| Deputy Editor |
Posted
on 07-Jan-03 06:54 PM
Kathmandu, January 7
The Sinking Nepal
In this issue:
M.P. on Leave
Nepalnews.com Develops a Template for Maoist-related News
Mathematics Scholars on Demand in Nepal
The Guru of Love Goes High
Forest Minister to Visit the US
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M.P. on Leave
M.P., the Chief Editor of this publication, is on leave since January 5, 2003. His request for leave, which cited personal reasons, was approved by a one-member committee of editor(s) headed by Torpe, the Deputy Editor. The duration of M.P.’s leave is unknown. In an email sent to all editors of the publication, M.P. has said that he hoped the editors will cooperate with Torpe, who will be working as the Chief Editor until M.P. is back. The email included some news clips that are included in this issue of the Sinking Nepal. Meanwhile, acting Chief Editor Torpe has promised a revolutionary change in the publication. “This pidit editor is finally gone,” Torpe said at a gopya chiyaa paan samaaroha organized here today. Torpe said that one of the editors had sent a ‘Get Well Soon But Not Too Fast’ card to M.P. thinking M.P. was sick! Torpe, however, has promised to publish M.P.’s article on Swasthaani Bratakathaa soon.
Nepalnews.com Develops a Template for Maoist-related News
Tired of reporting news on the war going on between the underground party and Royal Nepalese Army, Nepalnews.com, a news agency based on Nepal with a biasness value of 0.9, has developed a template to report news related to the war. This will mean the reporters will no longer have to collect news. They can simply fill in the necessary fields on the template and post it on the web. “They say they are going to change the template each month,” says the owner of Mercantile corporations on condition of anonymity. “This is to avoid possible complains from the public.” The template for the month of January 2003 follows.
“……….[number] Maoists including …….[number] female cadre(s) have been killed in the western part of the country during encounters with the security forces, security officials say. According to the report published by the home ministry, the Maoists were planting an ambush when the security officials were on their way to …………..[name of a place]. The dead include ………………….[name], the district commander of ………[name of a district]. The security officials confiscated bomb, electrical equipments, …….[number] rifles, NRs…… [a two digit number + 3 zeroes] in cash, and other explosives.
Meanwhile, the security forces have denied charges of rape, torture, and killing of people arrested during search and cordon operations.”
Mathematics Scholars on Demand in Nepal
His Majesty’s government of Nepal, often referred to as the puppet government, has called mathematicians from all over the world to solve a puzzle. The puzzle, named “Who is linked to whom?”, has a list of all political parties, including the Maoists, and includes the palace and bureaucracies like the Commission for Investigation of Abuse of Authority (CIAA), the Supreme Court(SC), and the Election Commission (EC). The job of the mathematicians is to pick one component from the list at a time and find out all other components on the list who might have a “link” (an agreement to help) with that particular component.
Recently there have been rumors about the following “links”:
--CIAA is backed by Girija-congress and the palace.
--Maoists and the UML have an ‘internal agreement’ to march against the palace.
--Maoists are backed by ‘the big brother’ south of the border.
The Guru of Love Goes High
‘The Guru of Love’, aka Bal Bahadur Kunwar, a prominent minister in the dissolved Deuba cabinet, also known as the Wall Minister has gone high due to excess consumption of marijuana. After ‘Arresting Wagle in Kathmandu’ few months ago, CIAA is now after the Guru of Love.
Forest Minister to Visit the US
Chand government is considering expanding the cabinet, a report from Baluwataar says. “We need five ministers to go to the King everyday to placate him and apologize for all the speeches made on the previous day. I have come to realize that rest of the ministers can not handle all the other responsibilities.” Chand has been quoted as saying to Badri Prasad Mandale at an undisclosed location.
Meanwhile, the Forest Minister is scheduled to visit the Secretary of State, Collin Powell, later this month to discuss ways to deceive the international media and harness support for war on terrorism/ against Maoism. The Minister and the Secretary will be discussing the possibility of fabricating fake tapes about Maoist brutality and army sincerity. Explaining to Journalists why the Forest Minister had to visit the US on such an important mission when the PM was still alive, the Forest Minister said, “He, along with rest of the ministers, has gone to Biratnagar to felicitate Gyanendra Sardaar. The King is often unhappy with our actions. This is the only time to make him happy, you know?”
Sincerely,
Torpe
Acting Chief Editor
The Sinking Nepal.
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