| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:32 AM
Saddam deserves to be British citizen, say Today listeners Owen Bowcott Friday December 27, 2002 The Guardian We may be about to go to war with Saddam Hussein, but listeners to the BBC Today programme have just voted him one of five foreigners "most deserving of honorary status as a British citizen". The appearance of the Baghdad Butcher, as he is known among human rights groups, alongside such notables as the Burmese opposition leader Aung Sun Suu Kyi and the former US president Bill Clinton, caused some surprise. Between now and the end of the year, the Radio 4 programme is running a "One-in, One-out" competition, with listeners asked to chose from two shortlists of five people: who is most worthy of citizenship and who most deserves to have it revoked. As well as President Saddam Hussein, Ms Aung Sung Suu Kyi and Mr Clinton, the other foreign contenders are the Australian spin bowler Shane Warne and the US president, George Bush. Warne, one listener, suggested, "would provide the drive and inspiration that English cricket needs". The praise for President Bush is more ambiguous: one listener applauded his contribution to entertainment, another described him as an "outstanding world leader" while a third backed his nomination because "as a British citizen he would no longer be eligible to be president of the USA". To make the matters more interesting, both Nelson Mandela, who received around 50% of the "in" votes, and Tony Blair, who received around 50% of the "out" votes, have been excluded from the rest of the competition. The Today website provides a succinct profile of President Saddam Hussein: "Iraqi president and novelist. According to the US he is a producer of weapons of mass destruction, the key figure in the axis of evil and public enemy No 2 [behind Osama bin Laden]." It also hints at the political sophistication of the programme's listeners. "One general sentiment dominates nominations," the Today website notes. "He will cause less problems over here where we can keep an eye on him." |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:34 AM
Roll your own By GRAEME HAMMOND 22dec02 ANYONE who has been to a dinner party knows the terrors of Toilet Absence. Spend too long in the loo and eyebrows will be raised when you return to the table. So if you find a good 10 minutes have passed during your visit to the smallest room in the house, what do you do? Mumble an awkward excuse about the door getting stuck? Waffle about how you were examining the artworks in the hall? Or rely on the old chestnut of having had to make an important call on your mobile? Relax. There'll be no need to avert anyone's accusing stare if you return to the table wearing toilet paper sunglasses. "Hey guys!" you'll be able to exclaim. "I couldn't help noticing there was a small queue outside the loo when I came out; I see you're also on the next course; I know I took ages in there; truth is I just got absorbed in a bit of toilegami! "Once I started I just couldn't stop!" They may be sceptical, but all their uncharitable thoughts will be swept aside as you unveil your spectacular paper creation. Not merely any paper, of course: toilet paper. Thanks to aspiring authors Paul Galoob, a company executive, and Larry Gibson, who is studying for a PhD in philosophy, you can practise your folding skills on lengths of toilet tissue and produce some origami masterpieces: the Bow Tie, the Karate Kid Headband, the Flapping Bird and the most obvious of all -- the Mummy Wrap. But "toilegami" is not as easy as it sounds. The size of the typical toilet roll presents one challenge: Whatever you make will tend to be small in height, but then again it can be as wide as you like -- several metres if you have the patience. Galoob and Gibson are convinced they can not only turn their favourite two-ply into dragons, cats and unicorns, they can also turn it into cash by means of a book of their origami instructions. But if anyone's banging on their door, it's cranky housemates rather than excited publishers. So, for now, their website is showcasing their talents. |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:36 AM
German Playboy Seeks Women to Kill Him With Sex Rolf Eden, a Berlin property tycoon, former nightclub owner, and all-purpose celebrity, says he is offering $125,000 to any woman, from anywhere in the world, who can kill him with sex. "My real desire is to die on a lady, while making love," Eden said. "A lawyer has my will, and in my will I have $125,000 for this lady." Eden is known by many as the "Hugh Hefner" of Germany. He doesn't publish a magazine, but he is a wealthy playboy. He's also of a certain generation, 72 years of age, and of a certain philosophy, not necessarily shared by his hero in a Los Angeles mansion, that would not even get him past the parking lot in a major corporation. But that doesn't seen to bother Rolf Eden in the slightest. He is about as politically incorrect as a man can be these days. On the thorny modern dilemma of whether a man should buy dinner on the first date, Eden brushes such a "small issue." He is not only going to pay for dinner, he is going to offer to pay for a lot more, if the woman is "nice" to him. "I've never paid [a woman] for making love, but I spent it on them. If they need a new nose, or a new breast, or they want to go to school, or go to university," he said. This self-proclaimed "Daddy Bigbucks" figures that offering a $125,000 bounty (actually 125,000 euros, which is almost the same amount) is well worth it. Applicants Must Be Young, Attractive and Healthy Eden says that even at age 72 he is fit as a fiddle, and ready for love. He claims he will pay for an unspecified number of women to fly to Berlin from various parts of the world, for a couple of days of sexual activity, providing they fit his criteria. Basically that seems to mean they must be young, attractive, healthy, and with a practical outlook on life. "If a lady will come here, she really has to work hard," he said. But doesn't it trouble him to know that a woman with whom he is making love, is actually trying to kill him with passion? "Of course they are," he conceded. "I don't care why they make love to me, who cares, as long as I have my fun all the time. Just for killing a man while doing love, that's a good beautiful thing to do." "But," he cautioned, "it has to be natural, not if she puts a knife in me, or puts some poison or something. The doctors and the police will find out." And how will the lawyers know who might deserve the reward, after he is dead? Eden says he keeps a careful diary of all his "dates." As for the obvious objections which women's right groups would have, Eden is unrepentant. "If they're outraged, the leader, if she's young and beautiful, she should come here and I'll change her mind very fast." Eden is well known as, and acknowledges himself to be, a self-publicist. He surrounds himself with young women when in public. He is coy as to whether the ladies on his arms are actually his sexual partners. He has struck a rich vein of worldwide attention with his public challenge to be loved to death. |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:39 AM
Tigers, Alligators Head for China Theme, Food Park Dec. 26— By Tamora Vidaillet BEIJING (Reuters) - One hundred tigers and 2,000 alligators have been flown from Thailand to China to grace an animal park where visitors will be able to admire and eat some of the creatures displayed, a park official said Thursday. The Bengal tigers and Siam alligators were biding their time in a breeding center after arriving in Hainan island on Tuesday, before moving into the "Sanya Love World" theme park ahead of its opening next year. Visitors will be able to have their photos taken alongside the big cats and feed them. There will also be pig races and elephant shows, said an official from Sanya Maitree Concept Corp. Ltd., a Sino-Thai joint venture. "We will also build restaurants to let people taste alligator meat, pharmacies for alligator medicine and build leather processing centers," she said by telephone, adding live alligators would also be displayed. "After we have bred tigers for a few years, we might have over 1,000 of them. Tourists are likely to eat tiger meat at Sanya," she said, referring to the beach resort on tropical Hainan off mainland China's south coast. The Web site www.sina.com.cn published a Jiang Nan Times story with the headline: "A hundred tigers arrive in Hainan, Sanya to allow eating tiger meat openly." But Sanya Maitree's general manager, Chi Zengqing, played down plans to serve up tigers. "This would be impossible, unless U.N. animal protection policies changed," he said. "We would have the right conditions to benefit from policy changes as we will be the biggest tiger house in the world." The tigers were provided by private Thailand Maitree Concept Limited Company, the Thai partner in the joint venture, company officials said. They declined to provide financial details. Tigers have been bred in captivity in Thailand, where the government has long denied farming the big cats to fuel an illegal international trade of tiger bone parts, believed to wind up in some traditional Chinese medicine. Tigers, whose populations have plummeted by more than 90 percent in the wild, are classified as endangered by the World Conservation Union, according to the World Wide Fund for Nature. GRAND PLANS China and Thailand are signatories to the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora, implemented in 1975, to regulate trade in endangered wildlife. But tiger bones remain highly prized for their alleged medicinal qualities in China. Many Chinese believe tiger's penis is an aphrodisiac. Only a few thousand Bengal tigers are believed to survive in the wild globally, according to the WWF. Sanya Maitree, a tie-up between state-run Sanya Tourism Investment Limited Company and Thailand Maitree, planned to import a further 18,000 Siam alligators next year, along with 20 elephants and mini Thai pigs, Chi said. It is hoped the new animal park will be a winner among the growing ranks of China's tourists, many of whom head to the island for its palm-fringed beaches and night life. Last year, about 11 million tourists from China and abroad visited the island, according to a local government Web site. |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:41 AM
Santa brings a digger surprise Ananova Thursday December 26, 2002 5:02 PM A mother-of-three expecting a sports car for Christmas got a surprise when Santa arrived with a digger wrapped in a pink ribbon. Denise Guy opened her front door hoping to find a brand new Audi TT on her drive but was instead greeted by a man dressed as Santa driving a shiny JCB. The seven-ton gift was a present from her husband, Steve, a construction worker who thought the £32,000 digger would be good for business. Mrs Guy awoke on Christmas morning to hear a knock at the front door of her Northampton home and she rushed outside hoping to find her dream car, but instead discovered Father Christmas on the machine. Mrs Guy put on a brave face after her prankster husband spent weeks making her think a convertible sporty little number was on its way to her for Christmas. She said: "It was quite funny really. Nothing like I expected. "The first thing I thought was how I was going to park it in town." Mr Guy, 40, of Honeysuckle Way, Rushmere, said: "It was just a bit of fun. "I told her that she was getting something expensive for Christmas and it was going to be a vehicle. "She has been after a sports car for a while now and when it turned out to be a JCB I think she was a little disappointed." |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:46 AM
No undies? I don't Carey By SIMON WHEELER SAUCY Mariah Carey stunned fans when she went on TV - with no knickers. Mariah, 32, did a Sharon Stone as she sat down to be interviewed after singing tracks from her new album Charmbracelet. Her miniskirt began to ride up - and embarrassed studio bosses offered her a coat to put over her lap. Viewer Brian Hughes said: “I kept asking myself, ‘am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?’ “Someone yelled, ‘The skirt!’ So Mariah got up, smoothed out the skirt and crossed her legs. But it rode up further.” Mariah admitted on Minneapolis channel KARE in America she should be “more careful”. Actress Sharon Stone famously wore no knickers and uncrossed her legs in movie thriller Basic Instinct. |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:53 AM
Top 10 Space Mysteries for 2003 Thu Dec 26 By Robert Roy Britt Senior Science Writer, SPACE.com 1. Dark Energy Nobody knows what the heck it is, but it is officially repulsive. And man is it powerful! More powerful than gravity, even. While gravity holds things together at the local level (and by local I mean within galaxies and even between them, forming galactic clusters) some unknown force is working behind the scenes and across the universe to pull everything apart. Scientists have only come to realize this dark force in recent years, by discovering that the universe is expanding at an ever-increasing pace. 2. Water on Mars? Mars simply will not give up its most coveted secrets. Ultimately, the big quest for NASA (news - web sites) and all the Mars scientists is about whether there is life, but before that's answered, there is the question of liquid water, a requirement of life as we know it. 3. The Murky, Mediocre Middle of the Milky Way Something is eating at the black hole at the center of our galaxy. And whatever is bugging the gravity monster manifests as an utter lack of appetite. 4. The Origin of Life Have you ever had one of those dreams where you try to run from a monster and you're legs go 'round and 'round but you don't get anywhere? The quest to understand the origin of life isn't much different. In fairness, it must be pointed out that there is little data to work with. Earth does not retain a record of what went on billions of years ago, when life got going. 5. Lunar Secrets No place beyond Earth is more well studied than the Moon. We went there, stomped around. Sifted the soil. Brought some rocks back. But the Moon still holds many secrets. The most profound might be rocks launched from Earth billions of years ago by asteroid impacts. These storehouses of terrestrial information have been presumed for years to exist on the Moon; this July an attempt was made to quantify them. The estimate: 11,000 pounds of Earth stuff sits within a few inches of the surface for every square mile on the Moon. 6. Are We Alone? If only we could click our heels and be swept off to another Earth, we'd know. Meanwhile, we're all stuck here on this planet with arguably lousy cosmic eyesight, forced to indirectly detect the presence of worlds around other stars, left to wonder if they might harbor life. 7. The Enigmatic Sun If you're looking for a career with a really bright future, become a solar physicist. Amazingly, we still don't fully understand the dynamics of the star we orbit. New pictures of sunspots in 2002, the most detailed ever, revealed canal-like structures reaching from bright regions into the dark hearts of sunspots. The strange structures are fueled by the Sun's tremendous heat and magnetic energy, but beyond that, their generation is a mystery. 8. Age of the Universe Scientists pretty much agree on the general method by which the early universe evolved. But they start to argue when the topic of the universe's actual age comes up. The age of the universe has been put at 12 billion to 15 billion years for some time now, but every few months a revision or refinement is announced. Hubble Telescope observations yielded in April an estimate of 13-14 billion years. 9. Missing Planets Imagine the surprise of a really smart scientist who runs the latest computer model, loaded with a decades-old, widely accepted theory about how our solar system formed, and the computer spits out a diagram with only seven planets. Uranus and Neptune have been missing, in theory, for some time now. The problem arises because the standard model of planet formation requires material to crash together and stick over millions of years. Once a large core is built, gas can be attracted to create planets like Jupiter and Saturn. But out where Neptune and Uranus roam, there would never have been enough hard material for this to work. 10. Can We Survive 2003? No space news made for more dramatic headlines in 2002 than the seemingly imminent risk of asteroid impacts. Over and over. In the most celebrated case, an asteroid with a tiny chance of hitting Earth in the year 2019 was overhyped by the media in July, only to have the odds downgraded days later. The scenario is one that seems to repeat at least once a year. For now, there are no space rocks known to be on a collision course with Earth. At the same time, there are tons of them out there that have not been found. Particularly taxing for astronomers will be the small objects, which roam space by the millions, could devastate a region of the planet, and all of which probably won't be catalogued for decades to come, if ever. |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:56 AM
Polish Sausage A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage," The clerk looks at him and says, "are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something: If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is a hardware store." Quit witted Doc "I have a friend who thinks he may have a venereal disease," said the embarrassed young man to his doctor. "Well," replied the physician, "take him out and let's have a look at him." Mirror After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decides it is time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it is,he remarks, "How about that! Here's a picture of my Daddy." He buys the 'picture', but on the way home he remembers his wife, Lizzy, doesn't like his father. So he hangs it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy begins to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband leaves, she searches the barn and finds the mirror. As she looks into the glass, she fumes, "So, that's the ugly woman he's running around with." |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 10:57 AM
Job Application This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely. SIGN HERE: Aries. |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 11:09 AM
Men are Like... Men are Like... ...placemats they only show up when there's food on the table. ...mascara they usually run at the first sign of emotion. ...bike helmets they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly. ...government bonds they take so long to mature. ...copiers you need them in reproduction but that's about it. ...lava lamps fun to look at it but not all that bright. ...bank accounts without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. ...high heels they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. ...curling irons they're always hot and always in your hair. ...mini skirts if your not careful they'll creep up your legs. ...handguns keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it. What's Your Business Sign? What's Your Business Sign? 1) MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2) SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life. 3) TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth. 4) ENGINEERING One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome." 5) ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. 6) HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter. 7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager." 8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same sign, different title) 9) CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager. 10) CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action. 11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market. 12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter. 13) GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. You usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL" |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 01:01 PM
http://www.jesushatessmut.com/ Funny ha |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 01:03 PM
http://www.cafeshops.com/cp/prod.aspx?p=jesushatesu.2430035 http://www.babysue.com/jesushates.html |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 01:07 PM
http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/index2.html This is hilarious. Ha ha ha he he he he ha ha ha Whoooo ! This guys wants to dance lets make him shall we.... |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 01:26 PM
Make that dancer do who's yo daddy move..Ha ha ha ha Hohoho he he he I cannot stophe hehe |
| Koko | Posted
on 27-Dec-02 03:04 PM
More from National Enquirer Weird names stars give their kids Thursday December 26, 2002 What's in a name? Not much if your moniker is Bill or Mary. But what if your name is Galaxy Gramophone? Too many syllables? How about Jade, Rain or Free? These are some of the odd and outrageous names celebrities give their kids. Author Norman Mailer seemed to be living out a Wild West fantasy when he saddled his son with the name John Buffalo. Ditto for John Mellencamp, who dubbed his son Speck Wildhorse. But no teasing -- or big brother Hud may beat you up. Nature, freedom and virtue are popular themes when celebs tag their bundles of joy. "Kung Fu" star David Carradine and first wife, actress Barbara Hershey, named their kid Free, while famed disc jockey Casey Kasem and wife Jean dubbed their daughter Liberty. Kurt Russell and then-wife, actress Season Hubley, must have had a good time one night in Boston because that's what they named their son. Maybe he travels with Victoria Adams -- Posh Spice -- and soccer star David Beckham's son, Brooklyn, or Michael Jackson's daughter Paris or Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin's daughter Ireland. Susan Saint James must have been expecting smooth sailing as a mom when she named her kids Harmony and Sunshine. Mia Farrow and famed conductor Andre Previn had music on their minds when they titled their kids Lark Song and Summer Song. Some stars read a book and just can't get it out of their heads. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis named their second daughter Scout LaRue after "Scout Finch," the young heroine in "To Kill a Mockingbird." Their oldest girl, Rumer Glenn, is the namesake of English bard, Rumer Godden. Other celebs, mindful that they are revered as "stars," choose celestial names for their offspring. Marisa Berenson dubbed her daughter Starlite Melody, "Get Smart" spy Don Adams called his kid Beige Dawn and the late rock guitarist Frank Zappa named his oldest daughter Moon Unit. Famed artist Peter Max also has a penchant for cosmic cognomens. His son is Adam Cosmo and his daughter is Libra Astro. Were you one of six Susans or four Toms in school? Musician Bob Geldof's daughters -- Fifi Trixibelle and Pixie -- never had that problem. Ditto J. Paul Getty II's kid, Tara Gabriel Galaxy Gramophone. Think your middle name is weird? Elliot Gould dubbed his son Sam Bazooka. Just to avoid confusion about who the kid's parents are, Ken E. Cunningham and Aretha L. Franklin named their child "Kecalf." (Hint: it's an acronym.) |