert Frost |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:14 PM
Hi Udas,
The above suggestions are very nice and here is something from me too. I have been deeply touched by your story and in more ways or not, it clarifies the state, lots of Nepalese here are into.
Frankly speaking, nothing has hapenned at all, like Biswo said. You are just worried that you didn't come to expectation of your own. You had expected best but it only came out better. That is what basically happens to most of the Nepalese coming to US for higher education.
Here, where I live, there are lots of Nepalese who haven't gone to college for nearly 3-4 years already and don't bother. But they are persuing a very healthy and reliable standards in the Cities. Not that I want to tell you to remain out of status. There are lots of ways to get instatus. Check that one out. There should be something for you.
As far as testing for HIV(+ve), you have to do that. Be hopeful that the results will come out well. We will all pray for you. God has been helping you out of bad times, and this will be another time he will be there for you when you need him the most.
NewYork is an expensive city to be persuing your higher education in. If your boyfriends agrees, you can probably trasfer to some less expensive city.
You should give up drinking and smoking and remain healthy. Donot stay filthy. The more you stay in that state, the more the anxiety will consume you. Come out with happy thoughts. Think about your family and I am sure they are there for you if anything happens.
You dont have to be shy when talking to any Nepalese you meet elsewhere or on the streets. You should think that they are also having the same problem as you are going through. I have seen Nepalese being the most helpful ones here in US. After all you come from the same religion same thoughts and same beautiful country Nepal.
Remain busy, that will help you to diverse your thoughts and not think about the situation you are in.
Forget the worries and be positive. Think hard and work youself out. Good luck.
We love you.
Sir Robert Frost.
|
| bhedo |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:28 PM
Hmmmph, you guys are so easily fooled. To me, it appears that Miss Udas is making things up.
Scared of HIV tests because she heard that in Nepal they don't check to see whether donated blood is contaminated or not?? Haha, that is so wrong. They do that everywhere, even in Africa.
Also, If I am correct, if you are on a student visa(is f-1 a student visa?), you are required to take at LEAST 12 credits of courses every semester. Else, they're gonna trace you and send you back to that thirld world hellhole you came from.
Living together with an American boyfriend? Haha, she's been watching too many movies. And she thinks that's like getting married?
And why did she mention that she doesn't take shower sometimes? hahhahahhahaa. Man, that was funny.
That story of hers is so melodramatic and pathetic. I must at least give this much credit to Miss Udas : she would make an excellent stand-up comedian.
|
| Soleil |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:39 PM
I agree totally with bhedo. Miss Udaas's plight definitely is a desperate attempt to gather attention and sympathy, or could be just a curiosity to have fun how the people would react and correspond? Bhedo has exactly pinpointed the facts from fiction of Miss Udaas's anecdote, so much further analysis is a waste of time.
peace!!!!!
|
| bhedo |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 03:48 PM
Thank you soleil ji. I am glad that someone else sees what I see.
|
| Tropical |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 04:05 PM
The Girl has a boyfriend of many years.
However obviously they don't do much besides having sex.
That's very clear since had they talked to each other her problems would be solved easily.
|
| Boston_Dude |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 04:08 PM
Udas,
I dunno if this is a hoax, but if it is not, then the best solution for you is to get married to your live-in BF. You might have to leave the country once before you will be allowed back in, but allowed in, you will be. And with a green card too :) You can even get married here and start your application process before leaving the country.
Finace visa is not an option as you are already here in the US. However, what you can do is leave the country, apply for a fiance visa and come back to the US and get married. But, what is the difference between doing that and getting married and then going to Nepal anyway? You get 3 months to get married upong entry to the US as a fiance to an American citizen.
This is my understanding in this marriage/INS field. Hope it helps.
B_D.
|
| udas |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 06:16 PM
hello,
DWI, Logical Sense, Biswo, Deep , Protean, Sitara, Protean, Robert Frost, Poonte, Bhedo, Soliel, Tropical and Boston Dude::
As i am also tearing right now. Its so so so nice of all of you to take you time and write out such thoughtful things. it seemed like my own family was giving me advice. can you imagine i come to a nepali website and post my problems and i get such good advice from total strangers!
bhedo ji, you are right, my problems do seem unbeleivable to a point , and am i seeking attention? You said it , i am, i was seeking advice from people who i dont know, b/c i know that i would get sincere feedback, it is so easy to criticize people and thier fautls when you dont know them. i was seeking true feedback, but did not really expect any one to write back to me. so i was very very surpised to see this.
you guys have made me fill a certain void. And so i opened up, and everybody, I honestly thought that people would make fun of me, and be like what a f%^* up! I am very very touched by all this advice and encouragement. of course , when you say that I am not in such a bad situation, all i have to do is read about the hundreds of ppl dying and say "at least i'm not in that situation". Tara, ekdamai gara huncha to see out of your own little world.
And with the loss of touch with the outside world, i guess i dont even know how to approach the mess i am in with people face to face. On sajha, it was very easy for me to just come out and say everything. And i feel so much better now. And for now I am gonna print and sit and read every line of feedback.
Maybe if you guys dont mind, I can even post the plan here? So you can advice if its good or not? But even if you guys dont wanna hear my plan, it ok , b/c most
imoprtant you all were so kind to me, and gave me motivation.i will not forget this. I know i am being repetetive, its just i am very touched and emotional
right now.
Thank you so much. I wish I could return a favor back somehow. I thought about most "do this -do that" that you all suggested many times, but know i think
i can prioritize better. thank you again, i hope god will truly bless you. you are all very good people.
|
| SITARA |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 06:52 PM
Udas
Get professional help!
You know what to do now... connect with your family and those who will support you! You started with brainstorming here is Sajha... it is great but it is up to you to take it further and get professional help!
This is a suggestion from an educational counselor...work out the plan with him/her as it suits your needs. I would not post the details out here and expect things to be sorted/ solved by others. Now that you know people are not quick to judge you... go on...take the strength in that and work things out, for yourself!
My positive energies to you!
|
| udas |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 07:03 PM
Sitara ji,
What do you mean by professional help exactly? Like a psychlogist or like a "get back in track " kind of person? Please let me know. Also does it cost money ?
Thank you so much. Please let me know.
|
| SITARA |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 07:11 PM
If you are still in school, your school might be able to provide therapeutic help to put your life into perspective....
Also, Alcoholic Annonymous is a good place to start... you will get concrete support from people in the same boat! They will help you not to regress...if you do, they will pull you back to track!
:)
|
| mack |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 08:42 PM
You sound like a talented person...at least u articulated your problems very well....... once to get ride of your alcochol, ganza and all those problem and if ur determined to make it....if there is a will there is always a way. Wish u good luck
|
| Not Stupid |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 09:00 PM
Sitara, come on. What's next? Betty Ford clinic for detox for Udas? Let's not get carried away, shall we?
Udas, one word of advice. Do not, I repeat do not listen to these quacks. They will send you straight to a mad house. I tell you!
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 09:32 PM
Not Stupid;
For someone NOT STUPID, you are misconstruing my words!
|
| Gurl_Interrupted |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 09:54 PM
Hi Udas,
I'm sorry that you are going through a deep trouble. I wish u the best of the best in ur life and in every step that u take. Thank you for your trust & your boldness to share ur thoughts, problems...& confusions with everyone out here. You know to be able to humble urself & open ur true self to others is beauty in itself & I personally thought, u did a really great job!! I see u in a strong gurl, full of determination, power & strength. Somewhere deep down under all those hurts, insecurities & confusions, I can see a beautiful, young, hopeful, strong & a motivated person. Hats off to u for that!!
Other posters have already posted really good piece of advices. Now all u need to do is find a quiet moment for urself & think & ponder upon these thoughts as well as ur own & decide what's best for u.
All I want to say is, you've been such a strong person to come this far...I know u can do it even now. So don't give up hope no matter what!! I know sometimes, u just feel life's fu**ked up!! & it ain't worth living...but don't ever let ur problems weigh u down...coz U r too precious for that. And don't ever feel u r the only one going through all kinds of shit coz it's not true!! Just be bold & believe in urself. All that matters in the end is you. Even if things go wrong...start all over again, from the scratch & work ur way up. Don't worry about what others say, feel or think about u. Ppl, they'll always have something good or bad to say about u. Let them do what ever they want to do...u just keep on moving, living only for a MOMENT...one moment to the other believing in ur dreams.
Don't feel sad & give up hope...coz u feel life is fawked up, Be thankful, u have a life coz this is what all that matters in the end!!
(I was feeling all agitated & frustrated this morning. During lunch time, I didin't even wanted to have one. Still I went on to have one. So I put my food inside the microwave to heat it up. But in the process, I put in something that could have caused a fire inside the microwave. Thanks God!! I was looking inside the microwave. When I heard *A* sparkle I immidiately opened the mw door and took out my food. The wrapper was lil bit burnt. To make the situation worse I was in the hospital. My heart raced becoz I realized had the microwave cuaght the fire the whole building or atleast a part of the building might have been destroyed and even some ppl might have lost their lives. I sat there for a while looking at my burnt food, feeling really sad. At that point I thought, we worry so much about things in life...when we are not even sure if we will have a chance to see another moment. We become so proud at times, hating each other...cursing each other and blaming each other...when we are not even sure, if the beauty, wisdom, riches ...etc we have will remain with us forever or will be destroyed the next moment...thinking that I went to the room where my friends were...I sat quietly just appreciating, I am alive...doesn't matter how filthy I am or how many problems I have...or what I have or what I don't have...Becoz I was thankful to God I was alive at that moment.
|
| Gurl_Interrupted |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 09:56 PM
Contd...
I thought to myself I would never tell this experience to anyone...but reading ur post...I thought I should becoz if sharing my misfortune or fortune gives u some hope or strength, I am more than happy.
I'm sorry udas, I took a lot of space in ur post...but once I start writing it's like non-stop ( I know somethings are goofy but still I continue...). I wish & pray things will work out fine for u. Be strong & keep going no matter what happens, who stays with u or how tough the road maybe!! Best wishes for u!!
Take care,
Sis.
|
| Gurl_Interrupted |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 09:58 PM
p.s. I just had to say this >>> Today I realized or felt for that matter, sajha does have kind-hearted ppl!! My Hats off to all!!
|
| DWI |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 10:49 PM
U're absolutely right too Poonte jee.
And for others who think its not a genuine case, I still would give her the benefit of doubt. Our support is very important at this point if this indeed is a true case, more than us exposing the truth if it weren't.
Gurl_Interrupted's point on how we fixate ourselves in some small thing is very touching. Our concentration shifts to a small incidence so much that we tend to forget the bigger picture of life. The very reason why suicides are committed. Its one of the reason why arguments take place in the very first place. We even forget what we are arguing about and tend to just 'overtake' the last statement made by the opposition.
Look at the bigger picture of life which has so much to offer. If none of the stuffs that me, Poonte and other people suggested works out, you still have your Nepal(or Canada?) to go back. Might be hard at first, but trust me you can work things out at the end. Establish your contacts right now with the method we mentioned earlier.
|
| Garibjanata |
Posted
on 05-Dec-02 11:02 PM
Bhedo u are a complete Bhedo. U have mentioned above that even in Africa bloods are tested for HIV virus."They do that everywhere, even in Africa." Do you think the African countries have the resources and technology to test each and every donated blood for HIV virus? Where is the money, Bhedo?
Moreover, even in rich countries where all the donated blood are tested for the presence of the virus people get infected.The reason is HIV virus remains in a quiescent stage for more than 10-15 years inside the T cells before it starts proliferating. What I am trying to say here is that a dormant HIV virus which has just recently infected a person can elude the HIV test and the result will come out as HIV-.
|
| Trikal |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 12:07 AM
Udasji,
I did read all friend's suggestions posted above..and I am 100% agree with....I just want to add something......
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained. So I think You need to build the self confidence.....
Lord Buddha said " ....Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. " .....
Also...If you belive in astrology....please let me know may be I can help you.....
..
|
| Tropical |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 09:44 AM
Udas,
Do you have a family? What's the financial conditon of your family? If they can help then that's the best bet for you. It is alright to be embarrased infront of your family or be scolded by your family than go further into "daldal" and destroy your future.
Consider Returning to Nepal after you pay the debt and may be finish a degree.
I know a person who destroyed himself because he was in financial trouble. Even though his family in Nepal was quite rich and they could easily afford to send him money somehow he managed to get himself in debt and probably didn't ask for help from family. He is still in a jail in USA.
So don't shy away from asking for help from your family if they can afford it! After they are there for you.
Another possibiliy would be to contact a Nepali organization here in USA. May be GBNC or other such numerious nepali organizations.
All the best for your future :-)
|
| SIWALIK |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 09:56 AM
You can apply for residency as soon as you are married. But you need to get medical examination to apply. This means blood test for HIV, skin test for TB, and other venereal diseases. You will also have to show your tax filings for the past three years if you have worked. Disciplining oneself is the first step towards getting back on track. Wish you the best!
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| ??! |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 10:48 AM
HIV test is done for each packet of donated blood in Nepal. Looking at the risk of HIV spreading, blood is not accepted from donors-for-money. You have to be a volunteer blood donor to give blood. You get certificate of donation (a small card) and you can get a return (blood of any type) in future in you are in need.
Blood transfussion has been slightly expensive these days because of this provision. I don't know the exact cost, however, it should range between 500-800 per packet, including the test for HIV and packaging materials.
HIV infection can't be undetected for long. There is 3 months window period between you get HIV transmitted to your body and to test the presence of virus in your blood sample. Of course the risk is here "If a volunteer blood donor was infected with HIV and in window period, then the HIV testing is negative and the blood transfused to another patient may carry the virus unknowingly". Scientists are working on making the window period short. With advanced technology, it has been reduced to 45 days by now.
Taking 10-15 years for proliferation is the condition necessary for AIDS. HIV positive is not AIDS but it definately leads to AIDS one day in future.... may be within 6 months or 6 years or 16 years.
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| Boston_Dude |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 12:36 PM
Udas,
One more piece of advice. Open Up! Open up to your friends. Really, people are far better and kinder than we give them credit for. If you open up, your friends will appreciate this and do the best they can to help you. They wont ridicule you. Be a little smart about it and don't just go yap to anyone and everyone; but to a few of your loved and close ones. You may be pleasanlty surprised at how receptive people can be.
B_D.
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| bhedo |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 04:29 PM
Garibjanata, are you deliberately trying to sound stupid?? She said she had a blood transplant done a few years ago. Now she must have had ample time and opportunity to get her blood tested. And idiot, you seem to know nothing about HIV. It remains quiescent for 10-15 years? hahahhaha. That's the stupidest thing I have heard. Have you heard of the fever-type symptoms that one gets after a few weeks of HIV infection? That's when the HIV is proliferating. The immune system initially manages to suppress the virus. Of course, it slowly attacks the immune system itself. That's why people are more susceptible to other maladies. Everybody knows that. What a dumbass.
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| khaja biscuit |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 06:25 PM
Bhedo: Shut up. Let this Udas woman talk about her problems. You go back to your IQ of nations.
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| khaja biscuit |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 06:38 PM
Bhedo: Been following you to have you for lunch as mutton chops. :-0
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| khaja biscuit |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 07:45 PM
Bhedo: This thread is about Udas woman's problems. This thread is not about what you, sight unseen, fantasise about my ass. My ass is fine as it is. If yours is giving trouble, then consult a proctologist (doctor of chaaak) instead of venting your irrational homophobic anger here.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 07:57 PM
Bhedo ji and Khaja biscuit ji
Get your minds off the gutters, ye hajurssssssssss!!!
yesta "intelligentals" bhyera pani kasto display of verbal abuse!!!
:(
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 08:03 PM
Bhedo ji
You know who you are! Do you need to prove to anyone who you are NOT?
:)
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| bhedo |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 08:10 PM
Don't be so vague Sitara, you're not making sense at all. I have NO idea what you're talking about. I think you should stick to writing poems.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 08:13 PM
Lau na Bhedo ji
Tautology!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your incredible IQ should figure that one out hoina hajur?
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| bhedo |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 08:16 PM
It could mean a whole lot of different things.
1. You could have meant that I am dumb, and that I don't have to pretend that I'm intelligent or
2. By "you" you might not have been referring to me. In that case, you might have meant that you know your own sexuality.
and
3. You could have meant that I am a good guy pretending to be a badazz
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 08:30 PM
Clever!
Take the one that you prefer or suits you most! :)
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| Garibjanata |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 09:52 PM
Bhedo,You have insulted my intellect,my grey matters, by calling me a "dumbass". Whatever I wrote above regarding the incubation period of HIV virus, I wrote in a spur of a moment by activating and firing my neurons without consulting any text book ,without taking the crutches like Google unlike you who has unabashedly copied and pasted info about HIV virus from a related site.
As I have realized that you have meagre knwoledge about HIV virus, I want to enlighten you briefly :
1. HIV Infection of Target Cells once HIV RNA enters a target cell, it is transcribed into DNA by an enzyme called the reverse transcriptase.The viral DNA gets integrated into the host genome, forming a provirus.
2.The resulting provirus after intergrating into host DNA, may enter into a latent state, during which viral replication occurs at very low level or not at all.During latency provirus is passed on to daughter cells by replication of the infected cell (during mitosis). This latency period-a characteristic feature of HIV infection -may last for 10 years, during which time an infected individual is largely asymptomatic.
3) When HIV progresses from latent infection to lytic( budds out of infected cells ) stage,viral replication and maturation increase dramatically,the number of CD4+ Tcells begin to plummet and the typical symptoms of AID begin to show up.
CLINICAL DIAGNONIS OF AIDS:
Intial HIV infection sometimes causes an acute monomucleosis-like illness which is generally followed by an aymptoamtic latency period.Ofterm however, individuals manifest no apparent symptoms at all upon initial HIV infection and pass without any indications into asymptomatic latency period.
SCREENING TESTS FOR HIV INFECTION:
I think the best one is ELISA test in which a colored reaction product indicates that the patient has antibody to the HIV antigens and they are HIV+. There is a lag period between time of HIV infection and the appearance of enough antibody to be detected in an ELISA assay.B/c of the lag period, potentially infectiious indviduals may test - for HIV infection.Also AIDS patient often test - for antibody in the late stages of the disease,when serum antibody level drop as a result of depleted levels of T helper cells(cause helper cells produce antibody).
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| DWI |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 10:04 PM
I am sure Udas Girl gets some solace on seeing that other people get into trouble too, seeing this verbal war. Truce please.
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| bhedo |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 10:07 PM
Listen, you already proved that you don't know much about the subject. Now after doing some research about HIV, you're trying to make a comeback after already being wrestled to the ground by me, to prove that you, after all, are the master of your domain. Sorry buddy, but when you got your chance earlier to "educate" me about "HIV", you misfired big time. Although your recent message carries ZERO weight, since I already have an opinion about you,that you're a dimwit, you can comfort yourself by pretending to be an intellectual. So there! Hope you feel much better. And the only reason I called you a "dumbass" was because you called me a bhedo!
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| Kalanidhi |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 10:43 PM
Udas and All,
Life is not fair.
It does not like you.
You do one wrong thing
and then you're through.
There is nothing you can do.
You live your life as a slave,
you work your heart out,
then you're buried in a grave
Sure, people care about you.
Sure you have friends,
but they can't help~
not when you have reached all ends.
You can't play it safe.
There is evil everywhere.
When you turn the corner
it is there.
When will it go away?
When will it stop?
Why is it here?
Why is it always on top?
It crushes you down
'til you cannot breathe.
It breaks your heart
'til you want to leave.
You want to scream.
You want to cry.
You want to run away.
You want to die.
Why does it have to be you?
Why won't it leave you alone?
Why won't it haunt some other person?
It's like your life has come unsewn.
Why does life crush down on you?
Nobody knows why.
I cannot find the answer,
but you must try.
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| Kalanidhi |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 10:45 PM
OOPS !!!!!!!!!! I forgot _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Kalanidhi
UC Berkley
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| Garibjanata |
Posted
on 06-Dec-02 11:50 PM
BHEDO DAI, TIMI MERO GURU, HAHOO GURU BHANDA PANI TIMI GURU,
TIMI MERO BABU, TIMI MERO AMA,
HO MA HU 'DIMWIT' HU MA "DUMBASS" PANI,
MA PARE SOJO, JUTRO, LURE LAMBRE NAM HO MERO GARIB JANATA,
GARIB JANATA BUDHIMAN BHAE KO BHAE KE GYANENDRA DEKHI GIRIJA JASTA KA GAHDHA HARU AJA DESH LAI LUTNA PAUTHE RA.TAPAI LE BHANAI PARDAINA MERO BUDDI NAHUAN LE NAI AJA MA GARIB JANATA BANNA PUGEKO CHU.
TAPAI KO MAYA GARNE BHAI GARIB JANATA
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| udas |
Posted
on 12-Dec-02 09:22 PM
Hello,
I got that test done, and its negative!!! Bekkar ma yeti barsha chinta garera baseko kya. I am finally much more releived. Thank god and thank all you for the encouragement.
- not so udas anymore!
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| Arnico |
Posted
on 12-Dec-02 10:28 PM
That's good news Udas!
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 13-Dec-02 12:21 PM
Udas,
One great step accomplished in a series of many! Keep your focus and wish you well!
:)
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| Logical Sense |
Posted
on 13-Dec-02 01:01 PM
Same from my side Udas bahini as Sitara and Arnico said. Keep it up and keep fucused. Don't loose the second chance you got.....
As a Sajhapur Community we should also feel proud of ourselves in converting
'a Udas' to
'not so udas anymore'
- iti
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| Saajan555 |
Posted
on 13-Dec-02 09:36 PM
Hey Udas,
I read your part of story and all the intellectual advice. When I read what u wrote, I was forced to put myself in your place and read coz I'm having the same problem that u have. You got one hope that u might get a greencard after u marry your boyfren but I don't have any hopes of that kind. I haven't got any girlfrens who can help me get that hariyo patta. It seeems as if I'm goanna get to the end of my life being an illegal f**ked up guy. I can't go back home without anything and life over here is just sucking me. Na ghar ko na ghat ko bhane justo bhayo. I had to quit my college coz of financial hardship. U must have guessed how am I living. I'm just working (lukichipi) doing menial job., Doing nothing of significance at my early 20's (hatta katta bela). I am trying to chill out with what I have but it's really hard. If you get any solution to the problem, just post it over here. If I get anything of help, I'll do the same. I'm sure, it will help many ppl like us. I really appreciate the endeavors taken by ppl over here to give such grrrreat advice. I must take my hat off to all those ppl.
Looking for the Better.
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