| Username |
Post |
| manishaT |
Posted
on 02-Feb-03 08:17 PM
23 years old, want to go back to Nepal. Problem is, my family moved to USA a few years ago while I was in college. Now they dont want me to have anything to do with Nepal. Of course marry a Nepali guy yes, but I am not allowed to go back , or so they say.
I understand thier point of view to a certian degree. Women my age dont live alone like they do here. Most of my high school frens are either married or living with their parents. Ma and Buwa say that "kasari bihe nabhayeko chori lai eklai kathmandu ma basna ra kam garna pathaune"...
They think that i am spoilt by USA in terms of basic things like 24 hour hot water, garbage free streets, good transportation system etc etc...
Right now I am looking for a place to live. I've been looking into appartment hotels, but they are pretty damn expensive. I do have a house in Nepal, but its rented out, and also if I live there, i dont think my parents would feel that i'm safe there. I think i'll be safe there though.
I dont care how "dirty, smelly, fohor, dhulo mato " and all that there's in Kathmandu. To me it really does not matter. I am really interested in living there, and i'm sure ill find some kind of work. i just hate it here, i feel like i'm a second class citizen, and no matter how hard I work i am never satisfied. i think about nepal and fantasize about being home all the freaking time. i really want to go back, my personality will die if i dont.
i have 2 ways of going home. first to get married to a nepali guy and my parents would be happy and OK and willing to let me go. or just pack my bags and go. really, i mean cmon why the hell would i opt for option 1 anywyas. however, the izzat of my family means alot to me and i dotn wanna degrade them.
does anyone know of a place other than home or hotel where i could reside? like a high quality women's hostel? or are nepali women living alone nowadays?
your suggestions are appreciated
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 02-Feb-03 09:04 PM
just pack your bags and go.. come on you should learn what it means to make your own decisions.
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| Vision |
Posted
on 02-Feb-03 09:26 PM
Agree with freak Ji. Life is yours, do what you please. The disappointments your parents will get out of your dicision will be short lived. But wrong decision by your parents on your life might last a life time. So think, and grab life by the horn.
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| Arnico |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 01:36 AM
Don't marry a Nepali guy just to be able to go to Nepal!!!
Go on your own, enjoy Kathmandu, live through a few challenges, learn, grow, and reconnect with the place in your heart.
As for "women your age don't live alone" ... that's not true anymore in today's Kathmandu. Your parents sound a bit like cultural fossils...
If you want some advice or suggestions about places to live, or to discuss related issues, e-mail me (click on my username).
Meanwhile, have you considered going back to Nepal for a long-ish visit? Perhaps buying a 2-way ticket would appease your parents, allow you to go explore that it really means to be back in Kathmandu, and give you an option to return to the US if you end up finding things too tough (though I doubt that!).
And remember... you are grown up and old enough to determine your own future.
Sooner or later your parents have to accept that.
Good luck!
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| whine and chij |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 02:12 PM
time to go back...
...if your years here in hamrika haven't taught you this lesson:
there's more than one way to skin a kat, man, dude(tte)!
good luck
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| Deep |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 02:24 PM
Isolated Freak,
Afno isolation bhumigat garna arkako manma ankuraudo aakankshya lai mal jal garna la ta haina? Nepeji ko filungo ta nibhyo re aba timro salkinchha ki tai....
subhekshya!
sachi Gyaneswor ko ke chha hal khabar?
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| bill_pusateri |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 02:43 PM
You write very well. Must be an educated girl. Your situation sounds like the script for a Bollywood movie. Beautiful young girl kept at home because her parents are afraid she will be hurt on her own chosen path of life. Want her to marry and be happy. Now faced with the possible loss of their daughter they lock her up. Girl tries to be happy, works hard, tries to understand her parents point of view. She finally breaks the chains that bind her to family and sets out to find the meaning of her own life. She struggles to be good but falls into bad hands. Her chosen boyfriend turns out to be no good, is chased by the police, or worse, in Kathmandu, is pursued by the Maoists, and killed. She is widowed in Nepal. Now no one wants her now in Nepal. She receives a telegram that her father has died in the U.S. because he is so worried by her unhappy circumstances. Mother begs her to come back home to USA. She risists until she is terribly disfigured by a freak accident in Nepal.
With no where to rurn she begs to come home. Mother in USA refuses to allow her to return. Finally just as when she left USA because of desperate unhappiness here, she decides to disobey her mother again and returns to USA. Mother continues to reject her until mother discovers that she has an incurable disease. The daughter returns to her mother's side at the last moment. Mother forgives her, wishes her well, and dies. Daughter is now old, lost her charm, lost her figure, hair is gray and lines are appearing on her forehead. Finally, and old man decides to take her in as his mistress. With no where else to turn, she accepts him, she accepts her life, tries to be happy until the scars of her accident in her homeland catch up with her and she surrenders to her misery. The final chapter is already writen. Do what you have to do.
Better follow your bliss.
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| boston_dude |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 02:49 PM
A few things to consider:
1. Long trip to Nepal instead of marriage.
2. Move to a different place in US.
US is a big big place as you know. And, different places in US have different ppl, different attitudes and different things to offer. I have been in US for more than 10 yrs and I love it here. I am in Boston of course. I have travelled a bit and know that I probably would not wanna live in the Mid-West or the South.... but would fit right in California (San Fran). I feel very much at home here in Boston of course. So, maybe what you need is just to move to a different city in America. Not all the way to Nepal.
3. If you do insist on going to Nepal, finding a job and living by yourself, then I do know a girl who actually does exactly that. So, she might be a good lead to follow up on.
B_D.
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| Nattu |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 03:08 PM
Manisha,
Timi sita GreenCard cha ? just curious...
Mero Pani Bihe ta garney bela bhaa ho !! seriously...
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| Takura |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 04:14 PM
ManishaT,
What's there in Nepal now that makes you just jump on the plane and go? I don't think you are mature enough to understand a lot of things. Your parents are right. How can they send you just like that without thinking about all the consequences? I mean, I know it's our country and we all came from there, but the situation in Nepal is getiing worse and worse everyday. There is no guarantee of safety. Thus, it's hard for guys to live there nowadays and you are a gril. God forbidden anything happens to you but you may get mugged, rapped, hit by those crowded traffic and so forth, who knows?
I saw some postings here saying--go Manisha! it's your life! screw your parents! sort of things. I think they are just forgetting where they came from. I call them 'wannabe westerners'. They have forgotten their family values in a short period of time.
DO as your parents say. Use your educated brain. You seem like a nice person. If you have to marry someone there then get married. There are a lot of eligible bachelors in Nepal.
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| surya |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 04:18 PM
Whatever you do, don't marry Nuttur Boy here!
:)
On a serious note, I would suggest that you look beyond your family for what Nepal and Nepalis are about. There are amazing accomplished Nepali women who have broken with tradition to do exciting and cool things both in Nepal and in the States. They might have gotten some flack for their decisions initially, but with their determination and convictions, families almost always come around. I know of Nepali women who live alone in Kathmandu, travel and work and lead very healthy professional and personal lives. There are hostels for women and you could easily find a group living situation, though I don't have any immidiate resources to give you right now. Women have made strides and it is easier than ever to be independent and self-determining. Yet......
The decision is your of course and obviously your families opinion is important to you, but I would also really look at WHY it is that you want to go back. Right now you might say you don't care about the dirt and whatever, but if you are not clear about why you are going, except to avoid living in the states, I honestly can't say in Nepal you will feel like a "first class citizen" just like that. If you marry a Nepali guy, how easily will you be able to adjust to family life in Nepal? There are many jobs in Nepal, but living is not easy on an average salary. Do you have a support network of friends and family who you could go to for emotional support and succor?
Bill's scenario there was kind of depressing, but might not be too far off the mark. After all we hear constantly of Nepali women from villages who end up in the streets and the flesh trade to make ends meet. So, before you do anything, do think it through... and I would say, don't just jump on the next plane or get married for the sake of jumping on the next plane to Nepal... get your ducks in order, make some contacts and then if you choose to go... by yourself or as a married person, you will have a safetynet to fall back on in case of problems.
Good luck. I am sure your folks love you and in time they will learn to trust and respect you, should you decide to go out and do what you want.
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| Biruwa |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 05:20 PM
huh!.......... interesting.
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 03-Feb-03 11:10 PM
k bhancha yo deep le? aago balera dadhelo lagera aaba ta kharani matra baki..
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| %&! |
Posted
on 04-Feb-03 08:36 AM
First of all, you are not confident enough, I could tell as you asked our openion on this issue. U donot know for sure if you are taking the right decision. So think well before just trying to disobey your parents wishes.
It's a human nature that they always try to do things what they are forbidden for.........just like in the story of Adam and Eve (forbidden apple).
I am sure that you have some relatives (closest ones of your family) mama, maiju, uncle , aunt--Ask your parents to get 2 way ticket for you and tell them that you will live by the house rules "as you had said family's prestige is of much more important to you aswell." Understand what you are saying, because that sentence in whole is full of promises ".
I am sure, if you do both of these things, your parent's will definitely let you go to Nepal, as you will be staying with the relatives.
By the way, " Is your decision solely based on being treated as a second class citizen or does it have something to do with boyfriend in the past or something like that? Quite unusual to see such a passion to go to Nepal against family wishes?
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| bill_pusateri |
Posted
on 04-Feb-03 03:24 PM
Manisha, Please let us know what and when you decide.
|
| tragicomic |
Posted
on 04-Feb-03 03:44 PM
quite interesting, ....
Emerson says, Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better".
....find an artist! wuh.
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| LAMKHUTTE |
Posted
on 04-Feb-03 06:58 PM
Jaha basyo uhi Ghar - Jasle maya garyo uhi aafno....just remember where ever you are or will be.
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| khimberly |
Posted
on 05-Feb-03 12:04 AM
Namaskar Manisha hajur:
So you realy want to go back Nepal hun! If you already do have green-card, better idea is go back to Nepal stay there 5/6 month and come back again saty with your parent or wherever you want,but depends on your job you know that what kind of job you do ? And bout marrige ya better to get marry with Nepali boy becouse Nepali are cool you know, so you are 23 years old? old enough hun, you know in my opinion for me i want to stay both side i mean Nepal & America im also 23 years old ,but im oy that doesn,t matter anyway boy or gurl? Nepal also not bad me too i realy want to go back gurl is waithing for me, but i,ll come back again. Ani timi pani kahile nepal kahile American gare vaihalchha ni (Jindagi ek safar dilsuhana hai, kal yeha kya hoga kisne jana hai )
"Life is broken winged bird/ that can,t fly" so all we need to do is just take our own way no matter how long or short it is?
So,Manisha ji 1st think and make your dicision, good luck
from NY
khim
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| forget-me-not |
Posted
on 05-Feb-03 01:11 AM
manisha...
I think you are making a strong step...whatever you do think alot before deciding on anything....
If you want to work there..there might be lot of possibilities and a good life..if you can live happily there...cause most ppl after returning form US/West cannot and donot want to stay there long....khai ke hunchha re...
kumar keta ..bihe garne bhaye ta..jati pani pahihalinchha ni haina ra...Khutta bhaye samma jutta ta falafal..ki kaso???
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| isolated freak |
Posted
on 05-Feb-03 01:36 AM
j garchau sochera bichar garera gara manisha ji. i don't think you need people to tell you what you should be doing. You seem capable of deciding for youself.. do what makes you happy (not what makes others happy).
yeah, malai ni euta sallah chahiyo sathi haroo :)
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| jayaa shamvho !!!! |
Posted
on 05-Feb-03 02:21 AM
Isoleted Freakji,
Who do you mean "not what makes others happy" who is others? Her own parents ?
I am not agree with that. In some extent of your dicision you should think about your parents feelings too Manishaji. Never hurt your parent's feelings. Just remember Manishaji, You are here in this earth because of your parents.
If you hurt your parent's feelings you will suffer and will go to hell.
Sorry If I hurt your feelings Manishaji.
Isoleted freakji if you mean "other" is society I agree with that.
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| Bahudaliya Panchayat |
Posted
on 05-Feb-03 03:40 AM
Manisha Jee,
You mean you are going back to Nepal tourism or ...?
Mero Ghar khali chha.
> like a high quality women's hostel?
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