| Username |
Post |
| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:29 AM
BERLIN (Reuters) - President Johannes Rau says Germans complain too much for their own good even though they live in one of the world's richest and safest countries, admonishing his countrymen to stop their moaning and groaning.
Rau said Germany was facing a number of problems but he said he was convinced the country, which has Europe's biggest economy, has the might and skill to make needed corrections.
"There's too much moaning in Germany at times," Rau said in an interview Aunday with Bild am Sonntag newspaper, referring to waves of criticism that have buffeted the government over rising taxes and unemployment as well as health care and pension costs.
"There are some people who have reason to complain, but a lot of others allow themselves to be infected by the current mood," said Rau, whose office holds largely ceremonial powers.
He said Germans have enough money to travel abroad and buy ever-more Christmas presents -- and should stop their whining.
Germany has been plagued recently by token strikes in the public sector as wage negotiations faltered, and could face a full-scale strike by millions of nurses, bus drivers, and trash collectors in January if mediators are unable to reach a deal.
Pollsters and economists report Germans quickly focus on perceived flaws in planned reforms or changes, pessimistically bemoaning any potential pitfalls and generally overlooking possible longer-term advantages
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:31 AM
Time Names Whistle-Blowers as Persons of the Year
Sun Dec 22, 6:51 PM ET By Javier David
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Time Magazine named two women who uncovered massive accounting fraud at Enron Corp. and WorldCom Inc. and a third who detailed FBI (news -web sites) failures after the Sept. 11 attacks as its 2002 "Persons of the Year" on Sunday.
The magazine praised Sherron Watkins, a vice president at Enron, and Cynthia Cooper of WorldCom, as well as Coleen Rowley, an agent for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, for exposing malfeasance that eroded public confidence in their institutions.
"It came down to did we want to recognize a phenomenon that helped correct some of the problems we've had over the last year and celebrate three ordinary people that did extraordinary things," Time managing editor Jim Kelly said.
In May, Rowley wrote a scathing 13-page memo to FBI Director Robert Muller detailing how supervisors at a Minneapolis, Minnesota, field office brushed aside her requests to investigate Zacarias Moussaoui, the so-called "20th hijacker" in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, weeks before they occurred.
Watkins, a former accountant, is best known for a blunt, prescient 7-page memo to Enron chairman Kenneth Lay in 2001 that uncovered questionable accounting and warned that the company could "implode in a wave of accounting scandals."
Her letter came to light during an inquiry Congress conducted after the company declared bankruptcy.
Cooper undertook a one-woman crusade inside telecommunications behemoth WorldCom, after she discovered that the company had disguised $3.8 billion in losses through improper accounting.
When the scandal came to light in June after that company declared bankruptcy, jittery investors laid siege to global stock markets.
Vermont Sen. Patrick Leahy, outgoing chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee (news - web sites) and a leading congressional advocate for whistle-blower protections, applauded Time's selection.
"Sherron Watkins' example helped us enact the first corporate whistle-blower protections in history. Cynthia Cooper also showed the good that can come when courageous whistle-blowers come forward. Coleen Rowley's testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee is leading to FBI reforms," Leahy said in a statement.
Other people considered by the magazine, which hits stores on Monday, included President Bush (news - web sites), al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden (news - web sites), Vice President Dick Cheney (news - web sites) and New York attorney general Eliot Spitzer.
Bush was seen by some as the front-runner, especially after he led his party to a mid-term electoral upset in November that cemented the Republican majority in Congress.
However, Kelly said, "Some of (Bush's) own goals: the capture of Osama bin Laden, the unseating of Saddam Hussein (news - web sites), the revival of a sluggish economy, haven't happened yet. There was a sense of bigger things to come, and it might be wise to see how things played out."
FBI agent and lawyer Rowley's secret memo was leaked to the press in May. Weeks before Sept. 11, Rowley suspected Moussaoui might have ties to radical activities and bin Laden, and she asked supervisors for clearance to search his computer.
Her letter sharply criticized the agency's hidebound culture and its decision-makers, and gave rise to new inquiries over the intelligence-gathering failures of Sept. 11, 2001.
The magazine's 2001 Person of the Year was former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani (news - web sites), for his handling of the Sept. 11 attacks on New York and Washington, which killed 3,000 people.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:35 AM
Mystery deer found in tree
By Associated Press, 12/23/2002 10:07
HANCOCK, N.Y. (AP) ''Wild Kingdom'' meets ''CSI'' as baffled wildlife experts and hunters try to figure out how a dead deer ended up in a tree 12 feet off the ground.
A man hunting in a remote area of Delaware County stumbled upon the strange sight while lost in a snowstorm on opening day of deer season last month.
''I thought it was a giant eagle nest or something, but I got closer and I said, 'My God! That's a deer!'' hunter Gerald Inman of West Nyack told the Times Union of Albany in Monday's editions. ''My first thought was a poacher put it up in the tree.''
Three weeks later, another hunter found the deer shot through its heart with an arrow still in the tree.
The two hunters and a state wildlife expert returned to the site on Dec. 13 and had to cut down the tree to dislodge the deer from the crotch of the maple tree.
''As far as really weird wildlife occurrences go, this one takes the cake by far,'' said Scott VanArsdale, a wildlife technician for 18 years with the state Department of Environmental Conservation.
The carcass was taken to the state wildlife lab near Albany, where pathologist Ward Stone determined the 70-pound buck had been killed with the arrow.
He said there was no evidence that another animal such as a bear or mountain lion might have dragged the deer up the tree.
Stone said the hunter who killed the deer probably hauled the buck into the tree with ropes, intending to retrieve it later.
Hancock is 90 miles southwest of Albany.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:38 AM
Priest catches man, woman in confessional
Saturday, December 21, 2002
By Jim O'Hara Staff writer
Some people go to church to pray, to thank God for some blessing in their life or to seek help in overcoming an obstacle.
Some go to church to confess their sins and seek forgiveness.
Syracuse police said a suburban man and a city woman apparently had something else on their minds when they entered St. John the Baptist Church on Court Street a few weeks ago and got caught in a confessional by the parish pastor investigating a burglary alarm in the church.
John W. Shamlian, 45, of 4240 LaFayette Road, Jamesville, and Catherine A. Sessler, 33, of 396 Lillian Ave., Apt. 4, Syracuse, were arraigned this week in City Court on a misdemeanor charge of third-degree criminal trespass. They are accused of entering the darkened church about 10 p.m. Dec. 6 after they apparently found a door unlocked.
The Rev. John DeLorenzo, alerted by an alarm going off in the rectory, headed into the church to see what was going on. When he turned on the lights, he found a jacket hanging from the end of a pew with a pair of pants and some white socks on the floor nearby.
The door to the confessional then moved.
"What are you doing in there?" DeLorenzo called out, according to his statement to police.
"I'm in here with my son," he quoted a male voice as answering.
DeLorenzo said he told the man the confessional was not a toilet and said he was calling the police.
"Oh, just give me five minutes and we'll be out of here," the man inside was quoted as saying.
"No, get out now!" the priest responded.
"With that, the door opened and a balding white man emerged, bareass, with no pants on and a girl," DeLorenzo told police. "He quickly jumped into his pants, grabbed his coat and socks and with the girl ran out."
DeLorenzo got the license plate number on the car in which the couple fled and police traced the vehicle to Shamlian's residence where Shamlian and Sessler were found.
A message was left by a reporter Friday at Shamlian's home; he did not return the reporter's call. Sessler could not be reached for comment.
Police reported both Shamlian and Sessler said they had had dinner together and were talking about recent deaths of family members when they decided to go to a church. Officials said the pair said they had tried the downtown Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception and Assumption Church on North Salina Street but both were locked.
"He insisted that no lewd or sexual acts occurred inside the church," police reported of Shamlian, noting both said they had only taken off their jackets and were sitting in a pew when the priest came in and found them.
Both were released on their own recognizance after appearing in court Wednesday. Both are due back before Judge Kate Rosenthal Jan. 13.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:42 AM
Police get tough over dune sex romps
23.12.2002 -
Plain clothes police are patrolling a nudist-friendly beach in the Bay of Plenty to stamp out indecent behaviour in the sand dunes.
At least 30 men have already been slapped with trespass notices for acting inappropriately at Papamoa beach.
Police warned today they would arrest anyone caught having sex or engaging in sand hill hijinx.
Patrols along the stretch of Maori-owned sand hills started a week ago after complaints from the public.
Detective Sergeant Dave Archibald, of Tauranga's sexual abuse team, said the behaviour was illegal under Section 125 of the Crimes Act.
He said nudists who frequented the beach would not be forced elsewhere and the new policy was "definitely not geared at the gay community".
The situation was discussed at a public meeting last week, when police met iwi representatives, the local community and gay and nudist groups.
"Everybody was very supportive. It's quite clear committing indecent acts in a public place is not acceptable," Mr Archibald said.
Maori owners allow public use of tracks through the sand dunes. The beach itself is public land.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:45 AM
Milk protest turns sour
HELEN MORGAN
POLICE had to break up an animal rights protest yesterday when schoolchildren in Aberdeen pelted activists with cartons of milk.
Sean Gifford of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and an unidentified man in a cow-suit had planned a peaceful protest at the gates of the Grammar School to let pupils know about the claimed hazards in milk.
But they had to be rescued by two female police officers when the teenage pupils launched a violent protest of their own.
About 100 children, shouting "milk for the masses" and carrying banners, surrounded Mr Gifford and his "cow" partner and drenched them both in milk for about ten minutes. The police eventually intervened and escorted the PETA members back to their car.
Mr Gifford said: "I have travelled all over the UK with this protest and I have never seen anything like this before. It must be something to do with children in Aberdeen. I think they just got a bit over-excited. I’m sure they will still go home and think about our message."
Yesterday’s protest was the latest in PETA’s nationwide drive to publicise what it claims are dangers in drinking milk. They have been handing out cards with cartoon pictures of characters suffering from wind, spots and obesity as a result of dairy products.
The cards tell kids to "give cows a break" and "be kind to animals and your butt and your gut" by avoiding milk.
But one pupil, Alan Smith, 16, said: "This is a stupid idea. We should be encouraged to drink milk and I certainly won’t stop drinking milk just because a man has dressed up as a cow outside my school."
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:50 AM
Trying to Stop Vampire Hysteria-Dec. 23
BLANTYRE (Reuters) - A bizarre rumor that Malawi's government is colluding with vampires to collect human blood for international aid agencies in exchange for food has led to a rash of vigilante violence.
President Bakili Muluzi accused unnamed opposition politicians on Sunday of spreading the vampire stories to try to undermine his government, already hit by political protests and widespread food shortages.
Vampire paranoia has sparked several attacks on suspected bloodsuckers, despite official efforts to kill the rumor.
Last week a man accused of helping vampires was stoned to death and three Roman Catholic priests were beaten up by villagers who suspected them of being bloodsuckers.
Both attacks happened in the southern tea-growing district of Thyolo.
Muluzi told a news conference on Sunday the vampire stories were malicious and irresponsible. "No government can go about sucking blood of its own people," he said. "That's thuggery."
The rumors have increased political tensions in the country, one of the 10 poorest in the world, where protests have already broken out over Muluzi's efforts to stay in office for another five years.
Muluzi said the rumors were also affecting economic activity in four southern districts as agricultural workers stayed indoors.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 09:55 AM
Dad Chaperones Trip Dressed As Woman
Mon Dec 23, 8:12 AM ET
O'FALLON, Mo. - A father who chaperoned a fourth-grade field trip while dressed as a woman has told the school district he regrets creating a stir.
"He went on the trip because his daughter asked him to go," said Superintendent Dan O'Donnell of the Francis Howell district, which includes Castlio Elementary School fourth-graders who took the Oct. 18 trip. "If he had known it would have caused this much of an uproar, he wouldn't have gone."
The father's identity has not been revealed, and he has not spoken publicly.
Parents complained to the school board after the man, during a class outing to Jefferson City, apparently wore a woman's hairstyle, makeup and apparel, including jeans and shoes.
During a board meeting earlier this month, a man whose wife teaches at Castlio said in defense of the father that the man had been volunteering at school and attending parent-teacher conferences for at least eight years while dressed as a woman.
"No one has said a word. No one has had a problem with him until now," said Marty Hodits, 54.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 10:07 AM
A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her, she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect it said Wendy and when it was limp it said Wy. They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day!!!
A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
A couple decided to go to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for the fire place. He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. He came in after another 5 minutes and said " honey my hands are cold again". So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. 5 minutes has passed and he went in again and said, "honey my hands are cold again". She then said, " Damn don't your ears ever get cold?"
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 10:11 AM
How They Have Sex
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
C'Bers do it on the air.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
COPS have bigger guns.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.
DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.
GARBAGE MEN come once a week.
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.
HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.
HANDYMEN like good screws.
HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
INVENTORS find a way.
JANITORS clean up afterwards.
JEWELERS mount real gems.
JOGGERS do it on the run.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MARKETING REPs do it on commission.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
MISSILE MEN have better thrust.
MODELS do it in any position.
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOVIE STARS do it on film.
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.
NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.
NURSES call the shots.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.
PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.
PILOTS keep it up longer.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POLICEMEN like big busts.
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
POSTMEN come slower.
PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.
PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to come in first.
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.
RECYCLERS use it again.
REPAIRMEN can fix anything.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
RETAILERS move their merchandise.
ROOFERS do it on top.
RUNNERS get into more pants.
SAILORS like to be blown.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.
SPELUNKERS do it underground.
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make it fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
WELDERS have hotter rods.
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
WRITERS have novel ways.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 01:41 PM
(These are real examples from real resumes)
--Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: --Responsibility makes me nervous.
--They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.
Couldn't work under those conditions.
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
--Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as
cockroaches.
--I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
--The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous
employers.
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
--While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly
disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the
experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to
ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial
management as the major sphere of responsibility.
--I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
--Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer
does not know I am looking for another job.
--My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
--I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
--Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
--Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
--Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
--Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
--Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
--I'm a rabid typist.
--Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.
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| Koko |
Posted
on 24-Dec-02 02:08 PM
A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice. Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw.
Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?"
Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to!"
When a man returns home after being away on a business trip for a few days, his wife tells him that the dog really missed him.
"She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she says.
"What an example of true love," replies the husband. "I wonder if you would be that concerned about me?"
"Sweetheart," she answers, "if you were gone overnight, and I had no idea where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
A man arrives home after an exhausting day at work, plunks himself down on the couch in front of the tv and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." His wife lets out a sigh and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." His wife gives him a dirty look, but gets him another beer and slams it down in front of him. He downs that one and a few minutes later says, "Hurry, get me another beer, it's going to start any second."
Now the wife is furious. Screaming at him, she says, "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Sit in front of that tv and guzzle beer? You're nothing but a lazy, good-for-nothing slob, and furthermore….."
"It's started…" the man says, sighing heavily.
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