From: www.AyoGorkhali.com
June 9th, 2026
Family Planning, Musical Chairs and Tax Buffet

Good Morning, Nepal!

1. The Birgunj Mayor’s Creative Family Planning
Birgunj Mayor Rajeshman Singh has been hit with a corruption case by the CIAA for allegedly passing off someone else’s daughter as his own to secure citizenship. It is truly heartwarming to see our local leaders taking the concept of "extended family" to such innovative, legally questionable heights. One can only imagine the kind of resume-PADDlNG he would attempt if he were ever truly ambitious. We look forward to his defense, which will surely be as fictional as his daughter's original birth records.

2. Sudurpaschim’s Musical Chairs of Mediocrity
Chief Minister Kamal Bahadur Shah has shuffled his cabinet, swearing in a new batch of ministers who will undoubtedly achieve absolutely nothing of note. It is the classic Nepali game of Musical Chairs, where the only thing that actually changes is which pockets get filled with public funds. The UML’s decision to keep their incumbents suggests they have finally embraced the cozy, stagnant comfort of doing zero work. We wish the new ministers luck in maintaining the status quo with such spectacular, consistent incompetence.

3. Nepal’s T20 Ranking: A Statistical Mirage
Nepal has climbed to 15th in the ICC T20I rankings, successfully pushing Scotland down to 16th place. It is a stunning victory for our national obsession with numbers that ultimately fail to fix our crumbling stadium infrastructure or domestic league quality. We are sure this ranking will provide immense comfort while we continue to struggle against every team that actually knows how to hold a bat. Truly, our ability to celebrate mediocrity on a global scale remains our greatest sporting achievement.

4. Parliament’s Annual Hibernation
The House of Representatives has been adjourned until Tuesday due to the opposition’s decision to treat the legislature like a tantrum-filled playground. Apparently, PM Balen Shah’s "disrespectful" words were just too much for our fragile lawmakers to handle while they were busy not passing any laws. It is profoundly inspiring to see that the only thing our leaders can truly unite on is the collective decision to stop working entirely. We should probably start paying them in Monopoly money, given that their legislative output is equally valuable.

5. The Finance Minister’s Tax Buffet
RPP leader Gyanendra Bahadur Shahi is calling for a probe into the Finance Minister regarding the "leaked" tax rates that suspiciously benefited 753 vehicles. It is refreshing to see Shahi acting surprised, as if corruption in the customs department is a new, exotic phenomenon we haven't seen for decades. The government will surely appoint a committee to investigate itself, and we all know exactly how that pathetic theatrical performance ends. We eagerly await the report that will inevitably conclude that nobody knows how those cars magically bypassed the law.

6. Health Sector: A Band-Aid for a Bullet Wound
The government has added 977 health positions after a 35-year wait, finally acknowledging that having a pulse is a luxury in our rural clinics. While this is a statistically laughable attempt to bridge the gap, it does provide a lovely, hollow talking point for the next election cycle. We suppose we should be grateful they didn't wait another four decades to realize that citizens occasionally die from preventable illnesses. It is truly a masterclass in providing the bare minimum while expecting a standing ovation for the effort.

7. The Great Mobile Execution of Siraha
Students in Siraha are currently protesting after administration officials decided to celebrate their authority by drowning confiscated phones in water. Because nothing screams "educational excellence" quite like the public, petty destruction of private property by those meant to model civil behavior. It is a bold move to alienate the youth, but we suppose the administration felt the need to prove they are just as emotionally unstable as their students. We are certain this incident will be taught in schools as a premier example of how not to handle teenage tech addiction.

8. Harka Sampang: Traffic Rules are Optional
Harka Sampang has been fined for riding his bike with one hand while filming a video, because apparently, his social media clout is a higher priority than basic survival. It is truly touching to see a leader so committed to his digital fan base that he is willing to risk his own head to keep the content flowing. We hope the fine was worth the three-minute video that literally nobody asked for in the first place. Next time, he should try walking and filming—it might be safer for everyone involved, especially the public.

9. Money Laundering: The Never-Ending Remand
Businessmen Deepak Bhatta and Sulav Agarwal have had their remand extended again, marking the 8th and 9th times this absurd saga has repeated. It is becoming the most reliable, long-running soap opera in the history of the Nepali justice system. One has to admire the commitment of the court to keep these gentlemen in the headlines without ever actually progressing toward a verdict. We hope they have managed to bond over their shared, permanent residency in the detention center.
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Sita Rana
Chief Sunrise Satirist

Sita distills the daily chaos into nine bite-sized jokes so you can digest the news before your tea gets cold or the Kathmandu smog makes it impossible to see the paper.