FirstPart Here
Continued...
There was nobody else around to do the job, and I had to go anyway.
While I was collecting the clothes there, I saw her at the next end of the roof. She was busy with some writings. I totally ignored her and went downstairs collecting the clothes.
Curiosity grasped my minds as I tried to concentrate on my study late that night. With all my efforts to study going in vain, I just went upstairs to see if she was still there, but couldn’t find her. Else I found a dairy of hers, pages turned open with the mild breezes. I just went there, and took that diary onto my hands. The letters written on that page simply caught my eyes, and I gazed over them for a long time. Although I don’t remember the exact words but it was written in Nepali somewhat like:
“Maybe I care more than I need to, maybe I want to get loved, maybe he doesn’t love me though but right now I just wish the things are just like before…just a wish…”
I couldn’t think of what to do. I just left that diary just there as it was, left there and went downstairs. That night, mesmerized in my thoughts, I couldn’t sleep till mid night. I didn’t know what to do, but I wasn’t ready enough to fall in love (Maybe she was always there, and for me she was taken as granted), and scared enough to miss her. I tried to analyze the words written, but couldn’t find any conclusion from the words, and at last conclude myself to keep the things as it was, take everything easily and carry on with the life as it was before.
Next evening, I just went to the rooftop, and she was right there as always. I just went and sit silently next to her. All the embarrassments were gone now, and she smiled at me. I smiled back. I saw a kind of satisfaction, a kind of mesmerism in that smile. I thought she must have taken that easily too, and there we were together once again to let the things as it were before, to let the time flow, as we gazed through thousands of stars.
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Back at school, we were as now getting hard hits of SLC fever. The Pre-test were there to hit us soon and we had to read whole of Class 8, 9 and 10 books. It was just a big bunch of studying for us those days. Pee was thinking of getting some Math tuitions and asking me if I wanted to join him. I had myself improved a lot on the mathematics, and I convinced him for the combine study until the pre-test and later on tuitions for Test or SLC. He was convinced enough and Pee and I would practice together the mathematics at my place or his. I would keep the tapes running while practicing which would disturb my parents. I had to find a solution to this problem and later on I found out one too.
I had a cousin who had rented a room near the place we were living. He was going home for some months so somehow I got the key to his room. We would have dinner at our home and he would come to mine after dinner at his place. Then after, we would pack our books and notes, and would go to my cousin’s room buying some Wai-Wai as snacks on the way for late night stays. We would practice till the late.
It was fine until one late night, someone knocked at door.
Surprised, we watched at our watch, it was already 10:30.
Scared we didn’t open the door for three or four knocks.
“Bhitra ko chha??” A ladies voice called from outside.
“Bahira ko??” We rather interrogated, scared hell enough, remembering of the all the kichkanya’s tale we had heard.
“Ma maathi ko gharbeti ko chhori.” Our breathe come out to life.
Silently we opened the door.
“Ye bhai haaru po…”, then she added, “Dai khoi ni?”
“Ghar jaanubhayeko chha, aabo ek dui mahina aaunu hunna!!” I concluded myself as fast as I could.
She went away. I hadn’t felt it other way, but Pee added.
“Tero dai ko deewana jasto chha…hehehehehehehe”.
She was too much fat, and later I found out a she also had a son but didn’t knew anything about the husband. She wasn’t kind of woman my cousin would go for. (Later my cousin told me that she had been hunting for him since he had taken that room, but with no other rooms around, He was kinda majboor) But Pee and I would have rather many jokes related to that woman. We would tease each other saying “Oyee talai tyo man parchha jasto chha ni…jack sack laayera milaidiun”
Another time, I had gone to Pee’s place for combine study, and this time Mohan had also came there. As they say “Laato desh ma Gaado tanneri” I had become kind of genius in mathematics and after practicing till about 10:30, I rather went to sleep. It wasn’t long before, I felt my eyes burning. Rubbing my eyes, I was wide awake. More I rubbed my eyes, more burning grew.
Mohan and pee were there laughing, with Vicks in their hands.
“Sutaunla bhanthyo, hehehehehehehehe”
Laughter made me even more angrier, but to stop burning I ran toward tap. And splashed water in my eyes till the burning stopped.
Back I came to room, and gathered all my belongings, and was going out of room, just then Pee spoke.
“Baato ma Kichkanya le samtala hai, baato ma maaris bhaane hamailai nasamaatoss, yeso yeuta chitthi lekhera jaa, maren bhane Pee ra Mohan jimmewaar chhaina bhanera….heheheheheh”
I couldn’t stop my laughter. And I got scared too.
I stayed there at Pee and sooner went to sleep once again leaving Pee and Mohan practicing all night, not to be awakened by Vicks Vaporub again. Next morning, Mohan became Pee and mine victim for sleeping late till morning. It was all fun.
Those were the days, carefree and fun filled.
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The Pre- test came and went, and soon test would be there to hit us harder than Pres. This time, Pee and I took up tuition of the mathematics. Most of time at tuitions, I would take the practice sheets from our Guruba and practice all kinds of questions he had. I had maintained myself a high profile as a learner there, always one step ahead of all the others. While other would be busy learning, I would be busy practicing myself(I was proud of myself, never got to be so proud later on though…;-)…Pee had bought a new 15 gear bicycle and we would go to tuitions on that bicycle. We would have tuitions late in the evenings and we would normally come home late.
Due to some reasons (I don’t know the exact reasons), our science course hadn’t yet been completed yet. It was fine till the test as test would be taken by our own school, but for SLC we had to cover it too, and just for that sake we had to search for Science tuition teacher. We were running here and there just to find one fine science teacher, but before we could find one the sent up test was already there to hit us. Pee and I did pretty well at Sent-up test. Usually, it would be tough, as the test would mean cut off for not so good students, but I had reached a 70% marks, and in both mathematics, I had hit 90% marks, I was mere more happy than I could be. After tests, we once again searched for teacher, and finally found a good one. But the problem was he would take the tuition class only at 6:00 in the mornings and would take the class continuously for 2 hours only for 2 weeks. We were happy that we got chance to get those tuitions. But at those tuitions, I didn’t understood most of lectures, as I would normally doze off in the final half periods of two hours. But we sure got some of valuable notes, which helped in SLC.
In between these times, she and I had limited times together. Sometimes, I would just see her passing through the corridor, at times when I would go on rooftop just to get some fresh air, and sometimes I would just leave my studies and all just to be with her at rooftops, just to be together.
The exams of the SLC had started now, and the Iron Gate odyssey was coming to an end. Pee and I hadn’t watched movie for more than 2 months for now, and on each day walking down the Ranibari route to go to exam centre, we would plan about watching the newest flicks in the town. On the way we would sing
“Ghar se nikalte hi,
Kucch door chalte hi,
Raste mein hai uska ghar,
Kaal subaah dekha to,
Baal banati woh”,
eve teasing a girl, who would sit by the window whenever we would cross her home. The exams were better than before, and I was more than happy of performing it well.
After the exams, I had made myself a promise of ending the void of words in between her and me, but lesser did I knew about the fate’s destiny for us two.
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The exam has ended for me, but she had gone to her Aunt’s home for her Min Pachaas holidays. I was willing to talk with her this time, but she was nowhere around. Then struck the lightening, which was bound to hold us apart.
My parents had been planning to move the place, as the apartment was becoming small for us, and my cousin was also planning to stay with us. Only that day did I know about their plan.
“Oyee chhora, aabo haami sarne hola yo hapta ma!!!” mom said to me.
Dumbfounded, I stood there senseless as if hit by a thunderbolt.
“Kahaan?? Kina??” I fired the question, surprisingly.
“Aali tadha nai chha, Kalanki tira, Aasti nai bhanaula bhaneko tanlai, tero jaanch bhayekole nabahneko, aabo yo thaun pani sano bhayo, tero prakash dai pani sangai basne re, aani aabo hamilai pani kotha chahiyo ni aali badhi tehi bhayera…”
I couldn’t hear any more words than that; different thoughts came haunting my mind. I saw, all my plans going down my drain, I saw, she and I separated million miles apart, I saw, hanging out with Pee would be distant dreams as we would now be living at two poles of Kathmandu.
Desire of meeting her went berserk, and I wanted to at least see her badly before I left the place.
Next day, I went to Pee’s place to meet him, and he told me about his plan of going to trekking in between those holidays. I told him about our changing places. We talked and watched movies on the Star Plus whole day. We separated that day, promising to keep in touch and meet later.
Back at home, I spent most of time either safekeeping my goodies into boxes or packing the clothes or either spending most of time lonely at the rooftop, listening to all the songs played in FM station.
Days passed and soon enough the detested day was tomorrow. Tomorrow morning we were leaving the place for our new home.
I had almost lost all the hopes of meeting her, but that day she came back from her Aunt’s place. I was happy to see her back again. And I promised at least I will say some words to her.
Late that evening, I went to rooftop hoping to meet her there. But there was no one. I would have waited forever, but forever ended after about an hour.
She must have heard about us leaving the place. I had never seen her eyes so sad before, I had seen pain, I had seen happiness, I had seen joy, but never that sadness. I tried to open my mouth to say some words, but words were hard to find. I had no courage left to look into those eyes again; rather we stayed silently next to each other for moment. I wanted to tell her I will miss her, but missing would be the word incomplete, I wanted to tell her, her company had always given me immense solace, but word wasn’t enough. Just the silence spoke in between us.
“Iruu” Someone was calling her downstairs.
“Haajur Mami” She replied.
“Kaati maathi matra gairakhchha, tala aaija ta” her mom called her downstairs.
I would have stayed there with her whole night but there were boundaries.
She went away from me, and she didn’t turn back, she had tears in those hazel eyes which she didn’t want to show, I could see us separating apart then. I may have stopped her, but I choose to let her go. She just went away from me farther and farther.
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Next morning, we were busy transporting our goodies into the truck. I searched for those hazel eyes, but couldn’t find them anywhere around. There were other neighbors though telling us to keep in touch, and all other things. I just wished to see the hazel eyes once again, but it had gone away now.
As soon as all the belongings were loaded, Mom and dad told me to go on the truck. They would be coming through bus later on. They had some other things to take care of. I didn’t wanted to leave place without seeing her, but my parents told me there must be someone to help my cousin to unload and I couldn’t resist.
I just went and climbed up into the truck and sat along the goodies.
The truck roared into life, and slowly began to move.
My only wish came true, just at the moment. I could see her by the gate, and happy I was to see her. But the truck had gained its momentum now; we began drifting apart more and more. The dust rose to blur the vision, and at distance I saw her waving her hand, I raised my hand to wave goodbye, right then the truck took the turn and I couldn’t see her anymore. But she is still in my memories till date, the reminiscence never to be erased.
I lost the contact for more than 3 years or so, and once I went to her place with my cousin, but merely that become just a hello to her family, and we were just like strangers.
But I learned many things from our memories, and she taught me my first lesson of love, the basics to travel through the odyssey of love. I learned from her, to love someone, you love him/her without wanting anything in return, Love is all about how much can you give rather than how much you get. She taught me, when you love someone, you just want your loved one to be happy always no matter what cost you have to bear. We learnt together, when you love someone, feelings work rather than flow of thousand false and “not meant” words, the love has its own language which sparks into life when the “true love” is around.
I missed that kind of company all the years through, and when I loved someone later on I tried my best to give my love everything that I learned from her. Then only I came to know, when you love someone, you will give him/her everything you have, only wanting his/her LOVE in return.
And whenever I remember her, I just hear Roxette singing in the background
”……It must have been love,
But it’s over now,
It must have been good,
But I lost it somehow……”
I know now, she was first love of my life, LOVE that I failed to recognize; LOVE: Unspoken.
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